“Matthew, I want to marry you. I’m sure of that. I don’t need you worried about me while you’re trying to get elected to that seat. I want to be a help and not a hindrance I can wait until after the election if that’s what you want to do.” Even as she said the words, she knew that she didn’t want to wait. She didn’t want to give him more time to change his mind.
He looked at her. “How do you think you’d be a hindrance Max? What are your fears going into this?”
She looked at him. “I don’t want to disappoint you. I need to know how you feel about me, about me being, you know raped and damaged. What if I can’t respond as a normal woman should? I want to, but how will I know?” Tears began to threaten to fall from her eyes. She didn’t want to cry, she needed to make him understand.
“I want so much to have what I see Nadine and Eric have. I want that with you, but I am scared that I’m too messed up to have it. I’m afraid that I’ll be cold and frigid and a burden on you. I’m afraid you’ll get tired of trying to get me to love you like you need me to and go out and get someone else.”
The tears were falling freely now. She was so tired. Tired of being scared, tired of being ignorant of things a twenty six year old woman ought to know about love and lovemaking.
Matthew pulled her into his arms. “I don’t think you are that way, Max. I’ve seen your response to me before. You’re not cold or frigid. You underestimate yourself. I think you will be all right. I told you I’d go with you to see Dr. Nelson. We can work this out together.”
“I talked to Dr. Nelson and she feels that we should talk about what happened with Rogers. I’ve been imagining all sorts of things as to how you feel about what happened. She told me that we need to talk about it and for me to stop making problems where there may not be any.”
“She’s right.” Matthew said. “I’m proud of what you did, Max. You used your head and saved both of us. You outsmarted Rogers. Yes, I got shot, but that wasn’t your fault. I was struggling to get his gun. I don’t want you to feel my being shot was your fault.”
“I know,” Max nodded. She looked at him and then back at her hands that were in her lap. She took a deep breath. It was now or never. “I know Rogers forced us to have sex. I don’t want that to affect our relationship.”
“Why would it affect our relationship?” he asked. “We were fighting for our lives, Max. I was just worried that you would be traumatized further because of what happened to us. I hated that he forced you to do that.”
“I didn’t know what I was doing, I mean, I’d never done that before.” She insisted.
“I realize that, Max and that’s OK,” he said, pulling her closer.
“I want to do it for real, you know,” she said, not looking at him. “I’ve been thinking about it, a lot.”
“Oh really?” he chuckled lifting her chin. She looked at him and found him smirking at her.
“Will you show me how to do it right?” She whispered.
“Max, we’ll take our time. I’m not going anywhere,” he reasoned.
He kissed her and she put her arms around him hugging him tightly. She was ready to move forward. She had to know for herself that she was getting better. She had no bad memories pertaining to oral sex and that maybe it was a good place to start.
“Matthew will you do something for me?” she asked looking at him.
“What is it?” he asked looking at her.
“Can I stay here tonight?” she asked not meeting his eyes.
He didn’t say anything right away. “Sure if you want Max. I’m not pressuring you or anything.”
She picked up the plate and walked into the kitchen.
“I know this may sound crazy,” she said as he followed her.
“I want to stay here. I want you to undress, will you do that? I want to take this one step at a time.”
He looked at her. “All right, Max”
He left the kitchen and went into the bedroom. In a few minutes he came out in his robe. Her heart began beating fast.
“Will you lie on the bed please,” she asked leading him back to the bedroom.
He complied and lounged on the bed. She walked over to him and slowly opened the robe.
Matthew was watching her closely. He could see her hands shake slightly as she undid the robe and stared at his naked body for a moment. He closed his eyes as she ran her hands over his chest. She touched the scar on his belly where he had been operated on. It still looked a little raw to her.
“Are you sure you’re healed?”
“I’m fine. I just have to take it easy, nothing too strenuous.”
She laughed. I’ll do my best to make sure of that.”
He opened his eyes and looked at her. She was looking at his member and watching it as it came to life under her touch. He watched as her hands shook slightly. Her touch was gentle and exploring.
He tried not to respond to her touch with any sudden movements as he did not want to alarm her.
He let an involuntary groan as her hands grasped him.
“Am I hurting you?” she asked alarmed.
He smiled “On the contrary. I’m trying to stay still under your exploration and it’s a bit hard.”
She stared at him a moment grateful for his understanding. He was stiff in her hands and she could feel a slight pulsation that fascinated her. She ran her hand along his shaft trying to get comfortable to the feel of it in her hands.
He was not hairy like Eric, but dark blond hair ran from his belly button down to the thick patch of hair that surrounded his member. The veins in it stood out and ran along the length of it and she ran her fingers over them.
She carefully picked up his scrotum in her hand; the feel of them was unusual to her and warm.
She could tell that they were more sensitive to her touch. She closed her eyes and inhaled his scent which she found to be pleasant.
“I like the way you smell,” she said with a smile down at him.
“Good, because I do bathe,” he chuckled. “Now come here and kiss me.”
He pulled her into his arms and kissed her. Max groaned. She was still holding him in her hands and sat back up. “I love you, Matthew.”
He covered her hand with his and guided her up and down his length.
“I love you too, Max.”
She looked at him and noticed that his eyes were still shut. She slowly bent down and planted a kiss on the head. She heard him inhale, but he didn’t say anything. She felt a little stupid not knowing exactly what to do. Rogers had ordered her to put the whole thing in her mouth, but was that normal?
She slowly ran her tongue around the head noticing the wetness that was seeping from the slit.
“God Max!” Matthew groaned.
She jumped back letting him go wondering what she’d done wrong.
“I’m sorry. I told you I don’t know what to do,” she said, looking at him helplessly.
Matthew began to laugh. “No Max. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you. I just meant that it felt good. I didn’t want you to stop.”
“Oh.” She said, sounding relieved.
She grinned and began stroking him again. “You’ll have to talk me through it. Tell me if I’m doing OK,”
“This doesn’t bother you?” he asked.
“No, this is new to me,” she said, grinning. “I think I kinda like it,”
Matthew laughed “I like that you like it,”
She continued to lick him and shower kisses on him. After a few minutes he grabbed her wrist.
“I don’t think I can take much more of this teasing, Max.” He was now breathing hard. “I think you need to stop.”
She looked at him puzzled. “You look frustrated. Tell me what’s wrong.”
“I’m all right, I’ll just take care of it myself,” he replied sitting up.
“Why? Why won’t you let me?” she insisted.
“I don’t want to alarm you. It can get pretty intense. I just think-”
�
��No, I want to. Tell me what to do.” Max said, pushing him back on the bed.
“What if you get scared,” he asked.
“I won’t. Now tell me.”
He looked at her a minute. “I can’t be still, Max. I have to move. Does that bother you?”
“No.”
He kissed her. She could feel his desire and it alarmed and excited her at the same time. She could do this! She returned to his member bringing it to her mouth.
“Take all you can.” Matthew instructed.
Max listened as he instructed her. He began to move along with her as she closed her lips around him. He was talking to her in a soothing voice, encouraging her. He began moving faster and she was trying to keep up and not choke. She could do this! She had to admit that pleasing him like this was somewhat exciting to her and she felt herself grow moist with each of his groans and exclamations.
“Oh God, Max! Oh, it’s so good!”
She looked at him and marveled that she could elicit such responses from him. After a few minutes however, her jaws began to ache.
“I need a break,” she admitted.
“That’s all right.” He was breathing hard. He pulled her to him kissing her, and she watched as covered her hand with his, guiding her. They continued to kiss and Max felt his hand urging hers to move faster. After a few moments she felt him stiffen and explode in her hand.
“That was great,” he said with a grin.
“But I wanted to make it happen with my mouth.”
“Max, it was just your first time. You did great as far as I’m concerned. I wasn’t even expecting this much from you.” Matthew hugged her.
“It’s just that my mouth got tired.”
“Max, I’m fine. Don’t worry about it. We have all the time in the world.”
He pulled her closer and gave her a kiss. “You still want to stay the night?”
She grinned. “You still want me to?”
“Of course, and no strings attached.”
She quickly undressed, and he gave her one of his tee shirts. She climbed in bed beside him, snuggling close.
“I love you, Matthew.”
“Love you too, Max.”
CHAPTER 29
My beloved is white and ruddy, Chief among ten thousand. Song of Songs 5:10
Matthew awoke early and found Max still sound asleep. He glanced at the clock and saw that it was still quite early.
He got up and went to the bathroom. He came out and saw that his phone was blinking. He had several missed calls from Eric as well as a text message asking if he’d seen Max.
He quickly texted him back saying that Max had spent the night.
He sat back on the bed and Max turned over lazily and stretched. She smiled up at him.
“Good Morning.”
“Good Morning, Max,” he replied.
“I really slept good last night.” She grinned up at him.
“I’m glad. I have to get ready to go to work. You can stay as long as you like.”
“No, I need to go home. I’m sure that Nadine and Eric are wondering where I am.” She sat up and picked up her phone which was on the nightstand beside her. “I see they both have texted me.”
“I’ve already texted Eric and told him you stayed here last night.” Matthew responded.
“You need to text your sister though and let her know you’re fine.”
“I know,” she replied getting up.
Matthew didn’t comment further and decided to take a shower. He was surprised that when he returned she had quickly dressed and left.
Nadine was sweeping up the kitchen when she heard a key in the door.
She knew it must be Max since Eric had left for work about an hour ago.
She was happy when Eric told her that Matt had texted him and told him that Max had stayed the night at his place. Nadine was mildly irritated that she hadn’t bothered to tell anyone of her whereabouts. She had been worried sick.
The babies were in their playpen and Nadine continued sweeping. She did not look up at Max.
“Hi,” Max said, jiggling the keys in her hand.
The babies looked at her and squealed. “Hi Erika. Hi Derika,” she said, grinning at them. She walked over at Nadine.
“Hi, Max,” she replied as she continued to sweep.
Max waiting for the guard dog to come out, but Nadine did not say anything.
“I stayed at Matthew’s last night,” she ventured, still watching Nadine. “Did you get my text?”
“I got it,” she responded as she bent down and swept the trash into the dustpan.
Max watched as she continued to straighten up around the babies.
“Nadine.”
“Hm?”
Max hesitated. Nadine still did not look up from her duties.
“I know you’re mad at me,” Max ventured.
“No, I’m not mad,” Nadine said, her voice calm. She picked up a basket of laundry and began to fold it.
“Well, then I know you’re upset with me,” Max said.
“No, I’m not upset with you.” She did not look at her. “You had me worried sick. You didn’t answer your phone. I didn’t know where you were!”
Max watched her as she continued to fold the laundry. She wasn’t making this any easier for her.
“Look, I’m sorry about that,” Max said. “I hadn’t planned on not coming home. Matthew came to the gym and asked me to go home with him.”
Nadine continued to fold the laundry and sighed. “Look, I don’t want to fight with you. I just wish that you would let me know if you’re going to be out all night.”
“I know. I was wrong about that. I wasn’t thinking. So much has been going on with me lately that I know you must think I’m some sort of basket case.”
“No, Max. I don’t think that. I know you’ve been through a lot and I realized after talking to Eric that I need to back off. I know I’ve been protective of you in the past and I now just have to get used to that being Matthew’s job. I feel as if I’m losing you and that you don’t need me anymore.”
“Oh Deeny,” Max said, throwing her arms around her sister and kissing her cheek. “I’ll always need you! I like you having my back because I’ll always have yours, you know.”
“Promise?” Nadine asked teary eyed looking up at Max.
“Promise,” Max said, nodding at her.
Rachel walked into the agency looking around for Matthew.
“Hello, Mrs. Ferguson,” his office assistant Angela said with a smile.
“Hello, Angela,” Rachel said. “Is he busy?”
Angela smiled again. “I’m sure he’s not too busy for you.”
She quickly buzzed Matthew and told him that his mother was here to see him.
“Go on back,” Angela said, hanging up the phone.
Rachel walked into Matt’s office and saw him typing on the keyboard of his computer.
“I had to go to the bank, and I thought I’d just stop by and say hi,” she said, grinning. “I haven’t heard from you in a week. I hope you’re feeling all right.”
He grinned at her. “I’m fine, Ma. I’ve just been busy trying to catch things up since I’ve been out.”
“I know,” she said, sitting down. She had closed the door behind her when she came in and was now watching him closely.
“Have you talked to Max?” Rachel asked cautiously.
“I have,” he responded.
She looked at him wondering how far he would let this conversation go.
“Are you two still talking about marriage?”
“We are,” he replied not looking up from what he was doing.
“Matthew, are you sure this is a wise thing to do? You and Max haven’t been together that long.”
He didn’t reply immediately but continued to type.
“Matthew…”
“Mom, Max is fine. I am fine. I am an adult and marriage is a decision I will make for myself” He stopped and looked up at her.
“I know you are concerned, and your concerns are duly noted, however Max and I are getting married, not today, but we are getting married.”
Rachel wrung her hands. “Son, I like Max. You know that, however you must admit that she’s a bit unstable right now. I don’t blame her! After what that animal did to her and then what happened to you, I think I’d be unstable too. Maybe you two should just wait a while. That’s all I’m trying to say.”
Matthew looked at his mother who was looking quite miserable. He knew that she was worried about him, about them. This was, however, his decision.
“Ma, you worry too much. There are some things Max and I will have to work through, I’ll admit that. I know though that she is the one for me.”
Rachel let out a sigh. “All right Matthew.”
She stared at her hands for a few moments. “How are you feeling? Are you taking your medicine?”
“Ma, I don’t need the pain meds anymore. I’m fine. I’m going back to the doctor tomorrow,” he replied grinning at her.
“All right then.” She stood up. “I guess I’ll go. I’ve got some things to do.”
He got up and walked around the desk. He knew that his mother was worried and he wanted to reassure her. He quickly kissed her cheek.
“Don’t worry, Ma. I want you and Max to get along. Don’t hold that courthouse incident against her.”
Rachel smiled and didn’t reply and Matthew knew that she wasn’t quite ready to let it go yet.
“I’ll see you later,” she said, finally walking out of the door.
Matthew watched her leave the building. He had received a call from Dr. Nelson and he was going to talk to her that afternoon.
He hoped that she would be able to shed some light on their situation so that he and Max could move forward with their relationship.
Max arrived at the gym and tried to concentrate on work, but it was hard. She kept thinking about her night with Matthew.
She had awakened several times during the night realizing that Matthew was right there next to her, sleeping beside her.
She listened to his breathing before drifting back off to sleep. Another time she woke up to find his arm slung across her as he lay on his stomach. For the first time in her life, she felt protected. She liked sleeping with him having him lying next to her. She didn’t think she wanted to return to sleeping alone ever again.
Broken: The sequel to THE PREACHER'S SON Page 36
