by Sienna Parks
I push and kick at him. “Stop! Stop it! No!” He grabs hold of me pulling me tight to his chest.
“It’s me. It’s Jax. I didn’t mean to startle you.” His heartbeat races thumping against his chest as I breathe in his scent. Thrashing in his arms, I fight the urge to melt into him and forget what I found out today.
“Let me go, Jax. Get off me.” I clamber out of bed and over to my robe. He can’t see me naked.
“What’s wrong, darlin’?” He approaches me with care, his brow furrowed with trepidation.
“Don’t come any closer.”
“What the hell is going on?” My heart breaks for the confusion and concern that cloud his bright blue eyes. “You’re scaring me, Savannah. Talk to me.”
“I need you to go. Please… if you feel anything for me, you’ll go. I can’t explain it right now, but I will.”
“I’m not leaving you in this state. You’re trembling, and it’s a hundred degrees outside. Maybe I should call A.B.”
“I don’t need a doctor! I need some space.” He edges closer. “Don’t touch me, Jax. I can’t handle it right now.” His arms wrap around me in one swift motion holding the pieces of me together.
“Whatever it is, we can face it together. I love you, Savannah. I won’t let you go.” His words are my undoing. The floodgates I’ve been barricading burst inside me unleashing a torrent of grief. I don’t recognize my anguished cries as Jax holds me tighter.
“Please, I’m begging you.” The scent of fresh laundry and cologne coddles me in a warm embrace as his lips silence me with a kiss.
“Don’t push me away.” It’s painful to turn my face from his comforting caress.
“I can’t do this. Go! I don’t want you here. Get out! Get out! Get out!” My palms slam into his chest over and over again as I scream at him to leave me. Confusion turns to anger and resignation. Without another word, he grabs his keys and heads for the door. Gravity feels too heavy to bare like I’m being crushed to the ground until I can’t breathe.
“You’re the one, Savannah.” I gaze up into his wounded eyes and breakdown at the sight of a single tear as it escapes his lashes trickling down his cheek. And just like that… he’s gone. The happily ever after I dared to dream for Jax and me is over. I’m not sure how long I stare at the doorway wishing he would reappear. I cry until my eyes hurt and my eyelids are almost swollen shut. At some point, day turns to night, and I find my way over to the bed and pull myself up and into the fetal position. The pillow smells like his cologne, and I fall into a fitful sleep with it clutched close to my heart.
It’s been three days since my world was turned upside down. Today is the first day I’ve showered and dressed. My mind is clear enough to know what I have to do, and with that in mind, I’m on my way to Mustang.
Jax is out front with Rae when I pull through the gates. My heart shudders at the sight of him—running around in circles with Rae chasing him until he swoops her up into the air much to her delight. His laughter fades when I step out of my car.
“Run along, Rae. Go tell Pops we need some lemonade. Uncle Jax has to talk to Miss Adams for a minute.” Her chubby little hand waves in my direction as she skips up the steps of their back porch. I wave in reply before turning my attention back to Jax, his gaze burning into my soul. He strolls toward me with the same confident swagger I know and love, but when he stops six feet from where I’m standing, his demeanor shifts. His hands are shoved firmly in his pockets, his muscular arms taut as he steels himself for what’s to come.
“Hey, Savannah.”
“I’m so sorry about the other night, Jax. About us. All of it.”
“Did I do something wrong?” The seasoned player is gone, and a shy boy stands in front of me.
“No. You’re perfect. I… I have some family stuff I need to take care of.”
“Let me help you.”
“You can’t!” My words come out clipped and unkind. He kicks at the dirt unable to look at me.
“All I’ve ever wanted to do is love you, but you seem to be fighting me at every turn. I’m lost here, darlin’.”
“I want to love you, too…”
“But you don’t?” Every moment we’ve spent together floods my heart with unspeakable joy and agony.
“I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone.”
“Then stop pushing me away.”
“I came to say goodbye. I have something I need to do, and if I can, I’m going to come back to you.”
“You’re scaring me, Savannah. What happened? Where are you going? When are you coming back?”
“I can’t answer any of those questions right now, and I know it’s more than I deserve to ask you to trust me, but I’m standing here begging for you to do it anyway.” He closes the distance between us reaching his hand out to stroke my cheek searching my eyes for the words I can’t say out loud.
“You don’t have to beg me, darlin’. I trust you with my life… and my heart. If you need to do something, then go… do it now… and come back to me as fast as you can. I’ll be here waiting for you ready to start forever.” With a chaste kiss, he turns on his heels and heads to the house.
“Jax!” My legs move of their own accord propelling me into his arms. I hold him tight memorizing the fresh scent of his shirt. “I love you. Remember how much I love you.” I grab his ball cap—it’s his favorite, and I love the way his sex-mussed hair peeks out around the edges. “Can I keep this?” He rakes his hand through the mess of blond, his lip curling slightly at the corner.
“Everything I have is yours, Savannah. All you have to do is ask.” I run to my car and away from my desire to stay. Despair mars his rugged features as I steal one last glance in my rearview mirror.
The more miles I put between me and Kingsbury Falls, and between Jax and me, my sorrow turns to fury. My parents lied to me my whole life. I thought I’d found out the deepest, darkest secrets of my family when I realized my mom had a son she never told me about. Finding out my dad has always been a sack of shit and a selfish cheater is no surprise to me—but I never thought he would shirk his responsibilities to his child.
First stop will be a testing lab. There should be some trace of Jax’s DNA in his cap. I need to know if we’re brother and sister, and I don’t trust my father to tell me the truth. I need someone to prove me wrong and tell me the love of my life isn’t the one man on this earth that I cannot have. The alternative is too horrifying to contemplate.
JAX
The walls of Kingsbury Falls are closing in on me with every day that passes. It’s been weeks since Savannah mysteriously left begging me to wait for her. We’ve stayed in contact via text and the occasional phone conversation, but every time I hear her voice, I become more concerned she might never come back. The playful, sassy girl I fell in love with is becoming harder to find.
At first, I would message her every day, but her responses ran hot and cold, and sometimes there was no response at all. Then, out of the blue, she would call and repeat her parting words to me over and over again—wait for me, I’m going to come back to you. It breaks my heart to hear her so dejected and confused. I’m no closer to knowing why she left or what the problem is. The more I think about it, realization dawns on me—I don’t know anything about the woman I fell for, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m in love with her.
Our conversations play on a loop in my mind—it’s right there in front of me, but I can’t quite put my finger on it, and I feel like an idiot. I should have seen this coming. Every step of the way has been a battle with us. The first time I set eyes on Savannah, she was shrouded in mystery. That night at Cardinals, she ran in the opposite direction. Our first date was a lesson in blue balls, and every step forward has been closely followed by two steps back. Lying about her virginity was a huge red flag waving in my face, but in the end, a few words of apology from her, and I swept it under the rug with the rest of my concerns.
Now that I have the space to analyze our relatio
nship, it’s clear to me she’s been trying to prepare me all along—she knew she was going to leave. With every day that passes, I lose hope that she’ll come back to Kingsbury Falls or me.
“We need to get you out of this funk, man. It’s pitiful to watch.” Mad has a short memory.
“Are you serious? I stood by you through all your shit with A.B. I listened to you bitch and moan and kept quiet when you handed her your balls on a silver platter, but you can’t give me a fucking ounce of understanding?”
“You’re the one who can’t be serious. A.B and I were a whole different scenario.”
“I’m happy you guys found each other again, but I’m getting tired of your condescending bullshit.”
“What the fuck?”
“Just because you and A.B. met at birth and couldn’t properly get your act together until last year, doesn’t make your feelings for each other better than anyone else’s.”
“I liked Savannah, and I was happy to have her involved with the ranch, but come on! Actions speak louder than words. Do you even know how old she is?”
“No, and I don’t care. I know everything I need to know. I love her, and even if you think she’s all wrong for me, and her splitting town was inevitable, can you at least stop for a second and just be a supportive friend? Fucking hell, Mad.” His head drops in understanding.
“Sorry, bro. I hope she comes back, I honestly do. I didn’t mean to be a heartless bastard. I’ve never had to play this role for you before. I’m a little out of my element.”
“No shit! How do you think I feel? The first girl I let into my life, and she leaves.”
“Are you two still talking?”
“Occasionally. She runs hot and cold from one day to the next.” I busy myself on my laptop, making a final to-do list for the unveiling of Mustang Therapy Center next week. Now that Savannah won’t be here to help, I’m snowed under with all the last-minute preparations. It’s bittersweet to be at this stage of the project after the amount of effort she put in to get it up and running.
“Come on. This shit can wait. I’m taking A.B. and Rae to the carnival. You need a night of overpriced rides and underpriced beer.”
“Sounds good.”
“Fix your face. If you shit on my girls’ happy day, I’ll kick your ass.” I leave him to get Rae organized and pick up A.B. at her office. I can’t decide if hanging with them is the best or worst thing for me. They’re so goddamn blissed out… the perfect little family… but they’re my family.
The warm water cascades over my face as I wash the dirt and my bad mood down the drain. Mad will be here in twenty minutes to drag my ass out and force me to have fun. Staring at myself in the mirror, my overgrown stubble only highlights how I’ve let myself go in recent weeks. This isn’t who I am—I’m not that guy.
“Uncle Jax, I want the pink unicorn! Can you win me the big one?” Rae is jumping like a kangaroo on speed.
“Let’s do this!” I’m still a kid when it comes to carnival games. Knock over ten milk bottles with three tennis balls—challenge accepted. Little league has always served me well when it comes to stuffed animals. My first attempt, and the annoyed teenager working the stall hands me an oversized unicorn—much to Rae’s delight. “What’s next, little lady?”
My small companion for the evening drags me to every ride as I’m forced to watch Mad and A.B. stroll hand in hand through the twinkling lights feeding each other cotton candy. It’s sickening.
“If you wanted me to babysit, you should’ve just asked. Being your third wheel isn’t exactly taking my mind off Savannah.”
“Sorry!” A.B. gives me that look—the one I hate. She threads her arm through mine resting her head against my shoulder. “You’re my date for the rest of the night.”
“I’m that pathetic? You’re like my sister, you’re married, and you’re giving me a pity hug right now!”
“I don’t know what to do. If you broke your leg or needed a triple bypass, I could help. I’d know exactly how to fix you.”
“I don’t need to be fixed. There’s nothing wrong with me. I just want my girlfriend to come home.” Maddox decides to put his two cents in.
“That’s just it, man, this isn’t her home. Do you know where she lives?”
“This again? So, I don’t know everything about her. Why does that freak you out so much? Remind you of your own mistakes?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You got your happy ending, Mad. Why are you so special? Don’t I deserve the same?”
“Of course.”
“Then stop pointing out all this shit and let me focus on the good stuff until there’s no hope left. Is that too much to ask?” Even Rae is looking at me with sadness in her eyes.
“No, but can I ask you one more question?”
“What? I don’t know her shoe size or her grandparents’ names.”
“Why haven’t you gone after her? I made that mistake… twice. At least learn from my jackassery!” As his words sink in, I realize he’s right. I’ve been feeling sorry for myself and reaching out to her from afar. Why haven’t I gotten on a plane? It’s the obvious answer.
“He is a jackass. But, so was I.” A.B. takes his hand with compassion in her eyes. “I was scared. I thought I couldn’t come back. I didn’t trust that Mad would understand why I did what I did. I know Sav loves you. It’s as plain as the nose on your face.”
“Then why did she leave?”
“I don’t know, but I can guarantee she has her reasons. Trust how you feel about each other. It’s all that matters. Go after her… bring her back. I promise you, I would do things so differently if I had a do-over. Go! You love her.” I’ve been such an idiot. I grab her face and plant a great big kiss on her lips before lifting Rae into my arms and squeezing her tight.
“Thank you for making me smile tonight, sunshine. I love you, but I gotta go.”
“Love you, Uncle Jax.” Maddox holds his hands out to take her.
“Get out of here.”
“Thanks, man.”
“But if you ever kiss my wife again, I’ll kill you. Got it?” His jibe has serious undertones, but it makes me laugh.
“Later.” I slap him on the back and run for the exit.
Suddenly, there’s no time to waste. I’m overcome with a sense of urgency. If I’ve waited too long to go after her, I’ll never forgive myself. How did I not see this until Maddox and A.B. smacked me square in the face with it? I watched them go through this… more than once. I told Mad to go after A.B. time and time again. I told her to fight for him when she thought there was no chance he’d forgive her. Hopefully, I’m not too late.
“Sir, would you like a beverage?” The flight attendant’s voice breaks through my frantic spiraling thoughts. Savannah is all I can think about. When I ran out of the carnival last night, I didn’t anticipate the next flight to Chicago to be fourteen hours later. It was the longest night of my life, and I didn’t sleep a wink. Even though I knew I could wait until morning, I spent the night at the airport. I arrived before check-in with no bag to check and hours to watch the comings and goings of hundreds of happy couples.
“No, thank you. I need a clear head for what I’m about to do.” I can see she’s intrigued, but her job prevents her prying into my business. Usually, I’d be pleased she doesn’t attempt to probe me further. Unless a woman wanted to sleep with me, I was never one for small talk, but today I seem to have verbal diarrhea. “I’m going to propose to my girlfriend.”
“Congratulations. Do you have a ring?” I didn’t stop long enough to think about a ring. I can’t ask her to marry me without a ring.
“Shit.” The old lady on the other side of the aisle gasps at my choice of words. “Fuck. Sorry, ma’am. I don’t usually cuss in front of ladies. I’m nervous. I haven’t seen my girlfriend in over a month, and I’m flying out to Chicago to propose.” She reaches over patting me on the arm.
“Such a handsome boy. What a lucky girl. Handsome
and romantic.” With a saccharin sweet smile, she returns to her book—some Mills and Boon with Fabio on the cover. I guess she’s a kinky old thing and doesn’t care who knows it.
The moment the wheels touch down, I’m twitching to get off the plane and find a jewelry store. I’m usually the first guy to get annoyed at yuppies checking their phone the minute they land, but today I’m quicker than Billy the Kid drawing my phone from my pocket in record time. Internet access is a wonderful thing. I pull up directions to Michigan Avenue’s Tiffany & Co. and set my mind on the task at hand. I still have to find Savannah’s home address, but I know the general vicinity, so it shouldn’t be that hard—how many Savannah Adams can there be in Chicago?
The cab ride is almost as endless as the flight, and a strange sense of calm washes over me as the familiar blue storefront comes into view. I’ve never bought jewelry for a woman before. This seems like a baptism of fire if there ever was one. Rash doesn’t even come close to my decision to propose considering our history, but something inside me tells me this is right—that she’s right for me.
I open the door and become acutely aware I’m the country boy in faded blue jeans and a white t-shirt. My hair’s a mess, and the bag slung over my shoulder has more holes than Swiss cheese. Everything around me sparkles—glass cases full of diamonds.
“Can I help you… sir?” The gentleman’s brow twists with a condescending sneer.
“Nope, I don’t think you can, but the young lady standing behind you is about to earn a huge commission.” With a satisfied nod, I brush past him to the woman waiting with a gigantic grin plastered across her over-made-up face.
“Good morning, sir. How can I be of service?”
“Mornin’. I’m fixing to find an engagement ring, and I’m hoping you can help me.” The telltale blush of the Jackson McKinney effect spreads on her cheeks. At least I know my appeal hasn’t completely left me. Savannah has made me question everything about who I am, but it’s led me to realize I can exceed people’s expectations. I’m more than just ridiculous dimples and a cute smile.
