Was she sick?
Was it guilt? For wanting to be here. For not trying harder to go home?
She wasn’t afraid anymore. It wasn’t fear.
That was not entirely true. Her fears were just new fears. Mainly over her future and hoping she could control her vampyre side. She’d never been concerned about her future before. It had been all laid out for her. Now, it seemed, it was whatever she wanted to make it.
Yeah. This had to be it.
Just the thought of the unknown sent waves of anxiety through her. But also excitement. And curiosity.
She could do without the nausea though.
Juliska went to bed that night with all this chaotic thought swirling around her mind and it seeped into her dreams, waking her several times. Her dreams wandered through very strange places; a mashup of everyone she knew, things she was feeling and feared… she awoke in the morning agitated. Worked up. And on edge. The dreams left their chaotic essence swimming through her veins.
And then quite suddenly she knew what she had to do. What she needed to do.
She had to be honest with herself, and accept what she was feeling.
She couldn’t let it scare her. Or make her feel guilty.
Even if it never happened, it was okay to admit what she wanted.
She threw on a robe and raced down the stairs to see if Fazendiin happened to be up. Of course he was. She was starting to question if he ever slept. He saw her and raised an eyebrow in question.
“Yeah. Sorry. There was something I wanted to say, and I just had to do it before I chickened out.”
He looked quite amused.
“You asked me yesterday about my life, my future…”
He nodded.
“I don’t know what I want. All last night I think I was coming to that conclusion, but it scared me to admit it. I’ve always known what I wanted… or thought I did. But I realized it wasn’t my plan, it was the one given to me and I just accepted it. The truth is, I don’t know the answer to that question. But I really want to.”
He smiled. “Then you shall.”
“How?”
“Time. Life will tell you… it has a way of getting around to it.”
“I want to know now.” She laughed, she didn’t know why.
“My my. Impatient all of a sudden.”
She bit her lip. “I know. It’s very… weird.”
“Not from where I stand. It’s normal.”
Normal. Something she had never been called in her entire life.
“You know, Juliska, in the outside world, the non-magical world, there is a tradition. A rite of passage if you like.”
“What is it?”
“When a young person, such as yourself… you are only twenty-five… but when someone has attempted to find out what they want to do, but just can’t find that one thing, they go on a personal journey of sorts. Well, more like an actual journey.”
“What do you mean?”
“They travel around the world doing what they call, finding themselves.”
“How does traveling help someone find themselves?”
“I think it’s about the experiences. They hope by living in new places, seeing new things, trying new things, meeting new people, they will find that one thing they are meant to do.”
“I don’t see how that would help me. The world of magic is much smaller. It would be a quick trip.”
He grinned. “I forget how little you know of magic.”
“What do you mean?”
“There’s a much larger world out there than you know. Much larger than I’m sure the Svoda told you of… or maybe, they don’t realize how much bigger it’s gotten. And really, the outside world holds its own magic. Not the kind you or I use, but it’s intriguing nonetheless.”
“It sounds… fun.”
“Then what’s stopping you?”
“Um…” she shook her head, uncertain.
“If I told you to pack your bags, and go explore the world, what would you say?”
“You mean right now? Just go out there… and explore? On my own?” she clarified.
“Yes. On your own.”
Her mouth opened and answered before she could stop herself. “I’d say yes.” She grinned. “Sorry, that surprised even me. But I would say yes.”
“Then pack a bag.”
“What?”
“I’m being quite serious, Juliska. Your parents wanted you to see the world when you were ready. I think you are.”
She let out a jittery breath. Saying yes and actually doing it were much different things.
“I wouldn’t even know where to start.”
“I’ve taken the liberty of readying some ideas for you. Only to get you started. This is your journey and yours alone. But know, if you leave here, you do this completely on your own. No help from me. No help or contact with anyone from your old life. And in six weeks you’ll return to me, so we can finish.”
“And after that?”
“That’s entirely up to you.”
She just stood and stared at him.
Her life, just waiting to happen. Could she really do this? Alone?
“Juliska…”
“Yeah.”
“Go pack.”
She grinned apprehensively. “I’m really going to do this…”
“You haven’t left yet. If you look in the closet closest to your window, you’ll find a bag.”
She turned and left.
Fazendiin shook his head.
His mother sighed behind him. He turned to look at her.
“Problem, Mother?”
“You really think she’ll come back?”
“Oh, she won’t just come back. She’ll come back all shiny and new. Empowered. Free. Her old life will look dull and constricting. She’ll still go home… she’ll feel too consumed by guilt not to. But it won’t take long for that life to get old and tiresome.”
“And what about her pregnancy? You’re not worried about what this trip might do to her or the baby?”
“No. I checked on her while she slept last night. It’s the oddest thing. She is definitely pregnant, but it’s still frozen. Not moving forward at all.”
“What if it never does? What if by you making her immortal, you’ve ruined her chance of having a child?”
“I don’t think so. There’s no precedent for it of course. None of the female Grosvenor have ever conceived, but that’s because we all agreed not to.”
“Which is of course why you’re breaking the rules,” his mother retorted.
“That prophecy will be mine. I will control it. Three immortal children to bring balance into the world of magic. It’s not clear what this balance will be… but I know. I’ve been planning for it for many a long year. They will bring about my balance.”
“I’m sure you’re right, Son.”
“And you, Mother, shall be around to witness my victory.”
“Yes. I am sure you’re right about that too.”
“It’s all falling into place. Going to plan. Mostly. We’ll just have to see how this pregnancy plays out. But I’ve already set up my playbook. I’m ready.”
Aloyna said nothing.
She was ready too.
#
“Okay, so once you say this spell, you’ll be taken to your first destination. I have prepared a spell for each destination of choice. If you decide not to use one of the spells and just wing it, that’s also an option. Basically, go out and do whatever you want.”
Juliska nodded that she understood. Though a bit apprehensively.
“Now, if something should happen and you wish to return here, or the six weeks are up and it’s time to return, this is the spell to bring you back. You should be aware, that the spell brings you just outside my estate. As there is only one way in and out. I will have to let you back in, and I will know the moment you arrive.”
She nodded that she understood.
“Juliska…”
She eyed him.
“Sorry. I guess I’m a bit nervous.”
“To be expected. But what is life without a little adventure?”
She grasped onto her bag. It was small, a handbag really. But it fit everything inside she might need. Magic was truly a wondrous thing. Although once out of these walls and in the non-magical world, she was on her own and could not use magic.
“So where did you pick first?” asked Fazendiin. “Wait… you know what? Don’t tell me. If you choose to upon returning, you can do so then. Good luck. Safe travels.” He backed away to let her leave.
Juliska picked her first spell. Her first destination. She had trouble choosing so she just randomly picked one. A place called Paris. She spoke the spell, looked up to see Fazendiin’s grin fade from view, and a blink later found herself inside another room.
It was light, airy, open and sunny… she spun around and around.
Fazendiin had told her each spell would take her to a hotel. She’d read about them, but they had no use for them on the island.
He had booked all her accommodations and provided her with enough human money to stay wherever she pleased. Eat whatever she wanted. Travel wherever she wanted and basically do anything her heart desired.
A window.
She darted over, flabbergasted at the sight. A bustling city. Filled with cars… something she’d only ever seen in books before. Loads of people milling about. Streets lined with cafes. People laughing. Talking. Enjoying each other’s company. And speaking in a language she did not understand. She pulled out another spell Fazendiin had given her. Supposedly, this would allow her to not only understand other languages, but speak them as well.
The world awaited her exploration.
There was a slight ping in her chest.
Anxiety over going out there alone. For a fleeting moment, she wondered what it would be like to do this kind of thing with Eddy. He wouldn’t be afraid. He’d step right out the door. She buried the guilt over enjoying this moment.
“That’s all you have to do,” she whispered. “Open the door, leave this room and go out there.”
She did. Without further hesitation.
She went to many cities, all around the world. Soaking up history and culture, trying new food. New clothes. Exploring busy streets, sitting and lounging at cafes, watching people interact with each other. She loved that most of all.
These non-magical people were really no different than the Svoda. They got up and went to work. Had family and friends. Ate and drank many of the same things…
It was the same, minus the magic.
And the amenities. There were so many human amenities… electricity. Phones. Running water. Television. And movies. Art and music.
The Svoda had these too. But the variety… they were missing out on a lot. Perhaps those on the island who wanted to explore had it right. They were living in a small, controlled, nook of the world.
And the clothes. The clothes! She would never forget the clothes! She wanted to buy one of everything.
Fazendiin was right… the outside world had a magic all its own.
Five weeks into her trip, she was walking down a quiet street in New Orleans. Back in the United States, and yet it felt a bit like being back in France. She fell in love with the architecture in the French Quarter immediately. Although she had yet to have a drink, and found some of the other visitors behavior annoying, the overall easiness of the place left her more relaxed than she’d ever felt before. The place was shrouded in fun. Everyone was happy. It was intoxicating.
Before long, after not paying attention, she realized she had no idea where she was. She’d taken a wrong street and was lost. Just as she was about to turn around and go back, flat footsteps caught her ear.
She stopped. It stopped.
She waited.
Nothing.
She shook it off and started walking again.
The clip clop followed behind her. She stopped and spun around. There wasn’t anyone within sight.
She shook it off again. But the moment she moved forward the sound followed her again. Her heart sped up. Blood racing to keep up with the sudden erratic beats.
What was this? Was someone following her?
What did a human woman do when this happened?
In the world of the Svoda, something like this was an extreme rarity and the Balaton were always around. All she’d need to do was call out to one and they’d pop to her aid instantly.
They had police here, but she’d heard during her travels that you had to use a phone to reach them. She had not learned how to do this. And she could not use magic and risk exposing herself or the rest of the magical world.
“Just stop it,” she scolded herself. She didn’t know for certain she was being followed. But if she listened to her gut, it was shouting at her, “You’re in trouble. Run!”
She picked up her pace. Where exactly was she, and how did she get back to her hotel? Having to find a place fast was not easy. And having to find safety without magic was even harder.
The footsteps behind her picked up and matched her pace.
A dark alley. Normally, this might frighten anyone else. But for Juliska Blackwell, this was perfect. She could test if this person was really following her.
And if they did… she turned over her palm.
A little burn wouldn’t expose the magical world.
She bounded into the alley, sucked in her breath and waited.
The footsteps stopped. She took a glance and saw an ominous silhouette peering into the alley.
“I know you’re in there,” a man’s voice spoke smugly.
She kept quiet; although her heart was pounding so hard, she feared he could hear it.
He stepped into the darkness. “Come out come out…” he taunted. “I just want to play a little.” He reached into the darkness, grabbing for her.
She turned and ran deeper into the alley. The click of her heels hit the cemented ground, giving away her movements.
It would be so much easier if she could just light a fire.
Heck, she could just light herself on fire, and she’d probably scare the man enough to make him run away screaming like a little girl. And no one would believe his story.
He crept in a little farther, getting closer with each step. Reaching out into the darkness. He missed her by inches and stepped forward with a grunt, leaving him close enough for Juliska to feel his hot breath; it reeked of beer.
This man was much larger than Juliska. And although she could easily have lit herself on fire, fear claimed her. She’d only felt like this once before… when Fazendiin first took her. It was a fear she never wanted to feel again. And never wanted anyone to feel… and she was certain this man had no good intentions to follow up his actions.
His head flicked from side to side, listening for her in the darkness. He stopped, facing forward. There was nowhere else for her to go, she’d reached a wall and was flat against it.
He let out a guttural laugh. “C’mon now, we both know how this ends.” His breath reached her, giving her pause. There was something else behind the rush of beer… life. It slammed into her and she suddenly wanted it so badly her legs wobbled underneath her.
Was it the fear? The need to preserve her life?
She’d never felt the need, before. But there it was, surfacing. Begging her to take his life to preserve her own.
Trauma could trigger the need. She remembered Fazendiin’s warning.
“C’mon now… let’s stop playing,” the man taunted.
Juliska stepped forward out of the shadow, staring down her attacker.
“Yes. Let’s.” The instinct came to her as if a second language she was fluid in. She grabbed his neck with a grip stronger than she realized she had, forcing him to his knees. Before the man could even gasp in shock at the turn of events, Juliska had her mouth open in front of his. She felt it, the life and energy this man had inside of him and she wanted it. She wanted to ta
ke it and leave him wishing he’d never thought to attack her.
And then it filled her. Streamed through her body.
She’d barely taken anything, but it was enough for the man’s balance to falter and for him to fall over and lie on the ground, dazed and freaked out. Juliska ran out of the alley back onto the street. She needed to find her hotel.
What had she just done?
The one thing she’d sworn never to do.
It was in defense of herself, but it had happened like pure instinct. Second nature. And she’d given in so easily and now…
Fazendiin had told her it was all or nothing.
At that moment, she had wanted the all. And taken it without caring about the consequences.
She wanted the man to suffer. To pay for his actions. To pay for what he’d probably done many times before… the instinct had just taken over and she didn’t even try to fight it. His life… his energy… flooded through her veins giving her a high she’d never experienced before.
She couldn’t imagine anything else that felt this way.
The burst didn’t last long though. She hadn’t taken much. By the time she reached her hotel room, normality was already consuming her.
Strangely, the need subsided.
She had feared it would be uncontrollable, like a drug she’d need another hit of, fast.
She packed her bags quickly, searching for the spell to take her home. This trip was over, she needed to know more about what she’d just done and what this really meant for her future.
#
Back in the dark alley, the man picked himself up off the ground. He pulled down a hood and flicked his palm in front of his face. His appearance changed almost instantly. The smell of beer disappeared. He wasn’t confused. Or angry. But rather, grinning ecstatically.
“Too easy. Just takes a little fear in the right place and the right time.”
Jurekai Fazendiin brushed off his clothes.
He hadn’t even planned on her taking this trip. It was just a time waster. To see if her pregnancy would move forward, before he let her return home. But what a brilliant idea… in the guise of fulfilling her parent’s wishes, and letting her find herself and see the world… he also got her to feed. He was hoping this burst of life would kick start the pregnancy back into gear.
Forsaken (The Seer's Apprentice, The Pearl Dragon, and The Devoted Ghost) (A Fated Fantasy Quest Adventure Book 8) Page 17
