“I don’t like him,” Max snapped. “He’s nothing to me, and I’m nothing to him!”
“But you’re having dinner with him?”
“Yeah, tomorrow he’s coming to dinner. I mean, I’m just going along with it to shut my sister up. It’s not like he’s attracted to me or anything like that.”
Dr. Nelson smiled. “Are you beautiful, Max?”
“What?”
“Are you beautiful?”
“What kind of question is that? Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, right?”
“So do you behold yourself as being beautiful?”
“I’m not beautiful. I’m damaged. I’m broken.”
Max looked at the clock. She had twenty more minutes.
“That’s why I’m here,” she ranted. “That’s why my sister is insisting that I come here. That’s why my family wants me to interact with Matthew Ferguson! My sister wants me to work toward normalcy so that I don’t freak out with men like I did with her husband! I’m not beautiful, at least, not on the inside anyway.”
Dr. Nelson leaned back in her chair.
“From where I’m sitting here on the porch, I see a strong, capable woman who has spent many years convincing herself that she’s broken. I see a beautiful woman who takes care of her body. I see a woman who would do something kind for someone who is a man, even after he said something cruel about her and her family to her face.”
Max was speechless and felt the tears in her eyes. She hadn’t meant to spout off earlier in their conversation about what Matthew had said, but the whole story came tumbling out. Now it seemed as if the doctor had turned her confession against her.
“I don’t know what to say to your observation.” Max sniffed, hating that the tears were beginning to fall. She glanced at the clock. Ten more minutes.
“Nowhere in there do I see broken. There is nothing damaged about you, Maxine. There is a great deal of hurt, trauma even. But if you want to work with me, the scars will heal and you’ll be able to see who you really are.”
Max stared at her hands, forcing out her next words, “I want to be better. I do. I just don’t know how. Deep down, I want what my sister has, but it scares me to death. I can’t imagine really liking ‘it,’ and who would want to be with someone like me?”
“Then don’t imagine it. Nothing is anywhere close to what we imagine in our heads.”
Maxine looked at the clock. Eight minutes. She clasped her hands in her lap.
“I saw them. I spied on them. I didn’t mean to, but Eric had been away for a week, and when he got back my sister practically tore his clothes off. He had his head between her legs.”
“And you want that for yourself?”
“I don’t know. I mean, Nadine is nineteen. I’m twenty-six and I’ve never—I mean, not willingly…”
Max looked at the clock. Six minutes.
“Was what you witnessed distasteful to you? Did you think what they did was gross? Yes or no, Maxine. Don’t overthink it. Was it an awful thing you saw?”
“No,” she replied. “But I don’t think I’ll ever be where they are. Besides, no man would want to kiss me where Eric was kissing my sister, not after what happened to me.”
Five minutes.
“You have no idea what a man would want to do for you. I do know that if a man is attracted to you and loves you he would want to do that and more to and for you. But you will never know that unless you let him step on the porch with you. I’m sorry, Max, our session is over. Do you feel comfortable continuing with this therapy?”
Max glanced at the clock. “We still have three minutes.”
“Would you like to come back next week at the same time?”
“Yes.”
“I look forward to it,” the doctor said, standing. “Remember, the porch is a safe place. You can come out anytime you want, OK?”
Max nodded.
Dr. Nelson smiled and led her to the door. Max left wondering what had just happened and how she ended up telling the doctor as much as she had.
On Saturday evening Matthew prepared for his date with Kristen. He hoped that things went better with her than they had with Cathy on Monday.
They had gone to dinner, and Cathy had tried to press him for some sort of commitment. He wasn’t ready to settle down with a steady girlfriend. She kept pushing the issue, and he finally had to tell her just that.
Things had quickly gone downhill after that.
Why couldn’t girls just have a good time? Why did they want to just latch onto a guy? Now, Kristin was different. She dated a lot of guys, and he knew that she wouldn’t try to put pressure on him.
He smiled at himself in the mirror. Yes, Kristen was a good one, even though he could never take her too seriously. She had a laugh that grated on his nerves, and she talked too much. Still, she was the perfect eye candy, and she looked so good on his arm.
His thoughts went to Max. He hadn’t expected her to be at his parents’ earlier that day. He had to admit that she looked nice in her outfit. Still, he wasn’t going to get involved with her. He was just helping her out like Eric asked. Kristen was more his speed.
He quickly picked up the flowers he had bought earlier and got in the car.
Yes, tonight was going to be a much better night than Monday. Kristen was just what the doctor ordered.
He pulled in front of her door, and she came running out, her ample chest bouncing up and down, her long blond hair flying behind her. Her makeup was a little heavy, but he thought that she was gorgeous and together they made a stunning couple.
“Hey, Matt,” she said, climbing into the car. She had on a white blouse and matching white Capri pants.
“I hope you’re taking me to Mario’s tonight,” she said while looking at her nails.
Matt grimaced. Mario’s was expensive.
“I had planned on taking you to Olive Garden,” he replied.
“Pooh! No thanks. I want to go to Mario’s,” she said. “If you don’t want to take me, I can call Andrew back. He wanted to take me, but I told him that I already had a date with you.”
Matthew exhaled and quickly backed out of the driveway. “Mario’s it is.”
Damn her! He knew that she didn’t really care about him and all she wanted was a good time. The least she could do was act like she wanted to spend some time with him.
He took her to Mario’s, where she ordered the most expensive item on the menu, plus an appetizer, plus several drinks and dessert. He was irritated to no end, though he tried not to show it. After all, he was the one who’d asked her out.
To top it off, she told him that she wasn’t planning to stay out too late that night because she was going to Atlanta the next morning.
“You can come by my place for a bit if you like,” she said, grinning at him. “I just want to be in bed, you know, to sleep, by twelve.”
Matthew quickly paid the bill and tried not to think about the large amount of money he’d just spent. They went back to her place, and he followed her into the bedroom where she quickly and unceremoniously stripped. She seemed to be in a hurry. There was no kissing, no romance, no nothing.
“Come on and undress, Matt. I don’t have all night!” she said, lying back on the bed.
He stood there staring at her a moment. “What are you trying to do?” he asked. “Pay me for the dinner?”
She looked at him in irritation. “Look, don’t hate the player, hate the game. We both know what you want. I know that dinner cost you a pretty penny. So let’s do the deed. I have to get up early in the morning.”
Matt stared at her while whatever desire he had felt for her turned to disgust. Was she playing the whore for a meal? He looked at her and felt nothing. He knew that she couldn’t get a rise out him now.
“I’m not expecting you to trade food for sex,” he snapped.
“Don’t get all high and mighty with me, mister!” She got up and faced him “You’ve done it plenty of times. Why is it a problem now because I’
m calling it as I see it?”
“You’re right. I won’t hate the player, but I do hate the game. You get your rest and have a safe trip. I’ll see you later.”
He then turned and walked out the door, leaving her standing there naked and speechless.
CHAPTER 5
I am my beloved’s and his desire is towards me. Song of Songs 7:10
Matthew had not been to church in a while. He had never considered himself to be a religious person. He wondered if Max would be there, but didn’t ask his brother when he called to confirm the time that services started. The last thing he needed was for his brother to think that he was interested in Maxine James.
Eric had asked him to meet him at his uncle’s church because the babies were being dedicated. Nathan and Janice were to be the godparents. Dinner would be later around 4 p.m. It was all set. He was surprised that Nadine hadn’t insisted that they go to her church instead of allowing his uncle to do the baby dedication. Of course, he’d have some time to kill after service, so he thought about hanging out with his father before the dinner.
He saw his mother when he entered the church and his father holding one of the babies. Matthew chuckled. His father had really done a total 360 after Eric had brought the babies to the house. It was love at first sight for his father, who had never had a daughter but always wanted one. Now he had two granddaughters. Matthew had to admit that those babies looked more like Eric than Nadine, which was most likely why his father had been won over so easily.
Matthew was a bit surprised that his father didn’t even seem to care about his son’s interracial marriage anymore. It was amazing to him how an innocent baby could change a grown man’s perspective.
He slipped onto the pew beside his mother, who smiled at him and patted his hand. He looked around and saw Nadine and Eric sitting with his father as well as Nathan and Janice in the pew in front of theirs. Where was Max? Not that he cared. She just crossed his mind. It was only natural.
He then saw her come in a side door from another part of the church. Probably coming from the bathroom, he surmised. She was wearing a pale aqua dress with matching shoes. The dress was a typical A-line dress that flared, and she wore a scarf with it that hung over her shoulder that was held in place by a pin, or a broach, as his mother would say. She wore makeup, but not too much. She quickly slid into the pew across from theirs beside Nadine. She had a beautiful smile; he had to concede that much. The dress was right at her knees, and he caught a glimpse of leg when she sat down. She had beautiful legs which she crossed. Why was he looking anyway?
Their eyes met, and Matthew realized that he had been staring. He looked away. She stood up and walked over to the pew where they were sitting.
“Hi, Matt. Hi, Rachel,” she whispered with a smile aimed mostly at Rachel. “Do you have any tissues?”
Matt was sitting on the end with his mother next to him. Max leaned across him to whisper to Rachel, not realizing that she gave Matthew an excellent view of her chest. He noticed that it was shimmering. He closed his eyes and inhaled her scent, noting that she was wearing some type of lotion that had left small sparkles on her skin. He was totally captivated. He inhaled again hoping to decipher the scent and surmised that vanilla and cocoa butter were invading his nostrils.
Max and his mother were talking, and he didn’t hear what they were saying as his eyes were glued to Max’s sparkling cleavage.
“Matthew!” his mother whispered. “Did you hear me?”
“What, Ma?” he asked, looking at her.
“I asked you were you coming by the house or were you going straight to Eric’s?”
He looked up and saw that Max had straightened up and was staring at him. “Yeah, Ma. I’m coming by your house.”
“Oh, good, because I have something for the babies, and now Max won’t have to make a special trip.”
He looked at Max, unable to help himself. “What’s that shiny stuff you’re wearing?”
She looked surprised. “Oh, it’s just lotion that has sparkles in it. Is it that noticeable?”
He looked away. “Only because you were so close.”
He didn’t want to tell her that seeing it on her brown skin was arousing, causing his mind to wander as he imagined her whole body glimmering with it, her naked and ready for him. He pushed the thought from his mind. They were in church!
She stared at him a moment after glancing down at her chest. “Oh, OK.” She adjusted the scarf to cover herself some more.
She then returned to her seat beside Nadine. She put her arm around the back of the pew and he stared at it. Her arm was also glittery, and he had to admit that the lotion looked good on her brown skin. He wanted to reach out and touch it, but knew that he’d better not. The last thing he needed was for Max to freak out because of him.
Matthew noticed that his mother was still watching him. He focused on the pulpit and tried to listen as his uncle stood and the service began.
Max drove back to the apartment from church thinking about the impending dinner and Matthew. She’d left the service immediately after the dedication and told her sister that she wanted to finish her cooking.
Matthew had been exceptionally polite, and he was always staring. What was his problem? He had worn a black suit with a royal blue tie and white shirt. She had to admit that he was incredibly handsome, but of course, he wasn’t her type and this dinner was just a friendly family get together. That was all.
She wondered how his date had gone. Maybe he had a steady girlfriend—not that she cared, of course. She pulled up to the house and hurried in. Eric and Nadine would be home soon, and it was hard for her to cook with them in the small kitchen.
She had already made the lemon chess pie. She still had to make homemade rolls, which were her specialty. Nadine had already started on making the rest of the dinner the day before.
Max quickly changed and went into the kitchen. She thought about the exercise that Dr. Nelson wanted her to perform and suspected that the assignment had to do with her knowing about the upcoming dinner. Max was to observe a man and describe the qualities she found pleasing about his appearance. She had to describe his body and what she liked about it. Well, she guessed that she would do that with Matthew today.
Max quickly mixed the flour and the yeasty water while she had the other ingredients warming on the stove. She thought about the exercise. So this was “being on the porch”? Ogling men? Even though she wanted to pretend that it didn’t affect her, it did, though in a good way. She hadn’t really looked at a man that way until Matthew, and she despised him. What did that say about her?
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the front door opening. Eric and Nadine came in with the babies, and she was glad that she was setting the bread down to rise.
“Hey, Max!” Nadine said. “I’ll be in the kitchen to help you in a few minutes.”
“Take your time,” Max replied. “I’ve just put the rolls down.”
Eric came into the kitchen carrying Erika on his hip. “My mouth is watering already.” He came and peeped in the bowl of dough. “How long before I can get a roll?”
“Dinner’s at four!” she said, touching his nose and leaving a smudge of flour. He laughed and took Erika into the bedroom.
Max smiled. She really did like Eric, and she was now getting used to him being around. Even his hairy chest didn’t bother her that much anymore. She was getting used to it, well, as long as it was covered up. She assumed that the therapy was working after all.
She covered the rolls up for them to rise just as Nadine came into the kitchen.
“I’m done. It’s all yours,” Max said, rinsing the flour from hands.
“So, how are you feeling about this dinner?” Nadine asked. “You don’t think that it’s too much too soon, do you?”
“I’m OK with it. I mean, it seems that Matthew has been a lot nicer lately,” Max replied, sitting at the table.
Nadine gave Max the noodles for the mac and cheese an
d began to mix the ingredients while she took the greens out of the refrigerator.
“I think Matthew likes you,” she said, placing the greens on the stove. “I’ve seen him giving you the once-over on several occasions. He can protest all he wants, but I know when a man is interested.”
“He doesn’t like black girls, remember? Even if he was admiring me, he’d never want to be seen with me in public. He’s one of those rednecks that probably want you to sneak around with him and not want to take you out where his friends and colleagues can see you. I can’t deal with that.”
“I think he’s in denial. He doesn’t have a steady girlfriend. No one meets his qualifications as far as I can see,” she said, returning to the fridge.
“Well, I know I don’t meet them!” Max said, pouring the mac and cheese mixture in the pan.
Nadine did not comment but gave the greens on the stove her attention. Her gut feeling told her that both Max and Matthew were in denial. She was going to watch both of them closely at dinner.
Matthew left his house about 3:30. He wasn’t anxious he told himself, just hungry. After a trying week, he hoped that things wouldn’t get too out of hand at Eric’s. Perhaps he could salvage some part of the weekend.
He thought about his last two disaster dates. He shuddered as he backed out of the driveway. At least he was sure that Max had no expectations from him. She could barely stand to be in the room with him, and the feeling was mutual.
Eric had said that she was a great cook. Well, that was something at least. He hoped that whatever she cooked would be something that he liked. He’d be on his best behavior. He’d be polite and nice, and before he knew it he would have done his duty and his obligation to Maxine James would be fulfilled. He smiled to himself.
He pulled into the apartment complex and saw Eric getting something out of the trunk of a car that he assumed must be Max’s.
Broken: The sequel to THE PREACHER'S SON Page 6
