by Maria Boyd
Look, Freak, I don’t really talk about it.
I was just wondering how long ago it was. Whether it was ages ago or …
I dropped the bike again and put my head in my hands, nearly pulling out every bit of hair that was attached to my head to prevent myself from ripping out his.
It happened during the Christmas holidays last year.
My mind went back to that time. I could feel the pull of the tunnel dragging me down.
Me at Chris’s house. His mum saying my mum had called wanting me to go home. Mrs. Holden driving and Chris coming along for the ride. It was after New Year’s and Mum was having one of her famous clear-outs. Whenever Dad and I sniffed one was in the air we made a really quick exit. She’d listen to bad hippie music and sing really loudly and constantly be bossing us around, moving stuff everywhere. I thought that was why she had summoned me home and I wasn’t happy.
I saw Uncle John’s car in front of the house. He had been Dad’s work partner and best mate for as long as I could remember. I wondered why Mum hadn’t conned him into helping instead. I came into the house about to say exactly that when I saw her. I knew there was something wrong. She was sitting dead still at the kitchen table, surrounded by old scarves, coats, hats and dresses. Fleetwood Mac was blaring in the background. Uncle John didn’t even look at me. He excused himself to turn down the music.
She looked at me, a look I had never seen before. And I knew. You always know, you just pretend you don’t.
Darling, there’s been an accident….
And at that point I went straight to my room and didn’t come out.
I could just make out Zach. He was looking at me intently and his eyes were sad, really sad. If I kept looking in those eyes I knew I would never make it out of the tunnel again.
Will! Hey, Will?
Freak was patting me on the shoulder and trying to pick up my bike.
I’m sorry, Will. Don’t be sad. I’m really, really sorry.
I felt like I was going to throw up. I took the bike from him and made my way to the hall, hoping the movement would shift the shadow of the tunnel.
I don’t want to go there, Freak. You’ve got to understand that not everyone talks about everything the way you do. You’ve got to back off people, give them some space.
Don’t be mad, Will.
By this time the Freak had run in front of the bike and blocked my path. I couldn’t look at the kid. I knew he was sorry and he needed to know that things were OK. I tousled his hair.
It’s all right, Freak. Just leave it.
We walked into the hall together. It was the first time he’d shut up since I’d known him. An oxygenated bubble wrapped around me; I’d been using it for most of the year. It allowed me to see the world and be in the world but nothing from the world could get to me. It was a familiar and comforting sensation and I gave in to it completely. The rehearsal was going like always but I watched from a long way away. Disconnected. I saw Elizabeth and Mark onstage and at one point, when I remembered last night, I felt some sort of pull.
I tried my hardest to avoid everyone at lunch but the Freak must have said something to Mark because I could tell he was concerned.
Hey, Will, why don’t you come over?
I nodded and smiled but said no.
Come on, mate. You and Elizabeth were sparking last night. She’s going to think you’re not interested.
I could feel the smallest of rips in the bubble.
I was thinking we could all head up to the pizza place again. Look, we’ve got to work with Andrews now, but I’ll see you afterwards.
After Mark had left, the Freak came over and offered me my choice from his lunch box. The kid had looked like he was going to cry all morning. Straight after that Brother Pat, who had been giving me strange looks all rehearsal, rolled over to me on his conductor’s stool, asking if I was all right. I told him I wasn’t feeling well but I’d be fine after I’d been outside for a while.
I walked out of the hall and thought about last night, and then the past five weeks started to roll out in front of me. I figured with everyone asking me how I was it was just as hard to stay in the bubble as it was to rip it off.
It was Zach’s face that really did it. The bugger looked so miserable. By the end of lunch I came up behind him and took off with his lunch box. It was another familiar game along familiar lines. He bolted off his seat after me the quickest I’d ever seen him move.
That’s not very nice, Will. Give it back. And with that he attempted to kick me, his giggling preventing him getting anywhere close.
That’s not very nice, Zach, I repeated in exactly the same tone.
Well, it’s mine so give it back.
I hung it over his head just out of his reach.
Not until you say sorry.
His eyes clouded over and he stopped jumping instantly. I am really sorry, Will.
I know, mate. I know.
I relinquished the lunch box but only after I’d taken the last doughnut—he was keeping it for me anyway—and chased him back to his seat. He was cracking up laughing as usual and I was nearly back to normal.
By the end of the afternoon I knew I was back because I started yelling at one of the geeks to get his bloody timing right, and during the break I shoved a whole lot of toilet paper in his clarinet. Juvenile, I know, but he thought it was hilarious and took it as some sign of his increased state of coolness because I was paying him out.
I nearly bailed on the pizza night but I could tell the others were looking forward to it and they’d be disappointed if I wasn’t there. Elizabeth must have done some major work on her parents because she was allowed out again, and I figured that if I was serious about her I’d better lift my game. It was then I thought about getting Chris to come along. He was always studying, playing football or looking after Jessie. And if I was being shoved out of my comfort zone, he may as well be too. It turned out that Elizabeth was already inviting some of her friends, which was even better. I didn’t say that to Chris when I spoke to him on the phone. There’s only so much shoving a person can take in one day. I knew that better than anybody.
Pizza again
It was a different night to last night. Last night was fantastic but it was pretty full-on with everyone spilling their stuff. Tonight the vibe was more up and everyone was just having a laugh. I made sure I was sitting next to Elizabeth and I didn’t care who noticed, especially her. If she’d got up and moved I would have felt like a complete loser but she didn’t. She just smiled and slid over on the booth. I sat back and listened to her friends going on about school and boys and stuff, throwing in my own stupid comments, trying to get them to laugh, trying to get Elizabeth to laugh.
Chris seemed to be doing all right over on the other table. He’d been talking to the same girl for the last half hour and she didn’t look like she was going anywhere. Zach and Mark were sitting on either side of him, like his security blanket, but from where I was sitting he didn’t need them. One of Elizabeth’s friends kept going on about how cute he was. It nearly killed me not to give him heaps about it in front of everybody, but even I couldn’t be that cruel.
But there was no way I was watching out for Chris all night. No, my attention was firmly on Elizabeth. She was something else. If you tied her hands behind her back she wouldn’t be able to speak. And her eyes danced along with what she was saying. Her friends were really nice too. You could tell they were trying to scope me out, but they weren’t too obvious about it. For a while, anyway—and then they started.
So you were the bloke who showed us his bits at the bus stop?
It was right about then I started to rethink my nice opinion. I could feel the familiar sound of the fire engine alarms starting up. What do you say to that? And what did she mean my bits? It was just my backside. Wasn’t it?!
I looked at Elizabeth for support but she was loving every minute of it.
I shoved another slice of pizza in my mouth and nodded.
Yeah, we thought that the guy who did it must have been such a try-hard.
I stopped chewing for a split second. That’s a bit harsh, isn’t it?
But it seems like you’re all right.
Yeah right, thanks heaps! Queen of the backhanded compliment. Then the one called Milly started up.
Yeah, Elizabeth says you’re really funny.
I looked over at Elizabeth and raised my eyebrows.
So you’ve been talking about me to your friends?
I only said you were funny in a really annoying way.
I resorted to familiar territory and got revenge without words. I grabbed her bag and proceeded to fill it with all the stuff from the table: salt and pepper shakers, serviettes, coasters, the works. By the reaction I got it was working. She tried for a good three minutes to grab the bag from me, but I had the advantage of height and strength and we both knew it. Eventually she gave up and collapsed back into the booth laughing. She tried to grab it again when she thought I wasn’t watching, at which point I threw the bag to Milly and asked her to finish the job. This allowed me to catch Elizabeth’s hands and pin them behind her back.
Eventually Milly relinquished the bag but only after Elizabeth had threatened to get her bag and spread out all of its contents on the table. I wondered for a moment whether I might have gone a little too far when the salt shaker spilled all over Elizabeth’s bag, but she just laughed even harder and when I wasn’t looking grabbed a handful of salt and threw it over my head.
And I thought you were meant to be Miss Maturity!
At that point Milly said she had to leave, and since her mum was giving a lift to the other girls, they all stood up to go.
Wanna lift, Elizabeth?
Ahhh …
She sounded unsure, which was a good sign. She was definitely stalling, I could tell. I just wasn’t so sure if she was waiting for me to say something. Chris could give her—
I can give you a lift, easy. As long as your dad doesn’t come out and give me grief for getting his precious daughter home late.
Mark and the boys had grabbed their stuff and were moving tables. He must have overheard the question. Smooth. Thanks, mate!
No. He likes you. Besides, I told them we had to stay late for rehearsals and that I needed time to unwind afterwards.
Mark was barely listening to Elizabeth’s reply because he was too interested in grinning pointedly in my direction. The Freak was giving me the thumbs-up really obviously.
It was good ending the night with just us again. Even though Chris was a ring-in, he fit right in as usual. For the final hour Elizabeth and I relaxed and didn’t jump every time we accidentally touched. By the end of the night we were resting on one another and it felt great. So great that when Chris said that he had to get the car home so as to prevent parental stress, I nearly told him to go without me. But Mark grabbed his keys and jangled them.
Yeah, me too. Are you ready, Miss Elizabeth?
She didn’t seem very keen to be going anywhere either. But eventually we all stood up and moved outside, saying our goodbyes. I felt my palms go sweaty and jittery when I knew it was my time to say goodnight to Elizabeth. But she came straight up to me, gave me a kiss on the cheek and said she’d see me next weekend at rehearsals … and to give her a call during the week if I wanted. Thank God Chris started to drag me away, otherwise I would have stood there like a speechless idiot. I yelled out goodbye to the Freak and Mark and followed him.
I knew Chris was going to start as soon as we got in the car and he didn’t let me down.
Willo! You are completely gone, mate!
Give it a rest, Chris.
Yeah, well, her friends were saying she’s into you too. He put on a fake girl voice. The talk of the musical.
Shut up, you wanker!
The cutest guy in the production. He kept going with the girl’s voice. And you’re really funny and it’s great how you look out for Zach and help Brother Pat. You’re just a big softy underneath the tough-man act, aren’t you, Will?
If he hadn’t been driving he would have copped one right in the gut. Instead I started on him.
So what about that Maree chick, then? She was hanging off everything you said and, mate, I know you, you’re just not that interesting. Elizabeth’s friends kept going on about how cute you were. They were even more impressed when I told them you were going to be school captain.
Got him. This time it was Chris who went red.
You what?
He hated it when I raised the school captain thing, really hated it. I moved on quickly. Look out, mate, your life is just about to get a whole lot more interesting.
Chris freaked out all the way home, but he was loving it.
And I was loving it. In fact, something strange was happening, because for the past two days almost everything was good.
The phone call
The week went pretty quickly except that every five minutes I thought about Elizabeth and the fact I hadn’t rung her yet. Andrews had organized three rehearsals after school for the actors, and after band practice on Wednesday I figured I’d give her a ring and see if they were up for pizza again. It was a great plan, if I actually did anything about it. Brother Pat was also full of plans, but he, on the other hand, had no problem getting on with them.
Now don’t forget, Will, I will need you to be out of classes on Friday morning before singing practice. Make sure you give me a list of the teachers I need to notify so they don’t think you are up to any mischief.
For the first time in my whole school career I wasn’t looking forward to missing time out of class.
You know what, Will, I can help you if you want.
I looked down to see the Freak, waiting to walk out after practice with me like always.
Sure, Freak, that would be great.
At least it would give him a chance to tell the other losers to pull their heads in.
That all right with you, Brother?
Absolutely!
We left Brother Pat on the sax, practicing for his regular Wednesday-night gig with his mates.
We both stood on the veranda of the music room and looked out into the junior quad, not saying anything. The Freak must have been figuring which one of the geeks he was going to tell off first on Friday, and I was practicing what I was going to say to Elizabeth.
I got out my phone to check the time.
Are you going to ring Elizabeth?
No! Why would you say that?
’Cause you keep looking up to the hall and then going to get your phone out. I can’t go out tonight because Dad said not during weeknights.
Right.
But you should ring her because you said you were going to.
Right.
Thanks, Freak.
Silence.
What time is your dad coming?
Now.
I took a deep breath.
Do you want me to come out and wait with you?
Pause.
Nah, it’s all right. You can meet him at the show.
Exhale of breath.
All right, well, if I don’t see you around tomorrow, I’ll catch you on Friday morning in the hall. You can help me set up.
He made contact, his ancient eyes reflecting a very busy head.
I’ve already been thinking about that, Will, don’t worry.
He stopped mid-pogo. You really should call Elizabeth.
Thanks for that. He left me nodding to his back.
He was right, I should call. She told me to ring her. She’d given me her number, made me put it into my phone. So considering she said to, there’s no reason why I shouldn’t. It’s not as if I’m stalking her.
I went over to get my bike. I knew I could just as easily have gone over to the hall, but I didn’t, it would look too desperate. And Andrews would seize the opportunity to ask me in front of the whole cast exactly why it was I was spending even more time at school than I had to.
I put down my bike and reached in my poc
ket for my phone. I scrolled down to Elizabeth’s number. Don’t think about it, Will, just do it. I pressed the key.
Elizabeth?
Hey, Will? Have you just finished band?
Breathe, you idiot. She sounds completely normal.
Yeah. Are you guys in the hall?
Yep, but Mr. Andrews says he thinks we won’t be finished before nine. So it’s going to be a very long evening.
Right, no pizza then.
Pause.
It was definitely my turn to speak. Has Andrews lost it again?
OK, so it wasn’t great but it kept the conversation going.
No, he’s fine. Just giving us his usual motivational speech. Telling us how good we are, you know what he’s like.
I wanted to say he had a completely different delivery for me but I didn’t.
Will … I had a great time the other night. The girls haven’t stopped talking about you all week.
Ahhh …
I’d love to do it again but, but … maybe just us next time?
Ahhh …
I could hear Mark in the background telling her to get onstage.
Will, I’ve got to go.
Speak, you idiot!
Yep … OK … Elizabeth, I had a great time too….
So definitely next week then? Just us two?
Yep, that would be—
I’ve really got to go. Thanks for calling.
I got on the bike and floated home. Finally a victory! Brother Pat was right, I was the man!
The dark side
There was a completely different story going round my head when I sat in homeroom on Friday morning.
Right, just a warning, boys, there’s a memo that says period three will be taken for singing practice.
The news was received in one of two ways: half the boys cheered and instantly swarmed their diaries to see what period they were going to miss; the other half groaned. It was hard to hear which side had the majority. It was around about then I began to have another meltdown.
Settle down, mate, it’s not that bad. At least you get to miss out on maths.
No, Chris, you don’t get it. Brother Patrick’s conned me into being a part of the school band. You know, being up onstage in front of the whole school, looking like a prize idiot.
