by Sienna Parks
MADDOX
“I don’t love you anymore.”
“What about Sally Rae?”
“She’s better off without me. I wasn’t ready to be a mother. I told you that. I should never have listened to you… if I don’t leave now, I never will. I don’t want this life, Mad. I want… more.”
Soft breathing echoes through the baby monitor, our fourteen-month-old daughter sleeping soundly. “Your baby girl needs you, Sam. I need you. I can’t do this by myself!”
The walls close in as she paces the floor, a caged animal in her own home. “Please sit down, sweetheart. Talk to me.”
As I reach for her hand, it only agitates her more. “NO! Don’t touch me!” Her voice reverberates through the kitchen and out into the hallway, disturbing my little angel’s slumber. Sam flinches at the sound, fixed to the spot, staring me down in defiance.
“Dang it! I just got her down an hour ago.”
“I gotta go help set up for the fair. I’ll be back in a couple of hours.” Her words are clipped - dripping with disdain.
The door slams, and my chest expands with every step toward Rae. As my eyes adjust to the dark of the nursery, I’m wrapped in the warm blanket of Rae’s scent. My heart swells whenever she’s near, her sweet, gentle nature capturing my undivided attention. As I lift her out of her crib, my fight with Sam is all but forgotten. “Hey, princess. How’s my favorite girl? Tell Daddy what’s wrong.”
“Dadda. Dadda.”
“Who’s my little Rae of sunshine?”
Her chubby little hands find my face. “Want my mommy.”
I wipe her tear soaked eyes. “I know, baby. Mommy’s at work. Just you and me tonight.” Grabbing her blankie, I settle into the rocking chair in the corner of the room—the steady rhythm distracting her—distracting me. As her small, shallow breaths even out, her head resting against my chest, I marvel at how much this little bundle has changed my life in the past year.
The moment Sam told me she was pregnant, I asked her to marry me. Initially, she fought me on the idea, we’d only been dating for three months, but my granddaddy raised me right. You don’t shirk your responsibilities. I’d always wanted to settle down and start a family, I just didn’t expect it so soon, and if I’m honest, I knew Samantha and I weren’t “soulmates,” if there is such a thing. Getting married was the right thing to do, and I want Rae to have a real family, like I never did. My dad worked day and night to expand the family ranch, but it came at a price, my mom left when I was young, and with him so focused on business, I was raised by my grandparents. As much as I love them, I always felt… like a burden. I don’t want that for Rae. I need her to know she’s loved and wanted more than anything.
After we got married, I bought a house here in Kingsbury Falls. I went back on the road, but things soon turned sour between Sam and me. She resented me every time I left, and by the time Rae was born, I knew I had to make a change if we were going to have a real shot at being a proper family. I gave up bronc riding, much to my dad’s delight, and started working the ranch. He was always disappointed I never wanted to follow in his footsteps, and as his only son, the ranch was always going to be mine. I just figured I could have it all, but life has a funny way of knocking you down a peg or two.
The rodeo circuit was shocked by my exit, and I’ve had my fair share of column inches in the newspapers—dumb rumors about why I quit. I’ve been accused of cheating, having a drug problem, some people even believe I was disqualified from competing. No one wants to believe I did it because Sam and Rae are more important to me than fame and fortune. Sadly, I think Sam misses it all more than I do.
I’m trying my best to love enough for the both of us, but lately, I feel like I’m swimming against the tide. Nothing I do is right. I take Rae up to the ranch with me most days because she just loves being outdoors, watching the horses all day long—perfectly content. I love having her with me, and it gives Sam some breathing space. Small town living can be hard when you’re not used to it, and in a town of seven hundred thirty-six people, everyone knows your business.
Tomorrow is the first day of spring, and I’m taking some of the horses down to the town square for pony rides. Everyone pitches in for the annual spring fair, and as much as I wanted to leave here when I was young, I appreciate the sense of community. It’s good for Rae to be surrounded by people who love her, and Sam and I have needed all the help we could get this past year. Becoming a parent in my twenties wasn’t part of my life plan—I can barely look after myself. But, things are looking up. I have a surprise planned for her tomorrow, so hopefully we can put tonight’s fight behind us and focus on moving forward.
I lose track of time in the quiet serenity, humming Rae’s favorite song as she snuggles closer… rocking back and forth… lulling us both into a contented sleep.
Present Day
MADDOX
The air is crisp in the moments before dawn, pink rays of sunshine kissing the horizon. I draw in a slow, deep breath, my brain racing a mile a minute, flooded with the rush of oxygen. Synapses firing on a whole other level.
I’m not looking forward to today, everyone staring at me—their hushed hollow whispers reverberating around the town square. I don’t need or want their pity, and neither does Sally Rae. Two years ago, Sam walked out on us, and I haven’t seen or heard from her since. I could almost understand if it was just me, but to leave her daughter behind without so much as a ‘Dear John’ letter—that’s coldhearted. I should know. It’s exactly what my mom did to me.
“You gonna stand there all day gazing at the daisies, or are you gonna help me get these dang horses to the fair?” My dad’s voice cuts through my pity party like a knife.
“Yes, sir. Wouldn’t want a moment to stop and admire the scenery around here… that would be a waste now, wouldn’t it?”
“Horseshit! You’re moping. Same as you did last year. Now, buck up and let’s get today over with.”
“‘oresit! ‘oresit! ‘oresit!” Rae dances in the daises, the first burst of sunlight glimmering in her hair as she twirls.
“Good one, Dad. Thanks for teaching my three-year-old to cuss!”
He’s always been a hard-ass as a father, but as a grandfather… Rae has him wrapped around her little finger. He sweeps her up into his arms, spinning her around. “Bad Granddaddy. Don’t you be saying that word now, you hear?”
“Bad Gandaddy!” Her nose scrunches up and her tiny brows furrow as she looks between us, before a wry smile hints at the corner of her lips. With a kiss on the cheek, she wriggles out of his grasp and runs to me, her goofy little run warming my heart.
“You ready to ride the horsey with Daddy?”
“Yes! Yes! Yes!”
“Then let’s go.” I grab the reins as Rae crawls onto my back like a spider monkey—giddy with excitement. She loves riding with me. “Now hold on and I’ll lift you round front. You gotta be in the driving seat, baby girl.” Nothing makes me happier than having her nestled in tight, her hands clutching the reins. She truly believes I’m the passenger—and it’s so stinking adorable.
“Gid-up, horsey.” Even the horses are enthralled by Rae, always responsive to her commands.
The short ride into town is my oasis of calm before the storm that is Kingsbury Falls. I steel myself for the day ahead, reminding myself the only thing that matters to me is snuggled against my chest, her squeals of joy echoing in the morning breeze.
The town doesn’t disappoint. My day is spent fielding questions about my social life. Am I dating? Do I need a babysitter? Am I feeding Sally Rae healthy food? Would I like to go out with the girl from the grocery store’s cousin from the next town over? Eyes follow me wherever I go, but all I care about is Rae. She’s having the greatest day with Pops, visiting every booth, playing the games and winning prizes—even when she didn’t really win anything. But, as much as I appreciate everybody’s kindness toward her, I don’t want her to grow up thinking she can get by on being pretty and people’s s
ympathy. She needs to earn what she wants, because one day, no one’s going to care that her momma left when she was a baby, or that her daddy is a retired bronc rider.
I learned that lesson fast. Even my dad didn’t cut me slack just because momma left us. I would cry myself to sleep at night, wondering what I did to make her leave me behind. I still remember him shouting down the hall, “Toughen up, boy. Ain’t nobody you can rely on but yourself.” I can’t imagine being that harsh with Rae, and he is constantly making excuses for her when she’s misbehaving. He undermines me at every turn, but he loves her something fierce, and I’m happy he’s a good granddaddy. I have that relationship in my life, and it means the world to me. I never would have succeeded or followed my dreams if Pops hadn’t encouraged me all the way. He still does. He’s the stability in my life, and now I have Rae.
My nanna died shortly after my fifth birthday. I don’t have any real memories of her—more like a vision of her, standing on the front porch at the ranch, hollering at Pops to come in for supper. the remnants of happy times. Her and Pops were stupid in love. After he lost her, he channeled all his energy into raising me, and helping build the ranch.
All the old biddies in town remember nanna with a wistful fondness, recounting stories to Rae, any chance they get. It always lifts my mood, hearing them tell my baby what a fierce line of Hale women she comes from—positive role models to aspire to, but my heart aches for her—for the days she asks why she doesn’t have a mommy like the other girls. How do I answer without changing her world?
She comes running toward me, her face caked in chocolate ice cream. Her smile as wide as can be. “Daddy, I won a fishy! Can I keep it? Can I?”
I could never refuse her cute little face. “Of course. It’ll need a name, though. What do you think? We could call it ‘Turtle,’ or ‘Frog.’ What do you think?”
“I already called it Samantha.” My fists tighten—a reflex reaction at this point.
Through gritted teeth I reply. “Sure. Whatever you want, baby girl. It’s getting late now. You better go home and put your fish to bed.”
“You’re so silly. Fisheses don’t sleep.”
“Sure they do. She can sleep in the barn. Some nice comfy hay.”
“Fisheses need water, Daddy.”
“Really? I think you might be a genius, Rae.”
“Yes!” She snuggles in close, planting a big wet kiss on my cheek, clutching her goldfish bag as tight as she can.
“Now run along with Pops. Your granddaddy and I will be home soon.”
As she jumps out of my arms, Pops slaps me on the shoulder. “She’s lucky to have you.”
I watch as her little legs skip through the square, her pigtails bouncing—glistening in the final moments of sunlight. She waves goodbye to passersby, eliciting a smile from every last one.
The horses are weary, reflecting my desire to leave the crowds behind for the sanctuary of the ranch. I guarantee they would rather put in a full day of hard labor, than give pony rides to ungrateful, overtired kids, hyped up on candy. I think every kid in town had at least two rides. I’m exhausted—it’s different than manual labor. I can do that seven days a week, dawn ‘til dusk. What I don’t like is the mental fatigue that comes with this particular day. It reminds me of all my shortcomings, as a son, a father, and a man.
A familiar voice filters through the rabble. “Hello, Maddox. How are you?”
“Mrs. Clark, I’m doing well. Thanks for asking. Have you enjoyed the fair?” Her gentle smile is warm and inviting.
“It was glorious. A rousing success as always. Why, I remember you and Annabeth running around here when you were no bigger than Rae. Always finding mischief. You two were inseparable.”
“How is Annabeth?” I steel myself for her reply.
“You can ask her yourself. She’s flying in for a visit next week.” My mouth won’t say the words my brain is struggling to piece together. She stares at me, a solemn understanding as she quickly changes the subject. “I saw Sally Rae earlier. She is a delightful little thing.”
“Thank you, ma’am.” I busy myself with the horses.
“Well, I better get going. You know me… don’t like to be out after dark.”
“You have a good night, Mrs. Clark.” I tip my hat as I attempt to calm my racing heart.
What feels like only moments later, my dad is saddled up and ready to head out. “You coming, boy? We’ve got an early start tomorrow. Gotta get these horses cleaned up before we get to work in the north field.”
I slip my boot into the stirrup, swinging my leg up and over the saddle. Without a word, I pull the reins and head for home. Focusing on the sweet sound of hooves clip-clopping as we trot out of town, I find little comfort in the quiet of the moonlight. Her name on a loop, galloping through my mind—Annabeth Clark—fuck.
If there was ever a bad day to hear that name, it’s today. Samantha hurt me when she left—broke my heart, for Rae. But Annabeth—she ripped it out and threw it to the wolves long ago. She was everything to me. We were best friends in elementary and went on to be high school sweethearts. We shared all our firsts. We learned to ride horses on the ranch together. Had our first kiss at the sixth-grade Valentine’s dance. We were each other’s first… everything. I loved her with my heart and soul. I thought I was going to marry her—that we would ride out of this Podunk town together and never look back.
She was wicked smart. Wanted to be a doctor. After senior year, she got offered a full scholarship to Yale. No one in Kingsbury Falls had ever gone to an Ivy League college. It was too good an opportunity to pass up. I was planning on starting the circuit not long after that, so I figured we would make it work. She could come visit me when I was close by, and I would go and be with her in my time off. But, Annabeth had other ideas. She didn’t want to be tied down.
The last time I saw her was five years ago… I think. I was at the rodeo in Houston, and for a fleeting moment, I was convinced I saw her sitting in the crowd—cheering me on. I went looking for her when I finished, but I never did find her. To this day, I’m not even one hundred percent certain it was her. I hope it was, and I hate I feel that way.
Since I moved back to town, I’ve been lucky enough to avoid seeing Annabeth. Apparently, she hasn’t been back in years, and that suits me just fine. I barely survived her leaving me once—I wouldn’t make the same mistake again. I guess next week I’ll just have to busy myself for a few days until the coast is clear. When it comes to women, I’ve learned my lesson—Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
As I stare up into the clear night sky, I can’t help but wonder why I drive the women in my life away. First my momma, then Nanna, Annabeth, and finally Samantha. I’m determined not to repeat the pattern with Rae. She is my world… and I will do whatever it takes to ensure her happiness. I won’t let anything, or anyone, jeopardize that… ever.
Over breakfast, our usually quiet preparation for the long day ahead is blighted by Pops’ incessant chatter about the fair. He loves hearing all the goings on in town, and can’t help himself—desperate to relay every last detail of rumor and scandal. Dad huffs and puffs, making his frustration known. Rae listens to every word as if she’s studying for a test—nodding her head when she thinks she should and laughing at his animated expressions.
“I had a long conversation with Mrs. Clark yesterday…” He leaves his statement hanging in the air, like a swarm of bees—I’m just waiting for the sting. “I hear young Annabeth is coming to visit.”
“The boy don’t care, old man. That girl broke his heart, just like his momma.” He continues without a thought for little ears. “Even worse than her momma.”
The puzzled look on Rae’s face tugs at my heart. “That’s enough, Dad. I’m fine. More than fine. I have my Rae of sunshine. She gives me all my heart needs, don’t you, sweet pea?” I quickly divert her attention, swooping her out of her seat for a daddy horse ride around the kitchen. Her laughter is like a drug—coursing
through my veins, soothing the ache that plagues me like a shadow.
I hate seeing the same sympathy in Pops’ eyes I see every time I go into town. When am I going to stop being the guy people pity? When I was bronc riding, I felt like a god—invincible and untouchable. I was hounded for autographs at every event, women slipping their number in my pocket night after night. I gave it up to be a proper father to Rae, and I would make the same decision a thousand times over. I don’t regret it for a second. I do regret I was never really in love with her momma, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss the circuit. I lie awake at night, remembering the feel of a wild mustang beneath me. The power and determination it took to harness an animal’s primal instincts, if only for a brief moment—to me it felt like an eternity.
I loved everything about it. I still do. But I love my daughter more.
ANNABETH
The gravel driveway crunches beneath my wheels, a sound that’s become unfamiliar to me in recent years. The last time I came to visit my parents was almost five years ago now. I’ve felt so guilty about it, but I just couldn’t risk seeing Maddox Hale. I’d tortured myself enough, and the situation I find myself in now—I had no choice but to come back to Kingsbury Falls.
I kicked the dirt off my boots when I left here at the age of eighteen, bound for Yale. I knew, from a young age, I wanted to be a surgeon. Growing up I didn’t think much about the logistics of it, but as the years went by, and my passion to learn increased—it became apparent I had to make a choice. If I’d stayed here, I would have given up my dreams to be with the man of my dreams. I know I could have been happy, but something inside me was crying out to spread my wings and experience the world on my terms—explore my potential.
Maddox Hale was my first love, and my best friend. Leaving him was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. He shared my dream of getting out of Kingsbury Falls, but he’d always wanted to be a bronc rider, and I knew he would make it big. That meant being free to travel. If we’d stayed together, I know he would have put me first, and he would have ended up coming with me and supporting my goals. I loved him enough to let him pursue his heart’s desire.
