by V. K. Ludwig
“Did you feel lonely?” He asked, pulled his cock out of his pants, and placed him right at my entrance. “Before you left, I mean. Did I ever give you the feeling that you’re on your own?”
“Sometimes.”
My answer tensed his body, and for a long time, he remained still and as silent as the bright-painted night. Then he entered me in slow, patient thrusts, just like he had done it at our wedding night. Our bodies moved whisper-quiet, and we each swallowed our moans.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered and caressed my cheek.
“Me too.”
If what we were about to do was a good thing or not, I couldn’t say. Not that I cared. At that very moment, I belonged to him, and he belonged to me. At that very moment, he was still my husband, and I was his wife.
Chapter 17
Rowan
The hearty scent of grease and smoke hung in the air, and something wet wiggled across my forehead.
I opened my eyes, not knowing when they shut in the first place.
“Aww… now you woke him.” Darya pulled Rose off me who had been dragging her drool-covered mouth across my face. “I swear I only turned around for one second to pack our stuff. Breakfast should be ready soon. I put the dough in the coals around ten minutes ago.”
“What time is it?” I asked.
She checked her holo-band. “Almost eight, but it’s still pretty dark outside.”
I took Rose from her and placed her onto my chest, letting the tips of my fingers comb through her delicate wisps. “Why didn’t you wake me? You can’t just let me sleep and let mom do all the work.”
She blessed me with a broad smile and pushed herself up onto her hands, only to collapse down a moment later. I cradled her against my chest, rolled to the side, and pushed myself up.
A constant smile spilled over the edges of Darya’s mouth as if she carried a certain euphoria inside of her, impossible to contain. It fueled the hope inside me, that long-lost thing buried underneath pain and pride, making me wonder if we could save our marriage. Did she still love me?
The question sucked the warmth right out of me, and I grabbed my socks and got dressed. I had spent four-hundred-and-something days telling myself she had left and betrayed me. Now I wasn’t so sure anymore. What if it wasn’t all her fault?
I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her against me and placing a gentle kiss on the side of her neck. “How did you sleep?”
“Fine,” she said, a grin audible in the pitch of her voice.
“Uh-huh.”
I stepped outside the tent and allowed myself a good stretch, taking in the surrounding scenery.
“Slept well?” Oriel asked.
The smirk on his face clarified that, just because babies can sleep through anything, didn’t mean he could.
“I should have gotten up an hour ago. Now we’re running late.”
He grabbed a stick from a nearby shrub and poked the embers, letting the flames breathe and grow higher once more.
“So… you guys are gonna stick it out then?”
“Hm?”
“You and Darya.” He stoked the fire a bit more, his eyes focused on the crumbling logs, but he and I both understood his question was ambitious. “I never understood why she left or what exactly went down. My mom keeps telling me not to get involved in other people’s business. Not that I know anything about women anyway, or marriage, or even love. But it’s been a while since I’ve seen you this content.”
“It’s complicated.”
The way River grinned when we sparred that day pushed into my mind like a wave, sending that hope inside of me into high-tide and making me overly ambitious myself. What if the solution to your baby troubles had been nothing but a small procedure away? Max seemed positive that whatever he had done to River would help them get pregnant, so why not us?
“Yea,” Oriel said. “Because of people complaining about her and the video, right?”
“Uh-huh.”
That, and so much fucking more.
What if all this mess was my fault? What if no procedure could fix where I was broken? What if fifty guys came for my head, and then for my family?
What if… what if… what if…
Doubts numbed my skin.
Oriel squared his shoulders and straightened his knees. “You know we got your back, don’t you? My parents say you’re the best thing that happened to this Clan in a long time.”
“Tell them thank you for their support.” I gave him a pat on the shoulder. “Unfortunately, chieftain-business has never made much sense. They founded the Clans and established chieftains based on bloodshed and lots of other pity things, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.”
“Perhaps, but once we took care of those two elders for chieftain Xavier, you’ll have his support.”
“Psh…” I hushed him and glanced over my shoulder. Darya hadn’t heard and was busy fighting Rose over her wool hat.
“Darya doesn’t know?”
“Nope.”
“Doesn’t know what you came for, or doesn’t know that you had to strike a deal with Xavier to get her out.”
“Both,” I whispered and gestured him to keep his voice down. “I made the call to get her out, and I don’t want her to feel like she owes me anything. Besides, there’s a saying among the Clans that —”
“That we keep our women safe, but we don’t tell them how we do it. My dad had me recite it every morning when I was still a kid.”
“So did mine.”
“I’ll take her,” Oriel said and walked over to Darya who had shown up behind me. “I held my sister’s baby once when she came to visit.”
Darya handed him Rose, who frowned and eyed Oriel like a strange object she had to observe first before making a judgment call.
With the tip of her boots, Darya rolled the foil-wrapped buns out from the edge of the fire and let them cool down for a minute. Then she opened them up, the mouthwatering steam of bacon and chives inside a doughy middle rising into the gray-pink morning.
“Try,” she said and handed me one.
I eyed it and turned it from one side to the other, broke it in two and held it under my nose.
“Hm… I’m not sure.”
“Something’s missing?”
“Yeah.” I took another sniff. “I think I figured out what’s wrong. You forgot to burn it.”
Oriel gave us a confused stare, but Darya grabbed one half from my hand and walked away with a smile on her face and a skip in her step.
“Hey, your sister’s calling me,” Oriel said.
I let my hand grab for my wrist. “Yeah, I forgot my holo-band in the tent. Go ahead.”
He waved his hand and activated the call, the puffy eyes on Autumn’s hologram making Oriel and I exchange a concerned look.
“Is something wrong with the babies?” I asked and let Oriel hand me Rose.
“Oh Rowan,” she said, her voice distorted by technology and despair. “They broke into your cabin, destroyed almost all the windows and —”
“Wait, what?” I flung my hand around Oriel’s wrist and pulled him closer, bringing her holograph to my height. “Who broke into my cabin?”
“Um, we arrested six guys. Ash and that guy with one arm, Damon, um, Flint’s in jail, too.”
“You arrested Damon?” Panic clustered around my heart like a tumor. “As in, my very own guard, Damon?”
“Everything okay?” Darya shouted from afar, squatting behind a tree.
“Yes!” I shouted back, then turned my attention to Oriel. “Close that hologram down. Shut it off. How do you put voice only?”
“Right here,” he said and let Autumn’s hologram disappear, a not insignificant tremble clinging to his arm.
“You hear me?” I asked.
Autumn answered with an invisible, “uh-huh.”
“You said it was six guys?”
“Yes, but some got away. Max woke me up when he heard glass break coming
from your cabin. They pissed all over your bed, Rowan.”
I looked up and over the frozen lake, adrenaline pumping into my veins. It had started. Shit. I got they’d challenge me at some point, but I didn’t expect that to be so soon.
“I don’t get it,” I said. “Why did they come for me if the entire village knew I would travel to the mountains around that time?”
“They didn’t come for you.” Oriel sunk his head and released his arm from my grip, holding the holo-band at ear-height between us. “Darya wasn’t supposed to come with us, remember? You changed our plans literally hours prior to us leaving.”
The fog of ignorance lifted from my eyes, and I stared at Darya who climbed mounds of snow on her way back, her arms flailing whenever the bunch-grass underneath her tugged on her balance.
“Autumn, send someone to clean it all up and have the windows fixed before we get back. Darya doesn’t have to learn about this.”
“Don’t you think you should tell her?” Oriel asked. “If she’s in danger, she should know.”
“No. I’ll deal with those motherfuckers as soon as we get back. Trying to kill their chieftain is ambitious, but going after his wife first… they made it personal, and I will take care of them myself.”
Autumn was quick to pipe up. “But Rowan, —”
“I said no! I will handle them. You make sure you have everything look as if it never happened and find out who the guys are that got away.”
“Whatever you say, chieftain,” came from the holo-band, followed by a click and silence after that.
“You know she’ll find out from someone eventually,” Oriel said, his voice growing more and more into a whisper as Darya came closer.
“By then, I’ll have it all under control. Once this is done, I can’t let anything else distract me. Fighting this rebellion will be a top priority until it’s over.”
Oriel lowered his arm and rubbed his hands against each other, the dead air between us putting my body in a state of suffocation. Panic welled up inside of me, crashing against that rock of hope the last twenty-four hours had nurtured in my chest.
I wouldn’t risk Darya backing away from us because of this. We could work this out, I was sure of it. Fuck the rebellion. I had to talk to Max first thing once we got back and fix this thing once and for all.
She walked up behind me. “Why the long faces?”
Oriel didn’t look at her but walked away and busied himself loading his broke-down tent back into the snowmobile.
“Nothing you have to concern yourself with.” I took her hand into mine and placed a kiss on it. “Are you ready to keep going? We’re way behind schedule now.”
She cupped Rose’s head. “Ready when she is.”
“Before we go up there I need to tell you something.”
Her head cocked, and she looked up at me, the side of her face pressing against Rose’s thigh.
“You’re safe with me.”
“Oh, come on, Rowan, I know that.”
I placed my hand underneath her chin and lifted it up. “No, listen. The most dangerous man on earth is the one who has a lot to lose.” I took in a sharp breath, my lungs constricted by all those things boiling inside my core.
Ever since she came back, I reminded myself that I hated her guts. Surviving my pain was easier that way because the truth was, I never stopped loving her. She was my sun, salvation and my soulmate.
“I have so much to lose now,” I continued and took all of us into a big embrace.
Two old men and a wife. As soon as I gave Xavier what he wanted, I’d fix everything. I’d make it all perfect again.
Chapter 18
Darya
The strands of hair bunching up against my shoulder smelled of Rowan. He had left his campfire and leather scent behind. Had marked me with his gentle lovemaking.
My knees felt week underneath each step we took up the icy stairs into the village which they had carved into the rock.
Whatever had happened in the tent between us last night had made a knot of tenderness and confusion grow between my ribs. He had made love to me like that first night after our wedding, filling me with his devotion.
Was there still love? And if there was, was it enough to overcome the odds? Of all the questions sitting at the back of my throat, the one what the call with Autumn was about choked me the most. The way Oriel had turned away from us when I asked, told me something had happened.
“Almost there,” Rowan shouted from the front, his finger pointing at a collection of scattered homes.
Firs and spruces wrapped the base of the mountains in a gray-green blanket, the bare rock rising behind them in jagged lines of pewter and white.
Whatever remained of the evening sun, dipped the mountain village in hues of blue and purple. Billowing steam plumes rose like puffy clouds from all around the village. The moisture emanating from them clung to the air all around us and settled on my cheeks. The frigid cold made them form tiny ice-crystals who stuck to the strands of my hair and Rowan’s beard.
Oriel pointed at Rose, who squirmed in my arms. “Want me to take her? She liked me the last time.”
“She’s upset,” I said, driving my heels into whatever grip they could get. “After two days on that snowmobile, the last thing she wants is to be carried around. I don’t understand why Rowan had to come all the way out here, just to discuss things. It’s not like we don’t have any technology to make a quick call.”
He gave a hesitant shrug. “Some things are better discussed in person. And there’s another thing he has to take care of.”
“Like what?”
“Chieftain stuff, I guess.” He flicked his eyes toward Rowan and sucked in one side of his upper lip, the kissing sound coming from it holding something tense and uncertain. “Rowan invited Xavier and some of his men down for Yule celebrations.”
“Their chieftain?”
“Uh-huh. He’s the one who gave us the helicopter.”
I halted my steps for a moment. “That’s an enormous gift. I doubt he gave it out of the goodness of his heart.”
“That’s a luxury nobody has nowadays.” He turned his head to look at me, his voice shrinking into a whisper. “Rowan promised him a wife in return and, um, his support.”
“I see.”
“It’s about time the Clans started working together. All those aggressions held us back from developing our villages or invest our time in new technology or medication. Who knows, maybe the people from the Ash Zones might join us one day.”
I placed Rose from my chest onto my hip, where she continued to squirm and arch her back until she lay stiff against my hand.
“Good luck with that,” I said, my heart carrying way more mercy for them than I liked. They were the ones who helped me get into the Districts, instead of raping and killing me. “I met some of them and let me tell you they only care about themselves.”
“For now,” Oriel said. “It’s not like what the Districts do will never affect them. Maybe we could all unite under one leader.”
I let out a sarcastic laugh, which made Rowan stop and turn. “What’s so funny?”
“Oriel’s funny,” I said, then turned my attention back to Oriel and whispered. “The Clans have been at each other’s throats for almost two centuries. I think that’s the one thing I liked about the Districts. People are safe in there, and the council has been around ever since they founded it.”
“The council also deprives their people of their natural right to breed,” Rowan said, making it clear he had been eavesdropping. “Not to mention that they would rather go extinct than discontinue that water they poison their wells with.”
I walked up to him, handed him Rose, and took a deep breath. “Obviously I am the last one who would say the Districts are perfect. But they have a point in wanting healthy children who don’t suffer from some of the worst diseases. And they have a point in using the water to avoid men raping the women.”
“Bullshit.” He gave me a dismissive
wave. “They have so many more women now, why would any man feel desperate enough to rape a woman?”
“I guess they got so used to their system,” Oriel said, “that parting with it seems impossible now.”
I answered him with a reluctant smile, swallowing the tangle which had formed in my throat. Control was what the council was after. And how can you better control your population, than stripping them of fundamental rights?
“Oriel!” Rowan’s strained voice cut through my sorrows. “Check the position of the others and let them know we’re going in.”
I stared up at Rowan. “What others?”
Oriel crouched down behind a boulder and fumbled with his holo-band. “I can see their positions on the map. Looks like they’re ready, but I’ll giv’em a quick call and double check.”
“Rowan,” I said with dread in my voice, a sinking feeling diving into my stomach. “What do you mean with others? I thought it’s just us.”
He cupped my cheek and gave me a tender look. “Did you really think I would bring my wife and daughter here without making sure they’re absolutely safe? I have men positioned all around. Xavier might be the smarter chieftain, but I’m the one with way too much on the line to mess this up.”
The sinking feeling stopped somewhere between my last rib and bellybutton, coming back up full force and spreading through my core. He had called me his wife. He had called Rose his daughter.
“Don’t trust anyone, Darya,” he said and leaned over. “But most of all, don’t trust him.”
“They’re ready,” Oriel said.
Rowan took Rose deeper into his chest, grabbed my hand, and intertwined his fingers with mine. He gave a firm squeeze, his palms clammy. We set into motion once more, descending into the village.
“That big one over there is the chieftain’s roundhouse,” Rowan said, jutting his chin over to the right. “He’s expecting us.”
We walked along the trail which wound through their village, around boulders and over paths trampled into a watery mush. Cold eyes stared at me from firepits and fogged windows, slithering across my body, leaving goosebumps behind.
