LETTER LIX
MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MRS. JUDITH NORTONSAT. JULY 29.
I congratulate you, my dear Mrs. Norton, with all my heart, on your son'srecovery; which I pray to God, with all your own health, to perfect.
I write in some hurry, being apprehensive of the sequence of the hintsyou give of some method you propose to try in my favour [with myrelations, I presume, you mean]: but you will not tell me what, you say,if it prove unsuccessful.
Now I must beg of you that you will not take any step in my favour, withwhich you do not first acquaint me.
I have but one request to make to them, besides what is contained in myletter to my sister; and I would not, methinks, for the sake of their ownfuture peace of mind, that they should be teased so by your well-meantkindness, and that of Miss Howe, as to be put upon denying me that. Andwhy should more be asked for me than I can partake of? More than isabsolutely necessary for my own peace?
You suppose I should have my sister's answer to my letter by the timeyour's reached my hand. I have it: and a severe one, a very severe one,it is. Yet, considering my fault in their eyes, and the provocations Iam to suppose they so newly had from my dear Miss Howe, I am to look uponit as a favour that it was answered at all. I will send you a copy of itsoon; as also of mine, to which it is an answer.
I have reason to be very thankful that my father has withdrawn that heavymalediction, which affected me so much--A parent's curse, my dear Mrs.Norton! What child could die in peace under a parent's curse? soliterally fulfilled too as this has been in what relates to this life!
My heart is too full to touch upon the particulars of my sister's letter.I can make but one atonement for my fault. May that be accepted! Andmay it soon be forgotten, by every dear relation, that there was such anunhappy daughter, sister, or niece, as Clarissa Harlowe!
My cousin Morden was one of those who was so earnest in prayer for myrecovery, at nine and eleven years of age, as you mention. My sisterthinks he will be one of those who wish I never had had a being. Butpray, when he does come, let me hear of it with the first.
You think that, were it not for that unhappy notion of my moving talent,my mother would relent. What would I give to see her once more, and,although unknown to her, to kiss but the hem of her garment!
Could I have thought that the last time I saw her would have been thelast, with what difficulty should I have been torn from her embracedfeet!--And when, screened behind the yew-hedge on the 5th of April last,*I saw my father, and my uncle Antony, and my brother and sister, howlittle did I think that that would be the last time I should ever seethem; and, in so short a space, that so many dreadful evils would befalme!
* See Vol. II. Letter XXXVI.
But I can write nothing but what must give you trouble. I willtherefore, after repeating my desire that you will not intercede for mebut with my previous consent, conclude with the assurance, that I am, andever will be,
Your most affectionate and dutifulCLARISSA HARLOWE.
Clarissa Harlowe; or the history of a young lady — Volume 7 Page 58
