by Kitty Parker
A baby. They're going to have a baby. They don't want just him anymore. No one wants him. His first dad didn't. He went off and married someone else and had another baby with her and forgot all about Matty. And now, mama and dad are doing the same thing. They have him but he's not enough. He's not good enough and he doesn't make them happy enough. So they're moving on to try and get the baby they actually want.
He feels tears. He doesn't mean for them to come but he can't stop them and soon, they're burning his eyes and splashing down his cheeks and his mama is touching him.
"Matty-" she starts to say and he can hear the worry in her tone but he doesn't care.
Soon enough, she won't be worried about him anymore. Not when there's a baby around. Matty will wonder who will take him in this time. When his first dad left his life, his second dad stepped in but now, who's going to be next?
Everyone likes him until something better comes along.
"Hey, kid," dad says gently, using the nickname he used to use for him all of the time and he's kneeling on the floor next to the bed.
More tears are falling and Matty can't stop them. He doesn't want to cry in front of them. He wants them to know that he doesn't care. They can go and have a baby. They can have a dozen babies to replace Matty. He doesn't care. He really doesn't. This is just how the way things go. So why can't he stop crying?
He doesn't say anything to them. He doesn't look at them either. All he does is push himself from the bed and run past them. They can't catch them. Otter's in the backyard but Matty doesn't stop for him. He throws open the front door and runs down the street, hearing his mama and dad hurry after him, calling his name. But Matty doesn't stop and they can't catch him. There's a reason he's one of the fastest running backs for his age bracket in the state of Georgia. No one can catch him.
…
He runs down the road and doesn't go into the woods. His dad can track him if he goes in the woods but sticking to black asphalt and sidewalks, they won't be able to find him. He's not sure where he's going. He just knows he's going to keep running until he needs to stop and catch his breath. He can run for a while though and he wonders where he'll wind up. He stays away from going where his family lives. The farm. Aunt Maybelle and Uncle Nathaniel's house. Tavon's house. They'll look for him in all of those places and he's not ready to go back home yet.
Matty knows he can't run forever. Eventually, he has to go home. He has a long division test on Wednesday and they've just started learning cursive and he has to finish reading his book for his report on Friday. And he has football practices and football games and he knows he has to go home.
He stops next to a field to catch his breath, horses on the other side of the fence, eating grass and lazily flicking their tails. He's stopped crying but his cheeks are still damp and his eyes ache a little. He looks up and down the road. He's not too sure where he is. Some back one-lane country road that makes up so much of Georgia. The sun is setting and it's a chilly night and he realizes that he ran out of the house in his green practice shorts, a white tee-shirt, his socks and no shoes. Now, he definitely has to go home. He can't get sick and he needs to take better care of his feet.
Mama and dad are going to be so furious with him and it will only make having a baby to replace him look even better to them.
He can hear a car slowly approaching and turning to look up the road, he sees two headlights coming his way. Once it's closer, he sees that it's a Sheriff's car and once it sees him and stops, Matty sees Deputy Hersh behind the wheel. Matty sighs heavily. He must not have run as far as he had been hoping he would.
Adam Hersh is one of his dad's closest friends and he's over at the house whenever dad and mama have people over and he's in the bleachers at his games a lot of the time. He's always been nice to him and mama and he used to play football, too, and Matty has always liked him. There were times – before dad and mama were together – when mama would be so sad and Adam would always be able to get her to smile or laugh. For that alone, Matty would always like this man.
Adam stops next to the hood of the car and looks at him, his eyes scanning him over and Matty knows he's looking for visible damage. "You alright?" He then asks.
Matty actually thinks it over for a moment and then, he nods. "I'm not hurt," he says though he wonders how true that sentence actually is. He is hurt – just not on the outside. But that doesn't matter. Why does it matter? He's nine-years-old and his parents are trading him in for a newer model. Just thinking about it like that, he feels a fresh batch of tears sting his eyes and he blinks quickly and stares down at the road so Adam can't see them.
"Your parents are scared out of their minds. Your dad can't even get his head on straight to go tracking after you," Adam says and Matty doesn't know what to say to that so he doesn't say anything. "Come on. Let's get you home."
As Matty walks to the passenger door, he hears Adam talk into his radio on his shoulder, telling Sheriff Grimes that he's found him and they're coming home.
"You shouldn't run away like that, Matty," Adam says as he turns the car around and heads back in the direction he has just come from. "Pretty sure you added twenty years to both of your parents tonight."
Matty doesn't say anything. He just stares down at the computer hooked from the dashboard that lets the cops look up names when they pull someone over.
"Your parents love you, you know that?" Adam asks, glancing at him.
Matty just shrugs.
Adam smirks a little. "Shoot, you should know that. Not too many things are that certain in this life but there are a few things about your family that are damn near written in stone. Your mama bakes the cupcakes in the state. Your dad can track a buck ten miles in the rain and still get a bolt in it, you're going to be playing in the NFL someday and no two parents love their kid more than your parents love you."
Matty finally lifts his head and looks at the man driving, his eyes forward to the road. Adam says it in a firm tone that makes Matty think there's little room for arguing. He notices a few tears have leaked out and he wipes at his cheeks. He looks down to his lap, his hands resting on his thighs.
"Mama's having a baby," Matty says quietly. "They don't want me anymore."
"What in the hell are you talking about?" Adam asks and Matty's not looking at him but he can hear the frown on the man's face. "You think them having a baby means they don't want you anymore? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Hell, if anything, it means they're having a baby because they love each other and they love you. Love you so much they want to have another kid just like you."
Matty's silent to that. He hadn't thought of it like that.
And he wonders why he hadn't thought of it like that. His mama and dad weren't like his first dad. They were nothing like Jimmy. They loved him. He had been loved his entire life by his mama. She had done anything and everything for him. And dad… since they first time they met, living across the hall in the same apartment building, dad had shown how much he loved Matty, too. He even adopted Matty and gave him his last name and he didn't have to do that. He had wanted to do it.
He had a choice and he chose to have Matty as his son.
Adam pulls into the driveway of the house and Matty sees that the lights are on and the front door is open and mama and dad are standing on the front porch with Grandma and Sheriff Grimes. They all look when the patrol car pulls into the driveway behind the Sheriff's car and they all watch as Matty gets out. And dad rushes to him, skipping over the porch steps and landing on the ground and Matty runs to him and it doesn't matter that he's way too old for it. He's always been small for his age and he doesn't care about that right now anyway. Dad lifts him up in his arms and squeezes him so tightly, it almost hurts but Matty doesn't care. He closes his eyes and squeezes him back.
And then mama's there and dad sets him back down on his feet. Tears are streaming down her cheeks as she wraps him up in her arms and hugs him as tightly as she can. Matty closes his eyes and hugs her and feels dad's
arms around both of them and Matty can feel the tiniest baby bump underneath his mama's sweater. He presses against it.
He's going to be the best big brother that he can be. He swears it.
…
Everyone has a pre-game ritual. Superstitious, yes, but none of them ever derive from what has become theirs.
Sammy eats two Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies before a game. Never one. Never three. Exactly two. Tavon wears the same socks every week and he never lets his mom wash them until after the last game of the season. Henry does fifteen jumping jacks, counting backwards, and then fifteen pushups, counting forwards. And Matty has buds in his ears, listening to "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" by AC/DC on repeat, as he does his warm-ups. It gets his heart pounding and his body wanting to run fast and hit something hard and it's the perfect song to listen to before games. His Uncle Shawn had downloaded it for him and put it on a tiny I-pod for him.
When him and Tavon walk onto the field for the coin toss with a couple of other kids from the opposing team they're playing that afternoon, Matty's eyes go up towards the stands, seeing his family – his eyes honing in on his mama and his dad. And both are wearing green and smiling as they watch him. Matty wants to wave but he has to set a certain mood and waving at his parents will crack that. It's kind of awesome to think that at this time next year, there will be a little baby in those stands, too. His little brother or sister, cheering him on like the rest of their family.
He doesn't look to the side of the stands because he knows he's there. He doesn't know how he knows. He just does. One of these days, maybe he'll tell dad or mama about it or maybe he'll go up to him on his own and ask him why he's here. Why, after all of this time, is he suddenly coming to all of his games?
But Matty's not going to ask. Not today. Today, he's got a game to win and he only cares about his real dad and his mama being there, watching him and cheering him on every week. As long as he still has them, he doesn't care about much more than that.
…
Part Six.
Her husband doesn't want her anymore. That's painfully obvious. And how can she expect him to when she has a volleyball taped to her body? She's fat and disgusting looking and how can she honestly expect Jack to look at her and be attracted to her?
Tavon asked Matty to sleep over on Friday night and Michonne would get them to the football game on Saturday morning and Daisy had been so excited at the idea of being alone with Jack in the house. Just the two of them. She asked Maybelle to come shopping with her and Daisy hadn't bought anything skimpy or slutty – that's just not her style no matter how badly she wants to have sex with her husband. But she buys a black negligee of satin and lace and it makes her feel beautiful and not too pregnant.
She changes into it and then sits up in bed, smiling at him as he comes into the bedroom after locking the doors up downstairs. And Jack smiles back and strips down to his boxer shorts and then… nothing. Absolutely nothing. He climbs into bed and kisses her on the cheek, murmuring a good night before he turns off the lamp and lays down and minutes later, his soft snores already fill the bedroom.
Daisy sits there and looks at him in disbelief for a moment and then down at the negligee she's wearing and she feels so stupid. So completely and utterly stupid. And she has never felt more hideous than she does in that moment because she's pregnant and her husband doesn't even look at her anymore, let alone kiss her and want to have sex with her. Ever since that stripped turn pink with positive, Jack has shown her time and time again that he has no interest in her.
And if that's really the truth, why marry her at all in the first place and get her pregnant?
As he sleeps and snores beside her, Daisy can't help it. Tears flood her eyes and stream down her cheeks and she knows it wasn't like this when she was pregnant with Matty. She had been just a teenager then, too scared and worried about such an uncertain future to think about anything else. She had just thought that this pregnancy would be different. A little better. She has a husband now. A man who loves her completely – at least that what she had thought. A man who would stand by her through these turbulent months and even though Jack hasn't left her side, he's certainly acting like a man who doesn't necessarily want to be there.
Jack doesn't stir as Daisy slips from the bed. She takes the negligee off as quickly as she can and goes into the bathroom, throwing it into the trashcan in there. It had been a stupid idea. She doesn't wear things when she doesn't have a volleyball attached to her body. Why did she think that wearing it now would have ever been a good idea?
She wipes at her cheeks, not even able to look at her reflection, and she goes back into the bedroom, getting herself dressed in yoga pants and an oversized sweatshirt. He still doesn't wake as she tugs on some shoes and leaves the bedroom. Otter is sleeping in the hallway as he usually does – when not sleeping in Matty's bedroom – and the dog instantly wakes, pushing himself up on his legs, his tail wagging. Daisy gives him an absent-minded rub on his head as she passes and heads down the stairs. When she can't sleep and has too much on her mind, she bakes and right now, she feels like she can bake all night.
"Stay," she gives the quiet order to Otter after he walks her to the front door and grabbing her keys, she leaves, stepping out into the night that's quiet except for the crickets hiding the darkness.
She considers driving but she has too much energy and she doesn't want the car engine to wake Jack up. Her bakery isn't that far away so she just starts walking, hoping that the cool fall night will help cool her down, too, and she hopes that she'll stop crying, too. She has a son and a husband and she loves them more than anything and she knows they love her, too – at least, she thinks she knows – but right now, she just feels completely and utterly alone.
Arriving at Daisy's Bakery, she unlocks the front door and stepping into her shop, she turns and immediately locks the door behind her again. The cases are empty – she sells out nearly every day – and if she doesn't, she takes the leftover cupcakes over to the auto-garage or to the hair salon in town or animal shelter; a different business in town whenever she has some, wanting to share with everyone.
She walks around the counter and heads into the small baking area in back, flipping on the overhead light. It's almost ten and she has no plan on leaving the rest of the night. She'll be able to do all of the baking now and she knows she'll still have the energy for when the bakery opens at ten the next morning.
She opens one of the refrigerators and starts taking out everything she will need. She bakes six different kinds of cupcakes each day and in the fall, three times a week, she makes a special: pumpkin spice cupcake with a cinnamon cream cheese frosting. She gets working on those first and she goes through the steps, all of her recipes memorized and something she'd be able to do with her eyes closed, but right now, she really needs to concentrate on baking and not think of anything else because if she thinks of anything right now, she's just going to burst into tears.
Jack had wanted a baby. They had talked about it and it was something they had both wanted. He told her that if they could have a baby like Matty, he'd want a dozen. And Daisy remembers thinking when he had said that of how lucky she was that she had found a man who loved her and her son as much as Jack did.
And she was so excited when she took the test and her pregnancy was confirmed. She was so ready to have another baby; his baby. And she wants a little daughter and she knows no one's life is perfect but God, she had just thought hers would be so close.
She never saw this coming. Jack not wanting her anymore. They had certainly had their ups and downs and that is putting it lightly. But things have been good for them for so long, Daisy just stupidly thought that things would keep staying good for them. It never crossed her mind that Jack would find her so disgusting while she is pregnant.
She bakes three dozen pumpkin cupcakes and they are cooling on the counter as she begins work on the cinnamon cream cheese frosting. It's just after midnight and she misses coffee so much but sh
e's listening to Ella Fitzgerald on the radio and she's humming along and between that and baking, she's able to be distracted for a while.
But of course, that's when there is a knock on the front glass door and she jumps a little, spinning towards it and seeing Jack on the other side, staring at her. She stares back and for a moment, she is so tempted to just ignore him even though she knows that won't do anything and it's not like as if he'll just leave. But she knows that will never happen and Jack will just stand out there all night if that's what he has to do.
After another moment, she wipes her hands on a nearby dishtowel and comes to the front door, not looking at him as she unlocks the door, and she immediately turns again, returning to the kitchen, trusting him to lock the door behind him again. She returns to making her frosting and he comes into the kitchen, not saying anything, simply looking at her; studying her like she's a damn set of damn tracks in the damn woods.
"What?" She snaps, not able to help herself but she shouldn't have to apologize. She's pregnant, hurt and horny and her emotions and hormones are all over the place. Jack probably already knows that though. He should have read that in his stupid book.
He shrugs and his arms are crossed over his chest and she refuses to look at his biceps.
"I ain't the one who left the house in the middle of the night, scaring the shit out of my spouse when they wake up and see you're not next to 'em," he comments.
Daisy scoffs. "So, you even noticed that I was gone?" She asks him.
Jack just keeps looking at her and doesn't say anything else. Daisy shakes her head to herself and putting the bowl back on the stand, she turns the mixer on, the whirring sound making sure that they won't be able to have a conversation; not that she and Jack will talk this through. There's nothing to talk about. He has more than made his opinion on her and being with her crystal clear.
