Our history is made up of a series of nights like this, and there is a gnawing feeling in my gut that this is going to be the last one. She isn’t a starry-eyed teen anymore, and I’m not some pissant private. Soon, a man would see what I am seeing and take it. And I would have to resist the urge to break his fucking jaw as I could only watch the distance between us become greater.
I chug the beer to soothe the sudden burn in my throat. Pre-deployment leave always makes me nostalgic.
A few more days and I can put Olivia behind me. For another year, at least.
I just have to get through tonight.
Sand shifts beneath my feet as I sit on one of the creaky old lawn chairs we’d drug to form a circle around the fire pit. I nod to Jack and our mutual friend Logan Blackwell. The three of us had gone to boot camp together. Jack and I joined because we couldn’t imagine doing anything else, Logan because of the extended family he had to support. Though we had different jobs, we always seemed to find our way back to hang out on our time off. And it was always nice to touch base with my guys when we had the chance.
Logan had recently separated from the Marines. In addition to serving as my going-away party, we’d also gathered to take his mind off his troubled marriage. On the positive side, he had only just started working as a cop. At least he had that to look forward to.
Yet another reason why it wouldn’t be smart for me to get involved with Olivia. Not that I expected her to cheat or give up on me, but who was I kidding? Most women could barely handle normal separation, let alone that of the military life. Our dangerous lifestyle had a notorious burnout rate—both for the men and their families.
I drown that sorrow with a healthy tug on my rapidly emptying bottle. If I kept up this pace, it would be one of those times where I wound up on the beach the next morning without my clothes…or my dignity, if the guys had anything to do with it.
My mind begins to wander to the possibility of Livvie joining me, and it doesn’t take long for that fantasy to spiral abso-fucking-lutely out of control. Images form of her slick skin against mine, her eyes dark with need. I clear my throat, shifting in my suddenly uncomfortable seat, and refocus my attention to the conversation between the others, steadfastly ignoring the intense look Jack is shooting my way.
Livvie sips delicately from her cup, likewise ignoring her best friend Sofie.
“C’mon, Liv. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! If there were any reason to give it a rest and live a little, this is it. It’s not every day the stars align and our favorite band, since we were tweens, is playing a reunion show an hour away.”
Livvie shrugs, smiling guiltily. “I don’t know. You know school starts in a few weeks, and I have so much to do with the classroom and lesson plans. I just don’t want to screw it up my first day and be caught unprepared.”
“If I can handle my crazy-ass roommates 24/7, you can manage one day off from your group of artsy types. Besides, we haven’t gone out in forever. Where did my crazy sidekick go?”
Jack scoffs and rolls his eyes. “Give it a rest, Sofie.”
Sofie cuts a glare toward Jack. “No one asked you.”
“What are you even doing here, anyway? I thought you were living it up at UNF with all the other brainiacs.” He takes a heavy swig from his drink. “You wanted to go so bad, maybe you just should have stayed there.”
Sofie stands and swaggers to Jack’s side as he watches with hooded eyes. Olivia gasps beside me as Sofie upends her drink over Jack’s head.
“Thought you could use something to cool off your hot head,” Sofie quips.
Jack lunges to follow as Sofie prances away, but changes his mind, slumping back into his seat instead. “You gotta stop inviting that fucking girl,” he says.
“She’s my best friend, you asshole. The least you could do is keep from insulting her. This is the first time she’s been able to visit since she started grad school. You keep this shit up and I’ll never get to see her at all.”
Olivia tails after Sofie, leaving me, Jack and Logan staring sullenly at the fire. We’re a sad sight, that’s for sure. Women.
I smirk. “Don’t go there, Jack. Not a good idea.”
He scowls at hearing his own advice to me from a few moments ago, using the tail of his shirt to mop the beer dripping from his hair. “Fucking women. Not worth the fucking trouble.”
“That’s the damn truth,” Logan slurs. “Fucking women. You think you can trust them. Think they’re good, honest people. So you marry them. Put them up in a nice house, let them leech off of your benefits and fucking awesome medical insurance. Then, the next thing you know, you go overseas to defend your country and come home to find that they’ve maxed out your credit cards and have been letting a fucking Jodi sleep in your goddamn bed since the day you shipped out.” He gestures with his drink, beer sloshing over the lip.
Jack raises his bottle. “Here, here.”
“So glad you’re done with her,” I tell him. “You feel like shit now, but it’s a good thing.”
“Now you just need to get in the gym with me, let my dad’s guys shape you up,” Jack says. “They’ll have you so black and blue and exhausted that you’ll be like, Denise who?”
“Hell, yes,” Logan hollers.
“Maybe you should slow down a little, man.”
Logan answers with a burp and chugs the rest of his drink. I shake my head at him.
Jack turns his attention to me as Logan lumbers off to get another drink or take a piss off the dock. “Next time you’re home, you better come see us at the gym. Bust out some of your spec ops moves.”
I shrug. “I would hate to put all your boys to shame there, Jack.”
Jack arches an eyebrow in my direction. “You’re on. You and me, to the mat. Next time you have leave, if you don’t show up, we’ll know who the real badass is.”
“It’ll still be me, bitch, but I’ll take your cute little challenge.” I sip my beer. “How’s the small business life treating you, by the way?”
“Not bad, man, not bad. We’ve hit a rough patch since dad turned it over to me, but we’ll bounce back. Is your ole’ man still busting your ass about taking over the auto shop?”
“He brings it up at least twice every time we talk. I had to leave earlier because I didn’t want to get the third degree.”
“Are you gonna take him up on the offer?”
When I joined the Marines, I fully intended that it would be for life. But after eight years, a lot of things have changed. I’ve changed. I thought the degree in business was a smart move just in case. I never expected that I would actually be in the situation to use it.
“Don’t know. I’m due to reup after the next assignment, but I don’t know if that’s gonna happen. Don’t you dare say a word to him.”
Jack lifts his beer. “Sure, man. I hear you. When Dad had his stroke last year I knew it was time. I wasn’t ever going to be a lifer, though. Running the gym was always my endgame. You just have to figure out what your endgame is gonna be.” He glances at Sofie who is holding onto a laughing Olivia. “Then again, sometimes that endgame changes, so who the hell knows?”
Logan starts ambling up the dock, swaying considerably, so Jack abandons his beer and the seat to make sure our friend doesn’t drown his sorrows—and himself—in the lake.
“You’re being quiet.” Olivia snags Jack’s empty chair next to me. Her sweet vanilla scent carries on the soft breeze as she leans toward me, her dress dipping scandalously low in the front. I force myself to look her in the face when I respond.
“Got a lot on my mind,” I say, glancing back toward Jack to make sure he isn’t lurking nearby.
She nods, licking her lips. “Well, we’re gonna miss you around here.”
My gaze travels over her again. “I’m not here enough for you to miss me.”
“Then maybe we should remedy that.”
We share a heated look. “Not so sure that would be a good idea, Liv. Your boyfriend might not like you
spending time with someone else.”
Olivia quirks an eyebrow. “What boyfriend?”
“Hey, Ben,” Jack calls. “Need you to take the big guy home. I think he’s had enough.”
“I swear to God, I’d like to beat his ex-wife. Poor guy,” Sofie mutters as she joins us.
“I’ll go with.” Livvie stands and wipes her hands on her dress. “You’ve been drinking, and besides, weren’t we just saying that we haven’t had near enough time to catch up?”
“Hell,” I tell her, unable to stop myself, “we may need all night to do that.”
She smiles, and the wicked curve of her lips makes my mouth go dry. “I’ve always wanted to give your big truck a try. If you’ll let me drive, that is.”
Heat unfurls in my stomach, which has nothing to do with the beer. “You got it, Spitfire,” I say tossing my empty beer bottle in the trashcan.
She looks back over her shoulder. “Do you think it’s safe to leave the two of them here alone?”
I jerk my chin toward Jack and Sofie. “They’re big kids. They should be able to play nice.”
Besides, she should be more worried about herself.
I follow her back to the house, trying to look anywhere but the shapely lines of her hips and waist as she climbs the steps in front of me.
Livvie opens the sliding glass door and we step into the house. She closes it behind me, shutting out the laughter and conversation from those outside. My truck is parked next to the back porch. I toss her the keys, and she catches them with a wide grin. My heart damn near jumps out of my chest when she slithers into the driver’s seat. And not because I’m nervous about letting her behind the wheel of my baby.
I climb into the passenger’s seat reluctantly. Her face is entirely too eager, and she laughs at my expression when she cranks the engine.
“Oh, come on, Ben. I promise I’ll be gentle.” She winks.
My throat goes dry. “For some reason, I don’t quite believe you.”
She frowns at me. “What’s not to believe? I’m a good driver.”
“That’s just the problem,” I tell her. “It’s always the good ones you have to watch out for.”
Logan ambles his way to the truck and manages to haul his bulk into the back seat.
“You all right back there?”
A groan answers and I snicker when I see him sprawled out, his head leaned against the window.
She eases out of the driveway and carefully maneuvers around the other parked cars. “Who said I was good?”
I catch my bottom lip beneath my teeth in order to swallow the urge to test her rebellious nature. Her cheeks pink when she catches my intent stare. I gesture with my fingers. “My lips are sealed.”
I change the subject until we reach Logan’s house a ways across town—for her own sake, really. My restraint can only last so long.
Logan lives in a little apartment complex, a far cry from the two-story brick house he and his wife bought after they married. I wrestle him to the front door and take a risky dip inside his pants pocket for his house keys.
We manage to stumble into his living room and I shoulder him onto the couch, where he falls face-first into the cushions mumbling something about wanting Captain Crunch. I ignore him and stick to making sure he won’t suffocate and head out, locking the front door behind me.
I step outside to get a little air and hopefully a good dose of reality. I feel like I’m on a ledge and the only thing keeping me from falling over the edge is my own good sense—and I’m running terribly low on that.
Olivia eyes me from where she stands by the truck. She sends me a hesitant smile. “Do you mind if we go for a drive? Sofie just texted me. She’s going home. Jack’s probably grabbing a shower. I’m not ready to go home to an empty house and it’s my last Friday before school starts.”
From the sly look she gives me as she climbs back into the cab of the truck, I know she’s interested in more than just a drive.
I know I shouldn’t go there. Jack would have my ass, or other more sensitive parts of my anatomy, to say the least. Regardless, I find myself reaching for the door handle, my jeans now uncomfortably tight. A song comes on the radio, and from the corner of my eye, I can see her singing along with the music, though I can’t hear her over the rush of blood in my ears.
We reach a stoplight, just as the song ends. We both lock eyes and I watch her throat bob as she swallows. I don’t know if it’s the fact that I’m leaving soon, or just something that’s been building since the day we met, but when it comes to Olivia, my self-control has reached a breaking point.
I watch her shift in the seat, smooth thighs sliding on the summer-slick leather, and I wonder how different she’ll be when I get back. Will she still bite her lip when she gets nervous? Will she still look at me with that expectant gleam in her eye, like she’s waiting for me to make a move?
Or will she move on without me?
The thought makes my heart race and my blood heats.
Fuck it.
Ben
I reach an arm around her and press a kiss to her lips. I inhale her sound of surprise, holding it deep inside my chest, tucked under my goddamned heart where I keep all the memories of her that I know I’ll never be able to forget.
Absence may make the heart grow fonder, but it doesn’t make the leaving any easier.
“Ben?” her voice catches when I run the tip of my tongue over her collarbone. “W-what are you doing?”
“Pull over somewhere, Liv.”
“Are you sure?” She bites her lip and blinks at me.
I cup her cheek, turning her to face me. “I’m done playing fucking games. I want you,” I tell her and watch as she smiles, ducking her head. I rub a finger over her lower lip. “I want to kiss you without having to worry about someone walking in. I want to do a whole helluva lot more, but right now I can settle for at least that.”
She doesn’t answer, and for a moment I think she’s rejected me. The possibility leaves a bad taste in my mouth. She pulls away from me and straightens up in the seat, her hands coming up around the steering wheel. She drives a short distance, her eyes scanning the road, for what I don’t know. I’m just about to apologize when she pulls off the road into a break of trees. I watch as she puts the truck in park and takes a deep breath.
“Liv?”
“Do you know what it was like for me when I first moved in with the Walkers?” she asks out of nowhere.
I let out a slow breath. “Jack told me some,” I admit. When her head turns sharply, I hurry to add, “Not much. Just that you had a hard time adjusting.”
She nods. “I did. The foster home I was in was pretty bad. I—I had nightmares about it for a long time…”
I pull her close to me and tuck her head beneath my chin. “I’m sorry, Liv.”
“No, it’s okay. Anyway, my point is that when I finally stopped waiting for them to get tired of me, I met you. You swaggered, seriously, it was a swagger, into their living room and told Jack that I was hot.”
I bark out a laugh. “Uh…I did not.” I totally did.
She pulls back only to knock me in the shoulder. “Yeah, you did. I was thirteen. That’s not something impressionable young girls forget. I’m pretty sure you just said it to piss Jack off, but I think I fell a little bit in love with you all the same. When I met your parents, and saw that the whole idea of a normal family wasn’t a dream, I realized that maybe wishes did come true.”
I rubbed at the spot where she hit my shoulder absentmindedly. “Kinda makes me sound like a jerk. I don’t even remember saying that.”
“Well you were a bit of an ass at the time,” she laughs. “But I had the biggest crush on you for years.”
“Okay, I lied. I definitely remember saying that you were hot. And it wasn’t only because I wanted to piss off Jack, though that was a bonus. I was expecting a kid, you know? Lanky, braces, freckles…and I don’t know if anyone has told you, but you were—are—fucking gorgeous.”
She looks up at me, her face serious. At first I think she’s pissed off for pretty much hitting on her when she was thirteen. Granted the four year age difference doesn’t mean shit now, but I didn’t want to freak her out, either. Not when I was this close to finally getting my hands on her.
“Then why didn’t you say anything to me? Even after you kissed me at the fair.”
“And have your brother murder me? When you were sixteen, he used to threaten every guy that even thought of coming near you. Plus, I was leaving for boot camp. I didn’t want to lead you on.”
“What about now? You’re leaving now, aren’t you?” she asks, looking down at her hands.
I put a finger under her chin and lift her gaze back up to mine. “I’m not afraid of your brother, Liv. We’re all adults and I’m tired of seeing you and pretending that there isn’t anything between us.”
I use the hand on her chin to bring her lips to mine. I throw out an arm and in a moment, I have her in the passenger seat with me, her body just where I want it beneath mine. The scent of leather and earth mixes with her perfume. She drags a hand down my chest so slowly I ache with the need to have her touch me without any barrier.
“Livvie,” I murmur against the press of her lips. “Baby, are you sure?”
She nods and her eyes catch mine as she sucks my lower lip into her mouth and bites gently. Sliding her palm underneath my shirt, my entire body stills at the simple touch of her skin against mine. I press my forehead into the curve of her shoulder where the scent of her is especially strong. I taste it with my tongue, and little nibbles with my teeth, until both of her hands are grasping at the muscles on my back. Needy. Wanting me. Finally.
“The things I want to do to you,” I growl.
“Do them,” she whispers.
Her hips arch, pressing against my erection, and I can’t resist grinding forward just to watch the glow of pleasure ripple over her face. It goes slack, her mouth falls open and she moistens her lip with the dart of her pink tongue. She mewls in the back of her throat, and I seize the sound with my lips. The skin on her arms is hot to the touch, probably from too much sun, so instead of gripping her hard like I want to—like my body needs to—I force myself to be gentle and brush the backs of my knuckles down the outside of her arm.
First to Fight Box Set: Books 1-5 Page 17
