“I think we both know what came over you. You want me just like I want you. Now the question is what are we going to do about it?” Matthew said, staring at her.
He was so tired of this, of denying his feelings and desires. This woman was acting like she didn’t have a clue how she affected him, how much power she had at her fingertips. He could barely function when he was in her presence. Even now it was taking a tremendous amount of self-control on his part to keep his distance, more than he ever had to exert for any other woman.
He walked closer to her. “Tell me what you want, Max. Tell me where you want this to go? Do you want me too, or is this all one sided. Tell me!”
Matthew resisted putting his hands on her, but didn’t know how much longer he could keep himself in check. She was so damn beautiful with her hair pulled back in that ponytail. She didn’t have on a speck of makeup, and he could see the apprehension in her eyes as well as the longing that he knew was directed at him. She wanted him, and he wanted her. Even with all of her issues, her fears, he wanted her unlike any other woman.
“I don’t know,” she replied, looking away. “I’ve never felt like this. I’ve never wanted a man before you.”
Her words sent a bolt of desire to his loins. She wanted him too. Somehow the thought of being her first, showing her, exploring her, set off something primal inside him. She would be his and his alone. He would be the one to show her how wonderful lovemaking could be. He would be the one to give her an orgasm, her first. He would be the one to make her body respond to his touches. Not Jeremiah or any other man.
Unable to hold back any longer, he took her hand to pull her toward him, and she didn’t resist.
“Do you want this?” he asked as he kissed her lips. He kissed her slowly and thoroughly and heard her moan in response. He took his time exploring her mouth, his tongue dancing with hers. He broke the kiss and looked into her eyes.
“Do you like this?” His lips traveled to her neck and to that sensitive place behind her ear that he’d discovered earlier. “What about this?” He asked as he nibbled her earlobe and heard her breathing increase.
“Or this?” His hand traveled to her breast that overflowed his hand. Her nipples were hard, and he wanted badly to rip her shirt off and taste them.
“Or how about this?” he groaned as his hand traveled slowly down to the front of her shorts.
He ran his finger over her center and felt her shiver in response.
“You like that?” he whispered in her ear.
“Yes,” she admitted breathlessly.
“Tell me what you want,” he said, still kissing her. “I want to make you feel good.”
Matthew looked at her and found her mouth was open, but no words were coming out. He smiled and kissed her again before pulling her shirt out of the shorts she was wearing. He reached under her shirt and unhooked her bra, cupping her left breast in his hand.
“Do you like me touching you skin-to-skin, Max?” he whispered in her ear. He heard her moan again and he pushed her back against the desk.
Max felt as if she were having an out-of-body experience. Matthew had his hands on her, touching her breasts and causing new feelings to overwhelm her. She wanted to tell him to stop, but no words would come. She felt his fingers pulling on her sensitive nipples, causing all sorts of bodily responses. She thought back to what Dr. Nelson had said, but her thoughts were all jumbled as she felt his fingers tickle her navel, causing spasms in her center.
What was wrong with her? Why was she giving this man so many liberties? A small voice in her head began to protest, but the roar of the fire he was causing in her body was drowning out her mental protests.
He kissed her again, and she felt like she was drowning. Her body was on fire, and she wanted him to touch her again. Matthew’s fingers continued slowly teasing her with light touches near her center with her clothes as a barrier.
“Tell me what you want,” he whispered. He looked at her, his brown eyes searching her face.
“Touch me again,” she heard herself say, her voice almost desperate as though someone else were talking in her place. She was so hot she was sweating, and she felt her stomach jump. She could feel her moistness between her thighs, and his fingers were leaving a burning trail everywhere he touched.
His fingers teased her breasts, pinching and pulling her nipples. His hand then traveled lower, and her body automatically moved forward to meet his teasing fingers. She heard him chuckle triumphantly.
“You are so sweet, so hot. I’m going to touch you, skin to skin. Would you like that?” he asked her as he did that thing with his tongue behind her ear again.
Max could only nod as words escaped her. She closed her eyes as she felt has hand move lower, pulling on her shorts.
Max was surprised at the gentleness of his touch and the urgency of her desire. Never had she felt like this before. His fingers brushed back and forth across her sensitive flesh, and she felt herself grow wetter and hotter with every swipe.
Matthew knew that he had crossed whatever boundaries were in place before him. She was like putty in his hands, and he knew that if he wanted to he could take her right there in her office, yet something was stopping him.
He knew that she was inexperienced and that he had an advantage over her. Deep down he wanted it to be good for her, not on her desk, not some quickie. He wanted to introduce her to mind-blowing lovemaking that she would never ever forget. He wanted to be the one—not Jeremiah, not some other man, but him. He wanted to hear her call his name as he took her to the heights of passion. He’d never been surer of anything in his entire life.
“I’m going to touch you now,” he said, pulling on her shorts.
Her answer was an affirmative moan, and he slipped his fingers into her underwear. He resisted the urge to yank them down along with her shorts, which were down to her knees. His fingers found an abundance of hair, thick and soft, and he thought he was going to cum himself by just touching her. All the women he had dealt with before had shaved. He could smell her arousal, which only increased his more.
“God, baby. You’re so ready. I want you so bad,” he was saying. No woman had ever affected him the way Max was doing. He didn’t understand it, but what was there to understand? His fingers found her clit, and he gently flicked his finger over it and watched her throw her head back as she leaned back on the desk, her legs parting on their own accord to give him better access. Instinctively he knew that she wasn’t even aware that she was doing, opening herself up for him. He knew that he could take her right here right now if he wanted to, but something was telling him to back off.
Warning bells were going off in Max’s head. What was she doing? She had to stop. Could she stop? She gasped as he slipped a finger inside her while his thumb brushed across her sensitive nub. She couldn’t think straight as his finger worked in and out and his thumb was gently moving back and forth. Never had she felt such heat, such pleasure.
“Matt. Oh, God.”
He was still holding her, kissing her lips, her neck. She didn’t want him to stop doing what he was doing with his fingers. She could feel herself being drawn to him. She felt as if she were melting from the inside out. She was quivering on the inside, and his fingers were driving her crazy.
“Come for me, baby. Come on, I want to give this to you, to be the first to give this to you,” he was murmuring.
Cum? She didn’t cum! She didn’t know how, yet her body seemed to grow hotter, and his fingers felt so good that she found herself moving along with them, climbing higher and higher. When had he raised her top and unhooked her bra? He was now sucking on one of her breasts while his fingers were working in and out, and she felt as if she were going to explode.
Her mind was screaming for her to stop this madness, but her body wasn’t listening. His fingers were working magic on her, and she felt herself involuntarily moving with them. He was whispering in her ear, encouraging her. She clung to him as she felt the intense quivering and
melting of her insides around his fingers. Her eyes locked with his as he shoved the fingers in harder, which caused the heat she was feeling to escalate. Her walls greedily grabbed at his fingers as he continued to move in and out of her. Suddenly she felt herself explode around his fingers, intense spasms seemed to take full control of her body.
“Oh Matt. Oh God!”
“Yeah, baby, that’s it. Come on, cum for me,” he said, increasing the movement of his fingers.
Max felt the heat rush over her as the intense waves of pleasure seemed to take over. She met the thrust of his fingers, squeezing his arm as they took over, crying out his name and unsure of all that was happening to her.
Matt had never felt such satisfaction before where he was giving and not receiving. He watched her face as the orgasm took control, and it gave him a sense of satisfaction and joy to be the one to do it for her. He felt her grow limp against him. He was watching her breathe hard.
She looked at him with a smile. “I love you, Matt,” she said before she could even think.
He suddenly felt totally helpless and fearful. She was staring at him with all the innocence that he had seen on her face earlier. He thought about his family and the things he’d said in the past and looked away. He didn’t deserve her love after all the things he’d said and the way he’d responded to his brother and his cousin. He knew that he was still battling against his own feelings as well as his own racial issues. Things were moving too fast between them, and he had no one but himself to blame.
“We’d better go,” was all he could bring himself to say. He avoided her eyes. He straightened his clothes and picked up his bag.
Max looked at him, shocked and perplexed. She felt that he must be sorry for what he had done. She had told him that she loved him without even thinking about it. Why did she put herself out there only to be rejected? Why had she allowed him to get under her skin? Why had she declared her love for him so quickly? Clearly her confession embarrassed him. Why? Because he didn’t love her.
She quickly pulled up her shorts and adjusted her clothes, her face burning with embarrassment as she gathered her things, fumbling with her keys. She willed herself not to cry. What had just happened? She couldn’t think straight. She had just allowed Matthew to touch her intimately, and it had meant nothing to him.
“Go on out. I have to put the alarm on,” she heard herself saying, but her voice shook a little.
He went out without saying another word. She quickly set the alarm and used the key to open the door. He stood there as she locked it and she then walked to her car.
“Max.”
“I’m tired, Matthew,” she said, unable to keep the tears from falling. How could she have been such a fool? A part of her had hoped that what he’d done to her had been special for him like it had been for her, but being an experienced man who obviously had a lot of women, she was sure now that it meant nothing to him at all.
Matthew knew that she was upset and that he’d pushed her beyond the boundaries that she’d set for herself. He should have known better. What if he had damaged her in some way? He could just imagine what Eric would say if he found out. He’d promised to tread carefully with Max, but things had gotten out of hand quickly. He didn’t know what else to do at this point but to stay away from her.
“I’ll talk to you later,” she murmured without meeting his gaze.
Matt watched as she quickly got into the car and pulled off. He knew that he was falling in love with her too, which was the one thing he did not want to do! Why else would he seek to please a woman and not take anything for himself? He’d never ever done such a thing before. He realized that he was in way over his head and that there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it.
He watched as her taillights faded in the distance and wondered what he was going to do at this point. The woman had his mind and body in knots. He sighed and got in his car and quickly pulled off into the traffic.
CHAPTER 13
My heart is in turmoil and cannot rest; days of affliction confront me. Job 30:27
Matt lay in the bed unable to sleep. His mind was totally occupied with thoughts of Max and what they’d done earlier that evening.
He held his hand to his face while he sought his own relief. The scent of her still lingered on him. Never had he sought to please a woman without wanting anything in return. What was happening to him? His release came quickly, but it was bittersweet. He only wanted her more than ever. He replayed the evening over and over in his mind. Before tonight, it had been weeks since he had seen her, and avoiding her had not quenched his desire for her. If anything, it had increased it. He didn’t know what he was going to do.
He got up and took another shower and then looked at himself in the mirror. He knew he was falling for her hard, though he was kicking and screaming all the way. It wasn’t just the sex. Hell, he could have taken her right there in her office and she wouldn’t have protested. He wanted more than just the physical pleasure she could give him. He wanted to give her more than that. He realized that now.
He wanted their first time together to be memorable. He wanted it to be right at the right place, not in her office on her desk. No, a woman’s first time was supposed to be special. He did care, and that scared him to death. She had told him that she loved him, and that had sent him running. He groaned to himself. He had ruined things.
He looked at the clock. It was almost midnight. He picked up the phone and dialed her cell. He knew he must be crazy to call her this time of night, but he was at his wits’ end. The phone rang several times and then she answered it and it sounded as if she had been asleep. At least she could sleep!
“Hello?”
“Max.”
“Matt, what time is it? What’s wrong?”
“It’s almost midnight. We need to talk about what we are going to do.”
“Do? Do about what?”
“Do about us. I mean, I didn’t want the night to end like it did. You took me totally by surprise.”
She was quiet for a moment, and he heard her inhale.
“Matthew, you don’t want a relationship with me, that’s clear. I don’t know why you are calling me at midnight. Let me ask you a question. Why did you do what you did tonight? Was that for me, or was it for you?”
“I, er, wanted to please you. I wanted to be the first one to give you that gift. I wanted to take away that awful memory of what happened to you.”
“Why is that? Why would you want to please a woman you don’t care about?”
“I never said that I didn’t care about you. You said that you loved me. What about Jeremiah?”
“What about him?”
“Do you love Jeremiah too?”
“Why do you care? I love Jeremiah, but in a different way. Why does that matter to you when you don’t want me? Everybody needs somebody. What do you want from me? You don’t want me for yourself, but you don’t want Jeremiah to have me either.”
Her question was fair, but he didn’t want to share all of his feelings with her just yet. He couldn’t think rationally where she was concerned. All he knew was that he didn’t want her with Jeremiah, but was he ready to offer her something permanent? Was he ready to face his family with this news?
“I don’t know,” he replied. “I’m still trying to sort it all out. I just need some time to figure it all out.”
“Matthew, it’s late.”
“I know. I shouldn’t have called you. But I was lying here, thinking about you, about what happened this evening, the look on your face, how your orgasm felt on my fingers and how I wished that it was me inside you. I was thinking about the taste of you.” His voice trailed off as he realized that he’d said more than what he had intended.
Max closed her eyes as his breathing became more labored.
“Matthew.”
He didn’t respond right away, and his breathing became heavier.
“What are you doing?” she asked quietly.
“You know what
I’m doing, don’t you?”
Max was surprised. Was he masturbating while he was talking to her? Was he only thinking of her along sexual lines? She didn’t have much experience to understand what would drive him to do such a thing while they were trying to have a discussion on the phone.
“Is that why you called me, for phone sex?” she asked, trying to keep her voice level.
“No, I just wanted to talk to you, but this was the natural progression of things, like my licking my fingers tonight after touching you. God, I’m already addicted to the taste of you.”
His confession both shocked and pleased her, but Max was unsure of what to do with that bit of information. How could she have such an effect on him? It had been weeks since they’d seen each other before tonight. What about the other women he was seeing? Where did she fit in?
Matthew closed his eyes and concentrated on her voice as he attempted to calm his overactive libido.
“Did you like what I did for you tonight? God, you got me so worked up I can’t think about anything else.” He half-expected her to hang up the phone. What was wrong with him?
“It felt good.” She paused. “Matthew?”
“Hm?”
“Is it just sex you want from me?”
That was a fair question, but he didn’t want to think about that. All his arguments about interracial relationships were going out the window minute by minute. He had to have her. He knew that now.
“No, I want you,” he ventured. “What do you want?”
“How bad,” Max asked quietly. “How bad do you want me?”
“Real bad, so bad. I want you right now!”
“Could you love me? I can hear you breathing hard. Right now, be honest with me. Is it just sex you want from me, or do you want love? You’re good at sex, Matthew. I know you’ve been with a lot of women. Why am I so special? Is it the challenge for you? Tonight you knew just what to do. You knew just how to please me. I know you’re an experienced man, and maybe that’s what I needed tonight, but I need to be loved. I need a man that can love me more than a man that can just satisfy me with sex.”
Broken: The sequel to THE PREACHER'S SON Page 16
