by Mary Larkin
Alison’s voice hailed him from the kitchen. ‘Will you kindly bring the rest of those groceries in here, Graham.’
‘Coming, Alison.’ Still he blocked Susan’s path, whispering fiercely, ‘We must talk. Let me at least give you a lift into town, please?’
Angrily she shouldered past him. ‘No, thank you. I’ll get the bus.’
He gazed after her in dismay. Remembering her hissed remark ‘Forget it! I have’, he squirmed inside. Had she really been able to forget what happened? He had found it the most wonderful experience, and she had participated with enthusiasm. He had never known such heights of passion until that night with Susan. Or was that because it was sweet, forbidden fruit? Was that why it had seemed so wonderful? He must try and get her to speak to him; discover if it really was all over between her and Jim Brady. If so, he would make a point of gradually breaking free of Alison and would pursue Susan. He was convinced that it was her he now loved, and given the chance he would do all in his power to win her. Had she really felt nothing that night?
To his great distress, in the following weeks Susan had continued to avoid him and, as things stood between him and Alison, his hands were tied. It came as a shock to hear that she had run off to stay with an aunt in Darlington. Was Jim Brady pestering her? Was she still besotted with him? Had she run away to avoid bumping into him? Graham determined that when Susan came home at Christmas he would have it out with her. Now Alison was saying that her sister was not coming home.
‘Mam is so disappointed, and as for Dad, he’s incensed. I don’t know how she can do this to us.’
‘What reason does she give?’
‘Huh! She says Aunt Edith needs her, because my cousin Jack is away living in London. Do you know what I think, Graham? I think she has met some man over there. That’s what I think! Why else would she stay away at Christmas?’
Graham’s heart sank. ‘If that’s the case, why not say so? It’s nothing to be ashamed of,’ he reasoned. ‘Does she say when she will be home?’
Alison shook her head glumly. ‘One good thing! Aunt Edith is moving house in the New Year, and Susan says they’ll be getting a phone installed. At least we’ll be able to talk to her when we feel like it. Not wait until she deigns to go to a phone box.’ Then she would find out whether or not what her father had hinted at bore any truth. She found it hard to believe that her sister could be so foolish, but she and Jim Brady had been very close. Susan had been besotted with him! Like putty in his hands. There was no denying that.
She mustn’t mention these doubts to Graham. It wasn’t fair to condemn her sister without proof. She moved closer to him and raised her face in invitation. It was beginning to annoy her that lately she had to make the first move every time they were alone. She recalled how keen he had been at the beginning. Kissing her at every opportunity. Trying to excite her with his body. Positively annoying it had been. Now they may as well be brother and sister, for all the attention he paid her. But then, hadn’t she told him that they must wait? To be truthful, she was surprised that he had taken her rejection so much to heart. Also, there had been no pressure to get engaged lately. Had he changed his mind? Surely not! Everyone envied her, and kept asking when the big day was. Pressing closer, her eyes questioned him.
Reluctantly Graham embraced her. He was finding it more and more difficult to put on a show. He couldn’t believe that he no longer desired Alison. At the beginning he’d had difficulty keeping his hands off her; in fact, just the sight of her small, firm breasts in the tight sweaters she wore had been enough to excite him. Now all his thoughts were of Susan. Memories of her fiery passion constantly plagued him. How he longed to see her again. He didn’t for one moment think that Alison would be exactly heartbroken if he decided to call it a day. She cared little for him. He realised that he shouldn’t let it drift on like this, but how could he keep tabs on Susan otherwise? Still, he was being unfair to Alison. It was time he broke off their relationship. Huh! If you could call it that!
To his dismay, Alison pressed closer still. The pressure of her body against his was obviously a come-on and shock gripped him at the idea. Surely he was mistaken? Alison had never before acted as if she desired him.
‘Graham,’ she whispered tenderly. ‘I’ve been very unfair to you, darling, holding you at arm’s length all this time.’
‘Perhaps it’s all for the best, Alison,’ he said gently. ‘To tell you the truth, I’m beginning to think that we aren’t really suited to each other.’
Shock coursed through her body, but she smothered it. ‘What do you mean?’ she asked in bewilderment. It was unthinkable that Graham should let her down. She would be a laughing stock.
‘Well, it’s obvious that you don’t seriously care for me . . .’
‘What on earth gives you that idea?’
‘Huh! The way you treat me.’
She pressed urgently against him. ‘Oh, but I do. Indeed I do care. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I know now that I was wrong to keep you at arm’s length. I care deeply for you.’ Her mouth was urgent beneath his, her hands frantically caressing his body. Everybody was expecting an engagement at Christmas, and she had no intention of disappointing them. Dismayed at her actions, Graham tried to arrest the unexpected flow of passion. Somehow, it didn’t ring true. To his great relief, he heard the doorbell sound and someone cross the hall to answer it.
Talk about being saved by the bell. Thankfully he drew away from her. ‘Somebody might come in and catch us.’
Her head tossed in the air and she glared at him. ‘I hope you haven’t been leading me up the garden path, Graham Robson. I think this weekend would be the right time to choose the ring, don’t you?’ she taunted daringly. What if he really wanted them to cool it? How could she face everyone? Her parents would put all the blame on her.
She watched anxiously as she put this ultimatum to him. Graham dithered. He knew he should take this opportunity to persuade her that they weren’t meant for each other, and that it wouldn’t work out between them, but he was too cowardly. He found himself nodding in agreement. After all, he reassured himself, engagements could always be broken.
It was Billy Devine who answered Donald’s knock on the door on Saturday evening. Thrusting out his hand, he gripped Donald’s and drew him into the house.
‘It’s good to see you, son.’
‘You too, Billy. I’ve been a fool, so I have.’
There were tears in Edith’s eyes when she hugged him close. ‘You know, son, we really didn’t have a clue what was going on.’>
‘I realise that now, Edith, and I’m sorry if I caused you a lot of grief. You had enough on your plate at the time.’
‘You’re here now, Donald, and that’s all that matters. Sit down, son. Susan will be down in a minute.’
Hesitantly Donald said, ‘Edith, I’ve been thinking . . . Perhaps the Pali isn’t exactly the right place to take a girl like Susan. She strikes me as upper-class. Should I suggest somewhere else?’
Before Edith could answer him, Susan entered the room. He rose to his feet at once, his gaze admiring.
‘You look wonderful,’ he said softly.
A blush covered her face at the compliment. ‘Thank you, kind sir,’ she replied.
They left in a flurry of goodbyes, with Donald - at Edith’s pleas to visit them more often - assuring her, with an admiring look at Susan, that he certainly would. After they’d gone Edith turned to Billy, her face puckered with worry.
‘Billy, you don’t think . . .?’
He put a finger gently to her lips. ‘I’m not going to think anything, and neither are you, my love. They are adults after all, and they are both free.’
‘She’s pregnant, Billy! Do you think she’s told Donald about the baby?’
‘As I have already said, it’s none of our business, Edith. At the moment all I can think of is the fact that for the first time in weeks we have the house to ourselves.’ He was urging her towards the stairs; his mouth sti
fled her objections.
Pushing him away, she cried, ‘All right! All right, there’s no need to smother me.’ And, with a girlish giggle, she preceded him up the stairs.
‘I heard what you said to Edith about the Pali. Do you think I’m some kind of a snob, Donald? Is that how I come across to you?’
‘No, not really, but the Pali is frequented by the soldiers from Catterick Garrison and can get a bit rough at times. It gets a bit of a name, but no one will bother you as long as I’m with you.’
‘It sounds like the Plaza back home. That’s where all the servicemen who come into Belfast go. I was only there the once with my best friend. I thought it was brilliant, all those men queuing up to dance with us. We had a great time.’
The Pali wasn’t as spectacular as the Plaza. There was the same dim lighting, the big silver ball revolving in the centre of the ceiling, throwing fingers of light on to the white shirts and coloured dresses of the dancers; and the hushed, excited chatter against the throbbing music. There the likeness ended. The Plaza had bars where wine and beer was sold. Susan could see no bars here. After a visit to the cloakroom to leave her coat and change from her boots to her dance shoes, she returned to Donald.
Her eyes were glowing with excitement and he laughed as he led her on to the dance floor. ‘I can see you’re impressed.’
She nodded. Her happiness was apparent. ‘It’s a bit like the Plaza back home,’ she repeated. ‘I feel very daring being here.’
‘Where did you usually dance?
‘The Orpheus and Club Orchid.’
‘With your husband?’
Her happiness faded. ‘No.’
Annoyed at himself for putting a damper on her feelings, Donald cried, ‘Look, forget I said that. I didn’t mean to spoil things. Let’s just enjoy ourselves.’ With practised steps he swung her in and out of the dancers to the strains of a quickstep. They finished at the bottom of the hall as the music came to a halt and, seeing two empty chairs, he steered her over to them.
‘That was wonderful, thank you. I can’t believe my luck!’ she sighed.
‘What do you mean?’
‘You being able to dance so well.’
He threw back his head and laughed aloud. ‘Oh, so you thought I’d have two left feet, did you?’
‘No! No, I’m only admitting I’m not much of a dancer and I need a good partner to lead me around the floor.’
‘Aren’t you being a bit modest? I bet you could dance with anybody in this hall,’ he teased.
She just grinned happily at him and again he was struck by how lovely she looked. The first chance he got he would take Edith aside and find out what had gone wrong with her marriage.
The music started up again and he eyed her. ‘Fancy a slow foxtrot?’
‘My favourite dance,’ she said as she slipped into his arms and was drawn close.
As he nodded to friends and acquaintances, Donald was aware of the envious glances cast in his direction and for the first time felt free of the hurt invoked by Margaret’s betrayal. Susan was indeed a partner to be proud of. Her soft brown hair glowed with copper highlights and her eyes were dark, mysterious pools. Although they knew she was with a partner, even the soldiers were cheeky enough to give her the eye. Very much aware of their interest, he unconsciously drew her closer still. Her head rose in the air and she gazed reproachfully up at him. Immediately, he loosened his hold. He mustn’t give her the wrong impression. After all, it wasn’t as if he was actually making a play for her. He still loved Margaret McGivern. No one else could ever take her place.
‘Sorry, I got carried away. You’re very lovely, you know.’
She blushed and stiffened in his arms and he regretted his actions. ‘Don’t look like that. I promise to behave myself.’
She remained stiff and unyielding for the remainder of the dance. When it ended he led her to the long table where soft drinks were sold. ‘What would you like to drink?’
‘Orange, please.’
The chairs were all occupied, so they stood to one side and sipped their drinks. Seeing a worried frown pucker her smooth brow, he leant towards her. ‘Look, Susan, please don’t be worrying. I didn’t mean any harm. We can go home any time you like.’
‘It’s all right, Donald,’ she sighed. ‘It’s just that I can’t afford any more complications in my life. As things stand, I’ve enough to worry about.’
‘I realise that, Susan, and I don’t want to add to your troubles. I promise to be on my best behaviour from now on. I’ll be the best mate you ever had.’
She still looked unconvinced, but nodded her head. If only she could believe him. It would be lovely to have someone she could go out with, with no strings attached; someone to depend on. But in her heart she thought it would be better if she didn’t see him again. This must be their first and last date. It was too dangerous! Something about him reminded her too much of Jim Brady and she wanted him to hold her close; she longed to close her eyes and pretend she was with Jim. She was lost for companionship, but Donald, like herself, was on the rebound. It could cause all kinds of problems.
In spite of the uneasy start, the night was a great success. They danced every dance and Susan felt happier than she had been for a long time. They walked home in the crisp, frosty air and she did not demur when he took her hand and tucked it beneath his elbow.
‘I really enjoyed myself tonight, Susan.’
His voice was like a caress and she sighed. Was he going to start all that again? Her hand wriggled to get free, but he tightened his grip on it. ‘I promise I won’t overstep the mark again. I realise you’re not free, but then in my heart, neither am I. I still love Margaret and I’ll never change. Nevertheless I value your friendship. Please say you will come out with me again?’
‘It wouldn’t be fair, Donald. You know nothing about me. There might be talk.’
‘Why would there be any talk? We’re doing nothing wrong. I honestly don’t see why we can’t be friends,’ he cried in bewilderment. ‘It won’t cost you anything. At least say you will come to the dance with me on Boxing Night. Please?’
It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him she was pregnant, but then he might not want to be her friend. He would know soon enough. ‘All right. But, Donald, please don’t expect anything from me. I admit that I don’t know many people over here and I’m very lonely at times. I do need a friend, but I’m in love with someone else, and friendship is all there can ever be between us.’
His mind went blank, then rushed into overdrive. She was in love with another man? So that must be why her marriage was on the rocks. He wouldn’t have believed it of her. Where was this other man now? Had the break-up of her marriage been in vain? Surprised and saddened at her situation, he was silent until they reached her door.
Susan made no effort to break the silence; just gently removed her hand from his now-loose clasp. Nor did she invite him in when they arrived home. ‘If you still want me to come to the Pali with you on Boxing Night, just let me know. I’ll understand if you don’t. Good night, Donald.’
She unlocked the door and was through it before he could gather his wits about him. He stood dumbfounded, staring at the door. What was he thinking of? He had acted like an idiot. Of course he still wanted her to go to the dance with him on Boxing Night. He would call in during the week and make sure she understood that. More at ease in his mind now, he headed home. After all it was no concern of his if she loved in vain. Wasn’t he in the same boat? It was a friend he wanted - a dance partner - and he couldn’t think of anyone he would rather have.
To Susan’s dismay, her aunt and uncle were still downstairs and sitting by the fire sipping cups of tea. ‘I thought you’d bring Donald in for a cuppa. It would have given us a chance to talk,’ Edith said.
‘I thought you would be in bed and I didn’t want to disturb you,’ she lied convincingly.
‘Never be afraid to bring him in, love. Even if we have retired, you won’t annoy us. Did you enjoy the
Pali?’
‘It was great, Aunt Edith. I don’t know if you were ever in the Plaza back home? It reminded me of there. Donald’s an excellent dancer. I really enjoyed myself.’
‘Pour yourself a cup of tea and sit down, love. You look frozen.’
With a resigned look, Susan did as she was bid and joined them by the fireside.
‘We got some good news tonight.’ Edith sounded nervous and Susan moved restlessly on her chair. ‘You know Mrs Duggen down the street?’
‘Yes. The woman who lives in the corner house?’
‘That’s right. Well she came for me earlier on. Our Jack had phoned her and asked her to fetch me. And . . . what do you think? He’s coming home for Christmas after all.’
Slowly Susan set her cup shakily on the table, grateful that the tea didn’t slop over the edge. She forced a smile to her face. ‘Oh, I am pleased for you. You must be delighted.’
‘We are. We’re over the moon. But now, love, I don’t want you to be worrying. We’ll sort out somewhere for you to stay. They will only be here a few days. They said they’d come on Friday, stay over Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day, and leave on Tuesday. I’m so happy I could cry.’ Without more ado she proceeded to do so.
Edith’s tears blinded her to Susan’s reaction, but Billy could see that, although his niece tried to show pleasure, it didn’t ring true. He realised that she was worried and said, haltingly, ‘Susan, we will make room for a bed in the spare room for you, if that’s all right? It will only be for a couple of nights, after all.’
‘That would be great, Uncle Billy, but won’t I be in the way?’
‘Don’t be silly. You’re family. Everything will be fine, so it will.’
Tears ran down Susan’s cheeks as she lay in bed that night staring at the ceiling. She was glad she had managed to put on a good show in front of her aunt and uncle. She was also glad she had sent all her presents off to Ireland during the week. Although Jack wasn’t coming until next Friday, her aunt would want to get this room ready for him and Margaret, and she would have to find somewhere to live right away. She didn’t agree with her uncle. The spare room was out of the question. Oh, she didn’t mind being in cramped quarters for a while, but it wouldn’t work out. She would feel that she was intruding on their privacy. Jack would want to patch things up with his parents and he couldn’t talk freely if she was there. Her aunt had agreed with her that the junk room, as she called it, was unsuitable, saying that she would see that Susan found somewhere comfortable to stay. God knows where she would end up while her cousin and Margaret were here. After the way she had treated Donald’s overture to friendship, she could hardly now ask him to rent the house next door to her.
