by Bradon Nave
The boy was, however, thankful that the morning conversation with Jackson, and the incident in the living room with Graye and Bryce, had been completely overshadowed by the coyote and the death of poor Sunny. As he continued to watch the roads for headlights, he once again heard the whimpering of the puppy. This was almost instantly followed by the sinister sound of his father’s truck engine. He raised his hands to his ears. “Please just stay away.”
The boy heard a knock on the door. He turned to the door as Jared stuck his head in.
“Hey man, can I come in?” Jared asked from the doorway.
Normally Johnny would not associate with anyone while in his underwear. Tonight, however, he knew Jared more than likely needed to talk, and there was a pair of shorts on the bed.
“Yea, dude, come on in.” Johnny turned from the window and began putting on the shorts while sitting down. The sounds were gone. The room and the world outside were serenaded by wildlife, but not puppies or old truck engines.
Jared entered the room, walked toward Johnny, and sat on the bed.
“You lookin’ at the stars?” Jared asked as he looked to the window as well.
Of course Johnny was not going to admit that he was suffering from paranoid delusions of his father driving to the farm and finding him.
“Yea,” the boy replied as he finished pulling up his shorts.
“Well, come on, there’s a better view from out here.” Jared pushed up on the window to open it further, which lead out to the roof above the front porch. He put his arms and head through the window and slowly inched his way out of the room onto the roof. Once there, he sat with his legs crossed and gazed up at the stars.
Johnny was soon to follow, carefully climbing onto the roof. The air outside was still hot and thick, and the night was totally alive with the sounds of crickets and other insect life. The sky was clear, and every star seemed visible in the atmosphere.
“Dude, I’m glad you’re here,” Jared said as he continued looking skyward.
“Me too, man,” Johnny replied. That simple comment made Johnny feel welcomed, as the two young men were basically inseparable after not even a week. Johnny assumed the week had been eventful and overwhelming for everyone involved, not only him. He was thankful he had a friend he could goof off with and get his mind off of everything else.
As Johnny became accustomed to the normality of a functional family, he grew more frustrated with his mental instability. He felt if he could mend his mind he would be completely happy, and nothing would hold him back from achieving complete fulfillment.
“I’m sorry about Sunny, Jared,” Johnny said as he looked over at the stargazing mourner.
“Yea, me too,” the boy replied quietly.
As the two sat on the roof, enjoying the Louisiana summer night, Johnny noticed Jared watching him from the corner of his eye.
“What are you so scared of, man?” Jared asked suddenly, catching Johnny off guard.
“What?”
“I just think you’re scared of something. You act like you’re scared of something out there.” Jared laid back on the roof with his hands under his head.
“Nah man, I’m just lookin’ around I guess,” Johnny said as he too began to lay his head backward on the roof to look at the stars. The boy was basically forcing himself to momentarily halt his surveillance.
“There’s so many millions of stars out there. It’s like we’re nothing,” Jared proclaimed in a dark tone of voice. “Do you ever just feel like it’s all pointless, like there’s no reason for us to even be here?” Jared pondered out loud.
Johnny looked at Jared, unsure of how to respond. “I think you’re gonna do great, man. I think you’re gonna do something awesome. You’re not pointless,” Johnny responded with the only words that came to mind.
Jared yawned loudly and closed his eyes. “Man, oh man, am I beat,” Jared said as he yawned again. “I really hope you can sleep tonight, dude. I would probably have nightmares about that damn coyote acting all crazy,” Jared continued quietly.
Johnny turned his head to the side and looked at Jared. He felt comfortable around his friend, and felt like maybe Jared could help him get some answers, especially since the boy brought up the topic of dreaming. “Do…do you ever feel like your dreams just, like, continue even if you think you’re awake? Or like you’re in two places at the same time?” Johnny asked, but as soon as the words left his mouth he wished he wouldn’t have said them. He felt a mounting sense of regret arising from his gut, erupting into an anxious overflow of nerves.
“I guess I don’t follow, Johnny. But you shouldn’t put too much into it. There’s been a lot happening here lately. You’re staying in a new place, you’re around an entirely different group of people, and you almost got ate by a psycho-ass coyote. Don’t stress about it.”
Jared’s kind words brought some comfort to Johnny, but he was still afraid his father was desperately searching for him. Even more, Johnny was afraid of what his mind would conjure during the night if he found sleep.
***
Graye
Graye reached over and gently grabbed Jackson’s hand. She looked seriously at her husband. “If he hadn’t been there…if Bryce had been playing by the barn by herself. It…it all happened so fast, and if Johnny hadn’t been there,” Graye said, as her eyes began to swell with tears, again. She felt her throat tighten.
“I know, I know, honey. We owe him so much.”
Graye felt her husband’s callused hand slide atop of hers.
“He’s supposed to be here, you know that, right?” the woman continued as a few tears escaped her eyes. She gently ran her finger over her husband’s blistered hand. He had buried Sunny very deep in the ground because he didn’t want wild animals digging up the carcass and causing his family further trauma.
“I know he is,” Jackson replied, lifting his wife’s hand to kiss it.
Chapter Nineteen
Awake
Johnny
He heard the knock on the door, yet it wasn’t registering that he needed to open his eyes, that he needed to wake up. Finally, he cracked his eyes open as he heard the door handle turn.
“Hello? Sleepyhead? Are you hungry?” It was Graye, peeking her head in the door and smiling.
Johnny had fallen asleep looking out the window. His head had been resting on his folded arms on the windowsill. The last time he looked at the alarm clock it said it was after four in the morning. He had persistently kept a vigilant watch the majority of the night. He was exhausted, but he hadn’t had any dreams.
As he looked at Graye, he smiled with puffy eyes and yawned. “What time is it?” the boy asked as he sat up and stretched his arms, yawning again.
“Well, you are a sleepyhead today. It’s almost ten. Jared and Bryce went with their dad to look at some boxer puppies.” Graye began shaking her head. “Jared tried to wake you, but he said you were zonked out. I told all three of them the last thing we need around here is another mouth to feed,” Graye said as she entered the room. Her face gave the impression that she instantly recognized those to be a poor choice of words.
Johnny immediately diverted eye contact and look down toward his bedding, unsure of how to respond.
“Johnny, I didn’t mean that in any way toward you. I only meant we have so many dogs.” The woman sat down on the bed next to him. “You are very special to me and this family. I will be happy to feed you as long as you can stomach my cooking.”
Johnny could feel the woman’s friendly smile, begging for forgiveness. He looked at her and returned the smile, as he knew the woman would never intentionally say something that hurtful to him.
“I know I can throw down on some food, so I appreciate you keeping me fed,” the boy said as he started to chuckle.
“Oh, no. It spreads like a virus!” Graye said, placing her palm on her forehead as she began to laugh lightly. “Well, you have a whole plate of biscuits and gravy, and several slices of bacon to throw down on when you�
��re ready,” the woman said as she looked at Johnny’s pile of dirty clothes.
“Well, now’s as good a time as any. All that sleeping made me pretty hungry,” Johnny said sarcastically as he yawned again and scratched his head.
“Okay then. I, young man, will just go get that heated up for you.” Graye stood from the bed and walked to Johnny’s pile of dirty clothes, gathering the pile in her arms.
As she headed out the bedroom door, Johnny couldn’t help but wonder, again, what had prompted this family to be so kind? He had nothing to offer them other than miniscule assistance on the farm. He once again reminded himself that he shouldn’t question, but be grateful.
Johnny looked once more in the direction of the window. He consciously understood that the paranoid behavior was completely unproductive and unnecessary. Hopefully today he would be able to turn it off and enjoy the day as it came.
He was in a surprisingly good mood that morning. The coyote, the conversation with Jackson, and Sunny’s death were all things that were out of his control. Johnny understood there was nothing he could physically do to alter the events that occurred the previous day. It puzzled him how well he could rationalize digesting an entire day’s worth of trauma because it was out of his control, and then stare out the window for hours in a panic fueled frenzy. As he turned from the window, he stood from the bed and headed for the door.
When he walked down the hall to the stairs, the smell of hickory-smoked bacon became increasingly present. He wasn’t even very hungry, but he hadn’t eaten bacon in years. He thought of how the family used mealtime as a social gathering, a reassurance of unity. The times around the table were basically a chance to disclose the day’s events and reminisce on funny stories. He loved sitting at the table with the family.
He walked down the stairs, hearing Graye humming some tune and the sound of dishes being placed in the sink. He felt his cheeks lift in an uncontrollable smile. He loved it here. He loved how the family rallied together and overcame adversity as a team. They supported each other and helped one another when needed. Johnny loved being able to witness how a normal family functioned and existed.
As he entered the kitchen, he saw his plate on the table. Perhaps he was hungry after all as he eyed the two large, homemade biscuits smothered in white gravy.
“Do you want some orange juice, or maybe some milk?” Graye asked as she watched Johnny walk into the kitchen. Beyond the smell of breakfast, the smell of lavender dish soap was lingering as Graye rinsed the suds from her hands under the sink water.
“Um, I’ll take some milk if that’s all right,” Johnny replied as he approached the table.
“That’s just fine,” Graye said sweetly as she grabbed a drying glass from the counter and walked to the refrigerator.
“Sweetie, I have to run into town today to grab a few things. Would you like to go with me just to get out of the house?”
“Yea, that sounds good,” Johnny said as he pulled his chair out from the table. He was hoping that the trip wouldn’t produce another line of questioning. He sat down, grabbing his fork and cutting into one of the biscuits.
“Are the dogs still penned up?” Johnny asked with a mouth full of food.
“Yep. They seemed pretty shook up, so we let them out for a few minutes this morning, but then it was back to the pen. I’m surprised the house doesn’t smell like a family of skunks.” The woman sat Johnny’s glass of milk down by his plate. As Johnny chewed his food, he looked up at Graye.
“Do you think they know Sunny is dead?” Johnny asked, still chewing.
“Well, I think they have their own way of mourning loss, but I’m sure they don’t completely understand what happened.”
As Johnny ate, he looked at Graye and wondered again of his own mother. He found it strange that Graye would go so far out of her way to let him know how much he meant to her, and how much she appreciated his existence, and his own mother made no effort after leaving to return and rescue him. He understood the woman had her own setbacks to overcome, but he’d always prayed she’d eventually return while his father was at work to collect him. He understood there were several things that were out of the woman’s control, but being with Graye for the short time assured him that his mother could have done more. She didn’t have to leave him. She could have protected him, ruined or not.
As Graye opened the fridge, it reminded Johnny of the coyote.
“Is the coyote still in the cooler outside?
“No, Jackson took it into town when they went to look at the pups. I’m sure they’ll be coming home with one of them,” Graye said, shaking her head again.
It came over him faster than a swarm of vengeful wasps. His heart rate soared to the point that he felt it pounding in his fingertips and eyeballs. He swallowed a large piece of crisp bacon without chewing it completely. He could feel it slowly moving down his esophagus, scraping all the way down. He looked to Graye as she walked to him with a look of concern plastered across her face.
“Are you okay, sweetie?”
“Are…are you gonna answer that?” Johnny heard himself blurt out.
Graye looked confused, as if she had no idea what the boy was talking about.
“Answer what, Johnny?” she replied as Johnny stood from the table.
“There’s someone at the door, what if it’s him? I heard someone at the door.” Johnny walked backward in the direction of the laundry room, convinced someone had knocked at the door. He was horrified at the prospects of it being his father.
Graye placed the milk back in the fridge as Johnny retreated to the laundry room.
The sound of his father’s truck engine was not only humming in his ears, it invaded them in an oppressively resounding loudness. The way the truck would nearly stall, and sputter—it was too clear to be anything but real. Johnny was certain he was here. His father was here.
“Sweetie, there’s no one there. Nobody was knocking, and there are no vehicles outside,” Graye said as she entered the room. “Johnny, what’s wrong, sweetie? Honey, are you afraid of your father finding you here?” The woman’s soft words overpowered the delusional sounds of the engine, replacing them within his head as Johnny lowered his shaky hands from either ear.
He looked at Graye. He knew she wouldn’t lie, but convincing himself that there was no immediate danger lurking at the front door was proving difficult. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I just, I just thought I heard someone knocking. There was…I thought I heard knocking and the truck. There’s no truck? There’s not a truck out there nowhere?” Johnny asked with a shaky voice. The boy could clearly tell his actions had the woman concerned for him.
“Sweetheart, no one is going to find you here, and if they do the only way you are leaving with them is if you want to.” Graye’s words seemed to calmly bring Johnny out of the manic state of confusion. “And, Johnny, just so you know, we have a lot of ammunition in this house if someone wants to try.”
Johnny felt his stomach contents settle once again in his belly as his heart rate steadied to a normal pace.
“You want to try to finish up your breakfast?” Graye asked in a calming tone.
“Yes, ma’am.”
“And Johnny, you have nothing to apologize for, okay?” the woman said reassuringly.
With that statement, Johnny felt he was more concerned with what Graye thought about his behavior, but her comments were kind and reassuring and seemed to ease his tension.
The boy made his way back to his plate, feeling slightly embarrassed, yet completely relieved his father wasn’t truly there.
Chapter Twenty
Bethany
The remainder of the day had gone by without incident. Johnny was correct in assuming Graye would question him regarding his past, yet the boy didn’t find her approach nearly as intrusive as Jackson’s. He told her of his mother’s battle with addiction, and of how much he missed his little brother. Johnny didn’t disclose anything about his father; but then, Graye hadn’t really push
ed him to talk, she simply asked open-ended questions and let him disclose what he felt comfortable discussing.
He now sat in the living room, feeling mentally exhausted and in desperate need of sleep as the evening was well underway. Graye’s assumption that her family would ultimately bring home yet another puppy was correct.
The boxer pup, Bethany, was quite a handful. Jared seemed to appreciate the pup’s playful antics, but Johnny found her fondness for toes and her needle sharp teeth to be almost too much. He was thankful the pup wasn’t black. She boasted the typical boxer color pattern. She looked healthy and bright-eyed.
The entire family sat on the large leather couch as Johnny watched the fat puppy bounce about the room, looking for toes to bite mercilessly.
“I think I’m gonna turn in early tonight, if that’s okay with everyone,” Johnny proclaimed. His eyes felt as though they’d been under a blow dryer. He understood he was exhausted from the previous night’s road watch.
“You feel okay, man?” Jared asked. The boy continued to allow his feet to be used as chew toys.
“Yea, I’m just sleepy,” Johnny replied.
“Maybe we should all turn in early. It’s been a long couple of days, and I know someone is going to be getting up early with Bethany,” Jackson said as he looked at his son.
“Night everyone,” Johnny said as he stood from the couch.
“Goodnight, sweetie,” Graye replied with a smile.
“Goodnight, bud. You want to ride with me if I get a call in the morning?” Jackson asked as Johnny walked past them.
“Yea, that’d be awesome.” Johnny was genuinely excited about the invite, but instantly hoped any such trip wouldn’t result another interrogation.
“Hold up, man. I’ll head up with you.” Jared said as he stood up from the floor, holding Bethany. He handed the wriggling puppy to his father with a smile. “You have fun with that,” the boy said and quickly walked to the stairs, laughing.
