by Leigh Walker
“He’s very…manly, isn’t he? Even though he’s a vampire.” Blake cleared her throat. “I couldn’t look at him without turning red. I don’t know what that’s about. It’s never happened to me before.”
“Well, I do. It means you have a crush on the prince’s younger brother, when you’re supposed to have a crush on the prince.”
“Yeah, well.” Blake shrugged and grabbed a giant brownie. “You can’t fight biology, I guess. Sometimes the crush chooses you. You of all people should know that.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means you would probably never have chosen to love the prince, but here you are, in love with him.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think I should be, though.”
“What do you mean?”
“That’s what Austin and I were talking about. I don’t want to trouble you with the specifics.” I started tearing my napkin into tiny pieces.
“Will you stop talking like that?”
“Like what?”
Blake snorted. “Like talking about your feelings is a burden to me. I might still be a contestant, but I’m not your competition, Gwyn. I consider you my friend, you know. I was sort of hoping you felt the same way.”
“Of course you’re my friend, and of course I feel the same way.” I sighed. “Part of the reason I don’t want to share details with you is because I want to protect you. Can you understand that?”
“Not without more details.” Blake grinned.
“Oh, fine. Here’s a start. I have family connections to the rebels.”
“So does Shaye,” Blake said through a mouthful of brownie. “So did half the girls here.”
“I know. But the king objects to me because of it, and so…that’s that. And Austin objects to me because he thinks I make Dallas vulnerable.”
“How so?”
“Because I’m human, and that makes me weak. Austin doesn’t believe in humans and vampires mixing.”
“What?” Blake’s face fell. “I thought he liked me.”
“He definitely likes you—he told me so.”
Her blue eyes grew huge. “What did he say? Tell me everything!”
“He said you were refreshing, and…” I tried to remember his exact words. “Fetching. Yes, he said you were fetching.”
“But he thinks humans are below them, somehow?” Blake wrinkled her nose. “I’m pretty pissed my hormones decided to crush out on a bloke who’s a racist.”
“I don’t know if he’s a racist. He’s more of a separatist.”
“Same thing.” She eyed the dessert tray again longingly. “I wish I weren’t so stuffed. This is a bit depressing.”
“I think he hasn’t been around humans much before, so he doesn’t understand that we can really get along. I mean, look at Eve and me. She’s a vampire, and she’s one of my best friends. We will always be friends, and our races don’t matter. In fact, our differences are sort of fun. I like learning about vampires. I feel the same way about Dallas. It’s exciting being with someone from a different background.”
“But you would love him even if he were human. I know you would.”
“Of course I would.” I nodded. “I love him for who he is.”
“This is the first time you’ve admitted it to me, you know. That you love him.”
“You knew, anyway.”
“Yes, I did.” Blake smiled at me. “So why are you letting his separatist, prat little brother try to talk you out of it?”
“Because there’s truth to what he said. I do make Dallas vulnerable. The rebels can hurt me in ways they can’t hurt him—and then they can hurt him by hurting me. On top of that, I’ll grow old. I’ll die. In the end, Dallas won’t have that much time with me. It makes me wonder if all the trouble’s worth the risk.”
“Love is always a risk. It always makes you ‘weaker,’ if you want to look at it the way wanking Austin looks at it.”
“I thought you liked him.”
Blake grabbed one of the cupcakes. “I suppose I just liked his massive, heavily muscled chest. I can unlike that.” She had a large helping of cream cheese frosting. “Loving anyone makes you more vulnerable. Even our families.”
I winced, thinking of my brother. “You’re right.”
“I know I am. But that vulnerability doesn’t mean you should hide from love. Otherwise, what’s the point of getting out of bed in the morning?” She shook her head. “I’ve half a mind to lay into that Austin. He’s really on my bad side, and I barely know him.”
“Are you sure you’re not just looking for an excuse to talk to him?”
She punched me lightly on the shoulder. “Don’t be ridiculous, and don’t listen to him.”
But I have to. I opened my mouth then closed it, struggling to find the words to express how I felt.
“Cough it up, then.” Blake nodded.
“I told you that I love Dallas, but I didn’t tell you how much.” My eyes pricked with tears, and I groaned. “He means everything to me, Blake. I would do anything to protect him. There’s so many things against us—his father, the fact that I’m related to rebels, what his brother just said… It almost makes me feel as though I’m crazy not to stop and listen to all the warning bells going off. Literally everyone and everything is stacked against us. There was something Mira said, too, that the stars don’t favor us.”
“That sounds like vampire voodoo.” She wrinkled her nose. “I don’t believe that any of those reasons should keep you apart. If you love each other, you should be together. You should try.”
“I’m worried that I’m the wrong choice for him. And all I want is what’s right for him.”
“You should let him have some say in this, I should think.”
I sighed. “He won’t listen to me, not about this.”
“That’s because you aren’t being reasonable.”
“No, I don’t think that’s true. To be reasonable, I have to consider the facts. Everyone who loves him has expressed their displeasure with me. His father made him leave during our visit to Four, and his brother basically told me I’d ruin Dallas’s life if I accepted a proposal.” I sank lower into my seat as the weight of the truth crashed around me: his family was against this. They were against me. The people who loved him best and had known him longest believed I was the wrong choice for him.
Who was I to argue with that?
“I think you’re listening to the wrong people.” Blake frowned.
“I’m listening to myself, Blake. They’re telling me what I already thought, that my love puts Dallas at risk.” I couldn’t even begin to tell her the whole truth—about my brother in the dungeon, who’d tried to kill the prince, about how I’d let Benjamin Vale escape and he’d taken the lives of three guards.
Who had I been kidding? I’d let my love blind me, but what Austin said underlined the truth I already knew, deep in my belly. It’s not built to last, I’m afraid.
“I think we should probably get going to bed.” I smiled at Blake, trying to hide the fact that I was suddenly shaking. I needed to be alone.
She hugged me hard before she left. “Don’t talk yourself in circles. Get some rest.”
I didn’t cry until she left the room. And she didn’t need to know there were no more circles to talk myself into. What I’d said to Blake was the truth: my love made Dallas vulnerable. Everyone who loved him was against him choosing me.
The end was coming. I’d promised myself that I’d do what was best for him.
My decision had been made.
I was going to have to let him go.
Chapter 17
For Dear Life
“Why aren’t we seeing the other home-visit episodes?” Tamara’s voice veered between wheedling and annoyance. The episodes had been shown to the settlement audience all week, but we hadn’t been allowed to view them.
“We think it’s best for the contestants to spend the rest of their time at the castle sequestered so that the grand finale
comes as a real surprise. The final episode will be ah-mazing.” Tariq nodded to her. “No one saw the final cut of your home visit, my dear, not even you. The other girls won’t see theirs either. There are no unfair advantages.”
“But I want to know why Gwyn had to come home early. I want to see how Mira spun it. And I want to know if Shaye does in fact live in a mud hut.” She put her hands on her hips and pouted.
“And you will know. Once the contest is over, each contestant will get an authentic royal first edition of the entire series. You’ll own it forever and can look back on all the fun whenever you wish.”
Not at all placated by the offer, Tamara frowned. “That’s not going to help me right now. I want to know what the audience knows. I want to know who the front-runner is.”
“You know you crushed your home visit. Even Mira said so.” Tariq beamed at her. “We just want you to relax and enjoy the rest of the competition, your final date and the finale, when His Highness announces his choice.”
“I am looking forward to it.” Somewhat soothed, she smiled back. “At least I have my walk with the queen this morning. Too bad His Highness has to go home with that big blond oaf and can’t join us.”
“I beg your pardon. I can hear you, you know! Did you learn nothing from our Basic Human Decency lessons?” Blake arched an eyebrow. “The big blond oaf can kick your arse, I’ll remind you. So zip it, Your Haughtiness.”
“I’m looking forward to kicking you out of the palace when I’m chosen as princess.” Tamara smiled at Blake merrily. “I shall quite enjoy cleaning out all the riffraff.”
“I’m sure Gwyn will enjoy having you thrown out on the front lawn when she’s chosen.” Blake grinned right back. “And I’ll be in the front row, cheering.”
“Gwyneth’s not getting that proposal.” Tamara clenched her hands into fists. “I’ll run her out of the palace myself.”
“Honestly, Tamara, shut it.” My voice was hoarse from crying all night, but I’d told them I wasn’t feeling well. “If the prince gives you the ring, I’ll congratulate you, and then I’ll show myself out.”
Tamara turned her frown on me. “Will you go back to bed, already? No one wants your germs! You look chalky green, and chalky green is not my color. Plus, you’re no fun when you don’t fight back. You’re almost as boring as Shaye.”
“Keep talking like that about Shaye. She’ll bring you rat stew, she will.” Blake rubbed her hands together. “And I’ll hold you down with my big oaf arms while she pours it down your throat.”
“Honestly!” Tamara wrinkled her nose as if she smelled something putrid. “I don’t know how you two beasts got chosen as finalists. You’d think the prince would have better taste. My word, I almost feel like I need to take a shower after sitting at the same table as you.”
“Go on, then. Off you go. No one’s stopping you.” Blake took a bite of apple.
“Oh, fine. Enjoy your trip with His Highness. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t.”
“That’s a bloody short list,” Blake said through a mouthful of food.
“And please, keep up that sort of behavior. You look like a supermodel, but you eat like a Neanderthal. You’re doing us all a favor.” Tamara tossed her hair indignantly then pointed a finger at me. “And you—I mean it—go to bed. Come back when you have some color in your cheeks and can fight. We’ve got to keep the momentum going. The audience is counting on us to keep things lively if not”—she eyed Blake chomping on her apple—“civilized.”
She hustled off. “I’m going for my walk with Her Majesty now. At least she’s got some manners.”
“Just don’t piss her off like Eve did!” Blake called.
Tariq narrowed his eyes at her. “Please behave during your home visit. The entire episode is about you.” He looked apprehensive at the thought.
“I can handle myself.”
Tariq bowed. “Then please do so. The prince will return shortly, then it will be time to go.” He turned to me. “Do you need a doctor?”
I shook my head. “No. It’s just a cold.”
“Back to bed with you, then. I’ll dismiss you from lessons for the rest of the day. But your final date with the prince is tomorrow, as is Tamara’s. I need you in top form by then.”
“Yes, Your Royal Emissary.”
“Blake,” Tariq continued, “you and Shaye will have your dates after that. Then it’s the finale, ladies.”
I cleared my throat. “Will we all be going home, immediately after the winner’s announced?”
Blake looked at me sharply as Tariq nodded. “Yes, arrangements will be made to escort the departing contestants as soon as filming’s complete. It’s easier on everyone that way.”
I nodded. It would be better to be gone quickly.
“This whole competition’s worked out better than I ever dared hope.” He rubbed his hands together. “The atmosphere in the settlements is electric. It’s all anyone’s talking about. It’s going to be a celebration unlike any other, and then we have the royal wedding to plan, which will be the event of the century.” He prattled on, but I swiftly tuned him out. The last thing I wanted to hear about was the royal wedding.
Finally, Blake and I were dismissed—me to my room, her to pack for her home visit.
“What’s the matter with you?” she whispered.
I shrugged. “I’m not feeling well.”
“Because you’re actually sick or because you’re making yourself sick?”
“Does it matter?” I pulled her in for a hug. “Have fun on your visit, and have a lovely time with your family.”
“I will. I’ll come see you as soon as I get back, okay?”
“Yes.” I released her and swiftly headed to my chambers before I erupted into a fresh round of tears.
I’d just climbed under my blankets when I heard a knock on my door. Bloody hell. “Yes?” I croaked, hoping I sounded sicker than I felt so whoever it was would go away.
“May I come in?”
I sat up straight. “Eve?” She’d never come to my room before.
My friend came in and quickly closed the door behind her. She wore a dark tunic and trousers, her blond curls tracing her jawline. “Blake said you were hiding up here.” She paced the length of the floor, nervous energy radiating off her.
“Eve? What’s the matter?”
“We’ve got a problem, I’m afraid.”
My stomach dropped. “What’s wrong?”
Her blazing aqua eyes focused on me. “Wait, why’re you in bed?”
“I’m sick.” I blew my nose for effect.
“Why do you look like you’ve been up all night crying?”
“Because I’ve been up all night, crying. Now tell me what the problem is!”
She blew out a deep breath. “I did something, and someone found out about it. And it’s not good.”
“You’re going to have to be a bit more specific.”
She went to the window and stared out at the grounds. “I’ve been visiting your brother the past few days.”
“How is he?”
She shook her head. “He’s not doing well. And we have another problem, I’m afraid.”
A frozen calm, laced with dread, descended over me. “What is it?”
“The queen’s been sneaking about, following me.” Eve turned to face me. “She knows who Balkyn is. She was eavesdropping, and she heard us talking about you.”
I swallowed hard. “Has she told the king yet?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. But it’s only a matter of time.”
I pulled my knees up against my chest and wrapped my arms around them. “Dallas is on his way back here, but I don’t know that I can get word to him before he leaves for Fifteen. In fact, I probably shouldn’t. This is going to blow up, and I should keep him from the fire.”
Eve’s face crumpled. “I’m so sorry, Gwyn. I’d no idea Her Majesty was so curious about me.”
“It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have guessed tha
t she’d do something like that, and here you were, trying to help me. I hope you aren’t in any trouble.”
“I suppose we’re all in a bit of trouble,” Eve said. “But as I’m immortal and you’re not, I’m more worried about you.”
Hysterical laughter bubbled up from inside me. “As I suppose you should be.” I willed the giggles to subside, but I had to wait them out. While I tried to calm myself, something Austin had said came back to me: Enemies at every turn. He’d been right. I loved Dallas, but our love was a minefield. Every step had the potential for catastrophe.
And here we were, about to blow sky-high.
I had to deal with this. I had to protect Dallas—from Balkyn, from his parents’ wrath, from the lies we’d all told, from me.
“Thank you for letting me know.” I smiled at Eve, trying to coax the guilty look from her face. “And when you next speak with Her Majesty, please tell her it was all my idea, everything to do with Balkyn. I don’t want you, or the prince, for that matter, getting into trouble for trying to help my family.”
Eve shook her head vehemently, her curls bouncing. “You aren’t allowed to dismiss me, Gwyn. I’m not leaving you alone to deal with this.”
I took a deep breath. “If you want to help me, leave me alone for now. I’ve got to think this through. I don’t want to do anything before the prince is safely away from the palace again. I cannot put him at risk. Do you understand?”
“Yes. I’ll keep a low profile while I wait to hear from you. But you should know the castle has eyes. Don’t try to pull some trick, at least not without me. You won’t get far enough to make it worth your while.” She left without another word.
This was bloody it. My lies had caught up to me. It was time to face the music, or the vampires, as it were.
I had to let Dallas know that, no matter what, I’d had his best interests at heart. I could face anything as long as he knew I’d gone down fighting to protect him. That was the truth; that was my truth. I’d been the one to put him in harm’s way. I’d be the one to save him from the wrath of the king.
I had to get the words down quickly, and get them right. I quickly got out a pen and paper. After pacing, lost in my thoughts for a few minutes, I knew what I had to say.
