The cops are thinking about what they want to do, so I keep rambling. I tell them about Amber Lee and Scary Terry and the New York Drama Academy. I start to tell them about the forest fire, but I get kicked from both sides. I’m explaining the plot of RENT when Cop #1 raises his hand and tells me to, “Shut up.”
He looks at the other officers and says, “Does anyone want to write all of this up?”
The cops glance at each other to see who’s going to do it. Cop #1 continues, “The clerks agree that these kids were just defending themselves.”
And just like that, we’re free to go! And the beat goes on.
We pile back into Aunt Jenny and roll out. I wave to the cops and say to my boys, “You gotta love the Merrian P.D.”
Doc asks, “Why do we always run from them? They were pretty cool.”
Bag thinks that this rumble will finally stop the beef between Merrian and Nortest, but I think the legend of tonight is just going to feed it. The facts are already being greatly distorted.
SPRING
27. STICK IT TO THE MAN
I’m in the principal’s office on Monday. My face is black and blue. It hurts to breathe and I can’t make a fist with either hand. I am about to get suspended…not for fighting, cheating, stealing, or any of the other crimes I’ve committed this year. I was fifteen seconds late to American history!
After nineteen Saturday Schools and countless detentions, the attendance office has finally had enough. They’re giving me an in-school suspension! I couldn’t be more thrilled. Some say karma is a bitch, but I love her. I.S.S. is the greatest study hall ever, and I’ve got so much to do! Finals are coming up. I also really need to focus on my lines for the play. I’m waiting to be taken down to the dungeons, when I hear people shouting inside Principal Banks’s office. I assume it’s a kid who’s been framed for a crime he didn’t commit, but it’s a woman’s voice…a familiar one. Is it my mom? She better not have come up here to defend me! I hop up and carefully walk toward the door to eavesdrop.
The secretary gives me a look like, Sit your tardy ass down!
Before I can turn around, the door flies open and Ms. McDougle storms out red-faced. Banks is hot on her heels, saying, “Don’t be so dramatic!”
She shows him how likely that is by saying, “Oh, screw you, Jim!”
The secretary and I share a look of shock. He doesn’t look like a Jim.
The principal continues, “Just change some of the details!”
They’re obviously talking about RENT because McDougle spins around and shouts, “It doesn’t work like that! You don’t buy the rights to ‘some’ of the play! And I wouldn’t change one word of that script!”
He replies, “Then you can’t do it in this building.”
“Fine! You will have my resignation tomorrow.”
Tears instantly fill my eyes, and I yell, “WHAT?!”
She looks at me and drops her head before saying, “Oh, Jesus. The New York Drama School is coming to evaluate four prospective students! You are jeopardizing their future!”
Banks says, “No, Ms. McDougle…you are, by being inflexible.”
I break in. “Nobody cares about that school!”
She asks, “What?”
“You can’t quit, McDougle!”
“I can’t do it anymore, Carter,” she pleads.
“You gotta keep fighting! The drama geeks need you.”
She sighs. “I fight for you guys every day, but I’m exhausted.”
She has confused me for a drama geek. I confirm her assumption when I say, “You’re the only reason I come to this school every day. You’re the reason I’m going to be on the honor roll for the first time since fourth grade. You talk to me like an adult!”
She’s crying when Mrs. Trimmer enters to take me down to jail. She glares at me like the criminal I am before glancing at Principal Banks. He gives her a nod, and she says, “Get your stuff.”
McDougle asks, “What’s going on? What happened to your face? Did you get into a fight?”
“Yeah, but that’s not why I got suspended. I really need a quiet place to focus today.”
She laughs. “You are nuts!”
“I know, but it really helps. Are we really not doing the show?”
She shakes her head and looks back at the principal before she replies, “Oh, we’re doing it.” She turns to me and says, “Carter, you just try to stay focused in there. Get those lines down. And I’ll keep fighting, too. We’ll find a way!”
Mrs. Trimmer ushers me into a cinder block cell between the boiler room and the drill team dance studio. I join the murderers, rapists, and other incessantly tardy kids. I nod to J-Low and crack myself up when I remember that he’s here all week for watching porn on a library computer. He was so shocked that the video made it through all of the filters that he exclaimed, “NO WAY!” and let it play for about ten seconds too long.
My goal is to write out every line in the show twice. Abby says this will help slow my mind down and force me to focus—and she’s right! Before I know it, the final bell rings and I’ve had a hell of a productive day. J-Low and I are released back into the general population. I’m dying to know what’s happened since I went into the hole, so I head straight for the drama department. I hear a saw buzzing from outside the auditorium, and my heart sinks when I open the doors. The cast and crew of RENT are cutting down the supports of the loft-apartment set.
I run down the aisle toward the stage and see Abby coming out of the drama classroom with a couple of hammers. She hands me one and explains, “We’re doing the show in the parking lot! Banks won’t let it happen in the building, but I told McDougle what the police told us on Saturday…that the parking lots are owned by the city of Merrian, not the school district. Jeremy’s mom is friends with the mayor, so we already have a permit.”
“You’re so smart!”
She kisses me quick and says, “Couldn’t have done that one without you.”
The next few days are a flurry of construction chaos. My dad and EJ and a bunch of other people help us rebuild the set. We run cables and transformers and speakers to the corner of the faculty parking lot where the asphalt slopes down to the baseball fields. It’s kind of like a huge amphitheater.
Next thing I know I’m wearing makeup and it’s opening night. We haven’t actually had a full rehearsal of the whole show because there have been so many technical problems. I now understand the importance of a “tech rehearsal” and an actual theater. The atmosphere in the parking lot is insane, though. We’ve made national news because of the censorship issue and McDougle’s awesome reputation. Principal Banks has been doing interviews for days and backpedaling his ass off (that’s why we get to use the school’s electricity). Almost a thousand people are here to see the show tonight! The Merrian P.D. had to show up and help direct cars.
We have a big curtain off to the side of the set so the audience can’t see us backstage (pooping ourselves), but I’m peeking out to see what’s going on. All of my boys are standing together beside the tech booth in the middle of the parking lot. I never expected the audience would stretch that far back, but people are setting up blankets and folding chairs a hundred feet beyond that. My parents and my sister look nervous, but not as freaked as Principal Banks. There’s a group of kids that I recognize, but I can’t place where I know them from…until I see a black eye peeking out from a flop-do. Nortest guys! I can’t see their feet so I’m not sure it anyone if anyone is wearing wing tips. I’m a bit worried that they’re looking for trouble, until we step out onstage and they join the rest of the crowd in cheering for us. Everyone thinks that we are fighting censorship and “sticking it to the man.” But I know we’re just obnoxious kids who want to sing and dance in front of other people! The extra drama doesn’t hurt, though.
Once the clapping dies down, I take a deep breath and adjust the microphone that’s strapped to my head. I wink my swollen right eye at the shocked Nortest guys before I proudly shout the first l
ine: “‘We begin on Christmas Eve, with me, MARK!’” And we are off to the races.
I flubbed a couple of lines, some sound cues got screwed up, and we had to move into the spotlights a few times, but it really couldn’t have gone better. It felt like old-time Greek theater mixed with a badass rock concert. A bunch of people knew the words to the songs, and they sang along with us. It was impossible not to be swept up by the energy of that crowd. I felt like I was a part of something real and very special.
When the cast comes out for the curtain call and sings the reprise of “Seasons of Love” all these people are clapping to the beat. I feel like I’m explaining to each and every one of them that a year is just “Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes!” and each one is precious and you’ve got to fight to make each minute count. I feel like they hear me.
When the lights fade, it seems like we’ve changed the world. We get a standing ovation. No one was really sitting on that dirty asphalt, but I think we would’ve gotten it anyway.
My boys are waiting when I step offstage. There’s really no backstage area, so they don’t feel the need to wait before they start tackling and punching me with pride. I’m in some pain, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. My parents are just shocked again. The Will Carter they know can’t remember his own phone number, so the memorization alone is tough to grasp.
I see Abby talking to the New York Drama School recruiters, and I realize that my performance has been “evaluated.” I honestly forgot about them during the show, but a wave of stress washes over me now. I really want to go. I want to keep doing this. Not that the rest of my life sucks, but performing is sooo much better than anything else.
After another breath, I break away from my boys and my family, and walk toward them. If I wasn’t good enough tonight, I’ll never be. About halfway across the parking lot I see the Nortest guys approaching me. I don’t think it would look very good for a prospective student to get into a fistfight in front of the recruiters, so I put up my hands like, I come in peace. But the flop-do opens his arms wide and throws them around my shoulders. “Excellent work, man!”
“Thanks.”
“We tried to do this show last year, but it got shot down,” he says.
“Yeah,” I say, motioning to a mess of extension cords. “We had a few issues.”
Abby motions for me to join her, so I say, “Thanks for coming, guys.”
Another kid with a few cuts on his face says, “And sorry for all the trouble last weekend.…We got caught up with some stupid—”
“Trust me, I get it.”
He nods and we shake hands.
I walk over to Abby and she introduces me to Jeffrey and Diana from the drama school. They’re in the middle of a conversation with the other actors, and it sounds like they’re making plans for next fall, like they’ve been accepted to the school. They don’t say anything directly to me however. We all talk about the show forever, and we joke about the problems. The recruiters talk about what a “stroke of genius” it was to do it outside, and how “in the spirit of Jonathan Larson” (the dead writer of RENT) it was to not sell tickets. They don’t say anything positive or negative about my performance. My parents and Abby’s come up and say hello, and the small talk persists. Ms. McDougle approaches, and she kisses Diana and Jeffrey on their cheeks like they’re old pals. The parking lot is practically empty and I’m getting bored. It almost seems like they’re leaving, so I finally ask, “Will you let me know by mail or something? Do you contact my parents privately?”
Jeffrey asks, “About what?”
“About me…coming to New York. Do you think I’m worth the academic risk and all that?”
They look at each other with even more confusion. Diana asks, “Is he an academic risk?”
“I don’t think so,” Jeffrey replies. “You have a C average, right, Carter?”
“Uh, nooo. I’ve got a B average. I should have all A’s by the end of the semester.”
“Well, that’s fine,” she says. “We’re more concerned with passion and talent than grades. As long as you aren’t flunking out.”
I glare at Ms. McDougle and grunt. “I was never flunking out.”
“Great,” Jeffrey says. “The whole faculty watched those clips of Down Gets Out back in the fall, and we’re all very excited to work with you.”
“You’ve been excited since the fall?”
My parents and Abby are smiling as suspiciously as McDougle. These bastards set me up! I’m in too much shock to go off on them right now, but ohhhh, I will!
Diana says, “We can’t wait to see you guys on our campus in the fall.”
“Did you have any other questions?” Jeffrey asks.
I raise my hand and say, “Yeah, I have some concerns.”
Everyone looks at me. Diana says, “Sure, it’s a huge decision. It’s definitely not the easy road.”
“Yeah, but that’s not what I mean. I don’t know if you remember, but Abby came out for a visit in the fall…and she’s like one of my best friends. And I totally respect her opinion.…”
Jeffrey looks at Abby and says, “Of course we remember. She sang a song from Camelot, right? And she danced with our advanced class. We were sorry that she couldn’t make it last semester, but hopefully she’ll join you guys in the fall.”
“Did you know that somebody called her fat?” I say. “That’s my concern.”
They turn red and look at each other. Abby is mortified when she says, “No…no they didn’t! Well, the movement teacher told me I should lose a few pounds.”
“Fifteen,” I add.
Jeffrey adjusts his glasses and sighs. “Yes, we heard about that. Ms. Tilly is a brilliant choreographer, but she…lacks tact.”
“That frankness is not unheard of at a private drama school, however,” Diana adds with a slightly bitchy tone that suggests that drama girls will be drama girls, regardless of age or geography. “We don’t have time for ‘polite.’ Recommendations are made and sometimes we’re unkind. We may yell at you or put you down. But it’s only because we’re passionate and we’re trying to prep you for a cutthroat industry. You’ll need technique and talent, but you’ll also need thick skin.”
I nod like, I’m used to that. But Abby’s still scowling, so I continue. “Someone compared her to Adele as well.”
Diana glares at Abby like she’s been complaining about this for six months and she’s sick of it. “I’m sorry you were compared to one of the most beautiful singers of our time. Did anyone else praise you unacceptably?”
I nod at Abby like, See?
She doesn’t seem interested in the fact that I was right about this; she’s more focused on the fact that Diana seems to hate her all the sudden and it seems to be my fault.
Jeffrey says, “We don’t need your definitive answers until June.”
Diana puts her arm around Ms. McDougle and says, “If you decide to come, you might get to study with our hottest new drama teacher!”
McDougle is smiling like she’s been harboring all kinds of secrets. Abby says, “You?!”
McDougle replies, “I’m still thinking about it as well.”
“She turned us down flat,” Jeffrey adds.
“We have some salary negotiations to work out,” McDougle says. “New York is bit more expensive than Merrian.…AND if I ever hear anyone call a student ‘fat,’ it’s going to get ugly. But even if I don’t go to New York, I’ll still be leaving Merrian High. Principal Banks has made it clear that I am not welcome back next year. So it’s time to seek new opportunities.” She seems to only be looking at me when she says, “I’d never tell you what to do”—even though she’s always telling me what to do. “You have an awesome support system here.” She motions to my friends, who are running around the dark baseball field. “But I know you can rise to any occasion, and I don’t think it would be the end of the world for you to get out of your comfort zone.”
I look at my parents, and they seem numb yet supportive
.
So I say, “I’m in.”
Abby says, “Really?! Are you sure?”
“No…but I’ll do it anyway. Why not?”
Abby starts giggling. Which is totally unlike her. Finally she says, “I could handle it too, then. If my favorite teacher and my best friend are there, I think it would be amazing.”
I start to do an impression of Abby’s mom having a panic attack on the subway, when a strong hand wraps around the back of my neck. I turn to find Cop #2 staring down at me. Everyone freezes. He says, “Hell of a job, EJ. Now I’ve really got my eye on you!”
I turn back to my parents and teachers and smile as innocently as I can.
EPILOGUE
My parents were really freaking out about their retarded son leaving home two years ahead of schedule, until they noticed my sister had called the naval warship USS Hornet twenty times. It took them longer than an episode of Law & Order to put the pieces together because they’re so convinced that Lynn is their “smart child.” But I’ve learned that even the wisest girls can be complete dumbasses when it comes to boys (see Amber, Nicky, and Abby).
The nightmare realization that their daughter is engaged in a long-distance relationship with Scary Terry Moss was occurring to my parents about the same time a dream was finally coming true for me. It seems like you can bust your ass for so long that you start to think that busting your ass is the only thing you’ll ever do.…But all the sudden, something gives, and you find yourself moving what you thought was a mountain with very little effort. Of course I’m talking about sex…specifically, me having it.
Abby pointed out that since we were headed to a performing arts conservatory, we might not ever get to attend a real prom. So my sister gave us her tickets to the dance (because her boyfriend is on a boat just off the coast of Dubai). She paired my black church suit with a fly James Bond bow tie! We went to the mall and picked up a sweet tuxedo shirt and some old-school black-and-white checkerboard Vans. They’re way cooler than my dress shoes and much better for dancing.
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