by C D Cain
Jazlyn, Violet, and Gentry started to follow them to the table but Sam stopped Gentry by placing her hand on her shoulder. “Hey. This next one’s for me.” She stepped in behind her to nestle Gentry’s back against her chest. She whispered in her ear as she wrapped her arms around her. “Although you sing it much better.”
Gentry relaxed into Sam and let her head fall against her as the song began to play.
Violet stopped abruptly but was encouraged by Jazlyn to keep walking. Violet tried to shake her off but Jazlyn was persistent. “Come on, Vi. Let them have their time.”
“But Jaz?”
“No buts. Let them be.” Jazlyn pulled Violet’s hand.
Again, there was nothing but Gentry. Sam held her in her arms and swayed to the song that had once comforted her in the night. Gentry’s guitar and voice had stolen the tears when she had felt them take her very breath. Softly in her ear, Sam sang, “I have seen no other who compares with you.”
Gentry joined Sam in the chorus. She closed her eyes to see the nude silhouette of Sam. It had sparked her to want to sing to her. Not the sexual need she had come to feel when she was close to Sam’s body but rather the heart beneath the body. That night, she had seen the rawness of Sam’s pain and had felt such an intense need to ease it that she sang, “Wildflowers” for her. She felt Sam’s arms wrap tighter around her. She was in her blanket of safety and freedom.
Sam nuzzled her nose through the strands of Gentry’s hair. She breathed in deeply its scent and slid her hands over the top of Gentry’s belly. She melted into the feeling of the baby kick inside. Complete. The word appeared into her head as if her own piece of a puzzle popped into place. With Gentry and the baby snuggled in her arms, Sam’s chest expanded with the fullness of serenity she felt.
The fear she had tasted at many little points in the evening overwhelmed Violet. She held her friend in her eyes and worried for yet again the heartache that was surely to come.
Jazlyn recognized the expression on her face. “Baby, what’s wrong?” She ran her hand over the top of Violet’s arm.
“I don’t know how much more she can take.”
“Take? What do you mean?”
“How many times her heart can be broken, Jaz? How many times can it and she make it back?”
“Vi, what do you mean? She looks good. Great even.” Jazlyn looked back at the couple dancing alone in the grass. “Look at her.”
Violet’s top lip seemed even thinner with the grimace she held. “I see her, Jaz. I see her.”
Gentry had been left to her thoughts on their walk back to her bus after dinner. The foursome was quiet, all but the sound of rocks shifting under their feet. She had let her and Sam’s dance play on repeat in her mind. Briefly, she paused them to tell Violet and Jazlyn good night. “I had a good time tonight.” She rolled down the sleeves of Addie’s shirt but left her hand in Sam’s.
“Me too.” Sam winked at her before turning her head in the direction of the churring sounds of nightjar birds. “It’s a beautiful night tonight. Perfect timing for our dinner.” She looked back at Jaz and Violet as they sat in the SUV waiting for her to walk Gentry to Big Blue.
“Thank you for inviting me to meet your friends. You’ve got some pretty good ones there.”
Sam brought the back of Gentry’s hand to her lips to kiss it. “They’re in good company tonight because I’ve got a pretty good one right here too.”
“Ditto.” Gentry proudly paraphrased Sam’s coin phrase.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us tomorrow night?”
“Trust me. I want to come but I don’t think I’ll feel up to it after working a full day.” Gentry felt the swelling in her ankles that she desperately tried to pretend wasn’t happening most every night. The throbbing at the end of the work day had started to become a real nuisance as she liked to term it. “I’ve been kind of tired lately.”
A line formed between Sam’s eyebrows. “You didn’t tell me about this. When did you start having problems?”
“I talked with Dr. Waggoner about it at my last appointment. She said everything was fine. That it’s normal. She said something about watching my blood pressure but that’s all.” Gentry used her arms to help pull herself up onto the first step of the bus. “I overdid it a little tonight. That’s all.”
Sam held the sides of Gentry’s waist to assist her into the bus. She looked through the window to check on Violet and Jazlyn sitting in the vehicle. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Sam,” Gentry said as she turned to her, “please don’t be worried. That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you. You had then and still do have too much on your plate to add another worry.”
“I have nothing on my plate.”
Gentry placed her hand under Sam’s chin and ran her thumb across her bottom lip. “You had just gotten back from Atlanta. It wasn’t the time.”
“From now on, I want to know everything. You hear me? Every. Thing. The minute it happens, no matter what.” She leaned in and kissed Gentry softly. “Promise me,” she murmured against them.
Gentry’s kiss was receptive and completely reciprocal of the depth Sam had given her. Soft and accepting of the apparent lack of deepening the kiss. “I promise.” She ran her tongue over the top of her lip when Sam pulled away. She missed her attention toward her. As she had learned throughout her life, people will be who they will be. Perhaps her time with Sam in that manner had passed. If it had, she would adapt to the changes in their lines of friendship and enjoy the companion she had in Sam.
Sam caught a hint of a new expression in Gentry’s eyes. It was one she had not seen before, yet she could not put definition to it. “Are you okay?”
Gentry forced a smile. “Perfectly fine.”
“Okay. I’ll believe you.” Sam put her hands in the back pockets of her jeans. “Can I come over after I drop them off at the airport?”
“When is that?”
“Day after tomorrow around six.”
“Sure. I’d like that. I’ll make us something to eat.”
“Or you won’t and you’ll get off of your feet. We can order something.” Sam tapped the end of Gentry’s nose and then bent over to kiss Gentry’s belly. “You be good to your Momma while I’m gone, little one.”
Gentry bit the inside of her cheek. “Good night, Sam.”
Sam kissed her again as she had before. “Good night.”
On her way back to her Xterra, she heard Timber’s words in her head. She bit her lip and thought of the ease in which it felt to kiss Gentry’s belly. Gentry was thinking of it too.
Violet briskly ran her hands over her arms. “I’m more worried about this one than I ever was about Rayne.” She reached down to adjust the temperature dial.
“Aw, babe, I think they’re a cute couple,” Jazlyn said.
“That’s just it.” Violet watched the silhouette of Sam and Gentry in the bus. “They’re not a couple. There’s Sam and then there’s Gentry.”
“Are you kidding me? Did you not see the same dance I saw?”
“I saw it, alright.”
“It was the sweetest thing I think I’ve ever seen.” Jazlyn felt the heat blowing into the backseat and adjusted it off of her.
Violet pursed her lips. “Jaz, do you not see the dissociation in her? I’ve seen women that didn’t connect with their babies. Of course I’ve seen many of those, especially the ones who are planning on adopting. I’ve always thought it to be their armor. But this is something different. She’s dissociated with everything and everyone—you, me, Sam.” Violet tapped the window. “She’s like that big blue bus right there. She’s on wheels. At any given moment, she can pick up and move on. No foundation holding her down.”
“Are you sure you shouldn’t be practicing psych instead of OB?” Jazlyn cracked her window. “I was envious of the way they held each oth
er.”
Violet turned quickly to look at Jazlyn in the back seat. “What’re you saying? Why would you be envious of it?”
Jazlyn caught the squinting of Violet’s eyes but looked away as she heard Sam’s footsteps approaching. “Shhh. Here she comes.” Jazlyn pulled herself up against the back of Violet’s seat. “Are you going to tell her about Rayne and Mo?”
“I have no idea.”
Chapter 21
Gentry grabbed two pillows from the bed and tossed them over onto the couch. She positioned them to elevate her legs and leaned back to stare at the ceiling of the bus. The naturality of Sam’s kiss on her belly and the talking to follow had her mind racing. She massaged her temples in a failed effort to reduce Sam’s voice in her head. She picked up the booklet Dr. Waggoner had given her of prospective couples wishing to adopt. She forcefully flipped through the pages before throwing it across the floor.
“Ugh,” she moaned. “Why?”
In truth, she had already looked through the profiles more than once and none of them seemed to grab her. She rolled her head to the side to stare out into the sky.
Momma. Little one. Again, she heard Sam’s voice. Her eyes widened to the sight of a falling star as the name rang through her thoughts.
“No,” she vehemently said. “Absolutely no.” She raised her arms in the air. “Universe, I’m sorry, but if you are trying to tell me I’m going to be a momma and keep this baby, we’re going to have to have some serious discussions.” She didn’t run her hands over her tummy as she eyed her belly. She had stopped doing that when she began to feel the baby move toward her when she did. “I can’t do it. Maybe. Maybe if this had happened years down the line. Maybe then. But not now. This can’t be my path. I’m just starting my life.” She closed her eyes and arched her neck to let her head fall over the armrest. “Please. I beg you. Please let me feel like I’ve finally got some say so in how I want to live my life. Please.” Her pleading prayers were given with hope of the answer she wished would come.
It had been a wonderful couple of days. Some of those when life felt like it had purpose again. She sat in her Adirondack chair and stared out at the Atlantic Ocean peppered with sailboat lights.
“It has a calming beauty to it, doesn’t it?” Violet asked as she leaned against the patio door.
“Hey, you. I thought you and Jaz were asleep.”
“She most definitely is. You wore her ass out.” In the absence of interior lighting, her creamed-coffee colored skin made her teeth seem all the more brilliantly white as she smiled. “May I sit with you?”
“Of course.” Sam grabbed the decorative, albeit quite uncomfortable, pillow from the Adirondack chair next to her and put it across her lap. “It was a great day.” Sam rubbed her thighs under her jeans. “But yes, very tiring too.”
“You’ve got a wonderful place here, my friend.” Violet raised her chin in the air to smell the salty sea air. She pulled her hoodie over her head and tossed her bangs to remove them from her eyes.
“Thanks. I knew you’d like it here. You always did like your beach house over Birmingham. I come out here most every night before I turn in.”
“I can see why.” Violet pointed to the binoculars sitting on the patio table that sat in between them. “What do you see with these?”
“Not too much at night. Especially when it’s not a full moon. But in the day or at dusk, you can point them to that island over there and see seals and puffins if you’re lucky.” Sam ran her finger over the eye piece. “Gentry brought them over for me.” She had missed her on their hike. Although, the blue painted lines marking the trail was a constant reminder of her as they hiked the Greater Head Trail.
“She seems like a wonderful woman.”
“Oh, she is, Vi. She really is an amazing woman. When I think of everything about her, it only intensifies how truly amazing she is. Did I tell you that she painted every single line we saw today on the trail?”
“Ummm, yes.” Violet’s teeth sparkled again with her smile. “Actually, many times.”
“Sorry.” Sam took a sip of her drink.
“Don’t apologize for that. Apologize for not offering me a drink. What’s that you’ve got there anyway?” Violet nodded her head to the glass in Sam’s hand.
“Oooh. It’s cocktail that I learned from Timber. So smooth. It’s tequila and club soda with a twist of lime. Do you want me to make you one?” Sam shook the ice in her glass. “I could use a refresher.”
“Sure.” All day long, Violet had avoided a serious conversation about Gentry which was very difficult as Sam continuously mentioned her. It could have been so easy to have anything she said as an opener for a discussion. But she was enjoying Sam’s happiness immensely and didn’t want anything to darken it. As Sam stood up to go fix them a drink, she knew this was as good of a time as any. “You didn’t tell me she was pregnant.”
Sam stopped as she was rounding the patio door, gripped her hand along the edge of it, and leaned her upper body back into the patio. “It’s not mine, in case you’re wondering.”
Violet laughed a throaty laugh. “Um, yes. I seem to remember the implausibility of it being yours from that course in school.” Violet lifted the binoculars to gaze up into the wanton stars over the water. She listened as Sam prepared them a drink. She waited until she heard her walking back before she continued her conversation. “May I ask why you didn’t tell me? Seems an awfully important tidbit to share about your new girlfriend.”
Sam held the glass over Violet’s shoulder. “Well, for one, she’s not my girlfriend. We’re just friends.”
“I most certainly have to disagree with that,” Violet interrupted. “You two are far more than just friends.”
Sam could not hold back the expanding grin. “Okay. We’re friends with very special benefits.” She took a swallow of her drink and let the liquid slowly flow down her throat. “Fucking mind-blowing benefits to be more exact.”
Violet leaned up so quickly in her chair that a few drops of her full glass spilled over onto her pants. “I knew it!” She exclaimed. “I fucking knew it.” She shook her head. “I’ve never been with a pregnant woman before but those hormones have got to just be wild in there. Like uninhibited wild.”
Sam let her mind wander to their last escapade on the couch. She felt the swirl low in her belly as she remembered the pull of her hair as Gentry screamed her release. She bit her lip as her grin grew again. “You have absolutely no idea.”
Violet slapped Sam’s arm. “You’re an ass. A total ass.”
The women laughed together as they sipped their drink.
“Certainly, you get no argument from me with the whole friends with benefit scenario. But, Sam, even you have to see there’s more to you two than friends. Those googly eyes you shared and that dance. Good Lord, that dance you had. Even friends with benefits don’t have that. Friends with benefits is sex. Period. Sex. What you two show is intimate. And that crosses the just friends line by leaps and bounds.”
Sam sat quietly and sipped her drink.
“And the baby?” Violet asked.
Sam looked out across the ocean. Without mentally recognizing her search, she calmed to the sound of the buoy’s ding as she heard it. There was her thing. Gentry had described it to her. The thing she would find in the silence that her soul needed for comfort. She listened to it once more before speaking. Her chest expanded. “She’s not keeping her.”
“The father? What does he want?”
“It was a one-time thing. For all I know, he doesn’t even know about the baby. I’m pretty sure they’ve had no contact since the night it happened. I’m not even sure if she knows how to contact him.”
“Hmmm.”
“Don’t think like that, Vi. Trust me. She’s not like that. It was a one-night stand at an extremely weak moment in her life. And let me tell you, this woman is anything b
ut weak.”
“And you? How are you with her not keeping the baby?”
“Me?” Sam pointed to her chest. “It’s not up to me at all, Vi. I’ve got no skin in this game.”
“Don’t you?”
“Absolutely not. Why would you even think that? We may be friends with extracurricular activities but that’s it. Our lives are completely separate otherwise.”
“Uh huh. I see.” Violet lifted her glass to her lips. “And the picture in your SUV? The one sticking out from under the visor. Am I to believe that’s an ultrasound of a patient and not Gentry?”
Sam pinched the bridge of her nose and exhaled loudly. She had not remembered the picture sticking out. To her recollection, she had kept it completely hidden under the visor. She was thankful they hadn’t driven anywhere as Gentry may have easily seen it too. “What do you want me to say, Vi?”
“You could start with the truth and stop pretending I don’t know my best friend. Sam, you constantly hold that baby now and it’s not even born. Do you not recognize that? You touch her belly more than she does. I actually didn’t see her rub it at all. So, I’m in no way surprised she’s giving it up for adoption. She’s completely dissociated from it. But you? You pick up where she doesn’t.” Violet searched the darkness of the patio to find the blue of Sam’s eyes. She looked directly in them. “You danced with two people the other night. A very sensual dance with Gentry but yet utterly and completely caressing to that baby she’s carrying.” She placed her hand on Sam’s arm. “Honey, you’re going to be hurt if you don’t get control of this. I don’t know how to watch you hurt so badly again. Not so soon after…” Violet stopped before she said her name.
“You can say her name, Vi. I’m not some egg that’s going to crack if you say her name.”
“What if I don’t want to say her name? What if it’s all I can do to support my wife’s friendship with her? Yet I fight wanting to slap her every time I see her. Especially now that she’s dating Mo.” Pain flashed against the piercing pressure of her teeth upon her tongue as she bit down hard with regret of the words she had not stopped.
