by Kim Lawrence
‘You said that you killed your best friend. I have no idea what actually happened but, as they put people in jail for murder and you are not there, I’m assuming—’
He interrupted her, speaking through clenched teeth. ‘He is dead.’ His shoulders sagged as the anger drained away leaving a desolate hollowness inside his chest. ‘I am here.’
The emptiness in his flat delivery brought an ache to her throat. Watching him through her lashes, Chloe struggled to hide the dangerous rise of emotions that made her chest tight.
‘I know, Nik, I’m not deaf or blind.’
The hand he was dragging back and forth through his hair stilled at the mild reproof. He shot her a look and wondered for the tenth time in as many seconds why, if he was going to have some sort of meltdown, he had to do it in front of this woman who did not seem to have any concept of personal boundaries.
‘I am not one of your charity projects!’ he snarled, the very idea offending his masculine pride deeply.
Taken aback by the outraged charge, she just blinked.
‘Has it ever occurred to you that people who put so much of themselves into worthwhile causes are compensating for something that is missing in their own lives?’
Anger at this outrageous statement replaced her bewilderment. Face flushed, she compressed her lips and arched a brow. ‘Let me guess what you think is missing in my life—a man,’ she drawled. ‘Why do all men assume that they are essential for a woman’s happiness and fulfilment? If there is anything missing in my life I’ll get myself a dog. They’re far more reliable.’
Eyelids half lowered so that all she could see was a glitter of dark brown, he let the silence that developed between them stretch out taut before breaking it with a thoughtful, ‘I obviously touched a nerve there.’
He’d managed to change the subject from his own trauma, she realised, which she was assuming had been his intention all along. ‘Your friend is dead and I’m sorry. You might feel responsible, you might be responsible in some way, I have no idea, but I do know for definite that you didn’t kill anyone.’
‘How can you possibly know that?’ he jeered. ‘You don’t know me.’
She found herself wondering if anyone did. Did he push the world away or was it just her? ‘Who was that woman?’ she asked quietly.
He turned to look at the sea again. ‘Her name is Helena and she was engaged to Charlie, my best friend.’
‘Do you mind if I sit down?’ Without waiting for him to respond, she brushed a piece of silvered driftwood to one side with a foot, set down her shoes and sat down on the sand, stretching her long legs in front of her, crossing them at the ankle.
Nik turned as she was leaning back on her hands, just as the breeze lifted her hair, blowing it across her face before it settled in a fine silky mesh down her back except for a few errant strands that stuck to her face. Wrinkling her nose, she pursed her lips and huffed them away.
There was something about her beauty that could touch him in a way he hadn’t known he was capable of even at a time like this. He made an effort to resurrect a scowl but gave up on the attempt, deciding instead to sit down beside her.
‘Charlie was a cameraman, the best there was. People often forget when they see some correspondent standing there in the middle of a gun battle that there’s a man behind the camera too, taking the same risks without the same recognition. We’d worked together for two years in the sort of environment where...well, let’s just say that you get to see the best and worst of people.’
Chloe glanced sideways at his face...and wondered what he was seeing as he stared out to sea. For a while there was nothing but the hissing sound of the waves breaking a few feet away, and she had the impression he had forgotten she was there.
When he finally spoke his deep, strong voice held a rusty crack.
‘He met Helena through me. Her family are part of the London Greek expat community too, but like us they have relatives who still live here on the island. When I was a kid staying with my grandparents I used to hang around with her brothers. That was one of them with her back at the airport—Andreos. Helena used to tag along with us,’ he recalled. ‘A nice kid.’
And the nice kid had grown up to be a beautiful young woman with everything to live for, except now she didn’t want to live.
‘She and Charlie hit it off straight away. I was surprised as they were total opposites. Charlie was an extrovert and she was thoughtful, quiet and...’ He swallowed hard, the muscles in his brown throat working.
It really hurt her to see him struggle. ‘So it was a whirlwind romance?’
‘Actually more of a slow burner,’ Nik recalled. ‘They had an on-off thing that lasted eighteen months or so, the sort of thing that often fizzles out. But then something changed... I don’t know what it was, but they got engaged.’
She watched as he silently wrestled with the emotions inside him. Finally, she prompted softly, ‘You were surprised.’
He turned his head, his dark eyes glittering with self-contempt as he contradicted her. ‘I was irritated. We were a team and Charlie had announced that he was quitting and moving to a safe job where there was no risk of being kidnapped or shot.
‘It was me who persuaded him to take that one last assignment together. I was convinced that he’d realise that he couldn’t survive without the adrenaline rush, that he’d resent Helena if he gave up a life he loved for her. Oh, I was a really caring friend.’ Nik squeezed his eyes closed, still seeing Charlie’s dead eyes, his nostrils flaring at the remembered metallic iron scent of blood. ‘So it did turn out to be his last assignment after all, and he was only there because of me.’
Chloe swallowed the lump in her throat and turned her head to hide the tears that filled her eyes before picking up a handful of sand and letting the silver particles slide through her fingers, watching them vanish into the billions of identical grains. Risking a look at him through her lashes, she saw his expression was completely remote as though he’d retreated to another place entirely.
She didn’t attempt to react to his words until she had full control of her emotions again. Nik didn’t want her tears or her sympathy; he’d made that obvious. The only thing he wanted from her was her body, which rather begged the question as to why she was getting involved with his problems, seeing as it was the one thing she couldn’t give him.
‘What happened was a tragedy.’ She winced at the triteness of her comment. ‘But how exactly is it your fault?’
He vented a hard laugh and looked at her incredulously. ‘Have you listened to a word I said?’ He still didn’t know why he’d said those words—any of them.
He was already regretting it.
He was a private man living in a world where people were tripping over themselves to expose their innermost thoughts and feelings, mostly for public scrutiny. You couldn’t turn on a television or a computer, or open a newspaper, without finding some celebrity revealing all, but the idea of turning your personal tragedies and failings into entertainment for the masses made his blood run cold.
Getting to his feet, he brushed the sand off his clothes and stood there looking down at her. ‘Tatiana will be wondering what has happened to us.’
Chloe uncrossed her legs and raised herself gracefully to her feet. ‘Do you think you’re honouring your friend in some way by beating yourself up for being alive? The way you talk about him, it doesn’t make it sound as though your friend Charlie would have approved.’
‘Helena might disagree.’
‘Come on, you’re an intelligent man—it doesn’t take a professional to see that the poor woman needs help. She’s attacking you because she wants someone to blame.’ She shook her head in disbelief as he turned and walked away. ‘Nik!’ Cursing softly under her breath, she picked up her shoes from the sand and ran after him. ‘Fine,’ she said, falling breathlessly into step beside him. ‘Deal with it by ignoring the problem. That always works, doesn’t it? It’s very adult of you!’ How the hell could you help a
man who was too stubborn to admit he needed it?
He stopped and swung around to face her, feeling a twisting feeling in his chest as he looked down into her angry face. ‘I did not invite you into my head, so stay out!’
‘Or what?’ she charged, pitying the woman who one day actually wanted to reach him, whose heart ached to help him.
He reached out and cupped a hand around the back of her head, drawing her up onto her toes until their lips were a whisper apart. ‘Or this.’
Her gasp of shock was lost in the warmth of his mouth as it came crashing down hard on hers. He kissed her like a man starving for the taste, kissed her as though he’d drain her. One big hand slid down the curve of her back, coming to rest on the smooth curve of her bottom, dragging her up against the grinding hardness of his erection. His free hand moved to the back of her head to hold her face up to his as the kiss continued on and on until her head was spinning.
Her body arched against him as her shoes fell from her nerveless fingers. Mouths still sealed, they took a few staggering steps together as the ferocity of their desire intensified. Chloe’s knees were on the point of buckling when without warning he suddenly let her go.
She slid down to the sand and sat there, arms wrapped around herself as she looked up at him, her big eyes wide and shocked. Bleeding control from every nerve ending, Nik’s hands clenched by his sides... He wanted to shed the pain, lose himself inside her—but he knew he would be using her in exactly the same way he’d used other women...using sex to gain a few moments’ oblivion.
Why couldn’t he bring himself to use Chloe?
* * *
‘That’s my way of dealing with it, agape mou,’ he told her harshly, staring at the pouting line of her lips, which were still swollen from his kisses. ‘So if you’re feeling sorry for me and fancy a bit of pity sex...?’
Even as she winced at the deliberate crudity of his suggestion, shameful excitement clenched low in her belly.
‘It was just a thought,’ he drawled.
She watched him stalk away, wondering how anyone managed to look rock-hard, tough and vulnerable all at the same time, but then he was a man of massive contradictions. Her energy levels felt as though they’d moved into negative territory as she began to slowly slog her way through the sand after him. It wasn’t until the car came into view with Nik standing beside it looking impatient that she realised what the tight feeling in her chest was—fear. She had never felt more scared in her life, which was saying something.
She couldn’t be in love with Nik. She lifted her chin in defiance at the idea... She refused to be in love with him.
As she approached he opened the back door for her.
She tipped her head in acknowledgment and murmured sarcastically, ‘What a gentleman,’ before slamming the door behind her just in case he thought he was going to ride in the back with her.
CHAPTER NINE
‘DO YOU LIKE IT?’
‘It’s beautiful,’ Chloe said honestly as she walked around the room that Eugenie had guided her to. ‘What a view,’ she exclaimed, walking over to the open French doors. Three steps away was the infinity pool and beyond that the sea.
‘It used to be a little tiny cottage, and Granny was born here,’ the teenager confided. ‘She was poor. That must be awful, I think. When she married Grandpa he wanted to knock it down but she wouldn’t let him so he built around it. There wasn’t any beach here then, so he brought the sand and made one.’
‘What about the big place on the hill?’ It had looked Venetian and just gorgeous set against a backdrop of pines.
‘Oh, we own that too. Grandpa bought it but Yaya wouldn’t live in it and he preferred modern so...’ She gave a shrug that made Chloe think of her uncle. ‘It’s pretty much falling down now.’
‘That’s sad,’ Chloe said, glancing through the doors of a walk-in closet, realising that she didn’t have even so much as a toothbrush with her.
The girl seemed to read her thoughts. ‘Don’t worry. Mum will organise you some stuff.’
‘No, really—’
‘It’s fine. She has closets full of samples.’ She looked at Chloe with envy. ‘They wouldn’t fit anyone else here. Are you sure you won’t join us for dinner?’
Chloe resisted the pleading tone and gave a firm shake of her head, adding, ‘I’m really whacked.’ She escorted Eugenie to the door and closed it behind her reluctant-to-leave guest.
She released a sigh and leaned back against the wall, willing the images that were flashing through her head to stop or at least slow down because they made her dizzy.
Finally summoning the energy to kick off her shoes, she flopped onto the bed and lay there staring at the fan that was whirring silently above her head.
She had pleaded exhaustion when she had been given the option of a tray in her room, which suggested she looked as bad as she felt. The bone-deep weariness felt as if it were crushing her; even lifting a hand to her head was an effort, as was closing her eyes. But when she’d managed it, opening them again was just not an option.
She suspected her weariness was as much emotional as physical. Lack of sleep was the reason, she decided, unwilling to admit the truth even to herself.
She touched her lips, a silent sigh rippling through her body as she remembered the moment Nik’s eyes had dropped to her mouth and she’d known he was thinking about kissing her... Had he been able to feel how much she wanted him to? Oh, God, why was she even wasting her time thinking about it? It was just a damned kiss; there was nothing deep and meaningful about it!
She sighed, thinking, I’ll get up in a minute and shower the day and the memories away... There was no hurry.
* * *
Fighting her way out of sleep was like fighting her way through layers of gauze, convinced when she finally broke through the veil of sleep that she had heard someone crying out.
She lay there listening but it was silent except for the sounds of the night coming in through the open door.
Night!
She sat up abruptly, looking around the room. It was dark but not inky black, as the sky outside the door was tinged faintly with red. She reached for the lamp switch and found it, illuminating the room and revealing a tray on a table, the food covered by domes.
She swung her legs over the side of the bed and the first thing her glance lighted on was a full-length silk kaftan hanging on a hook of the door to the bathroom. She smiled as she got stiffly to her feet. She picked up her phone and glanced at the time, her eyes widening as she saw it was five-thirty in the morning!
She picked up one of the domes and looked at the food, but she was not hungry enough to be tempted by the sad, cold remains of what had, she had no doubt, been a delicious meal.
There were more clothes neatly folded and stacked on the shelves in the wardrobe and hanging on padded hangers. Tatiana had clearly crept in while she was asleep like a petite Greek Santa. She yawned and stretched, wondering about Greek Christmas traditions.
She spent a long time in the shower and emerged feeling half human. Laying out a towel on the bed, she sat down and began rubbing the oil one of her physiotherapists had recommended into the tight tissues of her scars with light but firm strokes.
Maybe its effects were just a placebo but it smelt good and, while it was no magic cure-all, her skin always felt more supple after she’d applied it. She had got into the habit of carrying it in her handbag.
She waited for it to dry before she put on the kaftan, enjoying the feel of the silk against her skin. She lifted an arm and performed a swishing motion, smiling. Tatiana really was talented. Drawn by the smells and sounds of early morning, she wandered to the open door and pulled aside the mosquito curtain that someone had pulled across while she slept.
Eyes closed, she breathed in deeply before she walked out, the soft scented breeze blowing the kaftan against her body. A tiny lizard disturbed by her tread emerged from a crack in the stone and vanished beneath the glossy, well-trimmed shrubbery.
The swimming pool lit by underwater lights that reflected the mosaic tiles drew her like a magnet; she loved water. She’d learnt to swim at school and if she had been prepared to put in the sort of dedication that involved a relentless early morning training schedule and no social life she might have been able to compete at a high level.
Physical ability and natural talent were no good unless you had the dedication that went with them and Chloe didn’t...but she really loved to swim. Apart from the times she had stayed with her sister, as camera lenses and shocked stares were really not an issue in the royal palace, she had not ventured into the water since the accident.
She liked to think that one day she would be brave enough to swim in a public pool and not care about the stares, but that day had not yet come.
Walking to the edge, she hitched the folds of silk around her knees and sat down, dangling her feet in the warm water, thinking about the lovely feeling of it on her skin.
It was tempting to go in for a swim, it really was... Who was around to see?
* * *
Nik had been swimming lengths for ten minutes, pushing his body to the limit in an attempt to wash away the personal devils left in his head after the nightmare had visited him yet again. He neared the wall at the deep end, flipped over and had lifted his head to gulp in air when he saw Chloe approach the pool through a watery haze.
He paused, his head just breaking the surface as he trod water, the shimmering image solidifying. He was unable to take his eyes off her as she walked towards the water, the thin floor-length robe she wore blowing tight against her, outlining every supple curve of her long, luscious body.
She obviously wasn’t wearing a stitch underneath.
The sound of blood drumming in his ears became deafening as in his head he saw her opening the garment and slipping it off, then standing there naked on the side before diving in... All she actually did was trail her toes in the water, pretty tame by most standards, but Nik felt his dormant libido once more kick into life—hard.
