"And you're worried because now that you're not with random men, you might accidentally upset me by being needy or upset me because you need to be with men?" I tried to sum up for her.
"The first one." Her voice was soft.
"You don't have to...give up being with men just for me... I mean... Mal and I..." I said. My thoughts wandered but I tried really hard not to think about Vanessa being with strange men. I couldn't bear the thought of it right now, but deep down I knew she would need something more. Something more than me.
"It's different with you and Mal," she said and drew her eyes away from me again.
"How is it different?"
"He's a part of both of our lives, not just some random person. And you're mates. You chose each other and he'll probably be the only guy you're ever with," she said. I nodded because that was true. My heart skipped a beat when I thought about being with Mal forever. The comfort that came with the idea soothed my soul.
"Maybe one day you'll have a mate like that, too..." I guided her chin back toward me so she would meet my gaze.
"Just you, Shawnee." She leaned to nuzzle me. I embraced her and squeezed her some. How could this work? How is it fair to her for me to have a life mate and she is stuck in some sort of limbo with me?
"I won't hold it against you, if I um...don't meet all your needs and you have to look elsewhere," I whispered. "I want you to know that."
She kept me close to her without breaking the hug. I kissed her neck and shoulder and brushed her hair aside. "Just you," she repeated.
I swallowed back the lump that rose in my throat. I wished I could give her everything she needed. Maybe Vanessa was someone like me who needed more than one person to fill the emptiness inside her, just like Xany explained to me when I asked her about loving two people at the same time.
"I'll try my best to be what you need, Vanessa. I promise," I whispered.
She squeezed me tightly. "Love you." Her voice was barely a whisper.
"I love you, too," I said. "Mal said you smell like lilacs. Will your heat affect werewolves?"
"Umm...it might, but not like it would affect werecats." She shrugged.
"What does it do to werecats?"
"Makes them jump my bones." She grinned.
"Which I'm sure you never minded before." I laughed.
"No. But I might mind now. Maybe it'll make you jump my bones." Her grin was full of mischief. "It can affect Breeders, too. It only lasts about a month though."
"I think the next month is going to be a very interesting time. How do you think it will affect Mal and Caden?"
She caressed my cheek gently. "It might make them pay more attention to me, or find me more appealing," she explained.
"That doesn't seem so bad."
"Thanks for making me feel better. I was afraid it would scare you off," she said.
"Stop being so scared of me being scared. I'm going to be scared anyway so why not take a risk?" I ran my thumb over her bottom lip.
"You just set yourself up with that one." She nipped my finger.
"Don't I know it."
Chapter Fourteen
Vanessa had to leave early the next morning because the children in her dance classes had their recital and she had to be there to set up and direct. I considered joining her but when she told me she wouldn't be dancing, I lost interest. I decided to shower after she left then snuck into Mal's bedroom. Though, for werewolves, there's really no such thing as sneaking anywhere.
Mal was sprawled across the bed seemingly asleep. He sniffed the air as I entered the room. I glanced around and noticed the bits of leather and beadwork that were scattered here and there, along with heaps of laundry on the floor. A typical guy's room. He turned over in bed and continued to sniff the air before he opened his eyes. A smile spread across his lips when he saw me and he lifted the blanket for me to slip under.
"Did you know cats go into heat once a year for a month?" I said as I slid into bed beside him. His arm wrapped around me and he blinked the grogginess from his eyes.
"Nope, but I knew they had different fertile periods than we do." His voice was raspy with morning. Mal nuzzled my neck and buried his face in my hair. "You smell good."
I smiled and ran my fingers down his bare chest. "That's why she smelled different to you," I said.
"The lilacs? Her heat smells like lilacs?" Mal leaned up on his elbow to watch me. He caressed my neck and shoulder with his fingertips and nudged up my shirt.
"I guess so." I tilted my head and exposed my neck to him so that he could do what he wanted. It was brazen of me to enter his room unannounced. Though lately I was feeling braver, especially since my shower with Vanessa.
"Caden accused Xany of smelling like flowers or perfume." His laugh was boisterous and filled the room.
"She said it might affect wolves but not in the same way. She said it might affect me too." I scratched my nails gently down his chest so that he would flex his muscles.
"I might have to agree with that. You've never come into my room on your own, let alone gotten into my bed."
"Maybe I just like being near you," I said as he leaned in to place a gentle kiss on my clavicle.
"Maybe that's just an excuse." Mal's voice was breathy and heavy as his hand wandered around my torso. A harsh shiver ran down my spine and the familiar ache returned to my belly.
"Maybe it is." I pressed my lips to his in a timid kiss, and he melted into it. His body tensed with arousal. With his hand under my shirt, he ran his fingers along my stomach, then the band of my bra. I let him. His tongue parted my lips and the warmth grew in the center of my body. Hands gripped my hips roughly and he rolled so that I was now sitting on top of him. I moved my legs to straddle his abdomen and broke the kiss as I looked down at him. His messy hair fell all over the pillow and his eyes were soft as I admired him. He put both hands on my jean-covered thighs and moved slowly up toward my torso until he had lifted my shirt right off of me. His eyes wandered over my upper body before meeting my gaze again. I told myself the same thing I'd said in the shower. No matter what, I wasn't going to stop him. I couldn't. The need in his eyes burned through me. Our mate bond seared with his ache, a craving that needed to be satisfied.
"You sure?" His voice was a deep whisper.
"Sure enough for now." I nodded. In an instant, he reached behind me and unhooked my bra. I let it fall away. My stomach lurched with nervousness. His hands wandered up my chest to cup my breasts. I sat forward enough so that I couldn't feel his arousal against me but I could sense it nonetheless. I leaned down to capture him in a kiss as he massaged my breasts. My mind couldn't help but compare his touches to Vanessa's. Unlike Vanessa's hands, Mal's were rougher, though his actions were more certain and deliberate. He knew what to do and his confidence drove mine.
His fingertips grazed my neck and shoulders. Gentle touches reminded me of Vanessa's kisses and tongue. A sudden dampness grew between my thighs when I thought about that and I broke the kiss suddenly. Mal caught my gaze and his breathing was rapid.
"All right?" His voice was coarse and needy.
"Yes..." I bit my lip.
He cupped my breasts again only this time he twirled my nipples between his fingers as he watched me. My body responded with a jolt and my hips slid against him. I chewed my lip as fear began to rise. My own body scared me, but I wasn't going to stop him. No matter what. His smile was warm and eager, but controlled.
"It scares you when you get turned on," he whispered and placed his hand against my cheek.
"Same thing happens with Vanessa." I turned my head to kiss the palm of his hand.
"Try something with me? You can stop me at any time," he asked.
I searched his expression before nodding. He took the affirmative gesture as consent and slowly slid his hand from my cheek, down over my breasts. Mal trailed his finger around each of my nipples then did the same around my navel. My stomach twitched. His eyes watched mine as he dragged a single finger down the front
of my jeans and traced the zipper until he stopped right at the seam that separated his hand from my womanhood. I grabbed his hand without thinking and held my breath. He stopped just like he said he would. My hand trembled as I tried my hardest to break my own grip.
"Tell me what you're thinking when my hand goes there," he said and remained still under my grasp. My tongue tingled as the panic began to rise. Why was this happening? I didn't freak out with Vanessa, why did it have to happen with Mal right now? I shook my head.
"If you touch me it will hurt, that it'll hurt," I said through clenched teeth.
"How is it possible that it will hurt?"
"It...just will." I blinked away the tears that threatened to fall.
"Switch your hand with mine," he said. His instruction shocked me out of my emotional moment. I looked between us and did what he said. Instead of me holding his hand, he held mine. Carefully, he pressed my hand toward my heat, though this time he didn't stop. I allowed my fingers to press against my jeans. I could feel the pressure against my damp panties. I bit my lip and watched him.
"Does it hurt?" he asked. I shook my head no. He guided my fingers to rub side to side across the inseam of my jeans. I jumped suddenly when I felt the friction against my core. It sent a jolt up my spine and I pulled my hand back.
"Pain?" he asked. Words couldn't find their way to my lips so again, I shook my head. My tears ceased. He took my hand once more and pressed my fingertips against the same area, rubbing slowly back and forth. Something familiar rose through my middle and settled in my mouth. It was that want or desire for something I knew very little about, other than what Vanessa taught me in the shower. I let him do it a few more times until my breathing picked up and I pulled my hand back again. He watched me and then let his hands rest on my thighs.
"No pain." He rubbed my legs in a way that soothed me.
"No...no pain."
"What are you feeling now?" he said.
"Like... I want something." I relaxed after he debunked one of my biggest fears. Hands had always hurt me and this time they didn't.
Mal smiled and grabbed me into a forceful kiss. It sent shockwaves through my body and I dug my nails into his flesh. I moved my hips against him and scooted lower down his body until I felt his manhood pressed against me. I trembled with an eagerness that was foreign to me. He kept me in the kiss as he popped the button of my jeans. I wanted him, my desire matched only by his ravenous hunger. He yanked my jeans just as the bedroom door opened with a thud.
"Whoa..." Caden said.
I broke the kiss immediately and looked over my shoulder to see Caden standing in the doorway. He looked rather dumbfounded. I covered my chest and huddled down against Mal.
"Dude, knocking is useful," he said and pulled the blanket over me.
"There usually isn't anything going on in here to knock for!" Caden laughed.
"Caden! Go away." I slid off Mal and hid under the covers.
"I'd be glad to go away but Hank just called. He has a lead he wants us to investigate," he said.
Mal groaned and turned on his side to tuck me close to him. "I'm sorry, love." He nibbled my ear as his hand slid down my panties and cupped my throbbing heat. I didn't want him to stop. Knowing he would soon be gone made me want to scream. I hugged his arms desperately then let him go.
"Just go while I regain my modesty." The breathy nature of my voice surprised me.
He emitted a frustrated growl and kissed my cheek as he rolled out of bed. Caden turned and walked down the hall to allow Mal his dignity in walking to the bathroom without being looked upon. I hid in Mal's bed and as the guys disappeared down the hall, I heard Caden say, "'Bout time," followed by the distinct sound of Mal's fist punching him in the shoulder. The bathroom door clunked shut and Caden's chuckling faded.
I redressed and stumbled my way out of Mal's room, still a little weak-kneed as I pulled my hair back into a ponytail. I joined the others in the kitchen but avoided Caden's gaze at all costs.
"We have to stay here, Nee." Xany was pouting at the table as I took a seat.
"Huh? What?"
"Mal and Caden get to go rescuing and you and I have to stay here." She huffed.
"That's how it is, Xee," I said and avoided her gaze for a moment, then she suddenly giggled.
"Nee!" she shouted.
"What?" I jumped.
"Did you and Mal—"
"Xany! No. You're so nosey, ugh." I glanced at Caden in disdain for interrupting us and thought that my answer would have been different had he just waited a little while longer.
"It's okay, TB, you and Mal go. Shawnee and I have some talking to do," Xany said and bounced over to give me a hug.
Instead of pulling away, I hid my face against her shoulder. She kept on giggling but embraced me and my embarrassment. Caden chuckled at us and shook his head before heading out the door. Mal waltzed out of the bathroom and followed him. He looked over his shoulder at me and smiled. I couldn't help but return his smile. I hid against Xany until the guys were safely out of sight.
"So Caden got an eyeful, huh?" Xany giggled. I groaned and got up to sit on the sofa.
"No privacy in a pack. I forgot about that.”
Xany sat beside me and bounced in her usual manner. "You'll get used to it."
"That's comforting." I smirked.
"Glad to help." She snickered. "So...are you trying new things?"
"Xany! You allow me even less privacy. How can I do things when every time I get aroused, or upset, you can feel it?" I bopped her with a pillow.
"It's just the way it is, Nee. And besides, you like not being alone in your experiences." She giggled at me.
"I need to start working again soon. All this relationship stuff is driving me crazy."
"I think you've got that backwards, Nee. All the relationship stuff is making you better. When was the last time you got really scared or had a nightmare?" She tapped her lip while she watched me.
I thought about it for a moment. "I dunno. Awhile I guess."
"It has been awhile, Nee. Ages even. Give yourself, and your loves, the credit y'all deserve."
I nodded as she reached over and squeezed my hand. "Thanks, Xee."
"Welcome. Now, tell me what it means when a werecat goes into heat." She clasped her hands together and folded them in her lap like an innocent school girl.
"Xany! So, nosey, did you listen to the whole conversation?"
"Well I wouldn't have been able to hear the whole thing if you hadn't hid under the blanket and given me perfect opportunity to listen without you seeing me." She grinned.
"You're absolutely incorrigible, Xany," I said with a heavy sigh.
"I know," she responded before hopping up from her spot. "C'mon, help me start cooking for the guys. I'm sure they'll be back sooner than we think."
"Does it bother you to do all the cooking all the time?"
"Nope. I love it. It makes me feel like I'm actually doing something to help the pack. Werewolves need to eat a ton to keep up their strength." She took out a knife from the drawer.
"I guess it would be different if we were supposed to be doing all the household crap like cleaning and laundry, too."
"Was that what it was like in your old pack?" she asked as she began taking out pots and pans from the cupboards.
"Sort of. It wasn't primarily the women that did that stuff. It was more like the responsibility of the Breeders. That was only until mom became Alpha though, things changed then." I watched Xany buzz around the kitchen. She moved so quickly that I found it difficult to find my place.
"Can I ask you something without you getting rude?"
"It depends. What do you need from here?" I asked as I opened the refrigerator.
"Carrots, potatoes, milk, butter, and that hunk of meat there."
"What are you making?" I grunted as I lifted the huge slab of beef from the fridge. "This is heavy."
"I figured I'd spoil our hardworking men by making pot roast for dinner."
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"Cooking classes seem to be teaching you a lot." I dropped the meat on the counter by the roasting pan.
"Yeah, cookbooks help too." She giggled. "So can I ask you or what?"
"Fine, but I reserve the right to refuse to answer," I said and began peeling the carrots.
"How did your father die?" That seemed like an easy enough question to answer.
"I don't know. A few years ago I got a phone call while I was at work saying that he had died and I was named his next of kin. I never went to find out how or why." In response, I accidentally sent a few carrot peels to the floor.
"Oh... Isn't that a little suspicious?"
"I don't care. He's dead," I said and slammed the knife down on the carrot a bit too hard, which sent a piece of it flying across the room. Xany giggled.
"Both of your parents are still alive?" I asked. I gave the carrot an apologetic pat for taking my feelings out on it. Xany lifted a brow at me. "I shouldn't disrespect the carrot."
"You're too funny. But yes, Mom and Dad live in Florida in old-fogyville, or something."
"Not all of Florida has old people, Xee. That'd be like saying all Californians are surfing potheads." I laughed.
"Aren't they though?"
"Caden isn't."
"Oh. True."
"He's taking me to the hospital tomorrow to turn in my résumé." This time I cut up the carrots with more respect. After all, they would be providing us nourishment.
"Caden is?"
"Yeah," I said, and gathered up the carrots into a bowl.
"I hope they make some progress today," Xany said before setting the sack of potatoes on the table to begin peeling them with me.
"Me too. I'm worried about those people." I couldn't bear the thought of what they were going through. I truly hoped I was wrong about the hoarders.
"I can't think about it too much or I feel useless," she said.
"Me too. Just thinking about what could be happening to them..." I shook my head.
After we prepared the roast and set it in the oven, Xany and I decided to watch a movie to take our minds off our worries. Of course, Xany chose another vampire movie, which was just as bad as the others.
Birthrite (Legacy Series Book 2) Page 14
