Behind her eyelids, she replayed everything that had happened to her since her world had been turned upside down. The pain of it all ripped through her, and she found it hard to find any air. Looking back, she had no idea how she survived it all.
And then she realized that she did. Throughout this whole ordeal, two things had remained constant. One was her fear, which was always with her, even if it was tucked away in the back of her mind. The other was Alec, and he was the reason she was able to tuck that fear away and continue on. He gave her strength and courage, and he believed in her. His wasn't a blind faith, though. He made her work for it and challenged her in more ways than anyone ever had before. He had seen the worst of her, and yet he still believed in her, still accepted her, and even claimed to love her. How could she not do the same for him? Hadn't Luna even warned her of this moment, reminding her that whatever Alec's past, Ariana knew his heart?
She leapt up from her seat and flung the door open, intent on finding Alec. She did. He slept against the door and fell inside when she opened it. He scrambled to his feet, still half-asleep. His eyes were red-rimmed and his cheeks stained with tears.
“I'm sorry,” he said automatically, shying away from her gaze. “I know you said you wanted space but I can't protect you that way.”
She stepped closer and lifted her hand to his cheek, tracing the lines of his tears with her thumb. “You've been crying.”
He dared to look at her, and he looked more vulnerable than she'd ever seen him. “So have you. I could hear you.”
She realized he must have been sitting outside the door all night listening to her weep and her heart twisted even more in her chest for doubting him to begin with. She took another step towards him, closing the gap between them and looking up at him intensely. “I'm not crying now.”
“Why not?” he asked, his face drifting closer to hers.
“Because I realized something. I don't care what you are, Alec. I never have. And I don't care what you've done in the past. The only thing I care about is you now,” she said and laid her hand over his heart. “I love you too, Alec.”
He stared at her, lips parting with yearning, as he processed her words. “You do?”
“Yes, you idiot,” Ariana said with a giggle. “Now's the part where you kiss me.”
Alec happily obeyed, scooping her into his arms and kissing her softly. His kiss tasted like all the happiness he poured into it. She opened her mouth, welcoming the deeper kiss that followed. She gripped the back of his head and pressed her body against his, and he responded in kind. He backed her up, his mouth never leaving hers, and kicked the door shut behind them.
“Say it again,” he urged her between brief kisses that met her mouth and nose and cheeks.
Ariana didn't need him to clarify which part of her speech he was talking about. She smoothed her hand over his head, watching the way his light brown curls bounced back into form before her palm found his cheek. “I love you, Alec.”
The moment she finished forming the words, his mouth crushed against hers. His hands drifted down to her hips, pulling her closer before backing her against the wall. He trailed kisses down her neck, and then slipped her chemise off of her shoulder so that he could find the skin underneath. He took her breathy moan to be encouragement and his hand drifted down to her leg, his fingers tugging at the skirt of the chemise until it revealed the bare thigh underneath.
Ariana pushed him away, her hands resting on his chest as she guided him backwards to the bed, knocking him over so that he fell down on it. She climbed on top of him, her legs straddling his lap and then she pulled him back up to kiss him once more. His hands tangled in her hair and he kissed her with all the desperation he felt, with the need to be closer to her still, and she returned it in earnest. She pulled away and slowly pulled her chemise over her head, her dark hair curtaining her chest.
“Ariana, we don't have to—”
She placed a finger over his lips and then traced his mouth with it. “I want this. Don't you?”
He nodded, words momentarily escaping him. “I've never wanted anything so much as I want you, Ariana.”
Ariana ran her fingers through his hair and grinned at him. “Then shut up and kiss me, Alec.”
CHAPTER THIRTY
Zelene stared heavily at the bodice to the dress lying on her bed. She wanted to look nice for Ellowyn's burial rites, but she didn't know how she was supposed to get it on by herself when it laced up in the front and back. Ellowyn usually helped her with her outfits when she couldn't manage them.
“You're crying again,” Ellowyn pointed out in a somber tone.
“You know, it's hard to miss you when you keep popping up like this,” Zelene griped, but relief was evident in her shaky tone. She turned to her friend and threw her arms around her neck. “I'm glad you're here. I didn't want to do this alone.”
Ellowyn patted her back gently. “You aren't alone, Zelene. I'm still here, but there are others too. When was the last time you spoke to Rhaya? Or your father? Or went to see your patient in the leigheas?”
Zelene pulled away stiffly. She forgot that Ellowyn didn't really know anything beyond what she told her. Or she couldn't remember anything, anyway. She picked up the bodice, examining it once more. “It's complicated.”
“Why? Because of Kyle?”
“Yes,” Zelene answered a little too quickly. She sighed and dropped her arms, the bodice hanging at her side. “And because . . . he's really Cedwen.”
Ellowyn froze. “What?”
Zelene slipped the bodice over her head, sticking her arms through the straps and wiggling around until she finagled it around her torso. She fought with it a little more than necessary, more to hide her struggle to explain as the very words seemed to choke her. “The Cedwen we knew, the one who . . . who . . . ”
“Who killed me,” Ellowyn finished for her.
Zelene sat down on her bed, her shoulders shaking violently with the emotions she still tried so hard to bury. “Don't say that.”
Ellowyn shrugged as if she had been talking about something as casual as brushing her hair. “That's what happened.” She sat down next to Zelene and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “You have to accept that, Zelene.”
“I'm not ready. I'm so scared you're just gonna disappear on me, just like Kyle did. He never came back, Ell. What if the same thing happens to you?”
“Your mother came back,” Ellowyn reminded her.
Zelene wiped her nose with the back of her hand. “Maybe that was because she had magic and Kyle didn't.”
Realization dawned on Ellowyn's face. “And I don't have magic either.”
Zelene nodded and clutched her chest, struggling to regain her composure. “Every time you go away, I think you might not come back.”
Ellowyn thought this over before shaking her head earnestly. “No. You told me that Kyle felt like he was being pulled away from you, and that it happened the first time he ever appeared to you. I don't feel like that, and I've been here pretty much since I died. I don't think the same thing is going to happen with me.”
“But you don't know that.”
“No,” she admitted, “but it makes more sense. Kyle was born in a world without magic. I was born in the world that has the strongest magic of any other world. I couldn't wield it, but it was all around me. Maybe that's the difference.”
“It's all conjecture,” Zelene argued. She closed her eyes in frustration when she heard a light knock at her door. She knew her father would probably have to escort her to the ceremony, but she really wanted to be alone for the walk down. Well, not quite alone. She wanted to be free to talk to Ellowyn on the way, and she couldn't do that with her arm linked through her father's. The knock sounded again and she walked over to the door with heavy feet. “Well, at least he can help me with my bodice,” she said as she swung the door open. The last two words died on her lips when she noticed Cedwen standing before her. She hated the way her heart fluttered at the sigh
t of him, especially since she was supposed to be mad at him. Cedwen hadn’t shown his face to her since Ellowyn died, and Zelene wasn’t sure what she resented more: that he had abandoned her, or that she felt like she needed him.
She settled for narrowing her eyes at him. “You.”
He shook his head and grimaced. “And that's the exact reason I told your father this was a bad idea.”
Zelene stopped him when he started to turn away. “Sorry. I was expecting my father, that's all.”
He reluctantly turned back to her. “He thought it would be better if I escorted you because we were friends before.”
“Were?” She planted her hands on her hips. “So, what? You find out you're really a prince and decide I'm not good enough to even be your friend?”
“Zelene—”
She stepped away from the way he reached for her apologetically and threw her hands up. “No way in hell! Go get my Dad and tell him I'd rather he escort me down than you. And you know, you picked a really shitty time to tell me that you don't want to be my—”
Cedwen cupped her face, halting her words. “Zelene! Stop. I want nothing more than to be your friend.”
“Then why did you say—?”
His grip slackened and his thumbs softly caressed her cheeks. “Because I didn't think you'd want me as a friend anymore after all that has happened. The man who killed your best friend wore my name as he did. Ellowyn died thinking Cedwen killed her.”
She placed her hands over his. “But not you. She could never mistake you for that monster.”
“You can say that again,” Ellowyn mumbled. She straightened, when she noticed Zelene and Cedwen locked in place, staring at one another. “Great Mother, he wants to kiss you,” she exclaimed. She looked at Zelene and gasped. “You just bit your lip when I said that! You want to kiss him. Oh, do it! You'd be a fool not to, Zelene.”
Zelene's face reddened and she stepped away. “Um, can you help me with the laces?” She noticed him gawking at the loose laces in front and quickly shook her head. “I mean the back one. I can't reach it.”
“Oh,” he said with an awkward laugh. “Of course.”
Zelene turned her back to him and tightened the lace in the front while he worked the one in the back. She was all too aware of his touch, thanks to Ellowyn, and glared at her friend.
“Kiss. Him.” Ellowyn stomped her foot to enforce her demand.
“Shut up,” Zelene mouthed to Ellowyn. Her chest was flush and her skin felt tight with embarrassment, even though she knew logically that Cedwen hadn't heard a word of what Ellowyn said. “We should get going,” she said abruptly, not even sure if he was finished. She just didn't want to be alone with him anymore.
He cleared his throat. “Yes. Ellowyn probably wouldn't appreciate it if we were late. For any reason.”
Ellowyn huffed. “There are some reasons I would be fine with.”
Zelene glanced back at her, widening her eyes with annoyance, and then turned back to Cedwen with a much softer demeanor. “Let's go.”
***
Rhaya arrived first to Ellowyn's burial. She hadn't been outside of Anscombe center with its circular structures since her arrival to the island city, and the ritual took place at the very edge of the island, on the sandy beaches beyond the farms and houses of the general population. It was a long walk, but well worth it for the quiet her solitude offered her. She'd spent so much time trying to build walls to help safeguard her from the vast emotions of the people around her, and relaxing those defenses felt freeing.
She stood just at the edge of the tide, watching it roll in gently and thinking that it was fitting that the waters were so calm today. Ellowyn always had a calming presence for them all, especially Zelene.
An unnatural breeze blew through her hair, and she knew Raemann had caught up to her. “You were dawdling,” she accused jovially.
“And you were supposed to have your father escort you here.”
She turned and smiled warmly at him. “He did. I knew you were there.”
“Rhaya,” he chided half-heartedly. “You can't keep referring to me that way. You have a father now who loves you very much.”
She shrugged. “I always have.”
“I'm glad you feel that way, but you do need to give your real father a chance. He's not as bad as you think.”
“Since when did you become his champion?”
Raemann stared out into the ocean that matched his eyes. “Oh, I still think he is a bigot, but that doesn't mean he's not a loving father. Just imperfect. But then again, I'm not perfect either.”
Rhaya’s jaw fell with mock offense. “Hold your tongue! My Dad is sheer perfection in every way.”
He chuckled and put his arm around her. “Oh, Rhaya. Sometimes you are too much like me.” He kissed the top of her head. “Give him a chance. He's already lost you once. Don't put him through that again.”
“I have been,” she assured him. “But it will never be the same as it is with you.”
“I know.” He released her and stepped away frowning. “Can't have anyone seeing.”
She watched his shadow disappear from her peripheral and then walked to the pyre set up for Ellowyn. It was an elaborate raft about seven feet long and four feet wide at the water's edge with three layers of crisscrossed logs. Four posts were on the top layer pointing up, attaching the thin plank of wood Ellowyn would be laid across. The young maid's body wasn't on it yet, for which Rhaya was grateful. Purple and white flower garlands lining the posts and draped across the deck of the raft, and a thin cotton sheet with a matching pattern embroidered around the edges covering the board that would hold Ellowyn. It was beautiful, to be sure, but Rhaya couldn't help but feel that Ellowyn deserved better.
“She deserves to be alive,” she said out loud. She turned around to greet the other early arrivals. She blinked, thinking she must be mistaking the two teenagers approaching her, because she had no reason to believe Sylvanna's twin children would come. They had never even met Ellowyn. Her confusion must have been evident in her face since Kara ducked her head and twisted her hands together.
“We wanted to be here,” Kara offered as quick explanation. “Ellowyn meant so much to you all. I wish I could have known her.”
Kara tugged at her dress, which was a deep brown and a simple yet elegant style. There was no bodice or corset, just a princess cut and long flowing sleeves made of a sheer material. Rhaya felt overdressed by comparison since she had picked out a black dress with a silver corset of an elaborate pattern of swirls. The feeling only intensified when she realized that Brendan also wore a dark brown, as well as Sylvanna, Morissey, and the others arriving.
“I guess funeral traditions here are a bit different than what I'm used to,” Rhaya said awkwardly.
“We wear brown to signify the body returning to the earth,” Brendan explained.
Rhaya turned to the pyre with question. “But you cast it into the ocean.”
“With fire,” Kara nodded. “Each element is represented in the burial rites. Water carries the body away, Fire turns it to ash, Air spreads the ashes, and Earth eventually reclaims it.”
“Full circle. I get it,” Rhaya agreed glumly. “I didn't think there'd be this many people here,” she noted when looking around at all of the familiar faces. Meridel and Leone walked alongside Solanna, her husband Devland, and their daughter Mira, though Mira didn't look as willing to be there as the twins. Rhaya didn't expect anything less from her cousin, who consistently gave off the spoiled brat vibe. Terrena arrived with Reilly, and they both made their way across the beach to stand silently with Rhaya next to the pyre. Isauria, Bianca, and Nolan joined them next. Zelene followed slowly behind, clutching Cedwen's arm as though he might be helping to hold her up. She stood off to the side with Cedwen, her focus on the pyre with such fear that one might think she was going to be laid across it.
“I thought you'd be busy watching over Ariana,” Rhaya whispered to Isauria.
Isauria's fa
ce turned scarlet. “Um, I think Ariana will be fine on her own. She was, um, busy last time I checked in on her. And I'm sure I'll sense it if she needs me.”
Rhaya's jaw dropped at the implication. “No . . . ”
Isauria nodded firmly with a pained look. “Let's just say there are some things that can never be unseen.”
Rhaya wanted to ask Izzy more, but her sister interrupted.
Terrena's brows furrowed as she looked at Nolan. “I thought you were going to help carry her.”
He shook his head slowly, trying to maintain his composure even though he trembled with the effort. “My father insisted, as did Tate. I will . . . help guide her to the pyre.” He choked on his own words and turned away. “It isn't right,” he spat out. “She'll be reduced to nothing more than ash and she was better . . . her life . . . she . . . ”
“She filled us all with such joy,” Terrena finished for him. “It would be more fitting to cast her into the sun.”
Rhaya liked the way Terrena put that, and decided she wanted to think of it that way too. She didn't want to think about Ellowyn's ashes being spread around. She didn't want to think of Ellowyn's body at all, but when she turned back to the road, the procession carrying it was heading towards her. She whimpered softly when she realized Ellowyn's body wasn't covered at all. Ellowyn looked the same as ever, if just a little pale; the earth magic used on her serving to freeze her body and keep it from decomposing. The twins both placed consoling hands on Rhaya’s shoulders, and she greatly appreciated the offered comfort. Everyone stood silently while Arland and Tate carried the stretcher holding her friend to the pyre.
Nolan picked Ellowyn up and pulled her head against his shoulder. Her long dark hair shone as it spilled across his back, but Rhaya could only focus on Ellowyn's arms, which should have been wrapped lovingly around Nolan's neck. Instead, they hung down at awkward angles.
Zelene stepped up to the pyre and her knees buckled. Cedwen put his arm around her waist as she cast a desperate look around. Rhaya followed her gaze, wondering who her cousin was looking for. She didn't get an answer as most people became distracted by a new group arriving. Every single Tainted staff member came down the path, each wearing their headwraps. Zelene shook her head tearfully, her chest rising and falling with her shaky breaths.
Heirs of War, Crown of Flames Page 34
