All the progress Kate had made prior to Christmas had unravelled since Juliet’s ‘incident’, as she thought of it. Kate had barely left her side and had refused to go to school on several occasions. Juliet had been forced to sit through numerous ballet rehearsals just to ensure that Kate would stay and it had been exhausting. Juliet understood that Kate was afraid but nothing she said seemed to ease her daughter’s fears. Juliet was at a loss as to what else she could do.
Fortunately Maggie was still in Melbourne and she’d borne the brunt of taking care of Edward’s extracurricular activities, but Juliet was hoping that Sam’s presence would divert Kate’s attention and give her some time to spend with Ed. She was looking forward to a break from Kate’s constant shadowing and the thought made her feel like a bad mother, but she was finding it rather trying. She hoped the double excitement of the recital and Sam’s visit would help to keep Kate’s mind occupied. Perhaps, when the weekend was over, Kate would have forgotten her fears and her need to keep Juliet close. Or perhaps that was wishful thinking.
The recital went well. Kate was in high spirits and her excitement increased when Sam announced he was taking them all to Sofia’s for dinner. Juliet wanted to refuse Sam’s invitation because she was still annoyed with him, but she agreed to go to dinner because she didn’t want to disappoint the children. She didn’t want to be like Sam and put more importance on her own feelings than on those of her children. It was bad enough that one parent had higher priorities than the family. She wasn’t going to go down that same path.
Juliet was still giving off a frosty vibe. There was no doubting that she was still mad with him but at least she’d agreed to join them for dinner. He had something important to tell them all and on neutral ground was a good place to do that.
Sam waited until dessert was served before he began. The children were focussed on their usual order, a massive serving of gelati each, four scoops of different flavours, which would be enough to keep them occupied for the next twenty minutes, or until it melted over the table, which would give Sam enough time to make his announcement.
‘I have some news.’
‘Good news?’ Juliet asked. She looked wary.
‘I hope so. I’ve got a temporary posting to HMAS Cerberus:
‘What’s that?’ Edward asked.
‘It’s the navy base down south, sort of on the way to Philip Island. It’s where I’m going to be working for a while,’ he explained.
‘It’s near us?’ Ed clarified.
Sam nodded. ‘It’s in Victoria.’
‘We can see you every day?’
‘It’s about an hour and a half away so I’m going to stay down there during the week, but I can see you every weekend and I’ll be able to come up to Melbourne whenever you need me.’
Juliet was staring at him. She’d said nothing. Something was bugging her.
‘What is it?’ he asked.
‘Can we talk about this later?’ She glanced at the children. They’d forgotten about their gelati and were concentrating on the conversation. Sam recognised Juliet’s body language. They were obviously heading for a discussion that needed to be out of earshot of the children.
He’d hoped it would be good news; he’d thought he was making a good decision, but he must have got it wrong. Again.
‘Sure.’ He picked up a spoon and pinched a taste of Ed’s dessert, changing the topic completely to avoid an argument in public. ‘Looks like you’re gonna need help with that one, mate,’ he said as he swallowed a mouthful of chocolate gelati and tried to ignore Juliet’s icy expression. He just hoped she would calm down before they got home.
But he was out of luck. He drove them all back to the house, his old home, and the conversation continued once the children were in bed.
‘What’s the problem with this posting?’ he asked. ‘I thought you’d be happy to have me close by. I thought it would take some pressure off you.’
‘It’s a temporary posting, you said?’ Her voice was tight and her blue eyes flashed fire. He recognised that look—she was ready for an argument.
He nodded and decided to stick to answering her questions as straightforwardly as possible. There was no point in fanning the flames of her anger by telling her things she didn’t want to hear. So, until he worked out what she wanted, he thought it best to keep things simple. He thought he was less likely to get into trouble that way. ‘Until July, at this stage.’
‘And why are you taking it?’
‘So I can spend time with the kids. So I can give you a hand.’
‘For five months and then what? We’re back to the same point again. You’ll move on. We’ll stay here.’
It wasn’t a question.
‘You’re welcome to move with me.’ His mouth was faster than his brain. He hadn’t meant to say that, even though it was true. She glared at him, and he tried again. ‘I thought a few months would be a good start. I thought it would be better than nothing and maybe it will lead to something more permanent.’
‘But it might not.’
‘It might not,’ he agreed.
‘And that’s my point. I understand you’re doing this for the right reasons, and you think you’re helping, but all you’re doing is delaying the inevitable. You won’t be here for ever.’
He would be filling in for another officer who had been diagnosed with cancer. It was unlikely that officer would return to the job, in which case, if Sam was happy, the position could become his permanently, but he didn’t want to make assumptions at this stage and he didn’t want to bring up the subject of a colleague with terminal cancer. He’d be best sticking to a simple explanation. ‘It was the best I could do at short notice.’
His response didn’t seem to appease Juliet.
‘If you can do this now, why couldn’t you do it eighteen months ago?’
Because he hadn’t thought about it. Probably best not to say that. ‘These jobs don’t come up often. People tend to hang on to them,’ he replied.
‘But why now?’
‘The kids need me.’ This was part of the answer but not the whole truth.
‘They needed you eighteen months ago too.’
‘I know and I’m sorry that it’s taken me this time to realise that. I admit, if it hadn’t been for your health I probably still wouldn’t see it your way. But you were right when you wanted to keep the family together. I didn’t realise, I didn’t see why it was so important. My childhood was very different from most but I didn’t know anything else and I couldn’t see why having two parents was so important. One good full-time parent was more than most kids had and ours had you plus me when I was home. I figured as long as the children had you, that would be fine. But…’
He was hesitating with his explanations now, finding it difficult to explain his feelings and reasons. He hadn’t really thought this part through and he was heading into territory that was a bit risky. Territory that could open up arguments.
‘But what?’
‘But you gave me a hell of a fright with your drama in hospital and I thought what if—?’
‘What if they don’t have me?’ Juliet finished his sentence. As usual she knew what he was thinking.
‘Yes. But it’s not as sudden as it seems. Spending those months with you prior to Christmas made me realise how much I’d missed you, missed you all, and I didn’t want to go back to Sydney. I wanted to be with my family. Or at least nearby. When I got back I put some feelers out, trying to work out how I could arrange things, but your experience in hospital made me realise that perhaps I didn’t have the luxury of time. I had to have something quickly.’
‘And this is it? This is the job you want?’
‘I don’t know.’ He felt it was important to be honest, even if it meant heated discussion ensued. He couldn’t afford there to be any misunderstanding. ‘But, even if it’s not, my priorities have changed. My job doesn’t come first any more. I know you think I gave up too easily last time. I know you think I should have put
my family first, and I agree with you now. I made a mistake. Nearly losing you has put things into perspective. I’m trying to fix things. Taking this position is the first step. I want a chance to prove to you that things are different. That I’ve changed.’
‘But don’t you see? Nothing is different, nothing has changed,’ Juliet argued. ‘You made me promise to call you first if I needed help, if the children needed you, but where were you when I went into hospital in January? You still had work commitments. Nothing changed.’
He wanted to tell her that wasn’t fair. She hadn’t given him fair warning. ‘I thought I had time.’ Time to fix things. But he’d been forced to act quickly and he just hoped he could get it right.
But Juliet hadn’t finished with him. ‘This latest surgery was just step one of the reconstruction. Where will you be six weeks’ time when I go into hospital again? You’re not only telling me you’ll be around to help but you’re promising the children you’ll be around for them too. How is that possible? You’re still an officer in the navy. You’re still going to be doing the navy’s bidding, put their demands first. That’s what you have to do as long as you are serving with the defence force. I get that but I don’t think you do.’
‘This job is different—this is a shore-based position.’
‘Shore based! Why are you interested in it if you’re stuck on land? I thought that was a deal-breaker before.’
She was right. He’d hated the job with the oil company but it wasn’t solely because it had been land based. ‘There were lots of things wrong with the civilian job. For a start this one is still with the defence force, so I keep my rank and all my entitlements.’ He tried to explain. ‘The navy is the only life I’ve ever known. I grew up as a defence force kid, I was surrounded by defence force personnel and their families all my life and that’s how I see myself. When I took the civilian job I lost my identity. I like the structure and formality of the defence force. I define myself by the code of the navy and when I took leave I lost something of myself in the process. That was the biggest problem, but I didn’t realise it at the time. Leaving the navy diminished me in my own eyes, to the point where I lost respect for myself and I had nothing to give you. I need the navy but I also need you. My life doesn’t work when I only have one. I can’t be the man you need without the navy and this might be the perfect solution for us. For our family.’
‘How do you figure that?’
‘I’m going to be running training courses within the engineering faculty for electronics, technical and marine, with a bit of ship safety and survival training work as well. I’ll be on base Monday to Friday, no weekends.’
‘Monday to Friday? So you will be around for the children?’
‘There will be a few trips to sea—’ He broke off when Juliet gave him ‘the look’. He clarified his statement. ‘There are some overnight trips out into the bay for training purposes?firefighting and technical pracs, that’s all.’ Selling this posting was proving much harder than he’d expected. He’d really thought it would be an easy exercise, an opportunity too good to pass up and one that would suit everybody. ‘I thought this would be a win-win situation for us all.’
‘So you’re doing this for us?’
He nodded. ‘I want my family back, Jules. You included.’
‘You want us back? What does that mean exactly?’
‘I love you, Jules. I always have and I always will. It’s not too late for us. I know it’s not. We can have a second chance. You just have to give it to me.’ He knelt on one knee and took one of her hands in his, holding tight just in case she wanted to pull away. ‘I want my family back, Jules. I love you and I want you to marry me.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous. Get up.’ She snatched her hand back. She definitely wasn’t seeing his vision. ‘This changes nothing. It’s a temporary posting, you said so yourself. I appreciate what you’re doing but please don’t assume that it’s going to change things between us. I can’t rely on you and I’m not going to pretend that I will. I know I have to get on with things on my own. I think you’re making promises you can’t keep and I need to do what’s right for the children, and that includes putting my needs first too. I have to move on. It’s over, Sam.’
He supposed he deserved that. He might be in for a long battle but it was one he was determined to win. He enjoyed a challenge and he didn’t doubt Juliet would test his resolve, but he had no intention of going down without a fight this time. There was too much at stake. ‘I’m going to keep proposing until you say yes,’ he declared.
‘Well, I hope you don’t mind disappointment.’
Sam wasn’t too disheartened. He knew Juliet—he knew exactly how stubborn she could be, and he’d never expected it would be easy to convince her to give him another chance. But he knew that if he could plant an idea, and give her time to get used to it, maybe she’d even eventually think it had been her suggestion. If he could show her he was serious, show her he was committed to his family and to her, then perhaps she’d start to see his point of view and perhaps he’d get what he wanted. Perhaps he’d get her back.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
June 2009
JULIET lay in bed, a year’s worth of thoughts running through her head. Today was her birthday and it was almost impossible to believe what had transpired over the previous twelve months. From one birthday to the next she had gone from being a healthy, married mother of two to a divorced mother of two recovering from breast cancer. Not a great year. But, she thought, at least she’d made it this far.
Her overwhelming feeling was one of relief. Her last blood-test results had been good and she’d actually made it through the final stage of the breast reconstruction without any dramas. She’d had the tissue expanders replaced with the implants and that had marked another step in her recovery process, a step in the right direction. Physically she was complete. The breast prostheses had been relegated to the back of a drawer. They’d served a purpose but she was glad to see the last of them, and her wigs were in boxes on top of the wardrobe. They would eventually end up in the dress-up box. Her hair was a few inches long now, long enough to be styled into an authentic pixie cut, similar to the wig she’d worn, but she’d stuck to her own hair colour. She was a brunette again. Her hair colour she was used to, her new breasts were taking a little longer to feel as though they belonged.
She was lying on her back and she looked down at her chest. She was still getting used to seeing her boobs pointing at the ceiling when she was lying down instead of disappearing under her armpits. That thought made her smile. Ben had used teardrop-shaped implants because they looked more natural than round but, still, when she was lying down they were obviously fake because they were unaffected by gravity. And they felt heavy. But it was nice not having to worry about stuffing her bra with prosthetic breasts or worrying that the prostheses had slipped out of position or looked lopsided.
Yes, a lot had changed in the past year but overall things were looking up. She’d made it this far. Was there any harm now in planning for the future? What did she want it to bring her?
She knew what today was bringing her. It was bringing Sam.
They were going to celebrate her birthday as a family. He was still trying to convince her to make it official. He was still proposing every chance he got and she was still refusing. She wondered how long he would persist. She loved him, there was no doubting that, but in her mind they were going around in circles. Loving each other wasn’t enough.
The last four months had unfolded just as Sam had told her they would. He’d been living on the naval base, ninety minutes from Melbourne, but he’d kept his part of the bargain and had spent weekends in town, just as he’d promised the children, and they loved having him around. Juliet enjoyed his company too—she didn’t pretend otherwise, and she was more than happy to celebrate her birthday with Sam, but she wasn’t planning any further than that.
The children were incredibly excited about the day’s outing and that made everyt
hing worthwhile. Ed was at the age where he needed his dad. He needed the physical rough and tumble that he got from Sam, and Juliet wasn’t up to that at the moment so Sam’s presence was especially important. Kate’s anxieties had diminished as well with the increased amount of time she was able to spend with both her parents. Juliet had to admit there were plenty of positives for their family with Sam’s transfer to Victoria but it was still temporary. The kids were happy but she was hesitant about enjoying his company too much because, in the back of her mind, there was always the thought that he’d be gone again.
But there was no denying they still had a connection, one that had nothing to do with their children and everything to do with chemistry. All it took was a glance, an unconscious touch of his hand or one of his lopsided smiles and Juliet could feel herself falling under his spell. She had managed to refuse all his proposals so far but a girl could only resist so many times and she was fighting it with everything she had.
She got out of bed. It was time to get up. Time to get on with the next year of her life.
When she opened the door to Sam an hour later she was surprised to see him standing there empty-handed. She’d assumed he’d give her yellow tulips, just as he’d done every birthday since they’d got engaged. Yellow tulips were their thing. He’d never forgotten before, which could only mean that it was a deliberate omission today.
She swallowed her disappointment. Every day she had was a bonus and she wasn’t going to waste time sulking. Sam certainly had no obligation to buy her anything any more and she shouldn’t expect him to. She was determined to enjoy the day.
‘Happy birthday.’ He greeted her with a smile, his unique, irresistible smile, and her petulance vanished in an instant. She forgot all about the tulips as she let the warmth of Sam’s smile wash over her. He bent forward, kissing her cheek, and she closed her eyes and savoured the soft touch of his lips on her skin.
Rescued by the Dreamy Doc / Navy Officer to Family Man Page 30
