“Like what, Ma?” he asked looking at her.
“Like, you know, a baby or something?” she replied grinning.
Matthew laughed and then groaned holding his stomach. He was still quite sore at the incision that was made and laughing didn’t help matters.
“Ma, there’s no baby. I guarantee that. We’re not sleeping together,” he said.
“Well, then what’s the hurry?” she asked crossing her arms across her chest.
“I just realized that she’s the one, that’s all,” he said, lowering the bed again. “Life is short. I know that I am ready. I nearly died and I realized that she is what I want, so I’m ready to move forward. I was in denial before, but I’m not anymore.”
His mother looked at him a moment and didn’t say anything.
“I say go for it Bro.” Eric said, grinning. “We’ll be keeping up the family tradition; two brothers marrying two sisters!”
“You’re saying that now,” Matthew replied, “but do you and Nadine want us living with you? I don’t think so! Max and I need more time to figure out a lot of things including our living arrangements. I know that you guys just signed a lease and that it’s not up until the end of the year. I even told her that I could rent out my condo and move in with you guys if that’s what she wants to do.”
“I don’t have a problem with it and the house is big enough.” Eric replied. “I’ve lived with you for years, remember? Plus, I’m already living with Max, so what’s the big deal?”
“The big deal is that she hasn’t given me an answer,” Matthew replied.
“I think you two need to talk some more and don’t go rushing into anything,” his mother said.
Matthew didn’t reply and closed his eyes. Suddenly he was tired and didn’t want to talk about it anymore.
“I think I’ll just rest for a while if you don’t mind,” he said. He turned away from them on his side. “I appreciate your concern, though. Max and I will work through this.”
Eric looked at his mom and beckoned her as he walked to the door. This was most definitely something that Max and Matthew were going to have to work out between themselves.
Max sat in Dr. Nelson’s office and told her everything that had happened with Rogers as well as what had happened with Matthew a few days before. She had been too upset to see the doctor the day she’d argued with Matthew however as luck would have it, Dr. Nelson had a cancellation a few days later. She hadn’t wanted to talk to Matthew anymore until she’d had a session with the doctor.
Dr. Nelson listened to everything Max had to say without interrupting. When Max grew quiet, she finally spoke up.
“I saw the story on the news Maxine. Now that Rogers is dead, I hope that there can be closure. With all of this happening, there may be a few setbacks, but don’t be discouraged. We’ll work through them.”
Max looked at her. “I’m fine. What am I going to do about Matthew?”
Dr. Nelson leaned forward as she and Max faced each other. “That is something you will have to decide for yourself. However you need to ask yourself if you are ready to become his wife. I don’t think that you are ready for marriage, Maxine. You’re still dealing with this latest attack. You need to give yourself time. Now is not the time to take on marriage. I don’t think you’re ready.”
Max looked at her hands. No, she wasn’t so sure that she was ready either, but she still wanted to do it. The more she thought about Matthew’s proposal, the more she wanted to do it. What other man would want her with all her issues? She felt that this was her only chance at happiness and she wanted to take it.
“I want to marry him, Dr. Nelson,” she confessed. “Matthew loves me and I love him!”
“I can’t stop you, Maxine. You’re of age. However, you need to ask yourself why you are ready to marry now. This is not just about you anymore. You are also talking about someone else’s life and future. If you marry this man and then find that you are not ready for sex and intimacy, then your relationship will end before it begins.”
“We’ve already been somewhat intimate,” Max protested.
“Yes, but that was HIM touching you; what have you done for him, Maxine. Have you reached out to him? What about his needs?”
“He said he would be patient,” she whispered not meeting the doctor’s intense gaze.
“For how long?” Dr. Nelson pressed. “That’s not being fair to him, Maxine.”
Max didn’t say anything, but continued to stare at her hands. She knew that the doctor was right, but she didn’t want to wait. He’d already talked as if he was changing his mind.
“Are you saying that you are ready for a sexual relationship with him?” Dr. Nelson pressed.
“He’s still recovering, and I don’t think he’ll rush me. It’ll be a while before he can have sex anyway,” she replied knowing that her answer was a cop out.
Dr. Nelson took off her glasses and leaned back in her chair.
“How long will his recovery take, a month? Will you be ready in a month? You said he would be willing to wait, but how long? Even if you force yourself to follow through with it, do you think he’ll be happy with that? I can guarantee you that he will not. A man wants a willing partner, not someone who’s going to grit their teeth and put up with it.”
“How will I know if I’m ready before hand?” Max asked her gaze returning to the Doctor.
“Hopefully you’ll know.” Dr. Nelson replied. “There has to be open lines of communication.”
“He said that he’s willing to talk to you about it.” Max said. “In fact I think he wants to talk to you about it also.”
“I see.” Dr. Nelson leaned forward on her desk. “Maxine, let me ask you something. Can you picture yourself as the aggressor with Matthew? Can you see yourself as you told me you saw your sister that day?”
“What do you mean?” Max asked looking at her surprised.
“Do you see yourself wanting him, reaching out to him, asking him to give himself to you?” She stared at Max intently.
“I think I do,” she said without hesitation. “I feel that way now. But I’m just afraid that when the time comes that I’ll have a flashback or something and back down.”
Dr. Nelson nodded in agreement. “Maxine, you’re progressing well and I can understand your feelings. I still think that marriage now is too soon. I will, however, talk to Matthew if you insist on this marriage, but I will need you to sign paperwork giving me permission to discuss your case with him.”
Max nodded her head. At least she was making progress. She knew that marriage now was a crazy idea, but why couldn’t she get it out of her head? In the short time that they had been together, they had already been through so much. They had been fighting against their feelings for months now. Why waste any more time? Finally each of them had admitted their feelings for the other. Those feeling didn’t just spring up overnight.
No man had gotten as close to her as Matthew had. She couldn’t imagine herself being with anyone else. She had almost lost him. She knew that she wanted to be with him now and that he wanted to be with her. She felt that marriage would help her get through her trauma quicker, though in her heart she knew that this was not a good reason to get married.
She left Dr. Nelson’s office more determined than ever. She was a strong woman and she could overcome this thing especially with Matthew by her side.
Matthew awoke from sleep only to find Max sitting at the end of his bed staring at him. He wondered how long she had been there.
He looked around groggily wondering when his mother and brother had left and she had returned. He smiled at her and she took his hand.
“What time is it?” he asked rubbing his eyes with his free hand.
She paused looking serious. “Has the doctor told you when you will be going home?” she asked without answering his question.
“A few more days,” he replied still studying her. “He says I’m healing well. Are you all right, Max?”
She stood up
and paced back and forth for a moment. He looked out of the window and saw that it was dark outside. He glanced around at the clock on the wall and saw that it was after 7 PM.
“I went to see Dr. Nelson earlier today,” she said, stopping and staring at him again. “She doesn’t think that I should marry you.”
Matthew sipped some water. “Is that your answer then?”
“I told you that was what she said,” Max replied. “That’s not my answer. She’s entitled to her opinion.”
Matthew pushed the button on the bed bringing himself up to a sitting position. “I gather from what you’re telling me that you didn’t agree with her?”
“No, I didn’t.”
“What is your answer?” he asked.
“I’m going to marry you. My answer is yes,” she said, her voice crisp walking over to him.
“Look Max, we can wait until after the election, maybe after the November election if you’d like,” Matthew ventured. “We don’t have to rush.”
Max looked at him. “You said that we could marry on the 4th weekend.”
Matthew stared at her, not knowing exactly what he could say that would not tick her off. She seemed jumpy and somewhat agitated, and he wondered what she was thinking.
“I know what I said, Max. Everyone thinks it’s too soon. You said yourself that it was too soon.” He continued to fiddle with the controls of the bed. “What’s really bothering you?”
“I’ve changed my mind. It’s not too soon,” she said, snatching the control from his hand. “You want to get married and so do I. We’re adults! We can make our own decisions!”
He looked at her his eyes hard. “I don’t need you feeling sorry for me. There’s no obligation on your part to marry me if you’re not ready. I don’t need you to pacify me. I want you to marry me when you feel you are ready to do so.”
“I don’t want to wait. I don’t feel sorry for you. I am ready now,” Max replied her voice a higher octave.
“Then why the sudden change of heart?” He was staring at her puzzled. What was wrong with her? Had something happened in her session with Dr. Nelson?
“I’m tired of living in fear. I’m tired of the memory Rogers gave me. I want a new memory. I want what my sister has. I want to know what it’s like to want a man and to have him. I want it all, Matthew. The doctor thinks it’s too soon. I am sure our families think it’s too soon, but I am twenty-six years old with memories of a thirteen-year-old. As long as I only have the memory of him, he wins! I want you to erase that memory!”
Matthew did not reply immediately. He was not expecting this from her. He wasn’t sure how to proceed, not wanting to fight with her. He could tell that she was highly agitated, and he wanted to calm her down.
She sat on the bed and looked at him. He tried to smile reassuringly. “You said you loved me,” she reminded him quietly.
Matthew took her hand in his and rubbed it before bringing it to his lips giving her a kiss. He smiled at her and she returned the smile and he could see her relax a little.
“Max, I love you. I want to marry you, but you need to be sure. There’s no hurry. We can wait. I don’t want to rush you. You don’t have to marry me for us to be together. If the memory of Rogers is bothering you, we can work on changing that after I get better,” he said. “We don’t have to be married for us to learn each other intimately.”
“I want you to call your uncle and ask him to marry us. When you check out of here, I want us to get the license and I want your uncle to perform the ceremony. I’ll come to the condo and take care of you until you’re better.” Max replied as if she hadn’t heard what he just said to her. “I don’t want you changing your mind again about the marriage. Maybe if I moved in with you, took care of you until you’re well then maybe I would become comfortable enough with you to have sex once you’re healed.”
Matthew grabbed her hands and looked at her. “I’m going home with Mom and she’s going to take care of me, Max. You have to work at the gym. I think that this is best for now.”
Max leaned forward “I get it. You don’t to be with me! You’ve changed your mind about getting married. If that’s the case then just tell me Matthew! Don’t lead me on!”
“No, Max. I haven’t changed my mind.” He knew that she was scared. He wanted to reassure her, but he didn’t know how. “But you shouldn’t marry me just because you’re scared or just because you want to prove to yourself that you can do it even though Rogers has messed with your head.”
She stared at her hand in his. “You must think that I’m pretty pathetic don’t you?”
“No. You’re not pathetic,” he replied. “You’re just a little scared, that’s all.”
She looked up at him. “All I know is pain, Matthew. I don’t want ‘Jaw’s anymore. I need a new memory. I know you’re not familiar with the female perspective, but what’s good sex really like? What makes one person yearn like that for another?”
Matthew felt his heart beating hard in his chest. She looked so vulnerable. What could he tell her? How could he reassure her? He rubbed the back of her hands and she stared down at them.
“You remember how you felt in your office and at my condo, it’s like that Max. Think about that, only better.”
Max knew that he was watching her for a reaction. She didn’t say anything right away. The thought of him being on top of her, penetrating her still scared her a bit. Maybe they could forgo intercourse for a while and just allow him to touch her. Dr. Nelson’s voice invaded her thoughts. “Him kissing you, HIM touching you, what about his needs, Maxine?”
He squeezed her hand. “Max, it will be all right. You’ll see. Rogers is dead and we will make new memories together. We can plan for a summer wedding. We’ll meet with Dr. Nelson and try to come to some sort of compromise. We’ll do what’s best for your mental health.”
Max looked away. He was going to make her wait. Maybe he would compromise on the date.
“If you don’t want to do the 4th maybe we could do Labor day.” She said, sounding hopeful.
He looked at her surprised. “We’ll see. Let’s talk to the doctor first. I don’t want you having regrets later.”
“I won’t “she replied, but she could see the doubt in his eyes. She decided not to push it further and looked at him and smiled.
“I love you Matthew.”
He kissed her hand that was in his. “Love you too, Max.”
CHAPTER 26
My beloved spoke and said to me: Rise up my love, my fair one and come away. Song of Solomon 2:10
Nadine was still up when Max came in the door from the hospital after visiting Matthew. Max figured that she was waiting up for Eric to get home from a late class. She had fed the girls and given them their baths. Now they were fast asleep.
“How’s Matthew,” she asked looking up at Max as she folded some laundry.
“He should come home in a few days.” Max replied putting her purse on the coffee table.
“What’s this I hear that Matt has proposed? You’re not seriously considering it, I hope.” Nadine asked watching her.
Max walked by her and went into the kitchen and didn’t respond. Nadine’s words irritated her, but she tried not to show it.
Nadine got up and followed her when she didn’t reply. “Max, you’re not marrying Matthew, are you?”
“I’m seriously considering it.” Max replied as she poured some juice in a glass. “In fact, I told him that I wanted to get married.”
Max turned facing her sister who was clearly puzzled. “I thought he took back his proposal.”
“Only because he thought that he was rushing me. I must admit, that it did take me by surprise at first, however after I thought about it I realized that I do want to marry him. He wants to get married 4th of July weekend.”
Nadine stared at her. “I’m shocked that you are even considering such a notion. You and Matthew haven’t been together that long.”
Max looked at her sister and resentment
consumed her. She was tired of Nadine babying her! “We may not have been together since high school like you and Eric, but we love each other and we want to get married.”
Nadine stared at her with her mouth ajar apparently surprised at Max’s loud response. Max wanted to tell her to shut her mouth before a fly got in there, but she resisted making the comment.
“What about the house, Max? We’ve only been here a couple of months! Eric and I can’t handle the rent by ourselves!” Nadine reasoned.
“No problem. We all can live together and Matt can rent out his condo, or we can live in the condo and I’ll still pay my portion of the rent.” Max replied. “I’ve already thought about that!”
Max put the carton back in the refrigerator and she could feel her sister’s stare though she wasn’t saying anything. She turned around to face Nadine.
“Max, why would you want to do that? Why don’t you just get engaged for a year and you and Matthew can get to know each other better. Personally, I think you’re rushing things!”
Max frowned at her sister. “Oh, so this is about you and not about me? You’re worried about me helping you and Eric for the rest of the year with the rent on this place so to hell with my happiness, right?”
Nadine looked shocked and then hurt. “That’s not true Max. I want you to be happy. I wouldn’t expect you to take care of us. Push come to shove, we’ll call Jeremiah and move in with Rachel. How can you say such a thing?”
“Matthew wants to marry me, Nadine. We’re both adults and we don’t need anyone’s permission!”
“I know that Max” Nadine began to sniff and looked at Max with watery eyes. Max knew that she’d hurt her sister’s feelings, but she was tired of Nadine’s bulldog tendencies.
“It seems that everyone else wants to tell me what I need to do. I am a grown ass woman and I can make my own decisions. I supported you when you wanted to marry Eric. Why can’t you show me the same consideration?” Max snapped at her sister whose tears began to fall freely. “Why can’t you be on my side, Nadine?”
Broken: The sequel to THE PREACHER'S SON Page 32
