by C D Cain
Across from the sofa was a wood-burning stove with the vent extending to and out of the ceiling. It sat on a raised shelf made of stone at its base and fire brick along the side and back. Next to it was a fire box made of metal pipes and filled to the top with tiny wooden logs. Underneath it were black oven mitts, a handheld broom, and two axes of different sizes.
“Lou welded that for me,” Gentry said. “One night after my shift, I found it outside my motel room with a big red bow on it. He was so proud of his handy work.”
“He should be.” Sam picked up one of the axes to feel the weight of it. She set it back down. “So, you’re all done with it? With the renovations?”
“Pretty much. One day I want to paint the ceiling to look like a starry night.” Gentry smiled broadly and shrugged her shoulders. “One day.”
A breeze rustled Gentry’s hair over her face. As she brushed it back, she noticed the sight of Sam’s nude form through the curtains that had been blown somewhat open. Gentry knew she should look away. She wanted to look away. She wanted to, but didn’t. She watched the curves of Sam’s back as she readied her bath—the lines of her back as it narrowed into her waist and then along the outline of her hips. She felt the blush rise to her cheeks when Sam turned to the side to expose the shape of her breast. The youth of her skin, the tone within her body held it firmly against her chest. Briefly, a vision of Sam nestled against her body with her arms wrapped around her cupping each breast popped into her head. Gentry had felt an attraction to Sam before. Albeit, not as physically as the one she was feeling now. She closed her eyes, leaned her head back on her shoulders, and let the vision play out in her mind. When she looked back, Sam was sitting in the bath. Her shoulders rose and fell in a way that made Gentry wonder if she was crying. When she wiped at her eyes, she knew she was. Gentry picked her guitar up and placed it in her lap. She began to strum the chords as she thought of a song to play, Sam’s neck craned to the side. Gentry played louder.
Sam turned her head toward the sound of Gentry’s guitar. She noticed the opening in the curtain and realized she may have been exposed; so, she dipped her body lower into the tub to hide her nudity. She saw movement next to the fire and squinted until she could make out Gentry’s shape. She was sitting in the chair with her guitar across her body, staring right at Sam.
“You belong among the wildflowers. You belong in a boat out at sea. Sail away, drift off the hours. You belong somewhere you feel free.”
Gentry thought of the woman who first walked into the diner. She thought of the connection she felt with her as she had watched her struggle with the pain she felt. She thought of the woman she was getting to know and the smile that was beginning to be more present on her face. She watched her as she sang to her. Even with the barrier between them, she felt as if she were singing to Sam. She couldn’t imagine what she was feeling to be any stronger of a connection than if Sam’s head had been lying in her lap.
“I have seen no other who compares with you. You belong among the wildflowers. You belong with your love on your arm. Run away, find you a lover. Run away, let your heart be your guide.”
Sam leaned back to rest her head on the tub. She bent her knees to raise them up out of the water. The steam lifted up off of her skin. She could see Gentry more fully each time the wind blew the curtain. Gentry’s song covered her and lifted off of her just as she had noted the steam doing. She kept her eyes fixated on Gentry. She imagined herself lying at Gentry’s feet as she played. The cicadas’ song all but drowned out by the serenity of Gentry’s voice.
“You deserve the deepest of cover. You belong in that home by and by. You belong among the wildflowers. You belong somewhere close to me. Far away from your trouble and worry. You belong somewhere you feel free.”
Gentry’s last chords were a decrescendo into silence. Sam raised her hand over the tank and gave a small wave to her as the song finished. Gentry felt a catch in her breath with the intensity of the shared experience. She raised her hand in a like manner and waved shyly.
Gentry crawled into her tent to give Sam privacy to finish her bath. Her brain buzzed with thoughts of Sam’s nude form. Sexuality wasn’t a thing for her. She didn’t see it as a big deal. Who people loved or lusted after was their business and no one else’s. She had never found herself admiring the features of a woman like she did Sam’s. But she gave it no mind as it was most likely stemming from the pregnancy hormones. Yet a part of her knew they were not the cause of the tightness in her chest or the swirl of butterflies she had just felt playing for Sam. Frustrated, she pulled her shirt forcefully over her head and unlatched her bra. Her finger swept over the cigarette burn on the side of her left breast. Now you’re mine forever. She violently shook the slurred voice from her head. After her—after what she did to her—how could she ever have sexual feelings such as these for a woman? She ran her fingers over the tattoo imprinted along her ribs.
“Follow the signs,” she whispered over her shoulder toward the bus. “Trust in the signs.”
Chapter 9
“Aren’t you a cute little model right outta LL Bean,” Gentry said as Sam walked out of the sporting goods store.
“Why thank you. I figured I needed some hiking attire to keep up with you today. The tennis shoes were just not cutting it.”
“Ah, I see. It was the shoes that made you slip and fall all over the place yesterday.”
“Damn straight it was.”
“So glad to see you’re all set to keep up with me today.” Gentry winked. “I’m feeling extra energetic.”
“Oh hell. Extra energetic?”
“Yep.”
Sam set her overly stuffed shopping bag on the ground next to her and reached inside. “Hold that thought.” She pulled out a hat, put it on, and then extended two retractable walking sticks to hold next to her. “Now, I’m ready.”
Gentry laughed. “Well then, let’s hit it.” She caught a whiff of Sam’s hair as she stepped in front of her to put her bags in the trunk. There was a scent to it she hadn’t noticed before. It was a clean, minty smell that she couldn’t quite put her finger on as to the name of it. She had smelled it before. Where was that? she thought to herself.
“Is it locked?” Sam asked as she shut the trunk. “Sorry about that.” She walked back to the passenger door and unlocked it.
Eucalyptus. Gentry discretely smelled in her scent once more. It was eucalyptus. How many times had she run to the tree in the back of her father’s yard? How many times had she let the small, dark green leaves of the tree cover her face until all light was obscured? How many times had she let the branches cover her shoulders as if they held her safely in their branches? She would cloak herself in the tree until the scent of eucalyptus overpowered the lingering smells of a stale breath of alcohol and cigarettes. It was the only good memory of that horrid house.
“Hey, are you okay?” Sam asked from over the top of the hood of the car. There was an expression on Gentry’s face that she hadn’t seen before. Whatever the thought was that had brought the distant look to Gentry’s face, it was most definitely deep and painful. She hadn’t seen it on Gentry before now. She fought the urge to sprint around the car and hold her. “Gentry, are you okay?” She stretched her arm across the top of the car.
“I’m fine,” she said softly. “Let’s get going.” Gentry ran her hand along the roof of the car as she opened the door. She was beginning to feel overwhelmed with the cloud of signs surrounding everything about Sam.
“Where to?” Sam said with her hands on the ignition key.
“Ripley Falls. Follow the signs,” Gentry said as much to Sam as she did herself.
“Help!” Sam screamed out.
Gentry turned back quickly to find Sam laid across the railroad ties as if her hands and feet were bound to the tracks. She was turning her head side to side in a fake struggle to get free.
“Help me. My brave
woman. Please. I’m but a poor damsel in distress.”
“You’re one class A nut, I tell you.” Gentry laughed. “I’ll have you know one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“You’re not fooling me. You just did that to get a rest.” Gentry tossed a thin twig from the ground toward Sam.
“You damn straight I did,” Sam said as she sprinted up to walk alongside Gentry.
“This reminds me of that movie Lean on Me. Did you see it? It’s an old one. There was this part in it where the boys walked along a railroad just like this one.”
“Oh yeah. I remember that movie. It was a Stephen King one, wasn’t it?”
“I think so.”
With her short bangs and hair pulled back into a twisted knot, Gentry’s expression was unobstructed for Sam to see. She watched her smile expand as her eyes darted back and forth to take in the scenery of the railroad tracks extending infinitely away from them. The passage in between the trees was barely wide enough for the tracks. They walked in the middle of them until they reached the beginning of the trailhead.
“Can you imagine how the wind must rip through here when a train comes?” Gentry raised her head to look up at the brush that grew closer to the tracks.
“Yes, let’s imagine how it does and get the hell off of these tracks. The sign back there said this was a working railroad.”
Sam felt a bead of sweat trickle down her lower back as she found her footing on the rock. She had marveled at the way Gentry scaled up the incline with seemingly little effort on her part. Gentry had described the Ripley Falls trail as an easy, light-paced trail of only about a mile. After this trip, Sam had decided she needed to spend more time in the gym because these trails were kicking her ass.
Gentry leaned over the side of the cliff and extended her hand. “How are those new duds working out for you? Need any help down there?”
“I want my money back,” Sam yelled back. Immediately upon looking up, her eyes were drawn to the V-neck of Gentry’s shirt which had fallen away from her chest as she leaned over. Her breasts were full over the top of her bra. She was caught off-guard with the sudden recognition of Gentry’s breasts. Surely, Sam must have noticed her chest size before. It was one of the body parts on a woman that she generally admired first. She was a breast woman, plain and simple. Or rather, she was back in the day. Yet here Gentry’s were at near eye level and apparently larger than Sam had thought them to be through her clothes. Something in Sam stirred. Violet’s voice rang in her ears, The best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody. She laughed to herself with the thought. Maybe she wasn’t dead after all.
“Ahem,” Gentry cleared her throat. “Sometime today would be awesome.”
“Oh yeah, right,” Sam said as she climbed over the remaining group of rocks.
“Taa daa,” Gentry proclaimed with a broad smile.
“Oh wow. It’s beautiful, Gentry.” Sam grabbed Gentry’s arm to steady her balance. Her forearm was thinner than her own but muscular, even more so as she contracted it under Sam’s touch. “I heard the rushing water and thought the water running along the trail was beautiful but this? This is something else for sure.”
Gentry closed her eyes and lifted her face to the sky as a breeze cooled the sweat on her neck. “It is.” She found a spot next to the waterfall and sat down. “Come. Sit. I brought sustenance.” She pulled a bag of dried fruit and nuts from her pack.
“Have you really never been in love before?” Sam asked as she sat down beside her.
Gentry gave her a very surprised look. “Whoa. That’s a pretty deep question to spring out of the air.” Even over the sound of the waterfall, the crunch was loud when she bit down on a nut. “What brought that out?”
Sam briefly pictured the swell of Gentry’s breast over the lace of her bra. She shrugged her shoulders. “Nothing really. I was thinking about our conversation last night on the hike up here. I’m surprised is all. I mean, you’re the complete package. Beautiful. Smart. Independent. Talented. Funny. And you’re one hell of a spider monkey. What’s not to love?”
Gentry looked away from Sam and fiddled with the bag in her hand as if she was looking for a particular nut or fruit. She didn’t pull any out. “Thank you,” she said shyly. “Those are nice things to say. Maybe some of them are true but you asked if I had ever fallen in love. I’ve not. I’ve heard those words said to me before and I truly hope to never hear them again.”
“Why?”
Gentry looked directly into Sam’s eyes. “Because I’ll hurt the person who says them and that’s not what I want. I don’t want to hurt anyone or anyone hurt me. I just want to be left alone.”
“Yet, here I am.”
Gentry looked at her and dipped her head. “Yet, here you are. Trust me. I’ve still not figured that one out.”
“Let me know when you do?”
“Definitely.”
Sam skipped a pebble across the stream as it left the falls to flow down the mountain. The sparkles of the sun across the water were lost briefly in the ripple caused by the stone. “It doesn’t have to end in hurt, you know.”
“Says the girl who is with a woman she hardly knows because she is running away from a broken heart.”
Sam took the bag from Gentry and pulled out a dried blueberry. “Truth. You know what I mean. Not everyone who falls in love ends in a broken heart. I’ve got two best friends who are classic examples of a healthy mutual love. It can happen.”
“Sure, there are a few examples here and there where it all worked out. But you know damn good and well most don’t. Most end up in heartache, anger, and resentment. I’m sorry, but it’s true.”
“I guess maybe I’m not there yet.”
“So, you want to fall in love again?”
“Oh hell no. Well, not anytime soon.” Sam pressed her shirt against the small of her back to dry the cooling sweat that trailed down her back. “Yeah, so maybe one day. Way in the future, I would like to try it again. It felt pretty amazing when I was in it.”
“And do you think it’ll feel like this one did? Amazing? Or do you think you’ve already been so scarred and tarnished that somewhere deep within you, you’ll tell yourself to hold back. Even if it’s just a small piece that you do. With that, it’ll never feel amazing again.”
“Whoa. Well, that’s pretty depressing.” Sam stretched her legs out and sighed deeply. “I see your point. I suppose I was hoping that falling in love once would be the catalyst to let it happen again.” She shrugged her shoulders. “It’ll suck if you’re right. I’ll leave it at that.” She threw another rock across the water.
Gentry inwardly kicked herself. She knew she could be a real ass when it came to stuff like this. It is probably Exhibit A as to why she preferred to be left alone. She felt remorse as she watched the happiness on Sam’s face slip away. She grunted, which took Sam’s attention from the water back to her. “I mean, it’s not only that. When you fall in love with someone, you give them your life. You dedicate it to them. You put their happiness, their safety, their peace before yours. You think of them before yourself. Or at least that’s how I believe it should be. Rayne didn’t do that for you. Whatever choice, decision, or action that put you sitting next to me was in essence her not choosing your relationship first. Right?”
“I guess.”
Gentry watched as the falls roared over the rocky bottom. The smaller rocks sparkled like gems as the sun shined on them through the crystal clear water. “I won’t give that to someone else. I can’t. I fought my whole life to be where I am now. Once I gained control of my life and the things that happened to me, I swore I would never ever give the control back to someone else.”
“It’s not about control, Gentry. It’s about the other person. It’s about how you feel about the other person. How you want to do all the things you described for them. Not because you wan
t to control them but because you think only of them.”
“In a perfect world, Sam, that’s how it is.” She reached for the bag that rested in Sam’s lap. “Trust me when I tell you, this world is anything but perfect.” She turned her head to the waterfall and felt another breeze blow over them. “I will never fall in love with anyone. I promise. It’s something in me that will never change.” She shifted her weight to face Sam directly. She kept her eyes locked with Sam. “Please believe what I’m telling you.”
“Okay. I believe you. You won’t ever fall in love with anyone.” Sam laid back on the rock and stared into the sky. The tops of the taller pines swayed gently within the light breeze. Although she didn’t agree completely with Gentry’s words, she did for a moment remember herself before Rayne. The woman who too felt she would never fall in love. Not for fear of giving control of her life away but rather the fear of having her life settle down. Look at what she was doing now—traveling with no agenda. Her life was open without the premise of love making any decisions for her. She felt her heart harden ever so slightly. For the first time, she knew she would get over Rayne. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but she would get over her.
Gentry stood up and brushed the dirt from her jeans. “Let’s get going. There’s one more hike I want us to do before we head back to camp.” She hoisted the pack onto her shoulders.
“Wait. What?” Sam gasped. “Another hike? You’ve got to be kidding me. You mean beyond the one back to the car?”
Gentry laughed and extended her hand to hoist Sam up. “You really are a nut.”
“A very sore, out of shape nut.”
Chapter 10
Sam extended her legs out in front of her. She breathed in deeply as she raised her arms over her head to stretch her upper body.
“Pardon me, Stretch.” Gentry stepped over Sam’s feet as she carried more logs to stack next to the wood heater inside the bus.
“Do you mind? I’m trying to work out these balls of cramps I call legs.” Sam rubbed the back of her calf.
