by Valia Lind
My words echo around us, in the near empty hall. Thunderbird Academy used to be so full of life, and now, it's become a tomb.
"Mads,"
"No, Liam. I have to figure this out. I have to..."
"Wait, where were you?" It's like he's finally taken a good look at me. I glance down and find that I'm covered in mud. When I meet Liam's eyes they're a mixture of outrage and concern. The regular two emotions he's been experiencing towards me recently.
"I went to see the Oracle."
"Alone? You know how dang—“
"Spare me the lecture, Abercrombie. I did what needed to be done."
Liam looks confused for a second, but he won't let my weird word usage deter him. "And what exactly was that?"
Because I know I can't keep this a secret, I reach into my pocket and pull out the glass bottle.
"Get an antidote to the sickness?"
I don't think I've ever seen Liam this shocked before. He takes a literal step back, his eyes going from me to the bottle back to me.
"She just...gave it to you?"
"I made sure not to say thank you," I reply, before stepping around him and keep moving. He falls in step beside me and I wait for the tirade of questions to descend. But he stays quiet. When we reach my room, the emptiness of it comes like a hit. It's a reminder that Jade is not here, that's she's sick, and I have to choose who to save.
Liam closes the door behind us, but I don't even slow down. Yanking open my dresser, I pull out clean clothes and then head to the bathroom.
"I need a shower," is all I say, before I shut the door and lean against it. A pressure starts up in my chest, but I refuse to let it out. However, the moment I step under the water it's like my own floodgates open up. The feel of the drops against my skin is comforting and the tears that come will not be denied.
I cry for myself and I cry for my friends. I cry for all the things that have happened and for all the things yet to come. Never would I have ever imagined myself with this power, with this responsibility on my shoulders, and I'm terrified I'm going to mess it all up. In front of the headmaster, even in front of Liam, I have no choice but put on a brave face. But here, standing under the spray of hot water, I can let myself feel.
What I told Liam is true. I'm afraid I'll break apart and no matter what I do, I won't put myself together in time. Not seeing Aiden has been killing me slowly, but I think seeing him would do it all at once. I failed in protecting him. I failed in protecting Jade. And Ben. And even Natalie. Yes, a rational side of my brain tells me there's no way I could've known. But the rest of me just thinks if I was smart enough or powerful enough, I would've kept the sickness from reaching the school.
My magic boils inside of me, just as frustrated with me as I am. Besides what happened in the forest, I've been keeping it as shut down as I've been keeping my emotions. It's the only way I can deal with all of this. But right here and right now, I need the release and so I don't hold it back. The magic spins out of me like a twister, sending the water dancing all around me. I grab hold of it before it can get out of control and push all the water to the left, before I bring it to the right. Up and down. Left to right. I repeat the process a few times, before I send the droplets into suspension around my body. Slowly, with one finger, I draw a heart, as the water creates it right in front of my eyes. Then, I shift and repeat the movements, this time creating a flower. My own magic is mesmerizing to me. It twinkles, even in the dimness of the bathroom.
The more I play with the magic, the calmer my heartbeat becomes. It's like I've been holding onto everything so tightly, the pressure has become too much. But now, it's like I can roll my shoulders again and stretch. I really should learn by now that denying myself my magic is the worst thing I can do.
I bring it all back, letting the water run its course and I wipe at the tears. Thankfully, they get mingled with the water and for a second I can pretend that everything is alright.
"So what do you want to do?" Liam asks the moment I step out of the bathroom. I'm going to be honest, I kind of hoped he'd go do something else while he waited for me. But that was futile. He's been my shadow for weeks now.
"Honestly, I want to not be the person that makes this decision." I drop down on my bed, as dramatic as I can manage. I'm not trying to be difficult. This is just a difficult situation and I'm overwhelmed. I'm still allowed to be overwhelmed, right? Liam doesn't comment, just sits down beside me and we stay like that for a few minutes.
"I think you're the perfect person to make this decision." He finally speaks and I jerk my head to the side to look at him. But he's not looking at me. His gaze is somewhere far away and I wonder what he's thinking about. I could ask him, but that feels like an intrusion and we've had too many of those lately as it is.
"I don't agree with your statement." I say, sitting up and turning to face him. He follows suit, until we're face to face.
"Maybe not. But it's still the truth."
"Liam, how am I supposed to know what's the right thing to do here? How do I chose who lives and who dies? Because that's the choice!"
"Is it?"
"Of course it is! We have no idea how this sickness works, how long anyone has until it finally takes them. And what if I save someone and someone else is much further along and it's my fault they die? How can I live with that?"
"You'll live with it like the rest of us live with our choices. You're right, we don't know anything about this sickness. But we know that we have an antidote."
"But do we?" I jump to my feet, starting to pace. There's not much space in my small room but I need to move. "We don't even know if she's telling the truth. She might be playing with us. I wouldn't put it past her."
It's true, I'm not about to trust her blindly. But I also don't know of a way where we can find out what's in the elixir. We don't exactly have a science lab attached to the academy. There might be a magical way about it, but I'm scared to mess with the ingredients. Magic can be dangerous. We've been learning that firsthand here for a while now.
"If it helps you to know, nothing has changed while you've been gone."
"How long was that?"
"Almost three days."
Wow, I'm a little surprised I can still stand up straight. The exhalations weighs heavily on my shoulders, and I think if I laid down right now, I'll sleep for days.
"Mads, how about I go get you some food and you rest? You won't be doing anyone any good if you collapse."
I want to argue with him, but I can't. He's right. I nod my head and he my upper arm a quick squeeze, before he heads out the door. Sliding farther up on the bed, I tuck myself into a ball, my mind racing with ideas. There has to be something I can do to find more information. I could ask Headmaster Marković if he knows anything, but I feel like if he did, he would've done something about it by now. This means none of the staff will be helpful.
It would be ridiculously helpful if I could talk to my family. My dad probably knows the most, but Bri would be a good second. She's a pro at herbs and spell. Even talking it over with her would help. But of course, that's not an option. The communication lockdown is really starting to get to me. Who am I kidding? I've been mad at it from the beginning.
The only place I can think of to go for help is the library. But it hasn't exactly been my friend lately, and I'm not sure I can get in. So basically I have nothing. When Liam returns with food, he sits beside me as I devour the sandwich, but he doesn't ask me a million questions, clearly reading my mood.
Once my stomach is satisfied, I lay back down. Liam pulls the covers over my body, because I can't even find enough strength to do that for myself. I'm still berating myself in my mind when he leaves and I fall into a dreamless sleep.
3
Maybe in another fifty years I'll look back at this and appreciate the lessons it taught me. But it's only hindsight that's twenty-twenty. The rest of it? It's torture and I can't see past it. The vexing spirit inside of me has taken over my complete makeup. I wish I cou
ld say that I'm handling it well. But I'm not. I won't lie to myself, no matter how much I would like to appear strong.
Standing in front of the library door, I can't help but feel frustrated. I've tried everything. In the last two weeks I've begged and pleaded. I allowed my magic to do the same. I even did a spell where I showed the library all that has transpired, including the sickness. It's like she's completely unresponsive to me. So I left her alone.
But now, more than ever, I need to get in there. I need to know that this miracle elixir won't kill whoever drinks it on the spot. Our own library has yielded nothing. This is the only avenue we have left to explore. Well, the only one I have left. Liam is doing what he can from his side, but he's not exactly on the list of Queen Amaryllis most favorite fae at the moment. His friendship with me, and his upbringing in the human realm, makes her doubt everything about him. He took a stand to help me, and a huge risk that I hope I'm worth.
Taking a full calming breath I let it out slowly. I have to try. And my only option is story spell casting. Something I said I wouldn't use.
Stepping as close as I can to the door I close my eyes. Focusing on my magic, I let it expand, taking up every part of my being. But I don't force it out like I've done before. I allow it to settle over me, as my mind looks for a way.
There isn't a guide for me to follow, no step by step when it comes to this place. My sisters would probably have a better chance, but they're not here. I have to trust in myself. It terrifies me, to open myself up to this magic. Especially after all the warnings Liam has shared with me. But this is something only I can do. So I open my eyes, and I tell a story.
"A grand wooden door,
With secrets held dear.
She stands in between,
The truth and the fear.
With time running out,
She opens the lock.
To give life a chance,
To teach, to help.
No thanks could express,
The gratitude within.
But the witch tries,
Bowing deep to her knees.
The door swings open,
And the secrets are told.
The thanks are given,
And the answer is formed."
Out of breath, I stand still, letting the magic infuse my words. It never fails to amaze me how the words just come to me the moment I call for them. It's as if I don't have to think about it, because they already live deep within me. The current of the magic races through me and through the story I told, as I wait. When it seems like nothing is going to happen, the door shudders and clicks open. I grin and take a step forward.
As it swings inward, the pain comes.
I grab my temples as the pain pulses, while I grind my teeth together to keep from screaming. I've been very carful not to use story spell casting, unless it's absolutely necessary. But the last time I used it, the pain wasn't this sharp. It was more of a headache, instead of the pulsating pounding I feel now.
Dragging myself forward, I'm through the door and into the library. The door shuts behind me and I wonder if I passed out here, if anyone would be able to find me. Liam knows of this place, and so does Ben. But neither one remembers it or would be able to enter and I could die here and no one would know. That can't be my story. Not when I have so many people who are counting on me. Stumbling over my own feet, I finally make it to a chair, before I collapse.
I have no idea how long I've been passed out. When I finally come to, I'm half off the chair, leaning on the table in front of me. My head is still hurting, but the pain has receded to a dull awareness. Sitting up slowly, I roll my shoulders, trying to orient myself.
This place hasn't changed a bit. All of the books I left out on the table are still there. My notebook with randomly scribbled notes is still open to the last entry. I expect it to be covered in dust, but it's not. It's as if I was just here. Instead, it's been weeks. Maybe one day I'll solve the mystery of this library, but for now, I have plenty of other mysteries to solve.
Flipping through my notebook quickly I think that it's a waste of time when I notice an entry that makes me pause. It's only a few sentences, but I read over them three times. I sit back, mulling over what I read. Somehow I completely forgot that Hawthorne has battled with sickness twice. I mean, I think I vaguely remembered it, but not to a point where it's useful. Until now.
Krista healed the town, but I have no idea how she did it. And it's not like I can ask her. Slamming my notebook shut, I cross my arms in front of me and lean back. Why does it seem the closer I get to an answer the farther away it seems? Like with my father.
I know he's in Faery. I have no idea how he ended up here, but he is. And I would give anything to go visit every court right now and try and find him. The biggest clue we had points to the Winter Court, and I'm ready to go break down that door. But I can't. I'm confined to this campus just like those in the quarantine. If it wasn't for the Oracle sending me back through the portal, I doubt I'd be free right now. Queen Amaryllis can sense my magic when I'm in her land and she does not have any kind feelings towards me. Not since I decided to show her up and ban her from Thunderbird Academy.
Restlessness is heavy in my veins, so I get to my feet and start pacing between the tables. After a full minute, I find some sense of control and head toward the history section. Last time, that's what yielded the most information. Human history.
Back in the olden days, people were more aware of magic and more afraid of it. So the human historians and coven leaders alike kept a pretty concise record of the time. There is a lot more magic hidden in human history books than anyone would imagine. It's how the whole story spell casting was even found out. Or how Liam and I found the information needed for the spell performed in my home town.
Now, as I stand in front of the vast wall, I have no idea what I'm looking for. But then I realize I'm in the wrong place. Pivoting, I head toward the opposite bookcase, which is filled with medical books from all over the world. If this is a sickness, maybe there's some mention of it here.
Pulling out a bunch of books that seem to fit the timeline from when my parents first encountered the disease, I settle myself at the desk and begin to read. It would go so much faster if I could bring my friends down here. But I guess that wouldn't even matter now since only about three of them are awake.
The thought brings instant sadness to my heart, that I try to push it away. I can't afford to give into emotions, not when so much is resting on my resolve to stay focused. I've become a ping pong ball, volleyed back and forth between being an emotional mess and being a hardened warrior. Because that's exactly what I've had to become. Dad has always said I had an old soul. Well, it's never been more true. I've become older than my years.
Shaking my head, I bring my attention back to the words in front of me. There are so many diseases, I don't think I'll ever be able to find anything useful in these pages. After a minute, I stand, spreading out the books on the table. Then, I climb on top of it as well, standing between the stacks. I tried this once before, with Ben, and it worked. Maybe it'll work this time as well.
Closing my eyes, I call on my magic. The other power answers the call instantly, but I lock it down. It's not happy to be shut off, but I can't afford passing out right now. My water magic bubbles to the surface, eager to be of use. With a few deep breaths, I ask for guidance and let the magic seep out of me. I feel it as it travels over each manuscript, leafing through the pages, and moving on to the next book. It's much easier letting it explore, and I don't have to do much, but trust it to guide me.
That's the biggest difference between my water magic and the story spell casting. Anytime I story cast, I feel the intensity of it in my very blood. With water magic, it's such an extension of me, that it's like moving fingers or toes. Maybe I just need more practice, but since I'm a little banned from using story spell casting, I can't exactly get much of that.
When I feel a tug on my magic, my eyes spring open. Expecting one of
the books below me to glow like last time, I jump down from the table, searching for the sign. But I don't see anything. The tug is still there, but it's not coming from the books in front of me. Raising my head, I search for the source, when I finally locate it. One of the books on the shelf to my right is glowing.
Quickly, I walk over, afraid I'll lose it. But I shouldn't worry. My magic is firmly attached to the book, until I have it in my hands. The moment I touch it, it sends a little spark over my fingertips, before settling to an open page.
"This is definitely not what I was looking for," I say, my own voice jarring me after the quietness of the room. It's a story.
"Soulmates?"
4
I stare at the page like I've never seen words before.
What do soulmate have to do with the sickness? Or the Ancients? The questions I asked, the energy I sent out, had nothing to do with this. It was about helping those I care about. Not some love story.
Of course I know the gist of it. My sisters have found their true soulmates. Even though we didn't really get into it when I was home months ago, I've heard about it. It used to be a fairytale, just like the Ancients. But now, both are a reality. I shut the book, ready to put it back, but it springs back open.
"Okay, fine. I'll read it."
It's not like I really have a choice. I asked the library for help and she's giving it to me. In her own, weird way. Walking back over to the big window, I sit down on the plush window seat. I don't think I've ever actually sat here before. I've never been able to find an exit or figure out if the forest outside the glass is actually real. But this feels like the perfect place to read this. Glancing down, I begin.
Once upon a time, in a land beyond imaginations, lived a prince in a big castle. He was a kind prince and took care of his people in the best way possible. He visited the villagers and he held open balls, inviting everyone in the kingdom. His parents doted on him and he was never without a friend.
