by ST Bende
“You don’t have to stop.” My breath was uneven.
“I do. You do not know enough about me to decide whether you want to be with me.”
“I want to be with you. Honest.” It wasn’t just the hormones talking. I really liked him.
“You say that now.,” Hhe chuckled. “Shall we continue our discussion? I am sure you have more questions.”
“Okay, fine.” I waited for the blood to move back up to my brain. Apparently I didn’t wait long enough, because I heard myself blurt out, “Why were you so mean to me in the British Museum?”
“I do not know what you are talking about.”
“Come on, Ull. Give me more credit than that.” I stared at him until he blinked.
“Because I knew who you were.”
“You knew I was Kristia Tostenson?”
“No. I knew you were meant to be my wife.” I pulled back, but Ull quickly wrapped both arms around me. “No, please. Just listen.”
I slowly resumed blinking.
“Remember the first day of class, when Professor Carnicke talked about the Norns?”
“The prophets,” I whispered.
“Correct. Well, you and I shared the same Norn. Her name was Elsker -- the name means Love in Norwegian. She prophesied I would be a Warrior, live alone and give my life for my people. When you were born, my future changed. Elsker said if I wanted to take a partner I could find you at Cardiff in twenty years.”
“And… marry me.”
“Eventually, yes.”
“That doesn’t explain why you were so mean to me. If anything, I’d think you’d be nice to the person who was supposed to spare you from what sounds like a really depressing life.”
“I was not finished.”
“Oh. Sorry, Your Excellency.”
“Kristia,” Ull growled.
“Okay, okay. Finish.”
“I was mean to you because, despite Elsker’s prophecy, there is an absolute ban on Asgardian-Mortal relationships. The Norns are forbidden from mingling the fates of gods and mortals. Elsker broke the rule. I would never have turned her in, but we have this… questionable figure in Asgard. Loki. He found out what Elsker did and she was banished for her betrayal. I never got to talk to her again.”
“That’s terrible.”
“I was mean to you because I knew that even though we were meant to be together, we never could be. Odin would never allow our relationship. Besides, I am fated to die with the rest of my family, so it is not like we could have any sort of a happy ever after. It hurt to be so close to you and to know I could not have you.”
“Oh, Ull.” I rested my head on his shoulder. “I had no idea.”
“How could you? I did not explain.”
“I know, but… I’m still sorry.”
“No, I am sorry. I hurt you. But honestly, it was never my intention to do anything but protect you.”
“I see that now.” I squeezed his arm. “Can I ask another question?”
“Shoot.”
“What really happened during the time you were away?” He’d obviously kept a lot from me.
Ull laughed sharply at being called out. “I was telling the truth when I told you I had gone to see my family, to see whether I could be with you without endangering your life. Getting a straight answer from them was complicated.”
“How do you mean?”
“Listen Kristia, I do not feel right asking you to join me in a life that I do not completely want to be a part of myself. My death is inevitable. Our enemies want to kill every Asgardian -- we have certainly killed enough of their kind. It is terrible to know that you will lose the people you love -- and that you will die yourself. Losing my father was hard enough, the thought of losing my friends and my mother is incomprehensible. And to lose you -- it would be more than I could handle.” Ull’s eyes filled with pain and it struck me how sensitive he actually was.
I’d been so wrong about him. He didn’t keep everyone at arm’s length because he was uppity -- he did it so he wouldn’t get hurt. What an isolating existence. “It has been one thing to know my death is marked, but to ask you to voluntarily give your life -- I am not worth that price.”
I was starting to think there were a dozen reasons he was wrong, but I bit my tongue.
“Unfortunately for you, I can be selfish. I wanted to be with you. But like I said, no god has ever been allowed to marry a mortal. Thor certainly was not going to sign off on it -- he fancies another warrior for my wife, and he would never understand that I allowed myself to fall in love.”
“Super.” This wasn’t sounding so good.
“But my mother understands how I feel about you, and she sent me to my friend Inga’s father. Jens is Odin’s chief advisor, and my mother thought he might be able to help us.”
“I’m liking your mom.” Ull smiled and my stomach fluttered.
“I ran into Balder on my way. He serves as our judge. I asked him whether it would be wrong to invite you to join me in this existence.”
“Ull,” I interrupted, but he shook his head.
“I have much guilt in that Kristia. If Balder had said it was wrong, then I would have left you alone, difficult as it would have been. But Balder was generous.”
“Okay, now I’m liking this Balder guy too.” Not only because I felt bad for the poor fellow whose parents had burdened him with the name of Balder.
“By the time I saw Jens, my mind was mostly made up. I would court you and see whether you would share my life with me. But no human had ever been to Asgard, and to my knowledge, no god had ever taken up permanent residence on Earth. I needed Jens to help me with some of the… eh, technical issues.”
Suddenly, I was in an unfamiliar world. I instinctively knew it was Asgard in the distant past. Two robed men walked angrily down a long hallway. Columns supported the roof, the open- aired walls overlooking a pristine village.
“It is an abomination,” the taller of the men snapped. He wore an eye patch and his long white hair streamed behind his hurried pace.
“Odin,” the other man placated. He was rushing to keep up. “This was bound to happen sooner or later. They are not that different from us.”
“They are nothing like us!” Odin thundered in fury. “Asking me to admit a human to Asgard?” He practically spit the words. “It is unheard of, Jens. No human is fit to enter here. The Fates are fools to cast our lot for the betterment of Midgard.”
Jens’ robe quivered. He darted his eyes around the hallway as if someone might be watching. “Odin, you must not speak ill of the Fates. And you should not speak ill of Earth. You know the prophecy.”
“Yes. Asgard shall fall to save Midgard -- Earth, as you so lovingly call it. Perhaps you want to move there like your daughter?”
Jens fell silent.
Odin inhaled. His shoulders rose with effort. “I am sorry. I should not speak against Inga. And I should not speak against the Fates. But I will never, as long as I exist, agree Asgardian lives should be lost so Midgard can prosper. When Ragnarok comes it will be a travesty -- the loss of a superior race of beings for the survival of mortals should never have been prophesied so lightly.”
Oh, super. Now my visions were checking into the past too. Was there no end to the depths of my lunacy?
Ull’s voice pulled me back. He didn’t seem to realize I’d been somewhere else. “I would rather not go into detail, but suffice to say Odin is not mankind’s biggest fan.”
“I see.”
“I cannot bring you back to Asgard as my mate, but that does not preclude our being together. I can stay here as yours. Another warrior fell in love with a human a long time ago. He chose to live as a mortal rather than be without her.” So that’s what Odin was so angry about in my apparition.
“Oh, crimeney. But you’re not saying that you would--” Ull interrupted with a finger to my lips.
“Now before you get upset, hear me out. It makes sense for me to join your world. I like living here. You will not
have to give up anything to be with me. We can live a long and happy human life together, ideally passing on before Asgard’s enemies ever attack. There is no downside.”
“No downside?” If he’d put it any differently, I could have kept my temper.
“I had just returned from Asgard the night you were attacked. You needed me, for your own protection, if not my selfish desire. And I need you. So here we are.” Ull seemed unaccountably pleased with himself.
My fuming wasn’t silent for long.
“So here we are? Are you insane?” How could he think this was a good idea? “You want to give up your immortality to be with me? Absolutely not. Forget it.” There was more wrong with this than a bull in a henhouse.
“Shh,” Ull soothed. If he’d thought his decision would make me happy, he obviously didn’t know the first thing about me. “Darling, this is not your choice to make.”
“Everything is not all about you, you know. This affects me too!”
“I know it does. And for the record, my life has never been about me.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? Are you trying to make me feel sorry for you? Because it’s not going to work.”
“Not much works on you, does it?”
“Nope.”
“Well, I am not trying to make you feel anything. Being of Asgard requires a life of duty and service -- it is just the way things are.”
“So?” The sympathy card wasn’t going to get him far.
“So, every choice I have ever made, every thing I have ever done, right down to who I associate with, has been affected by what I am. Being with you… this is the first decision of my existence based solely on what I want. I am not giving up anything I do not want to. I need to be with you. Whether I am a god or a human is inconsequential so long as you are by my side. The rest will work itself out in time.”
“I’m not going to be the reason you have to give up who you were born to be!” Leave it to me to bring down an actual god. This was all kinds of wrong.
“Darling, please do not be upset. Everything will be all right. I have been alone as a god for a very long time. I would much rather be a human with you than ghost along without you.” He held me while I buried my head in his shoulder, outraged by the unfairness of our situation. Ull might have thought he had made his decision, but I would find another way out of this. He was not going to abandon the most basic part of him. I wouldn’t let him.
****
At the end of the night, I was exactly where I wanted to be -- standing outside the guest room with my fingers wrapped in Ull’s hair and my lips pressed against his. I was dizzy and I knew I would have fallen over if Ull wasn’t holding me so close.
So it was more than just disappointing when he pulled back. It was dangerous.
“You don’t have to stop.,” I grabbed onto his sweater to interrupt my fall.
“I do, actually.,” Hhe guided me back to standing. “My mother raised me well.”
“Meaning…”
“Meaning you are not my wife yet. So I do have to stop.”
“Seriously?” I didn’t see that one coming.
“Mortals.,” Ull chuckled. “So impatient.” He kissed me softly on the cheek. “God natt, Miss Tostenson. I shall see you in the morning.” It took everything I had not to stomp my foot. He walked down the hall and closed his bedroom door behind him.
That god was going to drive me crazy.
****
My Ragnarok nightmare returned that night, so vivid I couldn’t be sure this one wasn’t actually a vision. I saw the battlefield as a spectator; mercifully, no giant wolf or snake could reach me from whatever vantage point I’d claimed. The field was carpeted with lavender, the air filled with its subtle scent. Ull stood dead center, facing the inevitable attack. In the distance, the tree-trunk snake and the oversized predator stalked towards their prey. Their slanted eyes were filled with hatred.
I wanted to scream at Ull to save himself, but he was as hungry for this fight as the creatures were hungry for Asgardian blood. There wasn’t a trace of emotion as he dropped to a hunting crouch, tensed for the battle he was fated to lose. The monsters were fifty yards away now, picking up speed as they locked Ull in their sights. The wolf bowed his head and charged, trampling the flowers beneath his feet as he thundered towards the man who owned my heart. With twenty yards between them, Ull poised to spring at Death, determination across his angry brow. So this was it -- I had to watch while my beloved ran headfirst to meet his end.
Then I saw the scene from a fresh perspective. A strong, confident woman stood with Ull, poised to launch her own attack. I knew instinctively she could protect him. Her fists were clenched as she crouched to strike and she wore the long, white robes of an Asgardian warrior. She was no more concerned for her fate than Ull was for his, and she sprinted furiously towards the attackers, leaping at the open jaws to wrestle the wolf to the ground. As I focused in on her face, I sat up with alarm, grasping at my bed sheets in the darkness. She was me.
Chapter Eleven
Back to School
AFTER THE WEEKEND WE’D had, going back to Cardiff was almost surreal. Of course I was sworn to secrecy about Ull’s heritage, so quick thought was required when Victoria and Emma pounced.
“Kristia,” Emma teased as I walked in on Monday evening. “You left with Ull, days ago.,” Sshe overemphasized the word. “What on earth have you been doing all this time?”
Victoria jumped up on the couch, tucking her long legs beneath her. “Yes, do tell. What, where, how many times…” My face must have complimented the burgundy door pretty well.
“No, no. Nothing like that! Nothing inappropriate went on. Ull is old-fashioned.” Very old-fashioned. Nobody did old- fashioned like the Vikings.
“Right.,” Victoria raised one perfectly-groomed eyebrow at Emma.
Emma winked back. “I’m sure you had a glorious time studying together and discussing the British Economy. Where exactly did you say he took you?”
“To his family home in the Cotswolds.” I jumped at the opportunity and dove into a detailed description of the garden at Ýdalir, Bibury’s duck pond, and Olaug’s amazing food. “But the house was the most impressive thing.”
“More impressive than Ull’s arms?” Emma teased.
“OK, the second most impressive thing.”
“More than Ull’s chest?” Victoria was quick to reply.
“OK, the house was the most impressive thing, not counting Ull himself.” This stumped them momentarily, and I rushed along. “It’s an amazing cottage that belongs in a fairytale. It has this long driveway, a little fountain in the middle and the sweetest little chimney that puffs smoke like a cartoon. The garden backs up to this pasture with actual sheep, and the sitting room has big couches to watch the rain. It’s like a piece of heaven.” Or a piece of Asgard, though from what Ull had told me they were pretty much the same.
“It does sound… impressive,” Emma begrudgingly admitted. “But you really don’t have anything juicier to share? Come on, K! Spill, are you two, like, dating?”
Dating. It seemed so ordinary a word -- it didn’t exactly cover Ull’s pledge to share his world with me, or my secret plot to circumvent Asgard’s ban on humans. But dating would have to do.
“Yes. We’re dating.” I flushed.
“You go, girl. A month into the semester and you’ve snagged the most eligible bachelor on campus.” Victoria sighed with satisfaction. “I told you your outfit was perfect.”
Emma laughed. “Leave it to Victoria to make it all about clothes!”
****
Once my roommates were asleep, I closed my door and booted up my laptop. I’d left Ýdalir with more questions than answers, thanks to the discovery that my boyfriend was a god -- an Asgardian assassin no less. I knew he’d given me all the information he was willing to share for now, so I felt only a little guilty turning to the Internet for answers.
Google did not disappoint. I typed in “Norse gods” and came
up with a slew of websites relaying the stories Mormor had told me as a child. There was Sif, the Warrior Goddess of Beauty. And Thor, all-powerful with his mighty Mjölnir. Odin was there in his eye patch and even Balder was represented, bearing a masculine resemblance to our own Lady Justice. Each god had a story to tell, and for an hour, I lost myself in their journeys. How different this studying was, knowing these myths were about real people.
Next, I entered “Ull Myhr” and came up with nothing, so I dropped the Myhr and got a whole range of pages. I found everything from some ski festival in Breckenridge honoring the snow god, to a runic drawing of a man on old-fashioned skis -- or were they skates? -- crossing a river. There were academic papers detailing Ull’s parentage, and even a blurb about his rumored assassination by Danes after taking over for Odin. According to the Internet everything Ull had told me about himself was true. But I’d known that much. What I didn’t know was how he fared at Ragnarok.
I switched gears, searching for Ragnarok. Everything I found was pretty consistent with what Mormor and Professor Carnicke had preached. The realms would turn on Asgard, with serpents and wolves and every imaginable beast attacking the gods and destroying the earth. Nearly all the gods would die horrible deaths, with an unnamed handful either surviving or being reborn.
Well that was no help. I wanted names. I wanted to see that Ull was going to live. I clicked the next link, then the next, but nothing could tell me who might survive. Ull wasn’t even mentioned in the Ragnarok articles. For the first time in my life, the Internet had failed to provide me with the information I needed.
I closed the computer and lay my cheek against its casing. None of this made any sense. According to the Internet, my highly accredited University course, and every story I’d ever been told, Ragnarok had already happened. The Earth was reborn from the aftermath, and descendents of the survivors repopulated the planet. So why was Ull talking like Ragnarok was some looming threat, a to-be-determined gala of destruction? Wasn’t it in the past? Obviously I didn’t know everything about the End of the World. And neither did the Internet. Problem was, I didn’t have anyone else to ask. Ull was the only god I knew, and I wasn’t about to question him on what I knew was a very sensitive issue. I crawled into bed and hoped some rest would slow the fears gnawing at my brain.
