Absolutely Not

by Daisy Dexter Dobbs

  “Hot diggity, she’s a lively one, Cousin Norman.” Big Willy laughed and scooped Maisy into another airborne hug. “That’s how I like my women. Good and feisty.” Standing with her locked in his arms, her toes dangling, Big Willy rocked from side to side. “You know, Cousin Norman, sweet pea here and me could make beautiful music together.”

  Her face buried in the fringe across the chest of Big Willy’s doe-skin-tan suede jacket, Maisy cried a muffled, “Ooooh!” She pushed with all her might until she finally escaped his firm clench. After taking a deep breath she tunneled her fingers through her disheveled hair.

  “Why do you insist on talking about me as if I weren’t even in the room?” she asked the towering Texan.

  “She always this hot-tempered?” Big Willy asked Norman, bypassing her direct question.

  Maisy threw her hands into the air. “That’s it, I give up…” Turning to leave Norman’s office, she was blocked by Big Willy’s massive frame in the doorway. He may as well have been a brick wall. Glancing up into his handsome, grinning face, she sneered before plopping down into a chair, burying her face in her hands and groaning.

  “Maisy…” Norman said in a warning tone out of the corner of his mouth. He tugged at his collar and plastered a cheerless smile across his face.

  Transmitting a narrow-eyed glare at her boss, Maisy slowly rose from her chair, sidled over to him and discreetly crunched her heel into the toe of his shoe. Smiling for Big Willy’s benefit, she grabbed Norman’s sleeve and yanked him close.

  “Jesus, you’re killing me,” Norman whispered through a grimace, struggling to maintain his smile.

  “Don’t you Maisy me, Norman,” she whispered, mocking his warning tone. “There is no way on earth I’d ever consider marrying that walking, talking side of Texas beef—plan or no plan. You got that?”

  “I told you to trust me on this, didn’t I?” Norman muttered through clenched teeth. “Don’t worry, marrying him isn’t part of the plan.”

  Turning his attention to his cousin, Norman turned on his best salesman’s smile. “Don’t mind Maisy, Big Willy. She’s just overtired. We’ve been swamped. Everybody wants to get away from Chicago’s winter freeze and Maisy’s been putting in too many hours at the office.”

  “Well that explains it,” Big Willy said with a thoughtful look. “Sweet little thing like that shouldn’t be out here in the corporate world tryin’ to bust her butt.” He turned to Maisy and doffed his Stetson. “Pardon the profanity, ma’am.” Maisy rolled her eyes and huffed. “Why, our little Maisy here should be at home takin’ care of womanly things like birthin’ babies and seein’ after her man’s needs.”

  “Norman…” Maisy drew his name out through clenched teeth.

  Giving her an acknowledging nod, Norman led his cousin to a chair. “Come on, have a seat, big fella. I’ll fix us a cup of espresso while we catch up on things.”

  “Sure.” Big Willy wedged his large frame into one of the armchairs. Studying the subtle peach, ivory and gray tones of Norman’s office, he turned to Maisy and smiled. “This here stuff is all new since I was here last. Bet you picked out all this cute, fluffy, flowery stuff all by yourself, didn’t you, honey?” He smoothed his hand over the persimmon print fabric Norman had taken weeks to select for the upholstery in his office. “I can always tell a woman’s touch.” He winked.

  “Not me,” Maisy said, extending her arm toward Norman. “Norman’s the one who picked out—”

  “The designer,” Norman blurted, nearly spilling the coffee beans as he slid into a rapid burst of nervous laughter. “I picked out the interior designer for the redecorating project.” He tugged at his collar as if it were strangling him. “She was a real doll. You know,” he laughed again, “thirty-six, twenty-four, thirty-six.” Winking, Norman waved his hands along invisible curves in the air, ignoring the sound of Maisy’s gasp.

  “Gotcha, cousin.” Big Willy winked back. “Tell ya what, let’s make that coffee a little more interesting with some of this.” He slid a cowhide-covered silver flask from inside his jacket. “Nothin’ goes better with coffee than a little bourbon I always say.” He flashed a grin.

  “I’ve got work to do,” Maisy said, rising from her chair. “I’m leaving.”

  “Sit down,” Norman commanded, flashing a friendly smile when Big Willy eyed him curiously. Glaring at Norman, Maisy expelled the breath she’d been holding and returned to her seat. “She looks peaked,” Norman explained to Big Willy. “She needs to rest—until I tell her it’s okay to leave.” Norman pinned Maisy with a no-nonsense glare.

  “Nothin’ wrong with bein’ a little firm, Cousin Norman. Sometimes that’s all they understand.” Grasping the brim of his hat, Big Willy tipped it toward Maisy. “No offense meant, ma’am.”

  Folding her arms across her chest, Maisy projected a malicious sneer. She imagined whipping that damned Stetson across the room like a boomerang so it would take out Big Willy first and then knock the crap out of Norman before it returned to her. The satisfying image brought a smile to her lips.

  Norman stopped grinding the coffee beans long enough to jump in before Maisy had a chance to say anything. “So how’s Aunt Ruthie and Uncle Joe?”

  “Mama and Daddy are doing real good. Got their fiftieth wedding anniversary comin’ up, so I thought I’d send them on a little boat trip. You can help me put somethin’ nice together for ’em, can’t you, Cousin Norman?”

  “A cruise? Absolutely. We’ll get right on it. What did you have in mind? Caribbean, Hawaii, Mexico, Alaska, Europe?”

  “Yeah, that sounds real good.”

  “Which one?”

  “All of ’em. I want to send Mama and Daddy on one of them ’round-the-world boat trips.”

  “Excellent.” Norman rubbed his hands together briskly.

  Maisy could swear she saw neon-green dollar signs flash across Norman’s hazel eyes as she imagined hearing his thoughts scream, ka-ching!

  After Big Willy’s third cup of espresso-laced bourbon he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. Half-closed eyelids framed the fervor in his eyes as he languished in a long, lusty appraisal of Maisy’s physical attributes. Before she realized it, he’d reached over and clasped Maisy’s hand in his own, studying her fingers and gently stroking her skin.

  “Soft as a baby’s behind,” he said, lifting her hand to his lips and kissing it. “Maisy, honey, I don’t know if Cousin Norman mentioned it or not, but I’m movin’ to the USSR for a time on business. I’d be right pleased if you’d join me.”

  Maisy squirmed uncomfortably in her seat. “First of all,” she said, “it’s no longer the USSR, it’s just plain Russia. Second—”

  “We’d have to get hitched, of course,” Big Willy continued as if Maisy hadn’t spoken. “Them there commies don’t take none too well to livin’ in sin from what I hear.” Patting Maisy’s hand, he smiled and winked.

  Her eyes wide with astonishment, Maisy made a move to extricate her hand from his, but he was too fast. “Russia hasn’t been a communist country for some time, Big Willy,” she informed him.

  Before Maisy could protest, he slipped his arms around her, scooped her from her chair and planted her on his lap. “I love you, Maisy darlin’, sure as I’m sittin’ here, I do. You and me’ll make some mighty fine-looking babies together, yes siree.” He leaned his head down and nuzzled Maisy’s neck.

  “Oh for—” Maisy grumbled a few choice expletives under her breath as she toiled in vain to escape his grasp. “Let go of me, you big ox!”

  With a firm hold on Maisy, Big Willy laughed and turned to Norman. “Cousin Norman, I’ll never be able to understand why you didn’t snap up this feisty little firebrand all for yourself when you had the chance.”

  A reddened hue swept over Norman’s cheeks as he laughed nervously. “I uh…I guess Maisy’s just not my type.”

  “A little too ballsy for ya, huh, cousin?”

  “Interesting phraseology, Wilson.” Norman tugged at his coll
ar for the umpteenth time and chuckled.

  Maisy felt sure he was wondering what his macho, good ol’ boy cousin would do if he ever found out Norman was gay.

  “Actually, she’s not quite ballsy enough for me,” Norman offered. “But let’s get back to the subject at hand. You and Maisy.”

  Maisy shot Norman a laser-sharp glower, intense enough to bisect a slab of granite in two seconds flat. “Norman, you son of a bitch—”

  Puckering his lips, Big Willy jutted his chin out to Maisy, who was still scrambling to get away from his hold. “How’s about planting your betrothed with a little kiss right here.” He tapped his lips. “To seal the deal, honey?” He made a series of annoying smooching sounds.

  Maisy would have clobbered him upside the head if her hands were free. Seething, she looked up at her captor. “Wilson Jasper, not only would I not go to Russia with you, I wouldn’t even let you walk me across the street. And as far as getting hitched…hah! I wouldn’t marry you if you were the last—”

  Slamming his hand against his desktop with a resounding wallop, causing Maisy and Big Willy to whisk their heads in his direction, Norman jumped up from his chair. “Maisy, you’re such a kidder.” His laughter sounded peculiar. “What Maisy’s trying to say, Wilson, is that she’d love to go with you more than anything.”

  Maisy gasped.

  “But she can’t,” Norman finished.

  “Can’t? Why not?” Furrowing his brow, Big Willy glanced from Norman to Maisy and back again.

  “Because…because it’s our busy season,” Maisy blurted.

  “Heck, is that all?” Big Willy guffawed. “Cousin Norman, if you’re worried about missin’ out on some revenue ’cause of losin’ Maisy, you just tell me how much you want. I’ll scrawl you out a check for whatever you need to cover what she’d be bringin’ in for the next five years. Now, we got a deal?”

  “Five years’ worth, huh?” Norman rubbed his chin in contemplation.

  “Norman!” Maisy bellowed as Big Willy squeezed her close.

  “Gee, Wilson,” Norman said, “as tempting and generous as your offer is, and as much as I’d love to accept it…” He slanted Maisy a questioning look and she shot back a toxic glare. He heaved a great sigh and continued, “I’m afraid it’s just not possible for Maisy to go.”

  “Because?” Big Willy looked mighty perturbed.

  “Because eh…” Norman licked his lips nervously. “Because she’s pregnant.”

  “Pregnant!” Maisy and Big Willy shrieked in unison as the tall Texan shot up from his chair, dumping Maisy on the floor in the process.

  “Ow.” Maisy rubbed her butt as Norman and Big Willy helped her to her feet.

  “But she ain’t even married.”

  “Well,” Norman cleared his throat, “yes, she is actually.”

  “I am?” Maisy said, angling Norman a puzzled expression. Prompted by his coaxing look, Maisy said, “I mean, I am.” She smiled up at Big Willy. “I’m married.”

  Folding his arms across his chest, Big Willy slanted Norman and Maisy a dubious look. “Since when?”

  “June,” Norman said, just as Maisy said, “Last month.”

  Knitting his eyebrows together, Big Willy barked, “Well, which is it?”

  “Uh…” Norman and Maisy chorused as Norman stirred his little cup of espresso with a tiny silver spoon. The only sounds in the room for what seemed like a small eternity after that were his and Maisy’s thundering heartbeats and the incessant clinking of the spoon against the cup.

  “Well,” Norman finally offered, “they were secretly married in June and they just made it public a month ago.” He wiped his sleeve across his forehead. “Isn’t that right, Maisy?”

  “Right. We had to keep it a secret because of, uh…” Maisy threw a desperate glance at Norman.

  “Because her husband was an illegal immigrant at the time,” Norman said quickly.

  “Huh?” Big Willy removed his Stetson and scratched his head as Maisy shot Norman an incredulous look. “Maisy married a foreigner?” He said the word with distinct distaste.

  “It’s a long story.” Norman waved his hand and shook his head. “Very dull. Believe me, Wilson, you wouldn’t be interested.”

  Big Willy straightened to his full height and threw his shoulders back. Cocking his head in a menacing fashion, he asked, “Just who is this foreign guy? What’s his name?”

  “Rudy. Rudy, uh, Schwarzenegger,” Norman said, offering an apologetic shrug to Maisy. Rolling her eyes, Maisy groaned and slapped her hand to her forehead.

  “Schwarzenegger? You mean like the foreign movie actor who went and got himself elected mayor?”

  “Governor, actually. Yes, exactly,” Norman answered Big Willy through nervous bursts of laughter. He fished out his wallet, flipping to a photograph of Rudy that he removed. “Maisy and Rudy had to keep their marriage a secret until Rudy became a citizen so it wouldn’t reflect poorly on his cousin…Arnold.”

  Maisy eyed Norman who had dissolved into manic, staccato laughter as he handed the photo to Big Willy.

  “You know how the media loves to get its hands on a juicy story like that,” Norman added.

  Peeking over Big Willy’s arm, Maisy eyed the photograph of Rudy, the handsome co-owner of Bavaria Haus and Norman’s lover since they’d met two weeks ago. The last time she saw Keller. The thought of Keller had her indulging in a wistful sigh as she glanced at the wall clock.

  Actually, it had been two weeks, one day, four hours and seventeen minutes since she left his winery. Not that she was keeping count or anything. Maisy hadn’t heard a peep from him since. Well, no wonder.

  When Big Willy turned Rudy’s photo over, Maisy saw the inscription and cringed.

  “To Norman—with love and affection—Rudy,” Big Willy read aloud. With a look of revulsion he looked up at Norman. “Love and affection?”

  Norman winced. “Oh yeah, I forgot about that.”

  “Austrian men are more inclined to openly express emotion than American men,” Maisy explained, swallowing hard. “Rudy loves Norman like a brother, because Norman’s the one who introduced us and helped Rudy become an American citizen.” Maisy blinked. Hell, she was becoming as inventive as Norman.

  “Yeah, that’s it,” Norman said, nodding enthusiastically. “Like a brother.”

  Big Willy’s broad shoulders slumped. “Well, shoot. I’m downright broken hearted.” He looked to Maisy who offered a gleeful shrug. A moment later he clapped his hands and broke into a broad grin. “Well, I’d say this is cause for a celebration. If you got yourself any plans for tonight, cancel ’em, ’cause Big Willy’s taking y’all out to dinner. I want to meet the lucky son-of-a-gun who stole away my Maisy and shake his hand.”

  “No!” Maisy and Norman blurted as their faces drained of color.

  “Rudy’s sick,” Norman offered at the same time Maisy said, “Rudy’s working late.” Exchanging horrified expressions, they expelled pained groans.

  Scowling, Big Willy crossed his arms over his expansive chest as his gaze flew back and forth. “There’s somethin’ cockeyed goin’ on here and I don’t mind tellin’ you that I’m startin’ to get a might ticked off. Now I don’t know if this is supposed to be some sort of Yankee humor you two are pullin’, but Big Willy ain’t laughin’.”

  After a moment of utter stillness, Norman’s telltale laughter shattered the quiet. “You’re right, Wilson, Maisy and I were just joshing. Guess some jokes just get lost in translation from North to South, huh?” Cringing against the ferocity of his cousin’s scowl, Norman tugged at the loosened knot of his tie. He gave Big Willy a hearty slap on the back. “Of course, we’ll all have dinner with you tonight, Wilson.”

  Her face contorting in alarm, Maisy screeched, “Norman!” Norman responded with a sick smile and a not-too-confident thumbs up sign.

  “Good.” Big Willy gave Norman a solid crack on the back that all but brought Norman to his knees. “That’s more like it. Now, all I got to figur
e out is, with my darlin’ little Maisy here married and about to become a mama,” he looked at Maisy who beamed a smile as she pooched out her belly and patted it, “what am I gonna do for fun out there in the USSR all by my lonesome?”

  “I’m mighty glad you asked that question, Wilson.” Norman gave his cousin a sturdy whack on the back that didn’t even cause Big Willy to budge.

  “Why’s that?”

  “Because, cousin o’ mine, I happen to know of a hot little flame-haired filly who’d make your spurs spin and your Stetson steam, that’s why.”

  Maisy’s ears perked.

  Rubbing his hands together, Big Willy flashed a smile as he took a seat again. “Always did have a thing for redheads. I’m all ears, cousin.”

  Planting her hands on her hips, Maisy smiled down at Big Willy. “Well, I’m awfully glad to see you were able to get over your broken heart so fast.”

  “Aw, honey,” Big Willy said, patting his chest with one hand and Maisy’s ass with the other, “you know you’ll always be number one with me.”

  He tossed a charming wink before turning back to Norman. “Now let’s hear all about this little redheaded filly of yours, cousin.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  “My cousin’s sending his limo to Maisy’s place about seven o’clock,” Norman said, absently gnawing on a knuckle. “I wish we had more time to practice.” He groaned and sagged at the feel of strong, capable hands kneading his neck and shoulder muscles. “It’s really important that we’re convincing.”

  “It will be fine, Liebling.” Rudy nipped Norman’s earlobe with his teeth, causing Norman to suck in a sharp breath. “I will make you proud in front of Big Wilson.” Turning Norman to face him, Rudy offered a confident grin and an exuberant thumbs-up sign.

  “Big Willy,” Norman corrected. He wanted to believe Rudy, he really did, but he had the sinking feeling they were dead meat. “Yeah…it’ll be a cinch,” he muttered. “No problem. Piece of cake.”

  “Ja. Apfelkuchen.” Rudy grinned and nodded.

  “Eh…right.” Norman groaned. “Okay, let’s go over it again, Rudy.” He could feel the tension releasing in his shoulders. Rudy’s attention to his tight muscles was working. The big brawny blond was a master at massage…among other things.