by Casey Dawes
“I’ll bring you some books and practice on you next time I come. I’ll be there about ten on Saturday. Sound good? I miss you, Sarah.”
“Sounds good.” Did she miss him? Would he notice the lack of a return sentiment?
“Sarah?” Her mother’s voice wafted in from the hall. “You really shouldn’t leave the door open.”
“My mother’s here,” Sarah said. “Got to go. See you Saturday.”
“Love you.” Rick’s voice had a hopeful note in it.
“Yeah.” She clicked the phone off, her stomach churning with conflicting emotions — guilt, unease, and a desire to be done with Rick.
But she never would be. Even if they didn’t get back together, they’d have a child forever.
“Oh, here you are!” Elizabeth entered her bedroom, a stack of romance novels in her hands.
Sarah groaned. She didn’t need to be reading about someone else’s happily ever after.
“Why did you call Rick?” Sarah asked her mother.
“He had a right to know.”
“You don’t get to make that decision.” Sarah glared at Elizabeth.
Her mother gripped the novels tighter. “I brought these for you.” She waved them around before setting them on the bureau. Glancing around the room, Elizabeth said, “The furniture looks great. Good thing you were able to get it before … before — ”
“I had to stay in bed.”
“I’m really messing this up, aren’t I?” Elizabeth said.
“Uh-huh.”
Elizabeth sat on the edge of the bed. “I only want the best for you and for the child.”
“And you think Rick is the best.”
“You don’t?” Elizabeth looked at her in surprise.
Sarah looked down at the quilt covering her bed. “I don’t know. I’m all mixed up. I think Rick should be the one; it’s his baby. But then I remember how he didn’t want the baby — told me to get an abortion.”
“I thought he apologized for that.”
“He did. But when he talks, he talks about his future and what he wants, not what we’re going to do together as a family.”
“He could be insecure.”
Sarah looked up at her mother. “That doesn’t make him good father material.”
“It doesn’t make him bad father material, either. Just immature.”
Hunter wasn’t immature.
Her mother must have known what she was thinking. “Isn’t it going to be awkward having Hunter around?”
“He won’t be here when Rick comes.”
“But Rick will know. Men always do.”
“Not unless you tell him, Mother.”
“I won’t have to. He’ll know.”
Elizabeth was probably right, but Sarah didn’t want to deal with it right now. She needed Hunter as an electrician, plumber, and muscle. “I need someone with a strong back. Rick’s not around.”
“So hire someone. He doesn’t have to live here.”
“Mom.” Sarah leaned forward. “Hunter saved the baby. He’s a vet. Can we cut him some slack?”
“I can. I’m just not sure Rick can.”
“He’s going to have to get over it.”
“I don’t — ”
“Stay out of it, Mom. I’m warning you!” The blood pumped faster through Sarah’s veins and her face burned.
Elizabeth stood up. “Okay. Okay. You need to stay calm, Sarah. I’ll do what you want.”
“Promise?”
Elizabeth kissed her on the forehead. “Promise.”
The front door swung open with a thud. “Who’s here?” Hunter called out.
“My mom,” Sarah called out at the same time her mother said, “Elizabeth, Sarah’s mom!”
Clunking came from the living room.
“What’s he doing?” Elizabeth asked.
“Lawn furniture. I refuse to spend the next three months in here. Can you go see what he’s got? With my luck he’s gotten that ugly white plastic stuff.”
A few minutes later, Elizabeth was back with a smile on her face. “He’s got taste. It will go well in the garden when you’re done with it.”
Sarah breathed a sigh of relief.
Chapter 15
Sarah looked up from her improvised bed at the faces gathered around the kitchen table — Mandy, Elizabeth, and Hunter. The house was beginning to feel like an inn, good food and conversation warming the walls. She smiled and ate another bite of Mandy’s macaroni and cheese. Sheer bliss in a casserole dish.
“So what do you think?” Mandy asked her.
“I think you’re hired.”
“I second that notion,” Hunter chimed in with a smile, raising his soda glass in a mock gesture.
“Why aren’t you drinking wine?” Sarah asked.
“You can’t.”
“Yes,” Mandy chimed in. “We all agreed we’d hold the beer and wine until you could join us. However,” she leaned toward Sarah, “as far as coffee is concerned, you’re on your own. I need my caffeine.”
“I know the feeling,” Elizabeth added.
Laughter bubbled from those around the table, infecting Sarah until she joined in. This was family — sharing joy and burdens. How much had Mandy and Hunter brought into her life in a short time? Measureless.
She caught her mother studying her. Elizabeth immediately looked away, but Sarah could tell there was something on her mind.
By the time Sarah went to bed that night, all misgivings were banished by contentment. Unlike some nights, tonight the sandman stayed with her and she woke refreshed the next morning.
Sarah spent most of the day going over the kitchen needs with Mandy. “I’m so frustrated I can’t go to that auction.”
Mandy stopped writing on her list and looked up at Sarah. “Do you trust me?”
“Of course.”
“No, I mean really trust me. If you’re anything like your mother, giving up control doesn’t come easily.”
Sarah laughed. “You have a point there. But what choice do I have?”
“There’s always a choice. You can wait.”
“Not likely.”
Mandy shrugged. “Well, then.”
Sarah took a deep breath. Maybe she’d trusted easily once, but she couldn’t remember when that had been. Time to take the plunge. It was only a kitchen.
And she didn’t cook, as everyone kept reminding her.
“I trust you.” She smiled.
“See, that wasn’t that hard.” Mandy rose from the table and started pulling things from the refrigerator and cabinets. Somehow the kitchen was coming together. In addition to a blender Mandy had gotten on sale at a big box store, she’d managed to score a cappuccino maker and a slow cooker at garage sales. “I’m going to start a Crockpot stew for dinner before I go to work. That way there’ll be something for you and Hunter even if I’m not here.”
“You really don’t have to go through all this trouble.”
Mandy pointed a sharp knife at Sarah. “That was the deal. I cook. You supply a room and buy half the groceries. Don’t overstep your boundaries.”
Sarah laughed again, propped up her laptop, and went back to work on the inn’s website.
Mandy wheeled her chaise lounge back into the living room before she left and Sarah settled in for the day. Desperation made her pick up one of the romance novels her mother had left.
Within a few pages she’d drifted off to sleep.
A knock at the door awoke her. “Come in.” Elizabeth may not like the unlocked door, but there didn’t seem to be any way around it.
She was surprised when her seventeen-year-old half-sister, Alicia, walked in, her pregnant stomach leading the way. Since she’d moved home, Sarah had avoided her mother’s spa, not willing to spend time with her father’s daughter. Nothing Elizabeth could say would change her mind.
Sarah didn’t understand how Elizabeth could accept her husband’s disloyalty and its evidence on a daily basis. “Oh. Hi.”
Alicia
had a pink Gayle’s box in her hands. “Your mother has sent me with a peace offering,” she said. “Shall I put it in the kitchen, or do you want me to serve some now?”
“What did she send?” The conversation couldn’t get any more awkward if Sarah tried.
Alicia smiled, the grin lighting her face and reminding Sarah of her father. Her heart ached with the betrayal.
“She sent bear claws and some mini-Danish. Smells great.” Alicia waved the box under Sarah’s nose.”
Sarah’s stomach obediently grumbled and she had to chuckle. “Sounds like now would be good. Why don’t you join me? I think the plates are in the cupboard on the far wall. There’s still coffee in the machine. Help yourself.”
“Do you want any?”
Sarah shook her head. “It’s caffeinated. I’ll take a glass of water if you don’t mind.”
The thick walls masked whatever noise Alicia was making in the kitchen. Sarah stared at the ceiling, trying to think of safe topics of conversation. The dark wood wainscoting and emerald wallpaper didn’t reveal any secrets for success.
“How much longer?” Sarah gestured to Alicia’s round belly when she returned with the food.
“About six more weeks. I can’t wait.” Alicia lowered herself into one of the armchairs. “I’m sorry you have to have bed rest. That would have driven me crazy. I like to be moving all the time.”
The silence lengthened as they took the first bites of the pastries.
After taking a sip of coffee, Alicia put her hands on her knees and gazed steadily at Sarah. “Look, I know I make you uncomfortable and I’m sorry for that. But it’s not my fault.”
“I know that.”
Alicia licked her lips. “You sound so cold when you say that Sarah. We are sisters. In my culture, family is important and you are my family, no matter that we’re from different sides of the sheet.” She gestured at the chaise. “This can be frustrating. Some of my cousins have had to do this. I would like to help if I could.” She smiled. “I’m good at making things pretty. I could help you decorate the rooms with knickknacks, flowers, maybe even some painted flowers on the upper walls.” She stood and began to walk around the room.
“I really can help you. We can find style you want on the web and then I can make it happen.” She crossed to Sarah. “Please. I want to be closer to you.” She gestured to their stomachs. “Our babies will be close in age — cousins. We must make our peace so they can know their whole family.”
Sarah looked away from the young woman’s earnestness. “I’ll need to think about this.” She turned back and smiled at Alicia. “Thank you for the offer. Really. I appreciate it. I’m … I’m not sure I’m ready.”
“I see.” Alicia’s face shuttered. She pulled a piece of paper from her purse and scribbled a number on it. “My cell. If — when — you change your mind.”
Sarah took it.
“I think I will go now.” Alicia picked up her dish and coffee cup and brought it back to the kitchen. When she came back out, she said, “Oh, I almost forgot. Your mother asked me to give this to you. She said you needed it.”
“Thanks.” Sarah took the small rectangle, edges bent from use.
“Bye.” Alicia let herself out the door.
Sarah looked down at the card.
“Carol Eos, Life Coach.”
Sarah groaned. Her mother was being pushy, but given Sarah’s kiss with Hunter at the hospital when she was supposed to be reconciling with Rick, talking to someone was probably a good idea.
She opened up her laptop, found the coach’s website, and made an appointment for the following afternoon when Mandy and Hunter would be at work.
Daisy barked her approval.
The next afternoon the phone rang promptly at two. “Carol Eos here. Is this Sarah?”
“Yes.”
“Good. How can I help you?”
“My mother suggested I call you.”
“Elizabeth?”
“Yes. How did you know?”
“She’d mentioned you once or twice. I don’t have many clients in California, so it’s a quick process of elimination.” The woman’s deep chuckle rumbled over the line. “What can I do for you?”
“Well. I’m pregnant.”
“Congratulations.”
“Thanks, but that’s the problem.”
“You didn’t want to be pregnant?” Carol asked.
“Well, no, actually I didn’t. But I am and I’m okay with that. In fact, I’m looking forward to holding my baby in my arms.” Sarah surprised herself, discovering as she said it that it was true. She was looking forward to her baby’s arrival.
Silence.
“The problem is,” Sarah continued, “I’m not sure about the father.”
“You mean you don’t know who he is?” The voice was kind, without judgment.
“Not that at all.” Sarah shifted in the chaise’s confines. “It’s just … ” She spilled the story to the coach of the accidental pregnancy, Rick’s reaction, the inn, and Rick’s attempt to get back in her good graces.
“Did you ever love him?”
Carol’s question took Sarah aback. “Of course I did.” Had she? What did she know about love anyway. “I think I did.”
“How long had you been together?”
“A little under a year before I got pregnant.” Sarah stared at the wallpaper flocking. “I changed my whole life to be around him. It was the right thing to do,” she hastily added. “I’m much happier being an innkeeper, well, almost innkeeper, than an environmental scientist.”
“They’re quite different. What made you choose science?”
“My friends in high school were worried about the environment and got me hooked. I mean. I wanted to do something important for the planet. Being an innkeeper doesn’t even come close.”
Sarah heard the disappointment in herself. She’d given up her dreams for a man and look where it had landed her.
“But you’re happier.”
“I think so.”
Sarah could almost hear the gears turning in the coach’s head.
“You know,” Carol finally said, “providing food, shelter, and a warm surrounding is also important to the planet. When people are together in a relaxed setting, they can have conversations that they wouldn’t ordinarily have. There’s a reason world leaders go on retreats to hash things out.”
“Oh.” Sarah hadn’t considered it that way before.
“What do you want?” Carol asked.
“An intact family where I’m in love with my husband. A job to keep me interested, yet allow me time to be with my baby. Security — financial, emotional, physical.” She’d said the same thing so many times she didn’t need to think about it.
“Do you think Rick can partner with you to get that?”
Did she? Sarah sank back into the pillows and shifted her gaze to the ceiling.
He had to. He was the baby’s father. Otherwise, she’d be another single mother — like Alicia.
“My half-sister is pregnant,” she announced.
“How does that make you feel?”
Feel? “I don’t know.”
“Are you pleased?”
Sarah snorted. “Not hardly.”
“So not happy for her.”
“She’s going to be a single mom at seventeen. How can she know what she’s doing?”
Yet Alicia seemed to know her future more than Sarah did. Alicia had determined right from the beginning she wasn’t marrying her baby’s father, a gang member in Los Baños.
Sarah couldn’t make up her mind between two men.
The silence lingered. Why isn’t the coach talking?
“Okay. I’m angry,” Sarah finally said.
“At your sister?”
Tears started falling from Sarah’s eyes. “No! At the whole situation. My father’s affair that produced Alicia, Rick wanting me to get an abortion, my mother’s constant interference, and Hunter — ”
Oops.
“
Who’s Hunter?” The coach was quick.
“My handyman.”
The coach chuckled. “Did he put a pipe in upside down or something?”
“No. He’s a veteran with a prosthetic leg, but more capable than Rick ever was. Did I mention he’s my live-in handyman?”
Drat. She hadn’t meant to say that either.
“I see.”
“I’m glad one of us does,” Sarah said. “Can you explain it to me?”
Carol laughed. “I can help you explain it to yourself, which is even better.”
Sarah frowned. “If you say so.”
“I have some assignments for you. First, get a journal … ”
Sarah had heard about the dreaded assignment of writing in a journal first thing in the morning from her mother and Annie. Her assignment came with a twist, though. She had to write about how it felt to be pregnant.
Right now? Boring.
• • •
Hunter was gone by the time Rick arrived on Saturday, but Mandy was still in the kitchen, sworn to secrecy about Hunter’s living arrangements.
Rick was all smiles when he came in, loaded with bags, leafy greens once again escaping from the tops. “I’ve got chicken for pot de feu. You’ll love it. I think I’ve finally mastered the technique.” He kissed her on the cheek. “Hello, darling. How’s the baby? How are you?”
“We’re good.”
A pot clanged in the kitchen.
Rick straightened up. “Who’s that?”
“Mandy.”
“Is she going to be here all weekend?”
“She does live here.” Sarah tried to hold her temper back. “She’ll be out most of the evening for work, if that helps.”
He started toward the kitchen. “I’ll put these away.”
The murmur of voices came from the kitchen hall and Sarah longed to be a fly on the wall in that sunny room. If she went by the increased noise, however, things weren’t going well.
Mandy came down the hallway and shouted over her shoulder, “The kitchen’s all yours until Monday morning, Rick. Nice to meet you.”
She frowned at Sarah and ran up the stairs. The door slammed a little harder than needed.
Sarah sighed and picked up a mess of yarn from her lap. In January she’d decided it was time to start making things for the baby and ordered what was billed as a “simple crochet blanket” from the Internet. The directions may have been simple for some people, but as she examined the stitches, Sarah realized her third attempt was going to need to be pulled out too.
