by Tami Dane
Mom flushed. “No, actually, I didn’t. But thank you.” She glanced at me. “Ready?”
“Sure.”
Allegra Love said, “We didn’t have a rehearsal. There was no time. But your future husband assured me you would know what to do.”
Mom fussed with her dress. “Yes, we’ve been through this once before.”
“Very good. Then I’ll head out.” After a quick mirror check, Allegra Love swooped out like a Broadway starlet preparing to take her place on the stage.
“That is one bizarre woman,” I said, watching her grand exit. “Where did you find her?”
“Your father. Don’t ask. I have no idea.” Mom took another deep breath and gave me a slightly strained look as she brushed past me, heading for the exit.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, grabbing her arm to stop her.
“Nothing.”
“Mom, are you sure you want to go through with this wedding?”
“Yes, I’m sure.” She glanced down at my hand.
I let go of her arm. “You don’t have to get married today. I mean, I know I sort of forced you to meet with Dad because ... well, I felt you loved him. And that whole Frankie Goes to Hollywood thing was super romantic. But I don’t want you to feel pressured to go this far so soon. Maybe you two should take some time to—”
Her gaze jerked to the floor. “I don’t feel pressured. Not at all.” Mom lifted her chin and took another step toward the door.
Liar.
I intentionally put my body between my mother and the exit. “We can leave right now. I promise I won’t complain about your wandering around in the middle of the night, chasing away shape-shifting vampire birds. Or testing your inventions and short-circuiting my apartment building—”
“No. I should be with the father of my child. I don’t want your little brother or sister to grow up ...” Her words trailed off.
“Like I did?” I finished for her. “Without a father?”
Mom gave me a sad nod.
“I had a great upbringing. A wonderful childhood.”
Mom’s eyes started leaking again. Of course, mine did too. We hugged. She sniffled and snuffled. Someone knocked on the door.
“Yes?” I poked my head out.
“They’re waiting for you.” Katie shoved two bouquets of flowers into my hands. “The white one’s for your mother.”
“Thanks.” I handed Mom her flowers and out we went. Through the clubhouse and out into a pretty courtyard that had, by some miracle, been turned into the prettiest setting for a wedding that I’d ever seen.
I walked down the aisle while a small string quartet played Pachelbel’s Canon in D Major. My father gave me a happy grin at the front. The music changed as I curved to the left to take my place. I turned and watched my mother walk down the aisle, and I couldn’t help but marvel at how beautiful she looked, and how happy. I saw her gaze lock on my father. They exchanged a look of utter love.
Would I ever know what it was like to be that much in love? So much in love that everyone could see the sparkle in my eyes?
So much in love that some man would be willing to give up what meant the most to him to be with me?
It seemed impossible. Or, at least, improbable.
Certainly, I didn’t have anything that special with JT. Nor did I have it with Gabe.
Would there be that once-in-a-lifetime love for me?
This whole wedding thing was turning me into a girly, mushy romantic. That was so not me.
As the sun hung low over the western horizon, the sky stained pink and blue, I watched my parents say their vows, exchange rings, and, eventually, kiss. The guests, including the woman I surmised was Her Majesty, all applauded politely. And as the new Mr. and Mrs. James Irvine pranced back down the makeshift aisle, the guests tossed white daisy petals into the air.
I gotta say, it was quite an event. Especially considering the fact that we hadn’t had time to make any of the arrangements. My father had handled every detail. I never would have thought any man capable of planning such a pretty, elegant event. I was impressed.
“Hopefully, that’ll be me very soon,” Elmer said as he poofed in front of me. He moved to the side, so I could continue to watch the crowd slowly file toward the building, where a reception dinner was being set up.
“Yes, hopefully soon,” I echoed.
“Who is this?” Allegra Love said, eyeballing Elmer and me.
“A friend,” I told her. To Elmer, I said, “This is Allegra Love. She has a very unique way of determining which couples should be married.”
She was staring at us. I’d seen her look at me like that before. “Remarkable.”
I didn’t like the sound of that. In the interest of avoiding a calamity, I tried to steer Elmer away from her.
“Are you hungry?” I asked him.
“Your energies resonate so beautifully!” Allegra Love shouted.
“What’s that mean?” Elmer asked, looking at me for an explanation.
“I told you, she has a very unique way of determining which couples are compatible. Resonating energies are bad. Very bad.” I gave him a nudge forward.
“No, it’s quite the opposite!” Allegra Love corrected from a widening distance.
Elmer stopped dead in his tracks, turned, and then asked Allegra Love, “You mean we’re compatible?” Elmer motioned between us. “Sloan and me?”
“Very compatible. Perfectly compatible.”
“Perfectly?” he echoed.
I groaned. “She said the same thing about me and JT.”
She seemed to float toward us. “It’s very unusual for one person’s energy to match more than one other person’s.”
“Yeah, it seems mine matches every man I know,” I told Elmer.
Elmer gave me a second look. “Why’s that?”
I gave him a confused shrug.
Allegra Love motioned to me. “Sloan does seem to be unique.”
“Too bad none of them are perfect for me,” I mumbled.
“What was that?” Elmer asked.
“Nothing. This is all nonsense. We both know we’re not compatible.” I gave Allegra Love a warning glare and escorted Elmer to the clubhouse. “Let’s go inside. I’m willing to bet there are some single elf bachelorettes in there, just waiting to meet you.”
Katie waved me down when we stepped into the ballroom. She had a drink in her hand and a great big smile on her face ... until she saw who was standing next to me.
“Look who popped in for some cake,” I told her, motioning to Elmer.
“You know me, never one to turn down free food I can’t eat,” he said. “Sloan and I need to have a little chat. About a certain favor ...”
“Elmer.” Katie gave him the kind of empty smile someone does when she’s trying her damnedest to be nice but failing. “Good to see you again.”
“Thanks. What’re you drinking?” His little squinty eyes settled on her glass.
“Champagne. You can get some over there.” Katie pointed at the bar set up along the far wall.
“Great. I don’t care for champagne.” Elmer rubbed his hands together. “But I’d be happy to get you some, Sloan. What about it?”
“No thanks—I mean, sure, I’ll take some champagne, thanks.”
The minute Elmer was out of earshot, Katie said, “What is he doing here?”
“Being a pest, like usual.”
“Why don’t you tell him to go away, then?” Katie motioned to a pack of handsome, available-looking young men huddled on the opposite side of the room. “Check that out. Men. Single. There’s not an ugly one in the bunch. But you’re not going to get anywhere with any of them with Elmer here. They’re going to think he’s your date.”
Doing my best not to be too conspicuous, I gave the man pack a second glance. Katie was right. Those were some promising-looking men. Especially the one on the end, in the corner, reading a book. The fact that he was reading at a wedding reception made the geek in me swoon. “I need to d
itch the Sluagh.”
“Bribery usually works,” Katie suggested.
“See, that’s the problem. I already owe him for one favor.” While trying to think up a proper bribe for a desperate Sluagh, I took a roundabout way to the bar to find him, figuring I’d avoid being seen with him any more than possible.
I located him standing next to the bar, chatting with my mother.
Mom beamed. “Sloan, there you are. Wasn’t the wedding lovely?”
“It was. But I should get going. We’re still working the case—”
“Sloan, there’s someone I’d like you to meet.” My father stepped up from behind me and took my arm. “Your Royal Highness, Elmer, come with us.”
Elmer said, “I’d be happy to.”
My dad, Elmer, and I headed toward a table where the woman I had assumed was Her Majesty, the queen of the elves, was seated. She looked upon me with assessing eyes.
My father pulled me forward, stopping roughly five feet in front of the queen. He tipped his head in reverence. I didn’t. “Your Majesty, I’d like to present my daughter, Sloan.”
Her Majesty offered me her hand.
I’ve never met royalty. That is, outside of Elmer. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do. Was I supposed to shake her hand? Kiss it? Genuflect?
Playing it safe, I did all three. Kind of. I did a little curtsey, bent my head over her hand, and gave it a tiny shake.
“Your Majesty.” I took a half step backward.
“She’s lovely,” Her Majesty said.
“I assume you know who this is?” My father motioned to Elmer.
The queen looked like she’d seen the Second Coming of Christ or something equally magnificent. “Yes, of course.” She offered Elmer her hand.
Elmer dipped into a low bow, showing a side of himself I’d never seen. He moved with regal grace. It was a total shocker. “It’s good to see you again, Your Majesty.”
“My daughter has decided not to wed His Royal Highness,” my father informed her.
This surprised me. Why would the elf queen care?
“Really?” Her Majesty’s eyes narrowed. “I’m very sorry to hear that.” She stared at me. “Very ... surprised.”
And clearly unhappy.
“His Majesty deserves much better than me,” I reasoned. “After all, I’m not even full-blood elf.”
The queen considered my response for at least an hour, or so it seemed. “She makes a good point.” She motioned to the man pack, the one Katie had been eyeballing. “Perhaps she would like to meet my sons?”
“I would be happy to introduce her,” my father said.
“Very good.” With a nod, the queen of the elves dismissed us, calling Elmer to come sit by her side to have a talk.
Dad ushered me toward the center of the room.
“I can handle the introductions on my own,” I told him, once we’d moved out of earshot of the queen. “No need to take you away from Mom.”
“Very good. If you need anything, let me know.”
“Will do.”
I went in search of Katie, finding her in the bathroom, doing a makeup check. Our gazes met in the mirror. “Guess what? The men you were checking out are the sons of a queen. Real-life princes.”
“Like ... Elmer?”
“No, more like Prince Wills. But not exactly. Elmer’s undead. These princes are elves.”
“No way.”
“Yes way.”
“Are you kidding?” She gave me a goggle-eyed look of surprise. “Elf princes?”
“Not kidding.”
“All of them?”
“That, I don’t know.”
“Oh, my God, I’m so glad you’re my best friend.” She gave me a bouncy hug. “But wait a minute. Weren’t you leaving early?” She released me to turn back toward the mirror. “You wanted to get back to your case.”
“Yeah.”
“Are you sure you have to leave?” she asked as she brushed more bronzer on her cleavage. “I mean, you’re just an intern. You’re not an agent yet. And this is summer vacation. And it’s your parents’ wedding. Your parents. And—and they’re freaking princes. Why would anyone hold it against you?”
“I know. But ...” I tried to remind myself why I had to leave the wedding early. JT was watching Hough. He didn’t need my help. I wasn’t working undercover anymore. Onora Dale knew I wasn’t pregnant. I’d already profiled the killer. McGrane had men watching Lucas Dale and their house in Ocean City. What was there for me to do? I motioned to the brush in her hand. “The queen herself suggested I introduce myself. Who am I to ignore a royal command, right?”
“Yes!” Katie gave a fist pump. “It’s been ages since we’ve been out together. Tonight’ll be like old times.”
Actually, I hoped it wouldn’t be. Because back then, Katie had men dropping at her heels. I stood in her shadow and watched. “Can I borrow some of that bronzer? Maybe I’ll finally meet a man who isn’t an ex-boyfriend, a coworker, or the walking dead.”
“Here you go.” Katie whisked a little more tinted powder on herself, then handed the brush to me. Next she dug out some pink lip gloss. “I can’t believe this. Did you know there would be princes here?”
“Didn’t have a clue.” I scrutinized my reflection in the mirror and frowned. “If I had, I would’ve taken more time getting ready. I would have at least done something better with my hair. And my makeup is a nightmare.”
“You look great.” Katie painted some gloss on my lips. “There, now you look a little sexy.”
I checked my reflection.
She lied. But whatever.
Maybe, with any luck, the geek reading the book in the corner was a prince. And maybe he’d like average girls like me.
And maybe our energies would resonate.
I pulled the bodice of my dress down a little, exposing as much cleavage as I could, brushed some fake tan onto the enhanced swell of my breasts (I am now a big fan of Victoria’s Secret) and handed the brush back to Katie. “Let’s go.”
Katie led the battle charge. “Watch out, Princes, here we come.”
When it comes to the future, there are three kinds of people: those who let it happen, those who make it happen, and those who wonder what happened.
—John M. Richardson, Jr.
26
An hour later, I was feeling a little like Goldilocks. As odd and inappropriate as it sounded, meeting the queen’s sons was a little like tasting porridge. The oldest son in attendance had been my first choice. He was the one who’d been reading the book. Surely, I’d told myself, that meant he was intelligent.
Surely, I’d also told myself, that meant he would be capable of interesting, thought-provoking, stimulating conversation.
Lukewarm and bland as hell. That’s what that porridge tasted like.
After being bored to tears by a never-ending analysis of last night’s dream (and OMG, was it bizarre!), I excused myself to go to the bathroom, fluffed my hair, gave myself a pep talk, and sent myself back out there to sample the next porridge.
When I returned to the ballroom, I discovered Katie had abandoned her first choice as well, in favor of another prince—all I can say is thank God the queen’s a very fertile woman. There were still plenty more for us to choose from, and it seemed we were two of an extremely small number of single women at the wedding.
While my mother and father danced the Macarena—a horrific sight to which no child should be exposed—I introduced myself to Bachelor Number Two.
“Nice to meet you,” he said, giving me a sparkly-eyed smile. It was a good start. “I’m Taggart.”
“Sloan, daughter of the bride and groom.”
“So I’ve been told.” Prince Taggart flicked his eyes around the room. “Are you here alone?”
“Yes.”
Those eyes returned to me, settled on my boobs. “Care to go somewhere quiet?” he asked them. “Somewhere where we could get to know each other more ... intimately?”
Holy shit
, this man didn’t play around. Or was he joking? I laughed, giving him the benefit of the doubt.
He looked confused. His gaze wandered up to my face. “So, is that a no?”
“That would be correct. Thanks, anyway.”
His jaw dropped. Poor prince. Didn’t know how to handle rejection, it would seem.
Time to move on.
Prince Number Three was standing at the bar, looking lonely. At least, that was what I told myself. I decided he needed some company.
“Let me guess, you hate weddings?” I said by way of a greeting.
“Detest them.” Prince Number Three flagged the bartender.
“Not a fan myself.” I offered my hand. “Sloan Skye.”
“Damen.” His handshake was firm. His gaze was friendly, with the slightest hint of a smile pulling at his lips. He didn’t leer at my boobs. “I’ve known your father for years. I have a great deal of respect for him.”
At this point, I didn’t know if I could say the same. Especially in light of his most recent activities ... despite helping me out with Elmer.
“That’s very nice,” I answered. To the bartender, who was now patiently waiting for me to give my order, I said, “I’ll take a diet cola. Thanks.”
“Your father saved my life,” Prince Damen said after taking a drink from the glass sitting in front of him on the bar. Swiveling, he turned to face me.
“Saved your life?”
The bartender set my cola on a paper napkin in front of me. I grabbed it and sipped. Lukewarm. Blech!
Prince Damen studied me for a long moment, as if he was reading my body language, or my mind. “What do you know about your father?”
Some other wedding attendees stepped up to place orders. Damen reached a hand to my waist, coaxing me to move aside, out of the way. As it happened, we were now standing in a semidark corner of the room. Fairly isolated. It was sort of cozy. Intimate.
