“He said cupcakes don’t exist.” Vlad curled one hand. A ball of fire appeared, and he hurled it off the cliff. An interesting light show appeared on the other side, but it seemed restricted by the same dome of energy that held in the fog.
Requiem looked up with a worried expression.
“No, I got them going during my time as William Carver,” I said.
“Did you? I must have been busy doing someone interesting.” Mezo yawned and stretched both hands into the air.
“Tramp,” Jean said. She rolled her rs and slurred her ps. It was weird to hear any accent in this game. Most players used standard English.
“We get it, Jean, you’re jealous.” Mezo curled to one side playfully. The Temptress reached for my arm, but I dodged away.
Their conversation was starting to get on my nerves. Changing locations put me next to Irene. She was standing there looking at a clipboard full of scribbles. As my footsteps and the tapping of Carver’s cane grew closer, she looked up. I curled my lips inward to frown while looking at the image of Requiem Mass.
“Your readings are interesting.” Irene startled me with her sudden words.
I glanced over. She was looking into the space near my head. It was strange to be looked at so intently.
These Voices were hanging around longer than usual. Normally they popped in and out of existence. This must be an important event. Or they were getting overly comfortable with me. It was hard to draw the line between these AIs and normal people. Maybe after my next log-out, I should go find real people to hang out with. That might help me keep my mind from merging reality and virtual. Hopefully it would be someone who wasn’t tied to me from work.
“He made… something like a cupcake. We can pull it over as part of the summon materials. Your call,” Vlad finished. His accent made all the a sounds longer and was heavy on the ds and ws. I wasn’t sure what to think of the strange combination. Plus, there was the fact that his ears were slightly pointy on the bottom.
“Dusk?” I asked.
The [Messenger’s Pet] fluttered his wings and ran excitedly in a circle. There was also a thought bubble above his head that depicted a cartoon version of himself drooling.
“Sure then,” I said.
“One cupcake, coming up. Then it will be your turn.” Vlad waved at the fog and an object came flying out of the hole slowly in my direction.
“Are we doing a doorway again?” I asked Vlad.
James sat there making noises to himself. His eyes seemed to flash with muted anger when I directed my attention elsewhere.
“Not exactly,” Vlad said.
He smiled, and I saw all the muscles on his arm ripple again. My head shook slowly. I had thought Leeroy was over the top. This guy was another level entirely.
“James, I’ll try to send you messages more often. I don’t know how it will work with this quest.” I waved at the fog. There were a lot of details to get, and I didn’t think I had much time.
Vlad was entering the final phase of his negotiations. The Voice had a really loud voice.
James looked a bit happier and nodded in my direction. “We’ll figure something out, Hermes. Have no fear.”
I smiled weakly. This was all for Xin. She was the source of everything for me. For over a decade, we had been friends. For years, we had been more than that, at least when she wasn’t up in space doing training missions or testing.
There were too many things to figure out.
“Here. One cupcake.” Vlad turned and walked back from his ledge and fog. In his hand was the worst cupcake I had ever seen. Even Dusk was taken back.
“I don’t know, little guy,” I said. “It might be a while before we get to a town to buy more.”
Dusk managed to turn up his face. His neck twisted as he contemplated the dessert from a ninety-degree angle.
“Be quick. There are things to do.” Vlad shook the small baked good.
Dusk eyed Vlad then ran down my arm to grab the cupcake. Soon he was back up on my shoulder, sniffing and nibbling burnt edges.
“Did he even put frosting on there?” I asked Dusk. The small [Messenger’s Pet] shook his head. “Jerk. Don’t worry, Dusk, I’ll get him for you.”
The [Messenger’s Pet] kept chewing. He didn’t appear upset so much as disappointed. Dusk was used to eating [Coo-Coo Rill]s raw and fish creatures, so the flavor might not mean much.
“All right. Deal’s set. I’ve agreed to lend him one familiar. That’s you, Hermes.” He threw his hands in the air. “And in exchange, we get an excuse to weaken the walls for more demons!”
“Even if I”—I swallowed slowly and chose careful words—“complete this quest?”
“Even if. Who’s the man? This guy.” Vlad grunted and used his thumb to point toward his chest. Then he flexed everything a few times.
Jean was outright smiling.
I shook my head. What an odd bargain. “Is this portal for you?”
“Nope. Demons. It’ll allow us to start another plague for the world if we need one. Nothing beats a demon invasion.” Vlad smiled. His teeth were disturbingly white compared to his reddened skin.
“That seems harsh,” I said.
A plague of demons did not sound useful to my enjoyment of the world. But this was a game world, and the Voices were tasked with running it. They must have a strange view on things to set up situations like a demon portal invasion.
“Your concern is touching, Hermes, but everything will work out in the end,” James said. He stepped forward.
“It is time,” Irene said. She was still following that space that was almost next to me.
“What about those demons?” I asked.
Vlad had lifted one giant arm and dragged me to the cliff’s edge. I stumbled backward and tried to ask my question of James. He would at least provide me some details.
“You’ll see,” Vlad said.
My foot slipped off the edge and I windmilled forward in a panic. My eyes cast backward as I yelled. The black ledge fell away into fog and nothingness. Where I stood before had been a slightly more relaxing perspective. Now I was hanging on.
“Sorry, Hermes.” Vlad didn’t sound sorry. He sounded amused. His shoulder muscles rippled as one giant arm lifted me.
“No, not again.” I flailed my arms. This time it wasn’t Shazam sending me off into the distance. It was a giant burly man who wiggled his pectorals in my face.
“It’s a natural consequence of gravity. What goes up, must come down!” Vlad put another hand in a very tender spot and hefted me over his head.
I gasped and flailed every limb in panic. Hitting him back after getting this quest seemed like a bad idea as he was easily twice my size and a wall of muscle.
“Just throw him in so we can go back to my place.” Jean had one hand on Vlad’s flexing muscles.
“You got it, sweetie!” he said, voice booming. “Hermes, say hi to the twerp!”
Vlad then threw me off the virtual cliff and into the swirl of crimson. I twisted and tried to reach toward the ledge above. James and the female Voice stood near the cliff’s edge. Vlad towered over both of them and was waving good-bye. His free hand covered a clear smile.
I had enough time, as the game interface flooded me with fog, to see Jean shrug and say, “What, he agreed, didn’t he?”
Warning!
Consciousness Relocation in progress.
This was just a game. The words flashed through my mind again as everything around me started warping.
My hearing was the next thing to be assaulted. Howling wind whipped by in waves. My eyesight had been reduced to little slits that could only see a swirl of colors coming at me. Everything was spinning as it rushed in my direction. Only I wasn’t going toward it on my own. I was being pulled as if a rope around my waist was dragging me across a huge distance.
Everything snapped into place like a rubber band. I huffed and tried to calm down.
Landing hadn’t hurt my legs at all. No, instead I felt as tho
ugh my vision and hearing was being run through a blender. I would have retched, but couldn’t focus enough to feel sick. The vitals from my EXR-Sevens were flaring up uncontrollably as this wild ride continued. My stomach contents threatened to crawl up and out.
There was still far too much fog. I waved one hand around and took note of something tiny in my grip. It looked like the same smooth black of [Morrigu’s Gift], but the shape was all wrong. My vision cleared up enough to reveal a pitchfork.
“What?” I exclaimed. My voice was super high-pitched and almost chattered. I spoke at the same time as another voice outside the fog. “What’s this?”
System Notice!
Glitch-reporting process has been completed. Error, primary avatar not found. Bonuses unable to be applied at this time. Please log out and back in.
Oh. Right. I was going to be a familiar or a summoned creature of some sort. What exactly had they subjected me to? I spun around and tried to look behind me. There was a tail. I had a tail! How neat! My arms were really short though. That was extremely weird. The limb felt like my arm, it bent like my arm, but it was chubby like a baby’s.
My legs were even worse. They kind of hung beneath me. I tried to kick one. It responded but felt lethargic. Almost like trying to make a fist upon first waking up. Nothing clenched right.
“God, this is pathetic,” someone muttered.
I ignored them and tried to figure out what those things just out of the edge of my vision were. They moved rapidly. Fluttering. Every time I turned to try to see them, my body spun.
“You’re my familiar? That’s what I bargained so much for?” the other person said. “What a rip-off. I’m going to find those executives and give them a piece of my mind.”
Wings. That’s what they were. I had wings that were moving quick like a hummingbird’s. They left small dark trails behind them, either from light being blocked out or a special effect.
“Come on, I don’t have all day. You got your cupcake,” the young man said.
I twisted my face. Dusk had been the recipient of a cupcake, not me. Plus, it had looked poorly made and extra gross.
“Whatdoyouwant?” I tried to speak in my normal tone. The game translated my thoughts rapidly. Part of my tail was curling about the pitchfork’s bottom portion. That was weird. I got distracted watching it spin around like a drunk trying to find their pocket.
“The terms of our contract. I need to make sure you understand them.”
“Nope!” I said promptly. My tone sounded happy.
“Rule one, you must do exactly as I order.”
“Hah! Okay!” The words escaped me before they fully registered. Continue Online must be translating super-fast. Was it part of this character? I focused on my arm and tried to use [Identification].
Skill Used: [Identification]
Results: [Red Imp]
Height: 2’ 5”
Weight: 24 lbs.
Likes: Anything fast, flying, playing tricks, sneaking up on people, all the reptiles, and the color red
Dislikes: Walking, people who speak slowly, people who breathe loudly, all felines, and the color green
Racial Features:
Imps suffer a -75% to all actions using their legs due to extensive flight time
Night vision activates automatically
Demonic Language activates automatically
The list went on.
“Rule two, you can’t lie to me.” Requiem Mass was going on about his requirements as if they were important.
I tuned in just enough to laugh. I nodded too hastily. My brain was already trying to figure out ways around these rules. If I was going to be acting as a demon, then it would be a simple matter of thinking like one.
Besides, in all the childhood stories I had ever read, demons loved the letter of the law.
“Rule three, you cannot harm me directly or conspire to harm me.” He smiled as I went still. Requiem Mass had effectively limited my actions with that one.
“Ah. Well, there goes all my fun.” My tail lashed back and forth. Everything was bobbing up and down due to my wings. I had to concentrate to move them.
A few other basic system notices helped me out. Off to one side was an autopilot menu option for maintaining altitude. I glared at the small box until it was on.
“Are you listening?” Requiem asked.
My head shook. Now it was time to start acting. “Notin theleast. Youtalk too slow.”
Synchronization 15%
Neat! That was a new message. Hopefully it operated like William Carver’s progress bar and would allow me access to additional abilities as time went on. For now, it seemed like flying and stabbing people were the only skills available to me.
“It doesn’t matter. You can’t get out of that circle until you agree to those terms.”
“Okay.” I looked into the sky as if a great decision was weighing upon me.
It was extremely dark up there. No stars, no sun, just gloom. At least it was a visible gloom. Being a [Red Imp] with night vision was already paying off. Where was this while I was down in the caves? Dusk was such a cheater if this was what he got.
I looked around. Requiem was busy scowling and digging through a backpack for something. Behind him were withered trees that looked as though they were barely hanging on to life. They must have been lacking sunlight since birth to look so twisted and gnarly.
“Well?” he asked.
“ShutupIam thinking.” I managed to slow down my words just a little. My synchronization bar actually dropped a percent from my efforts. It was enough to make my teeth grind. That felt weird too. I ran my tongue over the edge of my teeth only to find out that my lips were far thinner than expected and my teeth were sharpened.
“Your master made this deal. You must honor it.”
“Agggh!” I shouted at him and stabbed the little pitchfork at the air.
William Carver’s introduction had been soft and slow. This was something I had been literally thrown into. Still, it was very interesting. I felt myself grinning despite the messiness of my situation.
“Cupcakes! I demand better cupcakes!” I figured sticking with the classic would serve me well. Dusk might pop in at any moment. Or he might not. I was unsure how the [Messenger’s Pet] or [Morrigu’s Gift] would translate over. The weapon from William Carver had to stay with Hermes, right?
“Okay. Sure, we can do that.” Requiem Mass was nodding. Something in how he pitched his forehead and turned his lip up said he’d rather beat me senseless. “Deal.”
The dome about me dropped away. I was no dummy. Requiem Mass was fast, but this was something I had prepared for. Especially given how he’d glared at me through the summoning circle’s protective shell.
I fled straight up.
Synchronization 16%
“I’m ordering you to come down here!”
Something around my neck warmed up slightly.
“Okay! I will!” I did no such thing. Strangely, the slight heat around my neck didn’t get any hotter. My arms were too chubby to bend right, so I used the pitchfork as a makeshift latch to grab at the edge of something around my neck. My eyes looked down and saw a collar’s edge.
“Why aren’t you coming down here?” Requiem Mass shouted at me.
“You didn’t saywhen!”
“Right now!”
“Dowhat now?” My voice squeaked out defiance. “That’s a…”
Wait, what was he doing? Requiem’s lips were moving. A tendril of fire grew to one side of him, and his arm stretched out to grab it. Flames danced around his fingers as he hurled the pillar of fire in my direction.
I dodged without putting much thought into it. A small box to one side spoke about [Survival Instincts] and [Fire Resistances]. I didn’t have much time to pay attention to it as he hurled another stream of flame in my direction.
“Nyaa!” I stuck out my tongue and gave him the biggest raspberry available. It was a terrible idea and my pointy teeth made it super easy to b
ite my own tongue.
You’re not that Tasty
Total health loss: 10%
My tongue bled and my cheeks puffed up. I managed not to cry out from the feedback. Luckily the ARC wasn’t extremely intense with regards to pain about everything the player felt. Still, nothing could compare to William Carver’s heart attacks.
“Oh, I’ll get you.” Requiem was bobbing his head quickly. “You’re going to love this.”
Then the world faded away. What was happening now? Had I failed so badly that the Voices were already recalling me back to the Hermes character? Teasing some young brat of a teenager who seemed to think everything should bend to his will had been fun.
Suddenly that weird vortex of light appeared. The wind tore at my hearing. Colors swirled all around in a rush. Everything induced vertigo. I had enough time to see Shazam’s passive face staring down at me. Her hands glowed green with a healing spell.
I turned, retched, and groaned as the world spun again.
The jerk Requiem was pulling me back.
I was still feeling violently ill from the jerky summons. My vision was blurred. Something tore at my back and made me cry out. What escaped was a string of violent curses that had never come out of my mouth before. That must have been the [Red Imp] in me talking.
“I’ll teach you. We’ll start training right away.” Requiem’s face looked fervent.
I felt even sicker looking up at him. This must have been what prisoners of war felt like during our last global conflict.
Something bound my wings together. A message appeared on my interface telling me flight was no longer an option. My synchronization points dropped a full five percent from humiliation.
Requiem Mass threw a punch toward my face. I had a few moments to contemplate how large his fist seemed to be compared to my short body. Xin. I could suffer through anything to give her a chance. I waved one free finger and pinned the quest reward text off to one side of my player interface.
“You made me waste my mana.” Requiem let out a snarl. “And you want a cupcake? Here!” Something was shoved into my face.
I coughed and sputtered with a suddenly dry throat. Meanwhile, the beating continued. My body was far too small to fight back. The wings on my back were bound in some sort of rope. Requiem Mass looked downright disturbing for a teenager. Was this really another human being? Could anyone look at a living, breathing creature like he gazed at me?
Continue Online The Complete Series Page 62
