Oh, he had given her a scare. She would never forgive him. She told him that, too. Of course, he just laughed at her. “You can’t be mad at a person for having a heart attack, Lily,” he said.
“Why not?” she wanted to know.
“You just can’t. That’s all there is to it. It’s just not done,” he added, mimicking her. He had found the debate quite amusing, though someone else might have taken offense, she realized. But that was Ezra. He argued and haggled with her, talked to her as frankly as anyone she had ever known. But he rarely took offense at anything she said. More likely, he found her most outrageous pronouncements entertaining.
That was why they had gotten along so well all these years, she knew. He was the only one who could put up with her—cheerfully, as if he actually enjoyed it. Her daughters put up with her, of course, but not happily. Not the way Ezra did.
She heard his breath deepen for a moment, sounding more labored. She quickly put down her sewing to check on him. He sighed and rolled to one side. It was nothing, she realized. He was still sleeping peacefully.
She returned to her chair and watched out the window. The sun was low in the sky, beams shooting out from between the clouds, turning the horizon peach and gold, blue-gray, and lavender. She hoped Ezra would wake up soon and watch this sunset with her.
“That’s God in the sky,” Emily had once said when she was a little girl. She had pointed to rays of sunlight, breaking through the clouds. Lillian had not contradicted her. It did seem that way sometimes, didn’t it?
She had said a lot of prayers the last few days. More than her usual, by far. Not that she didn’t pray. But these prayers were not the rote, routine variety. They had been more like . . . conversations. Desperate conversations sometimes, she had to admit.
Contemplating life without Ezra was very bleak. She did not want to lose him. She hadn’t thought much about it before, she realized. Ezra had always been there. She had taken him for granted. But she thanked God for His mercy now, for sparing her dear friend’s life. For His mercy on her, as well. For sparing her the pain of that loss when she, in her long life, had already lost so many.
No need to dwell on it, she reminded herself. Ezra was on the mend. He had passed all the prodding and poking and every possible test in the hospital with flying colors. There would be no operations. The doctor was very positive about his prognosis.
Just a scare, she reminded herself. She felt her eyes growing watery and pulled a tissue from the pocket of her cardigan. She didn’t want him to see her crying. She was just tired, that’s all. It had been quite stressful, these last three days. Quite stressful for her. Distracting, too. She had hardly given a thought to her own crisis, her battle with Emily and Jessica to stay in her house. Perhaps that was why she had thrown herself into the crisis so wholeheartedly. It had been the perfect distraction.
But no, she knew that wasn’t the reason she remained at Ezra’s bedside. She was here because . . . because . . . because it all boiled down now to just the two of them. They had to stick together now. Reduced by age, two halves that made a whole.
If such a thing had happened to her, he would have done no less. She was sure of it.
Ezra stirred and blinked his eyes open. He stared at her, looking a bit confused.
“Ezra, are you all right?”
He nodded, pushing himself up in the bed. “I didn’t recognize you for a moment, Lily.”
“You didn’t?” She began to worry again. Was he really well enough to come home?
“I knew it was you, don’t misunderstand. But with the light coming from behind you like that, you didn’t look any different than you did the day I met you, all those years ago.”
Lillian shook her head and gave him a doubtful look. “Ezra, please. It must be the medication.”
“Not at all, not at all. I promise you, Lillian. That’s what I saw.”
“I’ll show you something. Look at this sunset.” She stepped aside so he could see it. The sun hovered over the horizon, a glowing orange orb sinking into purple and lavender-blue clouds.
“My, my. That is something. Quite beautiful tonight, isn’t it?”
“Yes, quite.” Lillian agreed.
They watched it silently for a few moments, the room growing dimmer. Lillian felt a deep peace. And a flutter of hopefulness. Uncommon feelings for her anxious heart.
She glanced at Ezra, wondering if he felt it, too. She couldn’t find the words to ask him though. Some emotions were too subtle, too fragile to be expressed in words.
Finally, when the light was nearly entirely gone, she heard him let out a long sigh and she knew he had felt the same as she did.
“I’m glad I woke up in time to watch that with you, Lily,” he said quietly.
“I’m glad you did, too, Ezra. I was hoping you wouldn’t miss it.”
She turned to him and graced him with a rare smile. She was so glad in her heart he hadn’t missed it.
CHAPTER TWELVE
DAVID TOLD HIS FATHER HE NEEDED TO BE AT PHYSICAL therapy a little earlier than usual on Tuesday. He said that Gena had moved up his appointment. His father had not questioned this change in the routine. Why would he, David reasoned.
But after being dropped off at the PT unit, David walked to a different building on the hospital grounds, the department of neurology, where a special test on the nerves in his injured foot was scheduled for ten o’clock that morning.
He had undergone the test once before, right after his second hip operation, when the numbness in his foot had first occurred.
Gena suggested that he take it again—maybe because he had graduated to the cane? He certainly hadn’t felt anything in that area of his leg. For some reason, though, she thought it was time to see what was going on with those muscles and nerves. It was scary to ask the question. One part of him didn’t want to know. The chance was fifty-fifty he would get bad news. But after thinking it over for a few days, David realized he was ready to find out—whatever the answer might be.
The test did not take long. There were some electrodes attached to his skin, and a machine recorded the information. The doctor read it immediately, and David was soon sitting in his office while he reviewed a long printout.
“The results are not conclusive,” the specialist told David. “Your nerves are healthy, undamaged. So that’s good. We can see some activity, more than in the prior test, but not at the level yet where you might feel sensation or have more muscle control.”
“I understand that part. What about it getting better? How can I make the feeling come back—more exercise or something?”
The doctor sat back. “Unfortunately, that’s the part that we don’t know. Exercise plays a role but it’s not the whole story, or the sensation would have returned by now.”
The doctor took an X-ray out of David’s file and put it up on a light box behind his desk. “See that? It’s scar tissue from your surgeries, built up around these nerves here.” He pointed with a pencil. “That could be the cause of the problem, what’s causing the nerves to shut down.”
The news was not encouraging. “So, there’s nothing that can be done?”
The doctor turned to him again. “There is an operation we’ve been trying that’s successful in some cases. It’s exploratory. We don’t know what we’re going to find until we get in there. The results are not immediate, either. Once you have the surgery, it takes time to find out if it’s worked.”
Successful in some cases. Exploratory. Time to find out if it worked. This doc was certainly hedging his bets.
He must have realized he was dealing with a desperate man. A guy who would have put his life savings down on a thousand-to-one shot.
“When can I try it?” David said quickly.
The doctor smiled sympathetically. “I’m not done yet. You have to understand that the reason your foot lost feeling may be due to trauma to the nerves from surgery. In other words, the nerves might be in shock and with time—and I do realize it seems li
ke eternity to you already—but with more time, a year or even two, they will reawaken and resume normal function. But if you have another surgery in that area, it could actually aggravate the condition.”
David sat back, finally understanding why this doctor was taking such pains to explain the situation. “That’s a tricky one, then.”
“Yes, it is,” the specialist said with a grave expression.
“I suppose there’s no way to know how my nerves would react? No clue on the tests or X-rays?”
“Not much, no. It’s pretty much a personal decision, David. Only you can weigh the risks and the consequences for yourself.”
David reached for his cane. “Thanks for your time, Doctor. I’m going to think about all this. I’ll call you one way or the other in a day or so, okay?” He rose, shook the doctor’s hand, and headed for the door.
“Take all the time you need. And please call if you have more questions. Or if anyone in your family wants to speak to me, I’m available,” the doctor added.
David already planned to keep this test and its results a secret from his family. He didn’t want to get everyone’s hopes up and then feel ten times worse if it didn’t work out. He also didn’t want this latest drama to be the focus of the holidays.
Jack and Julie had been working so hard the last few weeks, David thought. They deserved a happy, peaceful Christmas without any more distractions or focus on his problems.
This was one he had to figure out for himself.
A STEADY FLOW OF CUSTOMERS STILL MADE THEIR WAY TO THE TREE farm on the day of Christmas Eve. It was all hands on deck, too. Christine had come in early, as she had to leave early to help her mother with their family party. Jack and Julie had been outside since morning, and even Katie was playing in the Christmas shop, so excited about Santa Claus coming, she seemed about to burst.
Since he had started using the cane last week, David had been coming outside to help, too. Though therapy took up most of his time, he managed to put in a few hours. The evenings had been a busy time this last week before Christmas, and he liked to think he had helped his father some when an extra hand was needed.
He had also been on KP, taking over most of the cooking at night from Julie. It just seemed natural that he would cook Christmas dinner, too. Julie had been working very hard, and David thought it was the least he could do.
He knew his father was a real meat-and-potatoes type. But for Christmas dinner David had decided to take a risk and surprise them all with a traditional roast goose. He had seen a big feast prepared step-by-step on a cooking show and had looked up all the recipes online, printed them out, and studied them carefully.
They would start with a salad of mixed greens, pears, blue cheese, and candied walnuts. The main course would be the roast goose with cherry and wine sauce, chestnut stuffing, roasted vegetables, and whipped potatoes. And for dessert, a whipped cream trifle.
Even Julie didn’t know his plan. He had managed to get Jack to drop him at a gourmet grocery store on Monday afternoon, and he had done all the shopping. He had prepped all the vegetables last night, and tonight he would work on the stuffing and trifle.
But as much as everyone loved his cooking lately, his family seemed happy to have him outside, working alongside them. Especially his father. David acted happy, too, but inside, he felt blue. He knew these were not only the last days before the holiday and the end of the Christmas tree farm’s short but glorious season. These were the last days he would be close to Christine and most likely the end of his stay in Cape Light, in his childhood home.
His mind was made up. Now that he was more mobile and fit, he knew it was time to go. He didn’t want to tell anyone about this plan, not until after Christmas. He knew his father would be upset by the news, and probably try to convince him to stay. David didn’t want all that to muddy their family celebration.
He tried to forget his secret plans and worries and just focus on being outside on a beautiful winter day, doing some mindless physical work. It was really fun to sell people Christmas trees. He had forgotten that part. Everyone was so excited to pick out their tree, especially the kids. Everyone was so particular about the size and shape they wanted. When you helped them find a tree they liked, they were so happy.
He couldn’t deny that he loved working with Christine. He didn’t even have to be close to her. He liked to watch her from a distance, her friendly way with people and the way she ran around the place with so much energy. As if she were doing the most important job in the world.
She had on a red knit cap today with a design of white snowflakes. Her hair was fixed in shiny braids that hung down to her shoulders. Her picture could have been on a box of hot cocoa, he thought.
They had not talked much since the disastrous shopping trip last Friday and had not been alone in the house much at all. David had gone out of his way to avoid her. He had answered her attempts at conversation with curt, one word replies, brushing her off. As precious as he counted his minutes with her now, he still felt exposed and even humiliated by his stress episode.
Even so, he bought a Christmas gift for her in town. He’d had his father drop him off in the village one afternoon and he searched every shop until he found something just right. In a way, it seemed even more important now that he was leaving again to let her know how he felt. And to know that she would have something to remember him by.
The trick was to find a time to give it to her. David remained watchful, looking for his chance, but they never seemed to be alone.
Finally, that afternoon, it was time for Christine to go. Julie was practically crying as the two women hugged good bye. “Merry Christmas, Christine. Thank you so much for all your wonderful help. I don’t know how we would have gotten through the season without you. I hope you’ll come back and see us sometime?”
“I’ll come and visit,” Christine promised. She bent down and gave Katie a big hug next. David knew that Christine had bought Kate a present and left it under the tree.
Katie was crying, but Christine tried to soothe her. “I just live down the road, silly goose. I’ll see you all the time. You have to call me on Christmas and tell me what Santa left under the tree this year, okay?”
Kate nodded, still sniffing a bit. “Will you come back and babysit me?”
“I sure will. Whenever your mom calls me.”
David knew Christine meant to keep that promise, and she would for a while. Her college was nearby and she lived at home. But she would be busy student teaching next semester and getting ready for her wedding. She certainly wouldn’t be babysitting after she was married in June. Her whole life would change by then.
Christine walked away to say good-bye to Jack, who was in the tree lot, helping customers. David watched them from a distance as his dad gave her a hearty hug.
Then he saw her start to walk toward him. He felt relieved. She wasn’t going to leave without saying good-bye, even though he had been pretty aloof and impossible the last few days.
“I’m going now, David,” she said. She tugged on the strap of a knapsack that was hooked to her shoulder then picked up a roll of pine garland.
“Here, I’ll take that for you.” David reached out and took the garland. “Where’s your car?”
“Out in the lot. Near the road,” she replied, without looking at him.
They walked side by side out to an area near the road where cars were parked. David was glad she had parked in a far corner, out of sight from any curious eyes at the tree stand, especially his father’s.
Finally, they came to her car. She opened the trunk, and he handed her the garland. “Have a good Christmas, David.”
“Thanks. You, too.” He stared down at her and held her gaze. “So, is Alex home yet?”
She nodded. “I’ll see him tonight.”
“That’s good,” he replied, not knowing what else to say.
“Do you get any break from PT this week? Or do they just keep going?”
“No session Christma
s Day. Otherwise, no rest for the wicked.”
Christine smiled and touched his arm. “You’ve made good progress. You don’t want to lose ground.”
“That’s right. I don’t want to get lazy and backslide.”
She met his glance for a long moment, then reached into her knapsack for her car keys. David reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box. The careful wrapping and bow had gotten a little mashed traveling around with him all day, but it still looked pretty, he thought.
“Hey, before you go. I just wanted to give you this. Merry Christmas,” he said, quickly. He held the box out to her.
She stared down at it with such surprise, he wasn’t sure she was going to accept his gift. Then she finally reached out and took it and started to peel off the paper.
Part of him had hoped she wouldn’t open it in front of him. Now he waited to see her reaction, feeling as if he couldn’t take a breath. There was a velvet case under the paper, and she slowly lifted the lid. He almost didn’t want to look at her face but couldn’t help himself.
He could tell instantly that he had made the right choice. Her eyes lit up and a big smile spread quickly over her lovely face.
“Oh my goodness . . . a cameo. This is so beautiful, David.” She stared at him in wonder. “I love it. I really wanted one of these. . . . How did you know?”
Success, finally. The first thing he had done right in months.
He shrugged, trying to make light of his detective work. “I noticed the way you were looking at them in the jewelry store in Newburyport when I got those earrings for Julie. I found this one in the Bramble. It’s an antique.”
“Oh, wow . . . it’s beautiful. Thank you. That was so unbelievably thoughtful of you.” Unbelievable because he had been such a nasty lug to her all week. That’s what she meant, he guessed. Well, at least he may have made up for it a little.
“I have something for you but it’s at home. I was going to drop it off tomorrow, or sometime during the week.”
A Wish for Christmas Page 23
