by Emily Minton
“But, you can’t. Some things can never be taken back.”
He leans his forehead against mine, wrapping his arms around me. “I know. Believe me, I know.”
I should push him away, but I can’t. It feels so good to be in his arms again. He walks us into the living room. Sitting down on the couch, he pulls me on top of him. “That shit your mom said I did, it brought up some stuff from my past. It fucked me up in the head.”
I crawl off his lap and sit on the opposite end of the couch, too angry to be that close to him. “What happened? What are you talking about?”
Something flashes through his eyes, and I’m pretty damn sure it’s guilt. “I have a sister. Her name is Tabby.”
“You’ve never mentioned her before.”
“I can’t talk about her. It hurts too fuckin’ bad,” he says, shaking his head. “I will, but I’m gonna need some time. I gotta get my shit straight first. As soon as I do, I’m gonna tell you everything.”
I’m still trying figure out what any of this has to do with his sister when he leans over and places a soft kiss on my bruised cheek. “That bitch is gonna pay for that too.”
I have to force myself to pull away, knowing if I don’t make him leave now, I never will. “You need to go. When the time comes for you to tell me what’s going on, I’ll listen. Until then, I need you to leave me alone.”
He stares at me for a long moment before nodding his head and standing up. “I’ll leave, but if you need me, all you got to do is call. I promise I’ll answer from now on.”
Right before stepping outside, he looks back at me. “It might take me awhile to get things fixed. While I’m working on it, just remember that I love you.”
PREACH
Walking away from her again is one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I know I gotta give her time, and I need some myself. I want to go back in there and give her the answers she needs, to tell her anything to have her back by my side, but it’s not the right time yet. I have to sober the fuck up for good first. Then I can face the rest of my demons.
I take one last look at the house before turning on my bike.
Twenty minutes later, I walk back into the clubhouse. I received a text on my way back calling church, so I walk straight to the Pres’ office. Most of my brothers are already there, so I slide into my chair beside Timber and wait for Kidd to start. It doesn’t take long.
“I’ve got something to tell you that some already know, but a few of you don’t.” He looks around the room, eyes narrowing on Holt and Wayne. “No one leaves this fuckin’ room until I’m done, and no fuckin’ weapons better be drawn.”
Oh, shit! I know what’s coming next.
“Daisy’s pregnant,” he states, matter-of-factly.
Wayne and Holt bolt up out of their seats, looking ready to run out to find her. Reese places a hand on both of their shoulders, tilting his chin to their seats. “Sit your asses down until the Pres tells you that you can leave.”
They do as they’re told, but neither man is happy. Wayne leans forward, eyes blazing at me. “You better not have touched my granddaughter.”
Kidd looks toward me. I slowly let out the breath I’ve been holding and say, “I did, and I plan to do a hell of a lot more of it in the future.”
This time, it takes both Reese and Rum to hold the men in their seats. Wayne shakes off Rum’s hold and narrows his eyes at me. “What the fuck, Preach? We told you what would happen if you got near her.”
I’m about to respond when Kidd interrupts me. “Yeah, I heard about that little conversation. We’re gonna have a talk about that later. Just for your information, I’m pissed as fuck that you went behind my back like you did.”
“The bastard hit her. Our girl deserves better than that!” Holt shouts.
I want to defend myself, but I can’t. “You’re right. She does deserve better than that. You’re also wrong, though. I didn’t hit her.”
“Don’t try to lie, motherfucker. Lula saw you!” Wayne shouts.
Timber leans forward, placing his hands flat against the table. “About an hour ago, I listened to Lula telling Daisy that she lied to you. I’m sorry, brother, but your daughter played you.”
I can see shock pass over Wayne’s face. It’s quickly replaced with anger. “Fuck!”
Holt shakes his head. “That doesn’t change a thing. He’s not good enough for Daisy.”
“No I’m not, but I’m still gonna claim her. I screwed up, but I promise that shit won’t happen again.”
Holt leans forward, placing his hands on the table. “No, you won’t, because you’re getting nowhere near my Daisy girl.”
I’m just about to come out of my seat when Kidd shouts. “Shut the fuck up!”
He looks around the room, making sure everyone knows who is in charge. “Preach fucked up, and he’ll pay for that, but that’s not why we’re here today. We need to talk about Lula.”
Wayne leans back, running a shaking hand through his long gray hair. “What the fuck did my daughter do this time?”
“Like Timber said, she played you.”
He nods. “I know, but that’s family business. It doesn’t have anything to do with the club.”
“The fuck it doesn’t!” Holt shouts. “The cunt didn’t just play you and me. She tried to play the whole club. Don’t you realize that if we would’ve brought this to Kidd, Preach could have lost his cut for something he didn’t even do?”
Wayne shakes his head. “Shit, shit, shit... She played brother against brother, broke the golden fuckin’ rule. We tried to raise her right, but somehow Mary and I fucked up with that girl. We tried, but I swear she was born with something evil inside her. ”
“Not your fault. Some people just are who they are, no matter how you raise them. On that note, Timber here just came from dropping Daisy off at Chipper’s place. Bitch beat the shit out of her,” Kidd says, letting them know just how far his daughter had sunk.
Wayne stands up and walks across the room, sending his fist against the wall. “I’ve protected her for years, but I’m done. She’s no longer under my protection. She’s not my daughter anymore.”
The room goes silent, taking in the meaning of Wayne’s words. As Maker’s old lady, Lula should be protected, but their relationship is shaky at best. It wouldn’t take much to get him to cut her loose.
“I vote we bury that bitch. I’m sure Maker wouldn’t mind either. Fuckin’ hates her,” Timber says, voicing my thoughts.
Kidd smiles. “Or we let Ice go a few rounds with her. Either way, I’m good.”
“Can’t kill an Old Lady, man. You know that, but we can have fun with her until Maker sobers up enough to cut her loose, and then we can end her,” Reese says.
Kidd loses his smile and nods. Looking at Reese, he says, “No, man. We can’t kill her, but we can cut her loose. As far as I’m concerned, no matter what Maker says, she’s an outcast.”
“No,” Holt says, walking back toward the table. “Wayne and I’ll tell her.”
“We’ll tell her, but that’s it. If I know my daughter, she won’t let it drop. She’ll be madder than fuck, and there’s no telling what she’ll do,” Wayne says, vibrating with anger. “If she fucks up again, do what you gotta do. Just do me a favor and leave Holt and me out of the loop. Mary may hate the way Lula turned out, but losing her daughter is gonna kill her. We don’t want no part in causing her that pain.”
Just before walking out, Wayne stops and turns to look at me. “You hurt Daisy again, and I’ll kill you.”
“He’ll pay for taking your girl without talking to you first. Even if he stays on the straight and narrow, you’ll still get a chance to cause him some pain,” Kidd says, nodding toward Wayne and Holt.
Timber laughs, slapping me on my back. “I haven’t whipped your ass in a long time. I’m going to enjoy this.”
Chapter Twenty-One
PREACH
I walk into the common room and see Wayne sitting at a table by himself. By the look on
his face, I can tell that he has had his talk with Lula, and that talk didn’t go well. Pulling out a chair, I take a seat right beside him. “We need to work this shit out, brother.”
He jerks his eyes toward me, and for the first time in all my years here, I see that Wayne is drunk. Sure, I’ve seen him have a beer or two, maybe a shot every now and again, but I’ve never seen him have too much. “You okay, man?”
“Would you be okay, if you just cut your child out of your life? Would you be alright with leaving your own flesh and blood behind, and having to pretend your life is the same without them?”
My child, the one that Daisy’s carrying right now; there’s no fucking way. I could never turn my back on my kid. “Fuck, man. I can’t imagine.”
“I know she’s a bitch. I’ve known it for years, but when I look at her, all I can see is the little girl that used to call me Daddy. That’s the girl I love with all my fuckin’ heart.” He shakes his head, frustration coming off him in waves. “What the fuck happened to that kid? How did she turn into such a fuckin’ bitch?”
Wayne and I haven’t seen eye to eye since I fucked up with Daisy the first time, but I still hate seeing him like this. “I don’t know. I really don’t think there was anything that you could have done to change how she turned out.”
He’s quiet for a second before switching topics. “What are you gonna do about Daisy and the baby? I’m not gonna let you keep stringing her along.”
“I’m done with that shit. She’s mine, and I’m gonna make sure everyone knows it.”
“Daisy deserves more than you can give her. She needs a man that doesn’t live for a bottle. She’s had enough of that with her dad.”
He’s right, so fuckin’ right. “I’m gonna sober up, brother. Starting right now, I’m gonna get my shit straight.”
“I’ve heard that shit before. If it’s just empty promises, you need to step your ass back,” he says as his eyes travel across the room and lock on Mary. “Empty promises can kill a good woman. She may still breathe, but inside her heart will be dead. I’m not gonna let that happen to Daisy.”
I can tell there is more to his story than he is willing to tell. “I’m gonna get sober, and that’s not an empty promise.”
His eyes move back to me. “I’ll make you a deal. If you get sober and stay that way, I won’t cause you any issues. You can brand her, and I’ll keep my damn mouth shut. But if I see your ass drunk again, I’ll fight the whole fuckin’ club if that’s what it takes to keep her away from you.”
****
I crawl into my bed after another bout of nausea. Cold chills race up and down my spine as pain assaults my body. Three days sober, and I'm still sick as fuck. Shit! I knew I had a problem, but I had no idea it was this fuckin' bad. Looking back, I can’t remember the last day I went without a drink. To be honest, I can’t remember the last night I went to sleep without passing out. That alone should be a clue to exactly how bad my shit was fucked up.
I'm just pulling the covers over my body when my door opens. "Feeling any better?"
I watch as Mary walks into my room, and I shake my head. "Not a fuckin' bit."
She makes her way to my bed and sits down by my feet. "I know it’s hard, but it’s the only way."
"I'm not sure if it's worth it. Right now, a shot or two sounds really damn good."
Her eyes narrow before she responds. "Are you saying my Daisy isn't worth it? Do you not think you put her through a hell of a lot more pain than you're going through right now? It may not have been physical pain, but let me tell you. Heartbreak is pure agony. You've given her more than her fair share of that."
She doesn't have to tell me shit. I've felt the same pain as Daisy has. The only difference is I did it to myself. "I didn't mean it like that."
“Wayne used to drink a lot, a hell of a lot. He spent more time drunk off his ass than he spent sober, that’s for sure.”
That shocks the shit out of me. “I didn’t know that.”
She shakes her head. “I didn’t figure you did. He cleaned his act up a long time ago. He’ll drink some, but he rarely gets drunk now.”
I wait for her to continue, but she stays quiet, so lost in her own thoughts that I can watch the emotions play across her face, and those emotions are anything but good. “What made him change?”
“He lost something very important to him. He had to get sober to get it back. But even then, it was never the same.”
I have a feeling I know where this conversation is going, and I’m not sure I’m gonna like it.
Her body is stiff as she stands up and walks to the window. “I’ll tell you our story. I really think it could help put things into perspective for you, but you got to promise not to tell anyone. Daisy loves her Gramps, and I don’t want her to know how much of a bastard he used to be.”
“You got my word.”
“Wayne and I met in high school. You know the story; boy meets girl, they fall in love and expect to live happily ever after, but then life gets in the way.” She turns to stare out the window. Her body is so taut that she looks like she could snap in two. “We were supposed to get married, but a few months before the wedding, he joined the Renegades. After that, our wedding plans got pushed back.”
Damn, that’s a surprise. For some reason, I just figured that Mary came on as a club girl and met Wayne and Holt here.
“Before I knew it, Wayne was running with the brothers all the time. I barely saw him at all. Don’t get me wrong. He came home to me most nights, but he was usually so drunk, all he did was pass out.” She leans her head forward, placing her forehead on the cool glass of the window. “Then one night, I heard the front door open. It was late, and everything was dark. I was so used to Wayne coming in that I didn’t even get up to check. The next thing I know, a man was in our bedroom, and it wasn’t Wayne. You can guess what happened from there.”
My stomach starts to roll at the thought. Mary can be hard as hell, but she’s gentle to the core. The thought of someone hurting her, especially in that way, makes my stomach tie in knots. “I’m so sorry.”
She ignores my sentiment and continues with her story.
“I woke up in the hospital the next day, and Wayne’s best friend was sitting by my bed. No one could find Wayne, so Holt stayed with me. A few days later, Wayne showed up, but it was too late. By that time, I was starting to fall in love with Holt. He was there when I needed him, and Wayne wasn’t.”
I can’t imagine coming home to my woman, knowing she was hurt, and knowing I could have protected her if I had been there. Coming home to discover she had fallen for my brother, fuck; that is something I don’t even want to consider.
“Instead of doing what he should have done, taking care of me, he ended up spending even more time drinking. I would go days, sometimes weeks, without seeing him. During that time, I saw Holt more and more. The love that started to blossom while I was in the hospital bloomed into something that neither one of us could control.” She turns to look at me, her eyes filled with tears. “Telling Wayne we were over was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but telling him that I was leaving him for his best friend was even worse. He was so angry, furious. That young boy I fell in love with had disappeared and was replaced by some bastard I didn’t even recognize.”
Shit! Her words hit close to home, so similar to the way Daisy probably thinks of me.
Walking back to the bed, she takes her place by my feet again. “After that, he did some awful things, truly terrible things, to me. Those I won’t share with you, but I will tell you that it took him years to make up for what he did. Sometimes, I feel like he’s still trying to make up for them. It took him a long time to figure out that the only way he could fix things was to put down the drink. When he did, I fell in love with him all over again. People may think things are strange with us and Holt, but it works for us. Things would have been a lot different if Wayne wouldn’t have sunk so low. As much as I love Holt, I would’ve been beyond happy to ma
rry Wayne and play the little wife for the rest of my life.”
I don’t even know what to say. How can you even respond to that shit? “That’s fucked up, completely fucked up.”
“Yes, it is, and that’s where you’re headed if you don’t get your shit together. I’m not saying you’ll have to share Daisy, because my granddaughter would never go for that, but you are gonna lose her.”
Her words cause a wave of nausea to roll through my body. I jump from the bed and rush to the bathroom. On the way, I vow to myself to fight this shit. I won’t lose Daisy, especially not because I’m too much of a pussy to get sober.
Chapter Twenty-Two
DAISY
Ice, Skittles, and I are out at Chaos Club in Kansas City. We’re having a girl’s night out. A liquor free girl’s night out for me. It’s supposed to be one of the hottest clubs in the whole damn state, but I just think being here is a waste of some good sleeping hours. When Ice approached me with the idea, I told her that it sounded like the stupidest plan I’d ever heard. That didn’t deter her though. She just laughed and threw a skimpy little black dress at me, then told me to get dressed.
I’m ashamed to admit it, but I spent the first half of the night pouting like a big baby. Ice and Skittles keep telling me that we don’t need booze to have a good time. Just being in good company is enough. They’re right, we don’t. I am enjoying their company, but I’m not having any fun. In fact, I don’t think doing anything that remotely involves a jam-packed club is fun. Fun for me would be lying in bed all day, trying to get in as much sleep as possible, while I have the chance.
Not to mention the fact that every single woman I cross paths with immediately notices my small bump and enjoys telling me all about how they miss having the pregnancy glow, and how amazing their whole nine months were. Every time anyone approaches me, I just want to scream. I want to tell every single one of them that my boobs are sore as hell, I’m so tired I could probably sleep standing up, and I’m sick as a damn dog nearly every morning. Instead, I just smile.
