“Let me?” I echo. Apparently, I’m having a great deal of trouble with comprehension. Maybe that blow to the head did more damage than the doctors realized.
“Hold that thought,” Ben says as he bounds up the stairs with a fussy baby.
While he’s gone, I hobble into the living room and beeline straight for my couch. I’d requested my rattiest, comfiest yoga pants and my dad’s old USMC shirt for my ride home with the sole intent of making a nest on the couch and never leaving. It is safer here, I reason. No one had shot at me here. Yet. At the very least, the new security system I had installed will give me a warning.
Sure, someone had broken into the sanctity of my home, but I still wasn’t quite convinced that both incidents were related. It could just be the shittiest run of luck in this decade. Not that I wasn’t taking either threat seriously. The first chance I have, I’ll make it my personal mission to learn the ins and outs of the new security system. Again.
I also decide it’s time for me to take Jack’s offer to keep one of his guns on hand. My father had always been about gun safety, so when Jack and I were old enough we’d learned how to handle them properly. I have a healthy respect for weapons but up until now, I’d never seen the need to keep one in my own home.
The fact that I feel the need to arm myself frankly pisses me off. Even more so, the memory of Cole’s frightened screams motivates me like no other.
I ease myself down, careful of the wound in the fleshy part of my waist. There hadn’t been much internal damage, just an entrance and exit wound that hurt like a bitch. The bump on my head had gone down a great deal, thankfully. The skin there had already patched together for the most part, and I’m able to cover the unsightly bald spot with the rest of my hair. The gunshot wound to my shoulder was the worst, and the sling I had to wear was decidedly uncomfortable. I would be in for a few months of physical therapy to regain full movement in my arm.
Despite all of this, every time I look at Cole, I’m grateful it hadn’t been worse.
Ben returns with a handful of stuff, which he sets on the side table. He had barely said two words to me while I was recovering unless it was related to my care or to Cole. He only left my side to fetch me contraband food or sneak in the baby. He was worse than Jack and Sofie put together, and that’s saying something.
“The ride must have put him to sleep. There was no waking him,” Ben says offhandedly.
I’m unsure how to respond. This new Ben is completely foreign to me, even more so than usual. The elephant in the room has made any interaction with him decidedly uncomfortable.
“I doubt that’ll last long.”
Ben makes a noncommittal sound as he opens a pack of gauze.
I eye it suspiciously. “What are you doing?”
“You need to change that dressing. Lie on your side for me and take off your shirt.”
Once upon a time, he said similar things to me. Soft whispers in my ear about how he wanted me to act for him. How much he liked the way I undressed for him. Things that not only lit my body on fire, but made his eyes go dark with need. Unfortunately, this is neither the time nor the place and those moments have long since passed, no matter how much my body protests to the contrary.
“I can do it, Ben. You don’t need to stay. Really.”
He doesn’t respond, merely presses against my uninjured shoulder, so I ease down on the couch. He pulls my shirt up for me, careful not to touch the bandage.
I bite my lip and keep my eyes averted as he removes the old dressing. I’d made the mistake of looking while one of the nurses changed it before and, truth be told, I could do without seeing it again. I don’t know how I’m going to manage when Ben leaves, but I’ll figure something out. If the last year had taught me anything, it’s that I’m stronger than I think.
He applies cream to the wound with the gentlest hands, and I use the distraction to study him. When he showed up at the party, I hadn’t known what to expect. How could I? I still don’t know what I’m going to do about him. After Dad died, I had hoped to keep things in their assigned boxes.
His brow furrows as he concentrates on applying the new bandage. His blonde hair has gotten longer at the top, but he still keeps it sheared short on the sides. To make matters worse, he’d grown out his beard. His strong jaw wears it well. And, from the kiss the other night, his beard is surprisingly soft. So much so that I had to resist the urge to cup his face in my hands and feel just how soft.
Ben pulls my shirt back down and stands. I cough to dispel the sudden tension that clogs the room and makes my skin run hot. He leaves the living room with my old dressing. Feeling vulnerable and oddly morose, I bundle up in an afghan and curl into a ball on my uninjured side.
I’m deep in thought when Ben comes back. He snags the remote from the TV stand and comes to the sofa. Lifting my torso, he slides in between me and the couch then rests my head on his lap.
“What do you wanna watch?”
“Erm, I thought we’d had the conversation about you not having to stay. Besides, I thought you were pissed at me. You have every right to be.”
“We didn’t have any conversation because you don’t have any say-so in the matter. And yes, I am pissed. For the time being, I’m going to be here until I’m certain that you and my son are safe. That’s the least you could do considering what you’ve put me through.”
I feel the blood drain from my face. I try to sit up so I can express my objection, but his insistent hands keep me pinned to the couch. “Ben, I’m so grateful to you for stepping up with Cole, really. I’m really happy that you want to be in his life. But like I told you before all of this happened, I don’t think we should—”
“This has nothing to do with our relationship,” he interjects. “It has to do with the fact that you were attacked twice and almost killed. If you think I’m going to leave you alone after that, you’re fucking crazy. Until this person is incapacitated, dead, or rotting behind bars, I’m going to be here. No one, no one, fucks with my family, and whether we are in a relationship or not, you’re blood to me. You’re my family now, and I will do everything in my power to keep you and my son safe. For the foreseeable future, that includes my staying here.”
“But—”
“No,” he says firmly. “This is nonnegotiable, Livvie. You do not realize how close I came to losing both of you. How lucky you are that the bullets only did minimal damage and the police came in time. I don’t talk about it much, but I’ve seen people not be so lucky and…” he pauses, clears his throat. “Sorry… but I won’t risk that with you. Or with Cole.”
Ben
Olivia sputters, but I put a hand over her mouth. “There’s really no use in arguing, baby. I’m not going anywhere.”
Her face is abnormally gray and there are shadows underneath her eyes. My fingers twitch at the sight, though hell if I know what I can do to make it better. What I do know is that I won’t be leaving her side, no matter how much she bitches about it.
She relaxes against my thigh and pulls my hand away. “I’m too tired to argue with you right now.”
“Probably smart, because you won’t win.”
“Says the man picking on a woman when she’s down,” she retorts, curling into my legs. Every possessive male part of me wants to keep her there, where I know she’s safe.
“Relax. I’ll listen out for the little guy. You need a nap.”
She shakes her head against me. “No, I can’t. He needs a careful eye after surgery, especially cause of the past couple of days.”
“I’m here, I’m going to be here. We both might as well get used to it.”
Her lids flutter against her cheeks. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay with him?”
“I’ll be fine, Liv. I was only seventeen when the twins were born. I can diaper like a pro.”
“He’s not a normal baby, you have to be careful with him,” she says in between yawns.
“He’s a Hart, isn’t he? I’m sure he’s tougher than
you think.”
“If he seems like he’s having trouble breathing or he—”
“Livvie, I’m trained in combat medicine. I can handle whatever happens. Now turn off that brain of yours and go to sleep so you can argue with me later.”
She mumbles something in response and drifts off a few minutes later.
When she’s nothing more than dead weight on top of me, I carefully shift out from underneath her and cover her with a blanket. I put the T.V. on a station that’s guaranteed not to have any coverage about the shooting and make sure the volume is on low. I check on Cole and note he’s still asleep. Even though I’ve got shit to do, I can’t help but stare at him for a while as he sleeps.
My phone buzzes in my pocket and I step out of the room so I don’t wake up the kid. I note Logan’s name with a tense sort of anticipation. I almost hope he has a name for me. A thick, black rage has been building underneath my skin since I saw Olivia on the news. I just need one reason to let it loose.
“Better have news for me,” I answer. Livvie’s dog is whining at the back door when I make it back downstairs so I let him out.
“Depends on what you consider news.”
“Don’t fuck with me, man.”
“What do you know about Olivia’s boyfriend Chad?”
I think back to my limited set of interactions with the guy. “Seemed kind of pissed when he found me with my hands all over his date. Why?”
“A couple of people mentioned that he was spewing shit about Olivia this weekend. He has a vehicle that matches the description of the one at the scene. Just wanted to give you a heads up that we’ll be bringing him in for questioning as a precaution.”
“Appreciate it. He didn’t strike me as the type for retaliation and I’d be shocked if he could tell one end of a gun from the other. I don’t think he’s your guy.”
“I’ll keep an eye out and let you know if anything comes from the interview.”
“Thanks, man. You ever come up with anything from the break-in?”
“Went cold, not much to go on. Couple people saw a male, average height, average build in the neighborhood, but no one could I.D. the guy. We’ve got a couple prints, but nothing that matches anything in our database. You double check her security? The locks?”
“Yes, Dad. I’m staying for a while until this cools down. Make sure they’re safe.”
Logan lets out a low whistle. “I bet she loved that.”
I chuckle, my eyes automatically going back to her slumbering form on the couch. “Nah, not too much.”
“She ever hear anything about her family?”
“What do you mean?”
“She asked me a while back to look into her parents. Probably forgot with all that’s been going on. Lemme know if she needs anything, okay?”
“Will do. Thanks for checking in. Let me know if that Chad guy has anything.”
“Right. Later.”
I spend the next half hour messing with her security system and checking on all the entrances and exits. I spot the grooves in the window where the bastard must have broken in as I’m looking around. I can’t tell if the resulting burn in my stomach is anger or shame. I can’t help but feel like I should have been here. Strike one. I shouldn’t have turned her away after I got out of the Marines. Strike two. Hell if I’m going to let there be a strike three.
The monitor squawks so I jog upstairs feeling like I’m all thumbs. I hadn’t been lying when I said I was used to kids. The twins practically made me their bitch when they were born, but this kid is different. This kid is mine.
Fuck if that isn’t equal parts amazing and terrifying.
He stares up at me and reaches out his hands. I lift him up and cradle him awkwardly in my arms. The smell coming from his little butt ranks up there with the smell of uniforms and gear after a long stint in the field. I take him to the table in the corner and try to remember how the hell you change a diaper. If I could direct million-dollar aircraft, I can handle this.
His tiny pants tangle around his legs and it takes a good five minutes just to convince him that I’m not playing some sort of tug-of-war with him. By the time I actually get them off he’s smiling at me, which I’ll take as a success.
“You’re making this difficult, you know. We could have been done by now. I bet you don’t pull this kind of nonsense with your mom.”
He answers by blowing spit bubbles.
“I see you’ve got her attitude. Which is a hell of a good thing. Just don’t tell her I said so.”
Butt clean and redressed, I lift Cole up and turn to find Olivia watching us.
She clears her throat. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to spy on you guys. I called for you, but you must not have heard me.”
I ignore that, not wanting to get into it. “You okay?”
“I’m fine. I told you I would be.” She holds out her hands for the kid, but I angle him backwards.
“Doctor’s orders. You need to be resting. No heavy lifting or strenuous activity,” I tell her.
“Ben, c’mon. He’s not that heavy. I would hardly characterize that as heavy lifting.”
I frown at Cole. “I think we should be insulted.” The kid actually mimics my frown and surprises a laugh out of me. “See?” I tell her.
“Ganging up on me already, I see.”
She tries to hide it, but I can see the beads of sweat on her hairline and the pallor of her skin. I’ve known men twice her size that bitch about wounds a lot less severe. “Get used to it later. Right now you need to get your ass back down on the couch. I’ll order something for dinner.”
“You’re still not staying here, Ben.”
Cole laughs at her and I can’t help my smile. I haven’t felt this good in a long time. “We’ll talk about it later.”
“Let me get those for you,” I say, taking the empty paper plates from Olivia as she tries to get up from the couch. Cole holds out his arms to me from his spot on the floor. I manage to balance him and the plates. Out of the two of them, she’d given me more trouble than the kid.
I’d managed to keep her corralled through the afternoon with minimal fuss. The color had finally returned to her cheeks and she’d regained her spunk around the time I forced her to watch all four Lethal Weapon movies in a row.
“Please tell me there isn’t another one. Seriously. I’d rather eat another runny hospital breakfast.” She sits up on the couch and brushes the hair that’s escaped the ponytail away from her face. Even in sweatpants and an old T-shirt, I still want her. In another time, in another place, I could have had her. I look away until the feeling passes. When I’m reasonably sure I can control myself from slipping behind her on the couch, I turn back.
Her face is tight with concern and I can tell by the way her eyes flick to my ear that she’s studying my hearing aide. I sit back down on the chair and bounce Cole on my knee to keep my hands busy. Might as well go ahead and get it over with, much as I don’t like talking about it she was bound to ask sooner or later.
“I’m sorry,” she says, “I didn’t mean to stare. I’d heard around that you’d been hurt.”
“You don’t have to apologize.”
“No, I do. People used to see Cole sometimes, even people we knew, and would stare. You can’t even tell anything is different about him. Not really. But most everyone around here knows me. They can’t help it, really, but I get it. I get it and I should know better.”
“You get used to it.”
“I want to ask what happened, but I don’t want to pry.”
I swallow thickly. “Can’t we go back to the surprise baby news? That was a much more interesting conversation.” The pity in her eyes doesn’t help. “Don’t look at me like that. It’s over. I’ll never be able to hear out of my right ear, but the gadget helps. I’m alive.”
Realization dawns on her face. “I’ll try to be more aware when I talk.”
“Don’t. You don’t have to treat me any differently.”
“Is that why you got
out?”
The credits from the last movie come to a stop and the DVD resets to the menu screen, but neither of us move to change it. The soundtrack fills the dim room with background noise and lulls the little guy into a stupor against my chest.
“I couldn’t stay in, not with my injuries.”
“Injuries?”
I tap my head with a finger. “TBI. Traumatic brain injury. But let’s not talk about me. What about this guy?”
She smiles at him, her love for him brightens everything about her. Not something I ever thought I’d find attractive about a woman, but on her it’s beautiful. “It’s been rough, I’m not going to lie. But I didn’t do it alone. Jack and Sofie were there for me every step of the way.”
“I’m glad. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you. I never really planned on having kids, but I want you to know that I’ll do right by the both of you.”
“I don’t expect you to do anything other than get to know him. I would love for you to be a part of his life. But…” she trails off, her fingers picking at the blanket covering her legs.
“But, what?”
“I only want you to do that if you plan on being there, for everything. For always. I don’t want him to lose as many people as I have. If I can protect him from even the smallest part of that pain, I will. I just don’t want him to get hurt.”
She doesn’t say it, she doesn’t really have to, but I can tell a part of her pain was caused by me.
“I promise you this, Liv. I will always be there for him. That’s one thing that you won’t ever have to worry about again.”
“Thank you,” she says, her voice thick with emotion. “And I know I said it before but I’m sorry for not trying harder to tell you. For being a coward, basically. There was so much going on after my dad’s heart attack, then dealing with Cole’s surgeries. To say I was overwhelmed is an understatement. That doesn’t excuse it, but that’s all I’ve got.”
“Like I said, you don’t have to apologize. How about we consider this a clean start? And don’t consider this as anything other than a self-serving offer. I was a jerk to you.”
First to Fight Box Set: Books 1-5 Page 28
