by Linda Ford
She understood he felt powerless and hated it. Maybe rather than face his inability to change things, he left. “Colby, why did you leave your home?”
“What home?”
“With your father. I know he beat you but why did you leave?”
“Because I couldn’t stop him from hurting Ma.” The words burst forth as if shot from a canon. “It made my ma leave. I couldn’t stop it.”
She ground to a halt and faced him. His fist clenched into knots. His face creased into sorrowful lines. “You were a kid.”
“I wanted to stop him. I couldn’t.”
“So you left.”
“Comes a time a person can’t look at himself in the mirror.”
She wondered how many times he would see his reflection, not like what he saw and leave. She wasn’t about to pin any hopes on his staying.
Colby jerked to a halt and almost stumbled.
She watched the color drain from his face. And then he blinked and pulled his hat lower. She turned to see what caused this reaction. Didn’t seem to be anything out of the ordinary except a stranger riding down the street—a big man with an unfriendly turn to his mouth.
He drew closer and pulled his horse toward them to glower at Colby. Then he shifted to study Anna with such intensity her face burned.
The air crackled with tension. Anna held her breath, wondering what this man wanted with them.
He gave a mocking smile. “Colby. You look a mite surprised.”
“I thought you were dead.”
“I don’t die as easy as you hoped.”
Anna’s tongue stuck to the sides of her mouth. She struggled to focus her thoughts. Colby knew this man?
Colby grabbed her elbow and steered her toward home. She lurched along at his side.
“Be seeing you ’round,” the man called after them.
They were almost at the manse when Anna jerked away to face him. “Who was that?”
“Lew. Someone from my past.”
“Why did you think he was dead?”
“Never mind.” He hurried on, urging her forward.
There was something sinister and wicked about that Lew fella. He knew Colby too well for comfort. Was he one of Colby’s associates? What did he want here? Had he come to persuade Colby to ride away with him?
She almost tripped and Colby grabbed her elbow to steady her. She yanked back her arm and confronted him. “Just when I thought I was beginning to understand what makes you tick…” Would she never get past an endless hope that this time, perhaps now, he would stay and be the man she needed? Her heart turned to coal. “Just make sure he stays away from Dorrie.” She forced her wooden legs into the house and closed the door to lean against it, praying she wouldn’t collapse.
Grace stepped from the kitchen. “You’re back.” She sprang forward. “What happened? You look like you’re going to be ill.”
“I guess I’m more worn out than I realized.” She straightened, hoping her quivering knees would not fail her. She knew Colby had been involved in unsavory things while he was away. She’d heard plenty of tales about his wild escapades. But she never thought to encounter that sort of man because of him.
She wanted so badly to believe he’d changed that she looked for nothing but proof.
Oh, Lord. Protect us from his friends. Protect my heart.
It was too late for her heart. Had always been too late. She’d loved him since she was fourteen. She knew beneath that rough exterior, beyond his shameful past, lay a Colby full of tenderness and understanding. Unfortunately his past seemed too full to overcome, his exterior too tough. Yet—her faith protested—wasn’t God able to do a work in his life? What was the verse Grace had mentioned in her debate with Mrs. Percy? “He who has begun a good work in you will complete it.” She’d pray for God to complete His work in Colby’s life. Make him able to resist whatever pull this man from his past had on him. Stay and be the kind of father Dorrie needed.
And she’d confine her thoughts to that. No more. She could not, would not, let herself care about him as anything more than Dorrie’s father.
She stepped into the kitchen where Dorrie sat picking at some bread and butter. Oh, Dorrie. How can I keep you safe? That man, that friend of Colby’s, frightened her. She wanted to grab Dorrie and hold her close.
Colby’s thoughts went round and round. He’d left Lew and Harv and everything they stood for behind. He hoped Anna would never learn of what he’d been, what he’d done. Now Lew was here. But where was Harv?
He got his horse and rode through town. Rode a mile or two in each direction. But he saw no sign of Lew. Perhaps the man had moved on. But the thought gave him no comfort. Lew had come for a purpose. Likely revenge. After all, a man wasn’t expected to like being shot.
No, Lew would be back.
Colby had taken part-time work at the feed store and headed that direction where he spent several hours. Normally he enjoyed the way work made thinking unnecessary, but today he found no such respite from his thoughts.
He knew the depravity of Lew’s heart.
And he feared for Anna and Dorrie.
Might be best for them if he rode out this day, but unless he could be certain Lew followed hard on his heels, Colby would not be leaving Anna and Dorrie unprotected.
Suppertime came and Colby shared the meal with Hugh. He told Hugh about Lew. Telling the story only increased his restlessness.
He pushed back from the table. “I have to check on Anna and the baby. Make sure they’re okay.”
He rode over. Circled the house. Picked his way down the trail by the river but saw no sign of Lew. His absence only made Colby more concerned. Better Lew out in the open then Lew sneaking about where Colby couldn’t watch him.
Still uneasy he returned to his quarters. Twice more before dark he rode out to check on things. No Lew. But at least Anna and Dorrie were safe inside the four solid walls of the house.
The next morning, he was up early and out to repeat his rounds. He came on signs of a campfire near where he had stayed by the river. The ashes were still warm. Could be anyone but he was convinced it was Lew.
Much as he wanted to stop in and see Anna and Dorrie, he dare not. The less Lew saw of where he went and who he saw, the better for all concerned.
Poor Mr. Rawlings must have wondered at Colby that day. He excused himself so often to ride down the street and check on Anna the man would be starting to think Colby didn’t intend to put in a full day’s work. Or even a reasonable portion of a day.
Once he saw Anna crossing between the house and the church. She glanced his direction, saw it was him, paused a moment then hurried into the shelter of the building.
He couldn’t blame her for her caution.
For two days he stayed away. And in those two days he saw little clues that suggested Lew was about—a bit of rag tied to the tree across from the manse, another warm campfire, an X slashed into the door Colby went in and out as he did his work for Mr. Rawlings.
The third day he informed his boss he wouldn’t be in to work. He planned to find Lew and settle whatever score the man felt needed to be settled.
Anna peeked through the window. That man was there. Lew. He flitted in and out of sight throughout the day, always watching the house. She dared not step outside.
“Father, he’s there again.”
Father joined her at the window. “You say he’s a friend of Colby’s?”
“I think friend might be too generous a word.”
Father watched a moment then Lew slid out of sight. “Is there any reason he is watching us?”
“Not that I’m aware.”
“It’s not the way I expect a man to act. Perhaps you should refrain from going outside unless you have someone with you. Preferably myself or Colby.”
But Colby did not come anymore. She’d seen him ride by a few times but he always passed without any indication of stopping. She thought of waving him in or shouting a greeting but something stopped her. She could
n’t say if it was caution, fear or anger. Perhaps a bit of all three.
Under the circumstances how could he expect her to trust him? She didn’t know what was going on and he didn’t choose to tell her.
She turned from the window but glanced out every few minutes. It seemed better to know when Lew was watching them then to wonder if he was.
The next time she glanced out, she saw Colby stop at the side of the road. Lew stood in the shadows and grinned mockingly as Colby dismounted. Then they disappeared into the trees.
Now was her chance to find out what was going on. Dorrie lay sleeping in her crib. Anna could safely steal away and follow the men. She stepped outside. Had to hurry or she might lose them or miss whatever was about to transpire. She picked up her skirts and ran. As soon as she entered the shelter of the trees and the coolness of the shade they provided, she slowed to allow her eyes a chance to adjust to the change in light. Ahead, she heard the murmur of voices and carefully avoided stepping on any twigs as she crept forward, her heart clinging to the back of her throat with a grip of steel.
She saw Colby first, probably because she knew she would not be able to draw in a breath until she knew he was safe.
He stood, thumbs hooked in the front pockets of his trousers. The stance was likely intended to look casual, unconcerned, but Anna saw tension in the way he balanced on the balls of his feet and how his shoulders crunched toward his ears. Colby was alert in every muscle.
She shifted her gaze to Lew. The man wore a cruel, mocking scowl.
“Where is it?” Lew growled.
“Where’s Harv? Ask him.” Colby spoke with careful patience, which only served to make Anna’s muscles knot. Colby didn’t trust this man. That was obvious.
“Harv’s dead. You might say he met with an unfortunate accident.”
“You shot him?”
“Couldn’t be helped. The man wasn’t about to share his information. But you and him were pretty cozy. I figure he told you.”
“He didn’t.”
Lew growled. “’Fraid I don’t believe you. I should shoot you here like you deserve.” He edged his hands toward the gun hanging low at his side.
Anna bit her bottom lip to keep from crying out. Was she about to see Colby shot dead? Would she never get a chance to tell him she loved him? Her knees threatened to melt and she swayed against a tree for support.
“With both me and Harv dead you’d never find out.”
Lew considered the idea, and then slowly his hands left his gun belt. “Guess maybe you’re right.”
Anna backed away. She managed to stifle her shock until she reached the shelter of her home. She dashed into her room and threw herself across the bed, her heart racing so fast it tore at her chest, sending pain radiating through her body. It sounded as though Colby meant to ride away with that despicable man. When would this ever stop hurting? How much more could she take?
Colby knew there was no money. Harv had led the men to believe there was in order to make them obey his orders. A treasure. Money. Lots of it. Hidden in a safe place. He’d take them there. But first they had to…whatever scheme Harv dreamed up.
To start with, Colby had gone along with Harv’s plans, not realizing Harv had bigger, badder things in mind.
But one day Lew had grown more belligerent and challenging than usual. Said he took exception to the growing closeness between Colby and Harv. Not that there was any friendship. Harv simply liked playing the men off against each other.
Colby’s association with them had ended when he shot Lew. Thought he’d killed the man. No loss to society and nobody would dispute it was self-defense, but as Colby stared at the bleeding man, then considered his pistol, he saw what he was becoming and didn’t much care for what he saw.
He’d turned around. Headed home. Back to Anna and his baby. Back to where he’d left his heart.
He thought he could escape his past. But his past had caught up with him.
For now he was safe having led Lew to believe he knew the whereabouts of the fake treasure. But not for long. Lew had never been patient.
But it would ensure that Lew followed him out of town and a good long ways from Anna and Dorrie. What would he do when Lew realized there was no stash of money…
Well, he’d deal with that when the time came.
First he must tell Anna he was leaving.
It would be the hardest task he’d ever taken on. Just when he hoped and prayed he’d begun to prove she could trust him not to run off, he had to do it again.
This time there would be no coming back.
But he couldn’t let her guess that.
He followed after Lew, waiting for him to ride up to the Lucky Lady and saunter in for a drink. No chance the man would leave until he got what he’d come for—the non-existent money and, after that, revenge for Colby shooting him.
Hard to believe the man had survived. But he was too mean to die easily.
Rather than follow Lew inside, he slowly made his way back to Anna’s and the end of his dreams. He would have to be careful when he hugged Dorrie, or Anna would be suspicious. His insides bled worse than Lew had after being shot. He would never see Dorrie grow up but at least she’d be safe and well cared for with Anna.
Anna. He dare not think any further. Just her name in his thoughts was enough to make him weaken.
But he must do what was necessary. He’d failed so many people in the past—his mother, Nora, Hugh, Anna, Dorrie….
He would not, must not, fail this time.
But he didn’t go directly to the manse. He rode down a back trail, tied his horse out of sight of the house and slipped into the church. He could not face this alone.
His knees were difficult to bend, stiffened with regret and resolve, but he forced them to obey and knelt before the cross.
When he found sufficient strength, he rose and went next door.
Anna and Dorrie were in the kitchen. He paused at the door to take in each detail—the cupboard where he had helped Dorrie wash dishes, the stove where he didn’t even have to close his eyes to picture Anna busy cooking, the table where they had shared so many meals. At last he let his gaze touch the two he loved with his whole heart.
Dorrie’s color was almost back to normal after her illness. Her energy increased every day. He smiled at her greeting, Da-da. Let his gaze linger on her hair, her blue eyes so much like his.
Last—his heart kicking against his ribs—he let himself look at Anna, the woman he had loved for so long. He wanted to smile, prove to her there was nothing amiss, but at the demanding look in her eyes, he faltered. Had she guessed why he’d come? Already prepared to be angry about it?
“Anna.” He paused. How did he convince her without alarming her? “I have to leave.”
“You’re going with that man aren’t you?”
“Lew. Yes. We have some unfinished business.”
“Why not leave it unfinished? Is it so important? More important than me? Than Dorrie?”
“No. Never. Nothing is more important than you. But this is for your good.” He couldn’t tell her the particulars. She would protest. Might even try and stop him. And he must go. It was the only way to protect them and put an end to this.
“What do you have that Lew wants?”
He stilled his face to remain blank but her question caught him off guard. “Unfinished business.”
“Who is he? Why does it matter so much what he wants?” If he didn’t hear the cry behind her harsh words, he might have thought she was angry.
He took a step forward but she put up her hand to stall him.
“Can’t you at least tell me what’s going on?”
He wanted to. He wanted to share every detail of his life with her. But would she understand? Would the knowledge somehow increase her risk?
“Colby, I think I deserve to know.”
“Very well, but it’s not a pretty story.” He sat at the table, plopped his hat in front of him and considered where to start.
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br /> “You asked why I ran and I told you I was afraid I couldn’t be what you needed. That’s the truth. I told you I failed my ma. That’s the truth. But there’s more. Anna, I can never seem to protect the ones I love.” Except this time he intended to no matter the cost. A cruel, sharp blade tore through his insides but he gritted his teeth. He would not let her know how much it hurt to do this.
“Lew is one of the men I fell in with when I was away.” He told her how Lew and Harv, and others before them, had welcomed him. How he’d done the things they did, rowdy, drunken things. “I didn’t like what I was doing but I didn’t believe I could change. After all, I am a Bloxham.”
“Change is God’s business.”
He wondered if she truly believed it or simply repeated familiar words. Not that it mattered anymore. “I shot Lew.”
She gasped.
“Left him for dead.”
Her eyes grew wider. The pain in his heart grew more vicious.
“Self-defense, it was. But that’s when I decided I didn’t care what it took. I did not like who or what I was becoming.”
“That’s when you came back here?”
“I came back to you and Dorrie. I came to start over.”
She swallowed hard as if trying to get down something hard and bulky. “Then stay. Stay and start over.”
He would not blink. He would not groan. Instead he would rejoice that he heard the words he longed for. He would carry them in his heart until his death. “I can’t stay. Trust me when I say this is for the best.”
He rose, determination warring with a longing that ached through his entire bloodstream and touched every cell of his body. One more day. He’d give anything for one more day. But he dare not tempt Lew to violence.
He stroked Dorrie’s hair. Kissed both her cheeks and hugged her. He longed to scoop her out of the chair and hold her forever. But if he showed any unusual degree of emotion, Anna might grow suspicious.
Then he turned to Anna, drinking in every detail. He would hold this picture of her in his mind until the end. “I have to go.” He bent and gently kissed her. He planned to make it short and quick but it would be his one and only kiss and he could not force himself away. He gently pulled her close wanting to hold her forever in his arms.
