by Trisha Wolfe
Crossing my arms over my chest, I glance at Aurelia as she moves to lie down on her bed. “Mine’s been severed,” I say, and look back at her. “I thought maybe it was because of my rebellion. The empress’s punishment. But if you and the other Nactue are still linked to her, then it has to be her own personal banishment for me.”
Lilly rubs the newly formed chill bumps over her arm. “It could be because you chose to leave her. You could have cut the link somehow. We don’t fully understand just how strong you are…how powerful—”
“I thought of that,” I say, stopping her. I know she’s attempting to make me all right with what’s been done. What I’ve done. I don’t need her to commiserate; I’d rather have her true thoughts on this. “But something within me feels that’s false. The bond was connected between me and the empress through a power bestowed to her by the goddesses. So I doubt just the sample of Bale’s power inside me could break that.” I study her pinched face. “Doesn’t that make sense?”
She nods, her gaze on me but unfocused. “It does. And you’re right, of course. But have you considered the possibility she never wanted to force you to be the vessel? That maybe she was relieved you escaped, and releasing you from her service was her way of letting you pursue helping Caben?”
I had thought nearly the same thing, just not voiced so well. Lilly has that ability. Yet, she’s still connected to Empress Iana, and will feel the need to protect her, defend her, as she should.
The sure and unsympathetic look in Empress Iana’s gaze during our last meeting steals over me, and I’m filled with doubt at her words even more. But I say, “Maybe that’s what happened.”
She nods, and I tuck this bit of revelation away. Soon, I may have another hard decision to make. My Nactue are not truly mine. They first, and will always remain, Empress Iana’s elite guard.
But until that moment comes, I’ll accept the help they choose to offer willingly.
One thing’s for sure: their bond isn’t nearly as strong as mine was before my deviation. I’d have never been able to simply walk away from my duty to protect the empress. I’m assured of that.
Nights are the hardest. When everything is silent and dark, and my never-ending thoughts are loud, grabbing and clawing at my mind.
Tossing the covers aside, I groan and turn on my side, aggravated with the utter stillness. I haven’t been able to sleep a full night in ages. There was always a battle. A meeting. A Court matter needing to be addressed. The many struggles that have surrounded me for so long…and staggeringly, I feel completely at a loss without.
Though we have plenty of problems to keep my mind churning, there is no one sure solution to place into effect. I could usually rely on that at least. Bax’s final suggestion today was to wait. Wait for Bale’s move. Wait for the leaders’ moves. Wait for someone to do something so that we can answer that action with one of our own.
I’ve never been one to wait for anything before jumping in headfirst, sword raised. And I don’t know how to be a person who sits still. Bax says it’s a new lesson for me. Always the mentor, me the ever-impatient pupil. I huff and turn flat on my back. Stare at the veins in the wood ceiling and hope for a new calamity to spur us all into motion.
How awful. To want for a mishap just to chase away the boredom.
But I’ve been at unrest too long. I doubt I could ever live a normal life now.
A quiet rap sounds on the door, and my breath halts.
The door cracks open. “I know you’re anything but asleep,” Caben says.
With a surge of adrenaline, my heart bangs against my chest. I swear I can hear it in the too quiet room. “It’s useless. I haven’t been able to sleep through the night since before the Cage.”
In the dim light provided by the fire pit embers, I make out his nod of understanding. Then my gaze travels lower, to his wardrobe. The gray pants and white shirt loosely tucked into them. He hasn’t changed yet, and he reaches up and starts to unbutton his shirt.
Now my heart is careening against my rib cage. Beating so fiercely my breastbone aches, but the pressure is good. Exhilarating. Not silent, stagnant, motionless. It’s the absolute opposite.
He yanks his shirt open and pulls his arms free from the sleeves, then tosses it to the floor. My gaze hungrily traces every inch of bare skin. His beautiful, tanned flesh. The tight, leanly defined muscles of his chest and stomach. It’s not even sexual, or lustful, what courses through me—it’s demanding, but in the way a wilted flower demands water. I need him for so many reasons all at once.
Dragging back the covers, he slips into bed beside me, his warm skin sliding against my night shirt and pushing it up as he brings me flush against his body. “I’m sorry I waited until now to do this,” he whispers. “I should have been in your bed that first damn night—”
“Shh,” I hush his admission. “You don’t have to explain. I’ve been battling some acclimating myself.” I use Lilly’s word for lack of my own. Then I lift my hand hesitantly…and rest my palm against the side of his face when he moves closer and into position for me to do so. My breath finally releases in a rush.
Running the pads of my fingers along his temple, his hair feathering around them, I revel in the closeness he’s allowing me. Feeling my emotions heighten almost painfully, I try to tamp them down. Get them under control. Damn this unbridled mercury and its cruel aftereffect. It’s almost laughable; that I’ve become this jumble of feelings.
Caben’s hand caresses my arm soothingly, then slowly roams across my shoulder. I focus on keeping my breathing steady as he inches over my collarbone, his fingers finding the puckered seam of the glass casing.
“Have you thought about…?”
“Healing myself?” I finish for him, knowing this is difficult for him to ask. But it’s a good question. I’m glad he feels comfortable enough to broach it. “I probably could. Well, I’m sure I can. I could remove the clamp. And the casing, since there’s no need for my physician to have access to fix something broken.” A small smile tugs at my lips. “I’m no longer in fear of the mercury reaching my heart, right?”
His answering smile is almost sad. I wonder what’s really going through his mind.
“And I could heal the scarred skin,” I continue. “It’s just…I’m not sure I’m ready. Not yet, anyway. You’d think for all the grief this abnormality has given me, getting rid of it would be simple. Easy. Not even a second guess needed.”
His fingers continue to outline the rough skin around the glass. “That makes perfect sense, Kal.” I raise my eyebrows in an unspoken question, and he presses on. “Your abnormality never defined you. I think you finally understand this, but there’s still much to figure out. So it’s only understandable that you’d hold on to it.”
“Like a crutch,” I say.
“No.” He touches my jaw, lifting my face just enough so that our eyes lock. “Not a crutch, a keepsake. And when you finally get all your answers, then you can move forward. Decide for yourself when it’s time to let it go.”
A shot of mercury rushes my heart, firing a burst of warmth through my body. I try not to fear the severe love I have for Caben as it overpowers my senses. “Thank you. You’re so smart.”
He chuckles, and I scoot closer to him, relieved to feel the intensity of the moment taper with his light tone. “That’s a first,” he teases.
“Don’t let it go to your head.” I wink. Then, “I may have a starting point.”
His eyes widen, but he waits for me to continue.
“Teagan mentioned something when we were locked up together. She said I’m not the first to house Bale’s divine blood. That there were others before me.”
His brow furrows. “Then I’m sure not all of them had contraptions to protect it from their hearts,” he says. “You were meant to always access its full potential.”
I shake my head against the pillow. “Maybe. I don’t know…but I think it’s time to question her in depth on her knowledge about it. Because…”
I trail off, gathering my courage. “I can’t hide from Bale forever. I know that’s what Bax wants me to do—”
“He’s not the only one,” Caben says in a firm tone.
“But I can’t, Caben. You know this. For one, whatever limited power I’m using to hide us is her power. She understands it better than I ever could. She will find us. Eventually.” His eyes shimmer, the glowing embers revealing his worry. “And I’d rather understand everything before that day. To be prepared.”
“You’re the bravest woman I know, Kaliope Rainym.” He places a soft kiss to my forehead, and I release the tears building in my eyes. “Until then,” he says, his determined gaze finding mine. “We run.”
We fall into silence, our mingled breaths the only sound between us.
As Caben’s blue eyes hold mine, I become brave and say, “Hold me. That’s all I crave.”
“That,” Caben says, wrapping his arm around my waist, his hand seeking the exposed skin of my back, “I can do.”
And for now, it’s enough.
Tomorrow, when the light breaks the darkness, and the sounds return from their reprieve, there will be goddesses, and monsters, and divine mercury, and beasts, and crowns, and enough commotion to drown out my uncertainties.
But tonight, locked in Caben’s arms, I accept what solace the man I love can offer. And I give what serenity I can in return. For there is nothing, nothing that I would trade in this moment if it meant losing us all over again.
Not even my fear of a doomed fate I’m nearly certain of.
The End
Acknowledgments
Hardest book I’ve written to date. There aren’t any words that can convey the struggle, so I dive right into thanking the people who kept me sane, while I attempted to create a world of maddens.
Thank you to:
My amazing critique partners: Rachel Harris, Shannon Duffy, and Patrice Michelle. I love you madly.
To my mother, my best friend and my rock. To my father, my support system and stress reducer. I love you more than words. And that’s a lot.
To my talented team of beta readers, early readers, and cheerleaders. You’re too amazing. In no particular order, thank you to Katrina Tinnon, Naomi Hopkins, Jessica Mangicaro, Mary Dizon, Jennifer Stasi, Brooklynn Gibbs, Tiffany Perry, Debbie Kellermeyer, Jaime Arnold, Kayleigh-Marie Gore, Lindsay Mead, Pavan Hansra, Valerie Fink, Amber Troyer, and Damaris Cardinali.
Thank you to the best street team ever, The Tuff Girl Legion! No one promotes and supports an author better than you guys. Simply could not do it without you!
To all the rockstar YA book bloggers! Without you, a lot of authors wouldn’t have a voice in the market. Thank you for rocking it so hard.
To the very talented ladies of YA Bound. No one swoons like we do! Thank you for your support.
Thank you to my husband, Daniel, for tolerating my ceaseless editing, writing, canceling of vacations, and talking to myself. My son, Blue, thank you for always being there when I need some input on the male POV. I love you both so, so much.
Steven Novak, thank you for creating a stunning cover for this story—again! You just amaze me when you capture what’s in my head perfectly. Cover Caben is scary, and hot! You combined both elements to bring readers a romantic and enticing cover.
Thank you to Jaye Manus for formatting the interior. You’re not just mad talented, like I always state, and which is true—you also always surprise me with the most beautiful graphics and layout, and I always look forward to working with you. Can’t wait till the next book!
To my awesome, awesome readers. You make it possible that I’m an author, and you make dreams come true. I’m beyond grateful to every one of you!
I owe everything to God. Thank you for everything.
About the Author
From an early age, Trisha Wolfe dreamed up fantasy worlds and characters and was accused of talking to herself. Today, she lives in South Carolina with her family and writes full time, using her fantasy worlds as an excuse to continue talking to herself.
Get updates on future releases and special bonus material at www.TrishaWolfe.com
More Books by
Author Trisha Wolfe
Of Silver and Beasts:
The Goddess Wars Trilogy book 1
available now
Of Darkness and Crowns:
The Goddess Wars Trilogy book 2
available now
Untitled:
The Goddess Wars Trilogy book 3
coming 2014
Fireblood:
The Fireblood series book 1
available now
Unveiled:
A Fireblood Novella
available now
Astarte’s Wrath:
The Kythan Guardians series
available now
Destiny’s Fire:
The Kythan Guardians series
available now
The Darkest Part:
A Living Heartwood Novel
available now
Untitled:
A Living Heartwood Novel
coming 2014
With Visions of Red
Coming 2014
Buy links for available books can be found on author’s website at www.TrishaWolfe.com
