‘Won’t that be tiring?’ Aurelia asked.
Jonathan shrugged. ‘I’ve spent many evenings since I began working with Edward working into the night. I’m expecting a delivery of files from the mill any time now, so if you will excuse me I shall begin immediately.’
He shrugged off his overcoat as he headed to his study and closed the door. Aurelia watched with regret. Her hopes for a companionable evening with Jonathan melted away, but at least she had something to fill it with. She held out her hand to the child.
‘Come along, Millie.’
Millie said nothing as Aurelia led her to the kitchen. When there she scuffed her feet on the floor as Aurelia introduced her to Mrs Barnes, Annie and Sarah.
‘How old are you?’ Mrs Barnes asked. The girl looked down at her feet and didn’t answer.
‘How old are you?’ Mrs Barnes repeated a little louder. ‘Surely you must know.’
The child was starting to shake. Remembering what Jonathan had done, Aurelia bent and took the child’s face in her hands.
‘Your name is Millie, isn’t it?’
This time the girl nodded.
‘How old are you?’ Aurelia asked slowly, making sure that Millie was watching her lips.
‘Twelve, missus,’ Millie answered. Aurelia raised her eyebrows. Millie was older than she looked—moreover, it appeared her hearing was faulty. Whether this was from the machines in the mill or a defect at birth, Aurelia didn’t know, but Jonathan’s tender-heartedness was not misplaced.
* * *
Aurelia dined alone. The dining room felt too large and silent without Jonathan’s company. When the grandmother clock chimed ten it struck her that Jonathan had not eaten. She piled a plate with bread and slices of cold ham, and a pot of tea, instructing Millie to carry the tray. She knocked cautiously at his door, hoping he would not be angry at her interruption.
He admitted her in a curt voice. He was at his desk, but as Aurelia entered the study he pushed his chair back and faced her. The desk was a mess and both oil lamps were burning brightly. Papers were strewn everywhere and he had removed his coat and waistcoat, which he had tossed on to a leather armchair in front of the window.
‘Is something the matter?’ He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. They were ringed with dark shadows.
‘I thought you might be hungry,’ Aurelia whispered. She came fully into the room. It was the first time she had seen inside Jonathan’s sanctuary and she tried not to look around too obviously. The walls were lined with bookcases and smelled faintly of leather, beeswax polish and Jonathan’s cologne. It was a very masculine domain.
‘Hungry?’ Jonathan’s eyebrows rose in surprise, then he blinked as if something was only just occurring to him. ‘Why, yes, I am. I hadn’t realised until you mentioned it.’
Aurelia wondered how many nights he had sat alone in the study in his bachelor years, failing to eat. She resolved to put an end to that habit now he had someone to take care of his needs. She beckoned Millie inside with her tray. The girl walked unsteadily to the desk and was about to put the tray down on the table on top of a large piece of paper with hundreds of tiny squares shaded in different colours and orders.
‘Not there!’ Jonathan barked, lurching forward and slamming his hand on to the paper. Millie began shaking so much that the tray looked about to capsize. Aurelia took it from her.
‘You can go, Millie,’ she said kindly. ‘Sarah will show you where to sleep.’
She gave Jonathan a reproachful look as the girl backed out, bobbing curtsies all the while. He had the grace to look abashed and shuffled the pages back into some semblance of order. He gathered some of the ledgers and deposited them on the floor beside his feet and cocked his head to the space where they had been.
‘Put the tray down there if you will. Poor child,’ he murmured as Aurelia obeyed. ‘I should not have been so short with her. She will think she has a monster for a master.’
His voice was heavy with remorse.
‘No, she won’t,’ Aurelia said. ‘She will know that her master is a kind man who has worked long beyond the hour when he should have finished.’
She peered at the strange paper with the coloured squares. ‘What is this?’
Jonathan spread his hand out. ‘Each of the squares denotes a hole in the card. That determines which threads appear on the finished cloth. I can alter the design by altering the pattern here.’ He paused and gave her a bashful look. ‘I’m sorry, I must be boring you. I know I get carried away when I plan them.’
‘Not at all,’ Aurelia said. ‘It’s fascinating.’
She meant it. He’d recovered some of his vitality when he had started speaking of his designs. Clearly that was where his enthusiasm lay, not in poring over ledgers. ‘Will you retire soon?’
‘I hardly think so,’ Jonathan said with a long sigh. ‘Not until I have broken the back of this pile at least. It is a mess, isn’t it! My bookkeeping leaves a lot to be desired, but Edward seems to thrive on disorder. I can’t make head nor tail of his filing system.’
He leaned back in his chair and scraped his hands through his hair, fingers digging at his scalp. His necktie was undone and hung loose and the top two buttons of his shirt was open. His bookkeeping might not be desirable, but Aurelia could not take her eyes from his throat and the triangle of chest that she could see just peeking over the neck of his undershirt.
‘Can I do anything to help you?’ Aurelia asked.
‘No. Thank you,’ he said. He pushed himself from his chair and strode around the room, raising his arms and rolling them above his head. Aurelia sympathised, knowing how the knots in her shoulders ached after she spent too long sewing with her head bowed. It must be the same for Jonathan. When he joined her in bed she might offer to knead away some of the aches for him.
In the meantime she poured him a cup of tea and added a slice of lemon. He took it from her, then took her free hand, closing his palm around it and pressing it tightly. Aurelia squeezed his fingers in response as his touch awakened the craving which never seemed to be far below the surface. She looked up at him, her lips curving into a smile, but he was solemn.
‘Go to bed, Aurelia,’ Jonathan said. ‘You can sleep without any disturbance tonight as I am afraid I will be too fatigued to join you.’
Aurelia withdrew her hand from his. Disappointment lurched in her belly. It was a gentle dismissal, but a dismissal none the less. She could see the weariness in his eyes and voice were not feigned and buried her disappointment. She felt remorseful that she had interrupted him and delayed his finishing even by the ten minutes just now.
‘I shall bid you goodnight in that case and let you finish your task without any more interruptions.’
As she slipped quietly to the door Jonathan called out.
‘Aurelia!’
She paused and looked at him questioningly. He was still standing where she had left him. He straightened his collar and ran his hand through his hair once again. The light from the oil lamps over his desk made his hair glow golden and caused shadows to turn his cheekbones into sharp planes. He smiled.
‘The interruption was far from unwelcome.’
Aurelia glanced at the tray.
‘I wasn’t talking about the supper,’ Jonathan said. ‘I meant your company.’
He held her gaze intently until Aurelia felt a fluttering starting in her belly. She felt as if she was glowing inside. How silly to be so pleased at a small sign of appreciation, but to have been welcomed meant a lot more than she expected.
She should go before she started to demand he ended his task and came to her room after all.
‘Drink your tea before it grows cold,’ she said with a smile. She slipped out, leaving her husband to return to his books.
Chapter Fourteen
Naturally they spent Christmas Day at Siddon Hall. Jona
than had known from the moment Cassandra had pounced upon him that he would not deny his wife the chance to spend Christmas with her family. After the early morning church service the family walked back along the lane to the hall. Edward would be joining them to dine at noon and for the rest of the day.
Walking arm in arm with Aurelia along the frozen path, Jonathan realised he was happy. He hoped she felt the same, but asking her directly felt too intrusive. She seemed at ease in his company, but did ease equate to happiness?
‘The last time we walked this way was our wedding day,’ he remarked. ‘I can barely remember making the journey.’
Aurelia tilted her head up to smile at him. ‘I was thinking just the same thing,’ she replied. ‘Do you remember how the children stood and threw rose petals? I wonder if Millie was among them.’
‘Possibly,’ Jonathan said. ‘I’m afraid I would not have known her then.’
They both glanced back to the line of servants that had accompanied their employers to the church service. Jonathan couldn’t quite believe he had almost lost his head enough to try to kiss Aurelia in front of them all. He turned his attention to Millie. In the three weeks since she had entered Jonathan’s house he had seen her grow both in confidence and stature. Good food and patience had turned the tearful, fumbling child into a happy girl. Now she was being petted by both Cassandra and Theodora, and Jonathan suspected that, if Aurelia was in agreement, employment could be found for her at Siddon Hall.
Aurelia broke his reverie, asking what he was thinking, and he repeated his thoughts to her.
‘You’re not taking her just yet,’ she said with a laugh. ‘She is invaluable to Mrs Barnes and you would risk her ire if you left us without her help.’
‘Very well,’ Jonathan agreed. ‘It seems I must get used to being outnumbered by your sex at home.’
Aurelia’s fingers tightened on his arms and he glanced down at her in concern. ‘Did I say something to upset you?’
‘Not at all,’ she said. ‘I have just never heard you use the word home before. It was good to hear.’
‘It feels like a home now,’ Jonathan said quietly. ‘I didn’t realise before how much it had just been a house.’
Since Aurelia had moved in it had become more than the four walls Jonathan inhabited. It was her presence that had made it so. He stopped and looked at her. He couldn’t kiss her now in front of her family although he very much wanted to. ‘I’m very glad I married you, Mrs Harcourt,’ he said.
She fluttered her eyelashes and looked a little shy. Jonathan feared the news was unpleasant to her.
However, after a moment she looked into his eyes and replied, ‘And I am glad I married you Mr Harcourt.’
‘We made the right decision, I think,’ Jonathan said.
‘I think so, too.’ Aurelia tucked her arm under his and looked into his eyes and Jonathan realised the answer to his question was right there. She bit her lip and looked at him sidelong through half-closed eyes. ‘I was so nervous about being alone with you that night.’
They had slowed as they walked and were now lagging behind the rest of the party. He inclined his head and realised he was preparing to kiss her, but she had already turned to gaze at the hills. The sky was tinged with orange and clouds were beginning to gather heavily. ‘The air smells of snow,’ she murmured.
Jonathan inhaled. She was right. ‘I wouldn’t be surprised if we will get some before nightfall.’
Aurelia breathed in, closing her eyes and tilting her head towards the hills. ‘Then we had better not stay too late before returning home.’
Home. Was it deliberate that she said that? He suspected from the look on her face that it was.
‘Are you warm enough?’ he asked, hoping she would answer no and give him the opportunity to put his arm around her.
‘Very,’ she answered. ‘This keeps me perfectly snug.’ She ran her fingers over the trim of fur that edged her new cloak and tucked it a little tighter around her shoulders. ‘I couldn’t have asked for a nicer gift. Thank you. The colour is exactly the one I would have chosen.’
Jonathan tipped his hat, pleased that the hours he had spent agonising over the colour had been worthwhile, while simultaneously regretting he had bought her such a warm garment.
‘Now I come to think of it,’ Aurelia said, ‘I might be a little chilly after all and my back is aching a little.’ She gave Jonathan a warm smile. ‘If you would be kind enough to give me your arm again, I am sure I would be much warmer.’
Jonathan eagerly pulled her close by his side so that anyone watching would not realise that his arm was beneath the cloak and around his wife’s waist. His mind went to the other gift which he had not given her yet, but which he intended to give her before they retired for the night: an altogether flimsier garment that he had acquired especially for her. It was a nightgown made of a silk lighter and finer than even his best produce. It had been worth the expense of sending abroad to Lyon in order to obtain the dark green silk and he did not begrudge a penny.
* * *
The afternoon was spent in riotous fun, playing games, singing and laughter. To Jonathan, having grown up as a solitary child, it was an experience unlike any other. Even when his mother had escaped the forbidding mantle of her marriage they spent the day quietly. Here everyone talked over each other, competing to say the wittiest things. He felt quite inadequate in comparison and slipped away to a sofa after a particularly competitive game of Snapdragon, assuming his absence would go unnoticed for a while.
He was wrong because less than five minutes had passed before Aurelia sashayed over and threw herself back on to the sofa besides Jonathan.
‘You look quite exhausted,’ she exclaimed. She still had three feathers sticking out of her hair from an earlier game. Despite his need for solitude Jonathan grinned.
‘I’ve never seen you so fearsome,’ he said. ‘I’m not sure I know you today.’
Aurelia laughed. ‘I have had years competing with my sisters. One time we became so competitive Cassandra’s left ringlet caught fire and burned clean away!’
Jonathan sucked his fingers where he had not quite been quick enough to snatch the flaming raisins out of the bowl, quite able to see how that could happen. Aurelia took his hand and brought it close to her face to examine it.
‘Is it sore?’
‘Not too much,’ Jonathan said. ‘The flames were just a few small licks.’
Aurelia brought his finger to her lips and ran her tongue rapidly along the edge of the burn, causing fires to flare in Jonathan’s loins. She smiled wickedly. ‘There, another small lick to heal it.’
Jonathan glanced round to see if her daring action had been seen, but the rest of the party were busily throwing paper arrows at a target in the middle of the floor.
‘By next year you will be more proficient,’ Aurelia assured him.
Next year.
It struck Jonathan then that this marriage was not a short-term affair, but year after year he and his wife would spend occasions together. He swallowed a lump in his throat and blinked as his eyes threatened to water. This was what belonging to a happy family must feel like. He didn’t belong yet. There were old jokes and arguments that were obviously brought out annually like the glass Christmas baubles, references that flew over his head and which Aurelia promised to explain once they were home. It gave him an unsettling feeling of both exclusion and inclusion and he fervently hoped that once Aurelia had given him the child he needed they would not become distant acquaintances once more. He closed his fingers and laced them through Aurelia’s.
‘What’s wrong?’ Aurelia asked, leaning closer to him and looking anxious.
Once more Jonathan was struck by how well attuned she seemed to his changes in mood.
‘I was just thinking how different your Christmases must have been as a child to mine.’
‘We
ll, now you are part of this family and you shall spend them in this manner. Come with me now,’ she commanded. ‘My father intends to play lotto and Mother always worries that once he starts playing he will never end the game until he has lost everything or won everything. Usually the former.’
There was a note of anxiety in her voice. Gambling, of course. Jonathan stood and helped Aurelia to rise. Even on this happy day there was the sense of anxiety. Of happiness teetering on the edge of destruction. His own father’s vice had been his abrupt and inexplicable coldness towards the woman he had chosen to marry, whereas Sir Robert had threatened to destroy his family by other means. But Sir Robert at least was a loving father and husband whose children and wife were fond of. Would it be possible for Jonathan to uphold the terms he had agreed with Aurelia and yet still succeed in creating a happy marriage? As he walked arm in arm with his wife to the card tables he fervently hoped so.
* * *
It was late afternoon when Cassandra drew Jonathan to one side.
‘You have probably forgotten, but I promised you a portrait of Aurelia. You must forgive me for not giving it to you before. Come with me while Aurelia is occupied.’
Jonathan had indeed forgotten. Truth be told, he had not particularly found the offer interesting. Aurelia was singing a duet with Lady Upford who had a surprisingly good soprano voice. He would not be missed for the time being, so dutifully followed Cassandra into the empty parlour to receive his gift. The picture was not a watercolour as he had expected, but a pencil sketch that Cassandra had then inked over to create depth, shadow and movement. Jonathan held it up to the light.
‘This is outstandingly good,’ he murmured in admiration. ‘You’ve captured her likeness perfectly.’
The Silk Merchant's Convenient Wife Page 15
