“Little? That’s rich, coming from an imp.” He shook his head and stood there. “You can’t hurt me.”
Each attempt at stabbing failed. My health kept falling. The pain was nothing against my sheer anger.
“Stop that,” Requiem ordered.
I paused briefly to obey, then drove the [Echo of Morrigu’s Gift] at his face. It fell short by almost half a foot, but Requiem still flinched.
He managed to regain control of his broken voice. “How are you doing that?”
“Ido exactly asyou order.” Shouting it sent a moment of clarity through me. I was only playing around with words and not truly using them to their fullest effect.
“For like, two seconds.” He stooped back down to work on gathering more loot items.
I jammed the [Echo of Morrigu’s Gift] at one of the deceased monkeys and tried my darnedest to ruin the items.
“Stop attacking and go stand over there until I tell you to stop,” Requiem said while pointing a finger off to one side.
“It’s notmyfault you’re stupid,” I said. Jabbing him was clearly impossible.
There was something to his question though. Time-out was a good place to think. My mind ran through the rules again.
Rule one. I must do exactly as Requiem ordered. This one I had spent the better part of two real days playing around with. It was easy enough to bend this rule all up one side and down the other. If he didn’t add a duration to his order, I could obey it for seconds or forever.
Rule two, I couldn’t lie to him. Most of the methods around this had involved clever wordplay. It was very hard to actually lie because Continue Online was making my [Red Imp] body say things too quickly.
Rule three was the problem. My issue was that I had been looking at it all wrong. His order had been to not directly harm him or conspire to harm him.
I logged out of Continue briefly and left the [Red Imp]’s autopilot running. In my Atrium, I shouted a command line.
“ARC, define conspire,” I told the machine.
“Conspire, make secret plans jointly to commit an unlawful or harmful act,” the machine answered.
I smiled. That was the answer. Requiem had prevented me from doing things in secret and directly harming him. If I worked with monster NPCs, then that was conspiring. If I openly arranged accidents, then it wasn’t a conspiracy. That was why throwing a pile of leaves in his mouth worked, but luring mobs to him caused pain.
Once back in Continue Online, I turned around and stared at Requiem. He was trying to loot another monster. I whipped the [Echo of Morrigu’s Gift] at the bodies he was trying to skin. My suddenly extended pitchfork skewed one of the creature’s eyes.
“Why do you insist on bending the rules? Do I not feed you enough cupcakes or something?” Requiem rolled his eyes at my latest attempt to interfere.
“It’s notmyfault you’re stupid,” I said again. “Toostupid. I’m going to get you killed.”
That made Requiem stare at me. My wide grin all full of teeth must have disturbed him. He actually blanched. A moment later, the expression was gone as the Traveler studied me.
“How? You were ordered not to harm me.” Requiem sounded exactly like a spoiled teenage brat melting down.
“Hah!” I outright laughed and tried to give it my best imp tone. “Slow dumbbrain.” The synchronization bar constantly flipped up and down depending on how fast or slow I talked.
“I order you to tell me exactly how you plan to get me killed.” Requiem’s hand sat on one of his two swords. His other arm was inside a pocket, grabbing at something.
“Say the rules forme onemore time,” I chattered happily.
Requiem went through the first two. My grin was even wider than normal when mocking the Traveler. I took delight in seeing Requiem’s eyes widen as we both recited the last rule.
“You cannot harm me directly or conspire to harm me,” he said.
“Dingding ding!” I spun the pitchfork and planted it into the ground triumphantly. “Conspire is defined as secret plans jointly. Not asecret anymore! I want youtodie!”
[Progress Event]!
You have further clarified the contract between you and Requiem Mass! How you use this knowledge is up to you. Be aware [Red Imp] that your contractor now knows what you intend.
“What?” he said.
“I. Want. You. To. Die.” I could understand why [Red Imp]s disliked slow people. Just this conversation was irritating me.
“You still can’t harm me directly.” Requiem curled his lips and lost color.
I started laughing. This was a clear way to get to Requiem.
“Why must you continue to argue with me? Why can’t you do what I want?”
“There’s more tolife than the self-centered demands ofaboy such as yourself.” I bit out each word. This whole situation had pissed me off.
“You know nothing of what I’ve been through,” he said.
“You giveme no timetomy self.” I looked at him. Maybe Requiem would get so pissed that my summons would be released and this game would return me to the Hermes program. Reading the remaining letter was important. Seeing a [Porter] would help me get a glitch reward and contact Beth in-game.
Requiem nodded slowly as his lips curled downward. The nodding quickly accelerated and he looked off to where The Biggest Butthole had been. “Fine. Let’s try something different.”
My eyes rolled so hard I almost passed out. The ground around me was completely gross and my legs were half sunk into it. This was the type of disgusting environment that Requiem had stuck me with for days.
“Stand here. Don’t move. At all. Do that, and I’ll let you have a day off afterward. You spend it in the hell hole you came from.” Requiem tilted his head and stared at me. “Deal?”
I smiled. This was a win-win for me. “Whynot? Sure.”
Requiem turned away. He clearly intended to put my [Red Imp] self in its place. I watched his actions happily. Whatever he planned would probably be neat. It would also show me how far he could go.
Where was he walking? That direction was where the unique monster The Biggest Butthole was. Did he intend to fight that creature? Oh neat, Requiem totally did.
He pulled one of his seemingly endless supply of throwing knives and tossed it straight into the dead bushes. Air vibrated as The Biggest Butthole let out a roar. I was far enough away that no daze notification popped up. Requiem didn’t seem to be affected as he pulled back a bit.
Then things got really crazy. Normally only the blades in his hands had any sort of special effects—Requiem often used fire and the trail of ash that followed his right blade while fighting. Now there was a new effect. Requiem’s skin glowed with a deep blue light.
The ability making him light up also increased Requiem’s speed. He lifted the blade and parried one of The Biggest Butthole’s giant rotten fists. Small bits of monster skin flaked off into the mire around us. That wasn’t enough to stop the unique boss though. Another series of attacks were exchanged. With each swing of the giant creature’s fists, Requiem backed up and parried the blow.
It was working. I could see the large creature’s health bar dropping steadily. It was at ninety percent now, and Requiem hadn’t even busted out any of his combat spells. The young man may be an abusive ass with the relationship skills of a bratty five-year-old, but he was damned good at the game.
I took mental notes and wondered if there was something to this two-weapon fighting style. The Biggest Butthole lifted a fist and pounded it on the ground. Requiem leapt into the air as the landscape rippled. He had an absurd four seconds of hang time which he spent charging up a chantless wave of flame.
His spells seemed to be less effective than TinkerHell’s frost abilities. Maybe Requiem had a lower caster Rank or less skill. He was also generating the spells without using a circle or etched [Lithium] runes. One day I would figure out this game’s magic system.
Requiem had ordered me to stay in place, but there were at least three chances
to place objects for maximum slippage or accidental impaling. Not that any of my prior attempts had been successful.
The Biggest Butthole shouted, and his arm bulged. It grossly bulked to at least fifty percent larger than normal. His fist swung quickly and caught Requiem Mass in his midsection and carried him around. They spun in a circle, and I cackled from seeing Requiem’s face turn green.
That monstrous arm carried Requiem right into the rotting trunk of a tree. Wood pieces shattered everywhere, and Requiem’s health bar plummeted.
“Ahhhh!” All the air left his body in a rush.
“You’re doinga greatjob!” I happily encouraged him in getting hit. Maybe he got neat pop-up messages like I did. That latest slam could say “Shafted by The Biggest Butthole!”
“Oh, this is nothing,” he muttered. “Nothing at—”
His words were cut off by The Biggest Butthole raising both arms and roaring. Requiem winced from the loud noise but seemed unfazed.
The giant unique boss monster hurled nearby objects, and Requiem dodged the first two. The third scraped his face. Requiem grinned, and the aura about his body kicked up another notch. The blue light shifted from deep blue to azure.
Health wise, they were about even. I marveled at the small bits of the landscape being torn up. Pieces of The Biggest Butthole flaking off had made it over here, along with chunks of broken trees. I stood watching the fight with wide, excited eyes.
Requiem leapt toward The Biggest Butthole and swung his blade. A trail of ash seared into the creature’s face. It grasped at the Traveler but missed. Another roar sounded as the boss monster tore at his face to try to clear away the obstructing flakes.
There. Requiem was ten feet away and chanting something. It sounded like the same [Lithium] language that TinkerHell had spoken. A small pop-up box dinged in front of me.
Demonic Racial Skill [Tongues] enabled
Translation in progress…
“Huh?” I said and poked at the air.
“Ghost of a dead sun! Shadow of a singularity!” Requiem shouted.
“Really?” I was horrified by the idea that [Lithium] spells were poetry in another language. I said a prayer and hoped that was a silly translation issue.
“Draw all into your grasp! Let nothing escape!” Requiem continued his chant while doing a series of hand gestures.
Oh, Voices above, that was too much. I would rather have a box of crayons or use nothing but scrolls for the rest of my game life. I did not want to learn magic if reciting lame word strings would be required.
His two swords had been planted into the ground on either side during his chanting. Quickly he picked up the darker weapon, which had been fairly unremarkable until now. I watched as the blue aura about him brightened and seemed to reach a sky-blue peak.
All the extra blue energy compressed to his arms, then his hands, and finally up to the sword. His weapon blazed brightly with the transferred energy.
Requiem charged at The Biggest Butthole, who was still clawing at its own face in outrage. The sword jab went straight into the air in front of the boss monster. As Requiem pulled the sword back, the blue energy compressed even further until it was a drop of water on Requiem’s withdrawing sword.
The Biggest Butthole cleared its vision just in time to stare crossed-eyed at the small drop of water. Then it released from the sword tip and hovered for a second before unleashing a pulse. Everything nearby was pushed back half an inch then sucked inward.
My light body was no exception. I scrambled for the [Echo of Morrigu’s Gift], which was digging into the ground. My tail tried to find extra purchase. Over my shoulder, I saw the two fighters reacting very differently. Requiem was full-on leaning backward against the sudden shift in gravity. The Biggest Butthole gave one large roar before his head was yanked into the bright blue water droplet of energy.
That jerk of a Traveler had a mini black hole spell! Everything dragged toward the special move Requiem had unleashed for a few seconds before the pressure released. I dropped to the ground with a stutter. Sharp teeth bit into my lip and made me grunt. My tiny [Red Imp] kneecap felt as if it had been banged hard, and the [Echo of Morrigu’s Gift] slapped me in the face.
“Neat,” I uttered, a statement completely against the [Red Imp] personality. My synchronization bar dropped two percent because of it.
“Good. Most of it is still intact. Hopefully it dropped something useful,” Requiem muttered. He looked exhausted beyond belief. I could see his health bar was below half but not critical.
I tilted my head and stabbed [Echo of Morrigu’s Gift] into the ground repeatedly. That mini black hole type move had torn The Biggest Butthole’s head completely off and left a small waft of smoke. The body stood for a moment before both the monster’s knees gave out and everything toppled over.
“Now do you understand? You can’t possibly kill me,” Requiem said while looking at me.
This Traveler was far beyond both my [Red Imp] familiar self and the Hermes character. His super move was more impressive than William Carver’s heroic slash.
I was playing the part of a sinister familiar out to get his master killed. This called for my best evil smile and proper [Red Imp] commentary. “You are tooslow andstupid.”
“How can you say that?” he asked.
“Now I know your weakness.” I had no clue what his weakness was.
But Requiem looked panicked for a moment and shoved his hand into a coat pocket. He did that a lot when the fight looked tough. Was something in there?
The Traveler must have one more trump card up his sleeve. The question was, how could I use it against him to complete this silly quest?
“Get out of here.” Requiem waved and released my summons.
Session Thirty-Three — Until Morale Improves
There was a huge wall of Travelers around me. They were crowded around a series of bulletin boards like the ones from [Camp Gray Skull]. Some clustered together to chat. More were arguing over the prices of seemingly random items. I ignored all of them and read the rest of Xin’s letter.
My father found America strange. America was never an issue to me—I was born there. Being in this place, I finally understand how he must have felt. It feels as if everything around me is a dream. An illusion cast about for the weak-minded. If I stare hard enough, the layers peel away.
It scares me. It scares me until I realize that I’m not actually afraid, but part of me believes I should be. Does that make sense, Gee? I think I should be afraid, therefore I am. Yet fear has never once ruled me. Not once.
Did I run away from that first launch? You remember, right? I called you on the phone, and we spent hours talking about it. You were so tired. I didn’t sleep at all that night, even after you fell asleep on the phone. I kept talking while you snored.
I hung my head and sighed. Of course she would remember the one time I fell asleep on the phone. Xin had woken me from a dead sleep and unloaded. Normally she was very curt, but something about the launch had her rattled. My fiancée chattered away for hours while I tried to utter complex responses.
Part of me is screaming so loudly. There’s this gap in time between the last moments I remember and now. Three years, Gee. This isn’t like being at Mars. At least there I expected to be able to call you, and for you to go through training and join me.
That didn’t happen, did it? This isn’t Mars.
Those last few moments were so fast, but I almost remember what happened. More like I see it, but don’t feel it. Gee, I think I died.
The message went on. I tried not to gasp while reading it. A few of the other Travelers looked over my shoulder to see what my fuss was about. Dusk snapped at their faces and completely confused a couple. Soon they left a small bubble around me and went about their business.
Voices above. This was insane to read. I tried to remember how Xin had written her text messages. This letter was a lot more formal than anything we had exchanged. That didn’t mean it was fake or written by a
program messing with me, did it?
Pinning my happiness on a copy of the woman I had loved was crazy. Absolutely crazy. What would her father think of this? No, I couldn’t tell anybody at all. This had me on an emotional roller coaster and questioning my sanity. Subjecting anyone else to it would be asking for a trip to the asylum.
It was time to distract myself again. If I focused on the letter too much, then the result would be a complete mental breakdown. A normal person would have asked how a computerized reaction of Xin knew memories from before Continue Online.
A strong hand grabbed the top of my head and turned it to the side. I was distracted and didn’t even resist as Shazam came into view.
“Sorry. It’s me.” I tried to make sure she knew it was me right away. Shazam was probably used to dragging around my autopilot.
She gave a thumbs-up, then pointed off to the side. Past the walls of bulletins, there was a single room. Dozens of people in a line were waiting outside the door to walk in.
“What’s in there?” I asked. That line was long, but it was moving.
Shazam pointed at me, then at the room. She repeated the motion a few times. There was a symbol above the doorway that looked like an infinity sign gone Goth, if such a thing were possible.
“So I should go over there?” I stared at the picture and felt confused.
She nodded and pushed me toward the line. I clutched Xin’s letter and tried to clarify what was going on.
“Is that the Porter?” I asked.
She stopped pushing and gave two thumbs-up. If it wasn’t for her complete lack of facial expression, I would have called the double thumbs-up condescending. As if I had guessed something amazingly obvious and was now on par with a fifth grader.
I went to the line and reread Xin’s letter multiple times. People gave me a weird look when they saw Dusk on my shoulder. Shazam didn’t join me. She poked through the boards. Their contents were a mystery to me. I wanted to take a look after dealing with this [Porter] issue.
Time passed. I used a nearby wall to scribble out notes on how to respond to Xin. It was high school note-passing all over again. A half hour later, someone risked tapping my shoulder. The person behind me coughed and pointed at the empty line in front of me.
Continue Online The Complete Series Page 67
