LETTER V
MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ.SUNDAY NIGHT, JULY 9.
Now, Jack, have I a subject with a vengeance. I am in the very height ofmy trial for all my sins to my beloved fugitive. For here to-day, atabout five o'clock, arrived Lady Sarah Sadleir and Lady Betty Lawrance,each in her chariot-and-six. Dowagers love equipage; and these cannottravel ten miles without a sett, and half a dozen horsemen.
My time had hung heavy upon my hands; and so I went to church afterdinner. Why may not handsome fellows, thought I, like to be looked at,as well as handsome wenches? I fell in, when service was over, withMajor Warneton; and so came not home till after six; and was surprised,at entering the court-yard here, to find it littered with equipages andservants. I was sure the owners of them came for no good to me.
Lady Sarah, I soon found, was raised to this visit by Lady Betty; who hashealth enough to allow her to look out to herself, and out of her ownaffairs, for business. Yet congratulation to Lord M. on his amendment,[spiteful devils on both accounts!] was the avowed errand. But coming inmy absence, I was their principal subject; and they had opportunity toset each other's heart against me.
Simon Parsons hinted this to me, as I passed by the steward's office; forit seems they talked loud; and he was making up some accounts with oldPritchard.
However, I hastened to pay my duty to them--other people not performingtheirs, is no excuse for the neglect of our own, you know.
And now I enter upon my TRIAL.
With horrible grave faces was I received. The two antiquities only bowedtheir tabby heads; making longer faces than ordinary; and all the oldlines appearing strong in their furrowed foreheads and fallen cheeks; Howdo you, Cousin? And how do you, Mr. Lovelace? looking all round at oneanother, as who should say, do you speak first: and, do you: for theyseemed resolved to lose no time.
I had nothing for it, but an air as manly, as theirs was womanly. Yourservant, Madam, to Lady Betty; and, Your servant, Madam, I am glad to seeyou abroad, to Lady Sarah.
I took my seat. Lord M. looked horribly glum; his fingers claspt, andturning round and round, under and over, his but just disgouted thumb;his sallow face, and goggling eyes, on his two kinswomen, by turns; butnot once deigning to look upon me.
Then I began to think of the laudanum, and wet cloth, I told thee of longago; and to call myself in question for a tenderness of heart that willnever do me good.
At last, Mr. Lovelace!----Cousin Lovelace!----Hem!--Hem!--I am sorry,very sorry, hesitated Lady Sarah, that there is no hope of your evertaking up----
What's the matter now, Madam?
The matter now!----Why Lady Betty has two letters from Miss Harlowe,which have told us what's the matter----Are all women alike with you?
Yes; I could have answered; 'bating the difference which pride makes.
Then they all chorus'd upon me--Such a character as Miss Harlowe's!cried one----A lady of so much generosity and good sense! Another--Howcharmingly she writes! the two maiden monkeys, looking at her findhandwriting: her perfections my crimes. What can you expect will be theend of these things! cried Lady Sarah--d----d, d----d doings! vociferatedthe Peer, shaking his loose-fleshe'd wabbling chaps, which hung on hisshoulders like an old cow's dewlap.
For my part, I hardly knew whether to sing or say what I had to reply tothese all-at-once attacks upon me!-Fair and softly, Ladies--one at atime, I beseech you. I am not to be hunted down without being heard, Ihope. Pray let me see these letters. I beg you will let me see them.
There they are:--that's the first--read it out, if you can.
I opened a letter from my charmer, dated Thursday, June 29, ourwedding-day, that was to be, and written to Lady Betty Lawrance. By thecontents, to my great joy, I find the dear creature is alive and well,and in charming spirits. But the direction where to send an answer towas so scratched out that I could not read it; which afflicted me much.
She puts three questions in it to Lady Betty.
1st. About a letter of her's, dated June 7, congratulating me on mynuptials, and which I was so good as to save Lady Betty the trouble ofwriting----A very civil thing of me, I think!
Again--'Whether she and one of her nieces Montague were to go to town, onan old chancery suit?'--And, 'Whether they actually did go to townaccordingly, and to Hampstead afterwards?' and, 'Whether they brought totown from thence the young creature whom they visited?' was the subjectof the second and third questions.
A little inquisitive, dear rogue! and what did she expect to be thebetter for these questions?----But curiosity, d----d curiosity, is theitch of the sex--yet when didst thou know it turned to their benefit?--For they seldom inquire, but what they fear--and the proverb, as my Lordhas it, says, It comes with a fear. That is, I suppose, what they feargenerally happens, because there is generally occasion for the fear.
Curiosity indeed she avows to be her only motive for theseinterrogatories: for, though she says her Ladyship may suppose thequestions are not asked for good to me, yet the answer can do me no harm,nor her good, only to give her to understand, whether I have told her aparcel of d----d lyes; that's the plain English of her inquiry.
Well, Madam, said I, with as much philosophy as I could assume; and may Iask--Pray, what was your Ladyship's answer?
There's a copy of it, tossing it to me, very disrespectfully.
This answer was dated July 1. A very kind and complaisant one to thelady, but very so-so to her poor kinsman--That people can give up theirown flesh and blood with so much ease!--She tells her 'how proud all ourfamily would be of an alliance with such an excellence.' She does mejustice in saying how much I adore her, as an angel of a woman; and begsof her, for I know not how many sakes, besides my soul's sake, 'that shewill be so good as to have me for a husband:' and answers--thou wiltguess how--to the lady's questions.
Well, Madam; and pray, may I be favoured with the lady's other letter?I presume it is in reply to your's.
It is, said the Peer: but, Sir, let me ask you a few questions, beforeyou read it--give me the letter, Lady Betty.
There it is, my Lord.
Then on went the spectacles, and his head moved to the lines--a charmingpretty hand!--I have often heard that this lady is a genius.
And so, Jack, repeating my Lord's wise comments and questions will letthee into the contents of this merciless letter.
'Monday, July 3,' [reads my Lord.]--Let me see!--that was last Monday; nolonger ago! 'Monday, July the third--Madam--I cannot excuse myself'--um,um, um, um, um, um, [humming inarticulately, and skipping,]--'I must ownto you, Madam, that the honour of being related'----
Off went the spectacles--Now, tell me, Sir-r, Has not this lady lost allthe friends she had in the world for your sake?
She has very implacable friends, my Lord: we all know that.
But has she not lost them all for your sake?--Tell me that.
I believe so, my Lord.
Well then!--I am glad thou art not so graceless as to deny that.
On went the spectacles again--'I must own to you, Madam, that the honourof being related to ladies as eminent for their virtue as for theirdescent.'--Very pretty, truly! saith my Lord, repeating, 'as eminent fortheir virtue as for their descent, was, at first, no small inducementwith me to lend an ear to Mr. Lovelace's address.'
There is dignity, born-dignity, in this lady, cried my Lord.
Lady Sarah. She would have been a grace to our family.
Lady Betty. Indeed she would.
Lovel. To a royal family, I will venture to say.
Lord M. Then what a devil---
Lovel. Please to read on, my Lord. It cannot be her letter, if it doesnot make you admire her more and more as you read. Cousin Charlotte,Cousin Patty, pray attend----Read on, my Lord.
Miss Charlotte. Amazing fortitude!
Miss Patty only lifted up her dove's eyes.
Lord M. [Reading.] 'And the rather, as I was determined, had it cometo effect, to do every thing i
n my power to deserve your favourableopinion.'
Then again they chorus'd upon me!
A blessed time of it, poor I!--I had nothing for it but impudence!
Lovel. Pray read on, my Lord--I told you how you would all admire her----or, shall I read?
Lord M. D----d assurance! [Then reading.] 'I had another motive,which I knew would of itself give me merit with your whole family: [theywere all ear:] a presumptuous one; a punishably-presumptuous one, as ithas proved: in the hope that I might be an humble mean, in the hand ofProvidence, to reclaim a man who had, as I thought, good sense enough atbottom to be reclaimed; or at least gratitude enough to acknowledge theintended obligation, whether the generous hope were to succeed or not.'--Excellent young creature!--
Excellent young creature! echoed the Ladies, with their handkerchiefs attheir eyes, attended with music.
Lovel. By my soul, Miss Patty, you weep in the wrong place: you shallnever go with me to a tragedy.
Lady Betty. Hardened wretch.
His Lordship had pulled off his spectacles to wipe them. His eyes weremisty; and he thought the fault in his spectacles.
I saw they were all cocked and primed--to be sure that is a very prettysentence, said I----that is the excellency of this lady, that in everyline, as she writes on, she improves upon herself. Pray, my Lord,proceed--I know her style; the next sentence will still rise upon us.
Lord M. D----d fellow! [Again saddling, and reading.] 'But I havebeen most egregiously mistaken in Mr. Lovelace!' [Then they allclamoured again.]--'The only man, I persuade myself'----
Lovel. Ladies may persuade themselves to any thing: but how can sheanswer for what other men would or would not have done in the samecircumstances?
I was forced to say any thing to stifle their outcries. Pox take yealtogether, thought I; as if I had not vexation enough in losing her!
Lord M. [Reading.] 'The only man, I persuade myself, pretending to bea gentleman, in whom I could have been so much mistaken.'
They were all beginning again--Pray, my Lord, proceed!--Hear, hear--pray,Ladies, hear!--Now, my Lord, be pleased to proceed. The Ladies aresilent.
So they were; lost in admiration of me, hands and eyes uplifted.
Lord M. I will, to thy confusion; for he had looked over the nextsentence.
What wretches, Belford, what spiteful wretches, are poor mortals!--Sorejoiced to sting one another! to see each other stung!
Lord M. [Reading.] 'For while I was endeavouring to save a drowningwretch, I have been, not accidentally, but premeditatedly, and of setpurpose, drawn in after him.'--What say you to that, Sir-r?
Lady S. | Ay, Sir, what say you to this?Lady B. |
Lovel. Say! Why I say it is a very pretty metaphor, if it would buthold.--But, if you please, my Lord, read on. Let me hear what is furthersaid, and I will speak to it all together.
Lord M. I will. 'And he has had the glory to add to the list of thosehe has ruined, a name that, I will be bold to say, would not havedisparaged his own.'
They all looked at me, as expecting me to speak.
Lovel. Be pleased to proceed, my Lord: I will speak to this by-and-by--How came she to know I kept a list?--I will speak to this by-and-by.
Lord M. [Reading on.] 'And this, Madam, by means that would shockhumanity to be made acquainted with.'
Then again, in a hurry, off went the spectacles.
This was a plaguy stroke upon me. I thought myself an oak in impudence;but, by my troth, this almost felled me.
Lord M. What say you to this, SIR-R!
Remember, Jack, to read all their Sirs in this dialogue with a double rr,Sir-r! denoting indignation rather than respect.
They all looked at me as if to see if I could blush.
Lovel. Eyes off, my Lord!----Eyes off, Ladies! [Looking bashfully, Ibelieve.]--What say I to this, my Lord!--Why, I say, that this lady has astrong manner of expressing herself!--That's all.--There are many thingsthat pass among lovers, which a man cannot explain himself upon beforegrave people.
Lady Betty. Among lovers, Sir-r! But, Mr. Lovelace, can you say thatthis lady behaved either like a weak, or a credulous person?--Can you say--
Lovel. I am ready to do the lady all manner of justice.--But, pray now,Ladies, if I am to be thus interrogated, let me know the contents of therest of the letter, that I may be prepared for my defence, as you are allfor my arraignment. For, to be required to answer piecemeal thus,without knowing what is to follow, is a cursed ensnaring way ofproceeding.
They gave me the letter: I read it through to myself:--and by therepetition of what I said, thou wilt guess at the remaining contents.
You shall find, Ladies, you shall find, my Lord, that I will not sparemyself. Then holding the letter in my hand, and looking upon it, as alawyer upon his brief,
Miss Harlowe says, 'That when your Ladyship,' [turning to Lady Betty,]'shall know, that, in the progress to her ruin, wilful falsehoods,repeated forgeries, and numberless perjuries, were not the least of mycrimes, you will judge that she can have no principles that will make herworthy of an alliance with ladies of your's, and your noble sister'scharacter, if she could not, from her soul, declare, that such analliance can never now take place.'
Surely, Ladies, this is passion! This is not reason. If our familywould not think themselves dishonoured by my marrying a person whom I hadso treated; but, on the contrary, would rejoice that I did her thisjustice: and if she has come out pure gold from the assay; and hasnothing to reproach herself with; why should it be an impeachment of herprinciples, to consent that such an alliance take place?
She cannot think herself the worse, justly she cannot, for what was doneagainst her will.
Their countenances menaced a general uproar--but I proceeded.
Your Lordship read to us, that she had an hope, a presumptuous one: nay,a punishably-presumptuous one, she calls it; 'that she might be a mean,in the hand of Providence, to reclaim me; and that this, she knew, ifeffected, would give her a merit with you all.' But from what would shereclaim me?--She had heard, you'll say, (but she had only heard, at thetime she entertained that hope,) that, to express myself in the women'sdialect, I was a very wicked fellow!--Well, and what then?--Why, truly,the very moment she was convinced, by her own experience, that the chargeagainst me was more than hearsay; and that, of consequence, I was a fitsubject for her generous endeavours to work upon; she would needs give meup. Accordingly, she flies out, and declares, that the ceremony whichwould repair all shall never take place!--Can this be from any othermotive than female resentment?
This brought them all upon me, as I intended it should: it was as a tubto a whale; and after I had let them play with it a while, I claimedtheir attention, and, knowing that they always loved to hear me prate,went on.
The lady, it is plain, thought, that the reclaiming of a man from badhabits was a much easier task than, in the nature of things, it can be.
She writes, as your Lordship has read, 'That, in endeavouring to save adrowning wretch, she had been, not accidentally, but premeditatedly, andof set purpose, drawn in after him.' But how is this, Ladies?--You seeby her own words, that I am still far from being out of danger myself.Had she found me, in a quagmire suppose, and I had got out of it by hermeans, and left her to perish in it; that would have been a crime indeed.--But is not the fact quite otherwise? Has she not, if her allegoryprove what she would have it prove, got out herself, and left mefloundering still deeper and deeper in?--What she should have done, hadshe been in earnest to save me, was, to join her hand with mine, that sowe might by our united strength help one another out.--I held out my handto her, and besought her to give me her's:--But, no truly! she wasdetermined to get out herself as fast as she could, let me sink or swim:refusing her assistance (against her own principles) because she saw Iwanted it.--You see, Ladies, you see, my Lord, how pretty tinkling wordsrun away with ears inclined to be musical.
They were all ready to exclaim again: but
I went on, proleptically, as arhetorician would say, before their voices would break out into words.
But my fair accuser says, that, 'I have added to the list of those I haveruined, a name that would not have disparaged my own.' It is true, Ihave been gay and enterprising. It is in my constitution to be so. Iknow not how I came by such a constitution: but I was never accustomed tocheck or controul; that you all know. When a man finds himself hurriedby passion into a slight offence, which, however slight, will not beforgiven, he may be made desperate: as a thief, who only intends arobbery, is often by resistance, and for self-preservation, drawn in tocommit murder.
I was a strange, a horrid wretch, with every one. But he must be a sillyfellow who has not something to say for himself, when every cause has itsblack and its white side.--Westminster-hall, Jack, affords every day asconfident defences as mine.
But what right, proceeded I, has this lady to complain of me, when she asgood as says--Here, Lovelace, you have acted the part of a villain by me!--You would repair your fault: but I won't let you, that I may have thesatisfaction of exposing you; and the pride of refusing you.
But, was that the case? Was that the case? Would I pretend to say, Iwould now marry the lady, if she would have me?
Lovel. You find she renounces Lady Betty's mediation----
Lord M. [Interrupting me.] Words are wind; but deeds are mind: Whatsignifies your cursed quibbling, Bob?--Say plainly, if she will haveyou, will you have her? Answer me, yes or no; and lead us not awild-goose chace after your meaning.
Lovel. She knows I would. But here, my Lord, if she thus goes on toexpose herself and me, she will make it a dishonour to us both to marry.
Charl. But how must she have been treated--
Lovel. [Interrupting her.] Why now, Cousin Charlotte, chucking herunder the chin, would you have me tell you all that has passed betweenthe lady and me? Would you care, had you a bold and enterprizing lover,that proclamation should be made of every little piece of amorousroguery, that he offered to you?
Charlotte reddened. They all began to exclaim. But I proceeded.
The lady says, 'She has been dishonoured' (devil take me, if I sparemyself!) 'by means that would shock humanity to be made acquainted withthem.' She is a very innocent lady, and may not be a judge of the meansshe hints at. Over-niceness may be under-niceness: Have you not such aproverb, my Lord?--tantamount to, One extreme produces another!----Sucha lady as this may possibly think her case more extraordinary than it is.This I will take upon me to say, that if she has met with the only man inthe world who would have treated her, as she says I have treated her, Ihave met in her with the only woman in the world who would have made sucha rout about a case that is uncommon only from the circumstances thatattend it.
This brought them all upon me; hands, eyes, voices, all lifted at once.But my Lord M. who has in his head (the last seat of retreating lewdness)as much wickedness as I have in my heart, was forced (upon the air Ispoke this with, and Charlotte's and all the rest reddening) to make amouth that was big enough to swallow up the other half of his face;crying out, to avoid laughing, Oh! Oh!--as if under the power of a goutytwinge.
Hadst thou seen how the two tabbies and the young grimalkins looked atone another, at my Lord, and at me, by turns, thou would have been readyto split thy ugly face just in the middle. Thy mouth hath already donehalf the work. And, after all, I found not seldom in this conversation,that my humourous undaunted airs forced a smile into my service from theprim mouths of the young ladies. They perhaps, had they met with suchanother intrepid fellow as myself, who had first gained upon theiraffections, would not have made such a rout as my beloved has done, aboutsuch an affair as that we were assembled upon. Young ladies, as I haveobserved on an hundred occasions, fear not half so much for themselvesas their mothers do for them. But here the girls were forced to put ongrave airs, and to seem angry, because the antiques made the matter ofsuch high importance. Yet so lightly sat anger and fellow-feeling attheir hearts, that they were forced to purse in their mouths, tosuppress the smiles I now-and-then laid out for: while the eldershaving had roses (that is to say, daughters) of their own, and knowinghow fond men are of a trifle, would have been very loth to have hadthem nipt in the bud, without saying to the mother of them, By yourleave, Mrs. Rose-bush.
The next article of my indictment was for forgery; and for personatingof Lady Betty and my cousin Charlotte.
Two shocking charges, thou'lt say: and so they were!--The Peer wasoutrageous upon the forgery charge. The Ladies vowed never to forgivethe personating part.
Not a peace-maker among them. So we all turned women, and scolded.
My Lord told me, that he believed in his conscience there was not aviler fellow upon God's earth than me.--What signifies mincing thematter? said he--and that it was not the first time I had forged hishand.
To this I answered, that I supposed, when the statute of ScandalumMagnatum was framed, there were a good many in the peerage who knewthey deserved hard names; and that that law therefore was rather madeto privilege their qualities, than to whiten their characters.
He called upon me to explain myself, with a Sir-r, so pronounced, as toshow that one of the most ignominious words in our language was in hishead.
People, I said, that were fenced in by their quality, and by theiryears, should not take freedoms that a man of spirit could not put upwith, unless he were able heartily to despise the insulter.
This set him in a violent passion. He would send for Pritchardinstantly. Let Pritchard be called. He would alter his will; and allhe could leave from me, he would.
Do, do, my Lord, said I: I always valued my own pleasure above yourestate. But I'll let Pritchard know, that if he draws, he shall signand seal.
Why, what would I do to Pritchard?--shaking his crazy head at me.
Only, what he, or any man else, writes with his pen, to despoil me ofwhat I think my right, he shall seal with his ears; that's all, myLord.
Then the two Ladies interposed.
Lady Sarah told me, that I carried things a great way; and that neitherLord M. nor any of them, deserved the treatment I gave them.
I said, I could not bear to be used ill by my Lord, for two reasons;first, because I respected his Lordship above any man living; and next,because it looked as if I were induced by selfish considerations totake that from him, which nobody else would offer to me.
And what, returned he, shall be my inducement to take what I do at yourhands?--Hay, Sir?
Indeed, Cousin Lovelace, said Lady Betty, with great gravity, we do notany of us, as Lady Sarah says, deserve at your hands the treatment yougive us: and let me tell you, that I don't think my character and yourcousin Charlotte's ought to be prostituted, in order to ruin an innocentlady. She must have known early the good opinion we all have of her, andhow much we wished her to be your wife. This good opinion of ours hasbeen an inducement to her (you see she says so) to listen to youraddress. And this, with her friends' folly, has helped to throw her intoyour power. How you have requited her is too apparent. It becomes thecharacter we all bear, to disclaim your actions by her. And let me tellyou, that to have her abused by wicked people raised up to personate us,or any of us, makes a double call upon us to disclaim them.
Lovel. Why this is talking somewhat like. I would have you alldisclaim my actions. I own I have done very vilely by this lady. Onestep led to another. I am curst with an enterprizing spirit. I hateto be foiled--
Foiled! interrupted Lady Sarah. What a shame to talk at thisrate!--Did the lady set up a contention with you? All nobly sincere,and plain-hearted, have I heard Miss Clarissa Harlowe is: above art,above disguise; neither the coquette, nor the prude!--Poor lady! shedeserved a better fare from the man for whom she took the step whichshe so freely blames!
This above half affected me.--Had this dispute been so handled by everyone, I had been ashamed to look up. I began to be bashful.
Charlotte asked if I did not still se
em inclinable to do the ladyjustice, if she would accept of me? It would be, she dared to say, thegreatest felicity the family could know (she would answer for one) thatthis fine lady were of it.
They all declared to the same effect; and Lady Sarah put the matterhome to me.
But my Lord Marplot would have it that I could not be serious for sixminutes together.
I told his Lordship that he was mistaken; light as he thought I made ofhis subject, I never knew any that went so near my heart.
Miss Patty said she was glad to hear that: and her soft eyes glistenedwith pleasure.
Lord M. called her sweet soul, and was ready to cry.
Not from humanity neither, Jack. This Peer has no bowels; as thoumayest observe by this treatment of me. But when people's minds areweakened by a sense of their own infirmities, and when they are drawingon to their latter ends, they will be moved on the slightest occasions,whether those offer from within or without them. And this, frequently,the unpenetrating world, calls humanity; when all the time, incompassionating the miseries of human nature, they are but pityingthemselves; and were they in strong health and spirits, would care aslittle for any body else as thou or I do.
Here broke they off my trial for this sitting. Lady Sarah was muchfatigued. It was agreed to pursue the subject in the morning. Theyall, however, retired together, and went into private conference.
Clarissa Harlowe; or the history of a young lady — Volume 7 Page 6
