by D. N. Hoxa
“It never seemed like that to me,” he said, shrugging. “I’m guessing you like cake?”
“I love it,” I breathed. Adrian laughed. “Why are you laughing?”
I wasn’t exactly proud of loving cake, and I had added some unwanted pounds to my weight, but I’d never been laughed at about it before.
“It’s nothing. I just remembered this extremely pathetic joke my brothers wanted me to use to get girls when I was in high school.”
“What was it? What was the joke?”
Adrian chuckled. “I was supposed to say, if a girl asked, that I didn’t like sweets, because I was already too sweet myself,” he said.
I almost choked laughing with food in my mouth.
“And I was also supposed to invite them to taste me so I could prove it.”
“Wow, that is really pathetic,” I said, nodding. I couldn’t imagine that ever working on anyone. Ever.
“It was. Thank God I never actually used it on anyone. Imagine the embarrassment,” he said, and I did. I imagined it, and it made me laugh harder. I hadn’t laughed like that in a long time. “What about you? Ever used any pathetic jokes on boys?”
“Not really, no,” I said. I’d only ever kissed three boys, and I’d thought the first one was actually my boyfriend. But he broke up with me when I wouldn’t “give it to him”. I was sixteen, and we’d barely kissed five times.
“Good for you,” he said. “Do you like working here, Willow?”
“I do,” I said. He wouldn’t know it was a lie. “It’s nice here. Plus there’s cake, so…”
“Have you ever thought about leaving?” he asked.
Every single day.“Sometimes,” I said instead. “But I can’t really leave.”
“Why not?”
He looked so calm and at ease that I got the impression he would never judge me. So I told him. “My Dad died two years ago, and my mother…kind of broke down. So I came back from college to stay with her.”
“You were in college?” he asked, and I nodded.
“Yeah, for about three months.”
I never told that to anyone before. It still made me feel like shit.
“Why don’t you just go back?”
My lips pressed into a tight smile. “I can’t leave my mother,” I said. “In fact, my mother won’t let me leave her. She’s still not over my Dad’s death, though she’s married to another man now.”
Adrian flinched for some reason. “Does it bother you?”
“No, George is a great guy,” I said, and for the first time, he looked away from my face. His jaw moved awkwardly, too. “Anyway, I will go back. Just as soon as my mom gets better.”
“Have you tried talking her into letting you go?” he said.
“I have.”
The tension was growing, and I was beginning to feel uncomfortable. Nobody asked such personal questions. At least not that I knew of. And Adrian realized it.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m being nosy. I don’t mean to be, I was just curious. I’ve never met anyone who sacrificed their whole life like this before.”
“She’s my mother. I’ll be here until she needs me,” I said. Nobody could argue with that.
“That’s really…really brave of you,” Adrian said. Then, “I’m sorry, Willow, but I really need to leave. Can I buy you that cake tomorrow?” He was already on his feet.
“Sure,” I mumbled and watched him back away slowly with a lost expression on his face. He wasn’t smiling anymore, and his eyes weren’t shining, either.
“Great. I’ll, uh...I’ll see you tomorrow.” And he walked out of the shop.
I wasn’t surprised. He probably realized just how boring I was and decided he was better off running away. I should’ve just kept quiet.
Don’t know why I thought unloading my troubles on him like that was a good idea. Now he would be just another guy who went on with his life while I was stuck in mine. He’d forget all about me by nightfall, and my life would go back to what it was.
Adrian Ward
Running had helped me keep my head clear most times, but I’d been running for the past twenty minutes, and I felt worse than before I started. Willow’s face was all I saw on the trees as I ran in circles. I didn’t bother to go inside the house. As soon as I got out of my car, I ran.
A worm was in my gut, and it was eating at me—or so it felt. Her words rushed through my head. Her beautiful face and her light blue eyes, her easy smile…all of her spelled innocence. And I was supposed to take her life.
No, I’d thought while she spoke to me. Told me about her life. She was even more lost than I was, and she deserved to live more than I did. So, no, the Devil could go screw himself. I was not going to do it.
That’s when the headache intensified so much that I thought my eyes would pop out of my forehead. But my head could hurt all it wanted. I wasn’t going to do it. And I had two weeks to figure out how.
“There he is,” Doc said when I finally got tired of running and went to the house.
“Did you see her?” Alan said. He didn’t seem to mind that Dad was there, too, watching TV.
“I did.”
“So? Wanna tell her about it?” Doc said.
“What, you want to know her now? You gave me two weeks to come up with a plan. Until then, I’m going to bed.”
“It’s not even five!” Alan called, but I was already on the second floor.
I was hoping the steam from the shower would help me relax, but it didn’t. It made it worse, because I kept thinking, if I went through with this, Willow would be dead. She wouldn’t have the luxury of taking showers. Running. Going to bed.
She’d be eating dirt instead.
Thoughts like that tortured me, and the more I was sure that I was never going to hurt Willow Robinson, or let my brothers hurt her, the stronger the headache became. It didn’t matter. Tomorrow was another day. Until then, I filled my head with images of her face and counted the seconds.
Willow Robinson
That morning I waited for Mom and George to wake up. They were surprised to see me there having coffee, though I would’ve preferred cake.
“Honey, what’s the matter?” Mom said.
“Nothing. Just woke up late. I’ll be on my way in a minute,” I said. She seemed relieved.
“It’s been ages since we had coffee together,” Mom said, smiling, and she filled two cups for her and George.
“Morning, Willow,” he said, smiling as always. He was maybe the most positive person I’d ever known. It did my mother good.
“Morning, George. Sleep well?”
“Excellent,” he said and raised his cup at me.
“So Mom, yesterday I saw this offer online. A week in Paris for a ridiculously low price.”
I didn’t tell her that I’d researched for more than two hours. I was desperate for some alone time.
“Would you be coming with us?” Mom said, and she looked away from me because she already knew my answer.
“I’m talking about you two, Mom. It’ll do you good to get away from here for a few days.” It’d do me good, too. “And it’s practically free. You always wanted to go to Paris, right?”
“It’s not about the money, Willow. I can’t leave you alone,” Mom said.
“Why not? I’m a grown woman. I’ll be perfectly fine for a week. And you’d have so much fun.”
Mom started scratching the surface of her cup with her fingernails without realizing it, like she always did when she was nervous. I turned to George.
“What do you think, George?”
“I think it’s a great idea. I’ve always wanted to see Paris, too.”
“See, Mom? It’ll be fun!” I didn’t even know why I was so excited when I already knew her answer.
“Enough, Willow,” Mom said and dropped the cup in the sink. She tied her long, blond hair behind her back—a sign of anger.
“I’ve sent the offer and the pictures to your emails, in case you change your mind,�
�� I said with a sigh, and without another word, I left the house.
The urge to cry was overwhelming. Thank God it was sunny outside, and I could keep my sunglasses on while I walked the seven minutes it took me to get to Treat Yourself. I even had time to clean my face in the bathroom before Cece came in.
“What’s the matter, dear? Did you go sunbathing?” she said when she saw my face. She grinned, and her fake teeth made it look terrible.
“Nope. I just woke up late and had to hurry,” I mumbled.
“Oh, you don’t need to hurry, Willow. You’re allowed to be late every once in a while.”
“Thanks, Cece,” I said, and she patted my hand. She was a sweet woman when she wanted to be. A real bitch the rest of the time.
“Don’t you worry. I just wish you’d go out more. There are guys here who would want to take you out, I’m sure.”
“Right,” I said and got busy with rearranging the cakes.
“I’m just saying. You’re twenty years old. When I was your age, I was expecting my first child,” she said and laughed.
“Hey, we’re out of lemon cake,” I said, just to steer the conversation away from me. And we really were out of lemon cake. I ate it and paid for it myself.
“Lucky day! I love making that cake,” she said and finally disappeared in the back.
So the day went on. Noon came and went, and I, like the naïve fool that I was, actually expected Adrian to come back. He didn’t. Of course he didn’t. Why would he?
I checked my email on my phone every few minutes to see if Mom had replied. If she’d even seen the offer I’d sent her. I suspected she deleted the email without even opening it. Nothing better was expected.
The time dragged until five pm. I loathed my life more than usual that day, so I planned to go to the liquor store and buy a bottle of vodka. If I got myself drunk enough, I’d pass out without having to wait for nightfall. Cece left before five, and I was out the door ten minutes later. I locked it three times, double-checked like Cece wanted me to, and turned around to leave.
Adrian was right in front of me.
I jumped back and hit the door with my shoulder, but at least I didn’t scream.
“Oh, God!” I breathed, trying to catch my breath. “You scared the shit out of me!”
Adrian laughed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
“Standing behind people without speaking will scare them when they turn around. Every time,” I said as my heart calmed down. “Just a tip for next time.”
“I will keep that in mind for the future,” he said. “And I really am sorry.”
“What…what are you doing here?” My head finally cleared enough to realize that he was actually there. In front of me.
“I did promise you cake yesterday, didn’t I?”
“Yeah, but you didn’t show up today. I waited for you.”
I clammed my mouth shut, but it was far too late. My cheeks burned. I couldn’t believe I’d said that.
“I know, and I’m sorry. I couldn’t make it earlier.”
“That’s okay, but the shop’s closed now, so…” I waved at him awkwardly and stepped aside.
“Do you have to be somewhere?” he asked and stepped in front of me again.
“Uh…yeah,” I mumbled. I didn’t know where he wanted to go with this. He told me soon enough.
“Do you drink coffee?” I raised my brows. “Let me buy you a cup of coffee today, and I’ll come back for the cake tomorrow.”
I looked around the street, as if the people passing by could give me an answer. Nobody did.
“Why?” He could see how confused I was.
“To make up for today. I feel really bad for standing you up,” he said and smiled sadly.
“You don’t have to feel bad about anything, Adrian. You didn’t stand me up. Just don’t worry about it.”
I stepped aside again, and this time, he didn’t stop me. He followed me instead.
“So that’s a no?” he said, smiling. And I thought, how nice would it be to have coffee with someone else other than Mom and George?
“I really need to be somewhere, Adrian.”
“An hour, no more,” he said. “I could really use some coffee right now.
I stopped walking. What the hell was he doing?
“Plus, I’ve got another joke. It’s so pathetic, you’ll probably cry,” he said.
“Okay,” I said against reason. I couldn’t understand why he would insist on having coffee with me, but I went along with it.
“You’re going to love this one, I promise you,” Adrian said, grinning, and I blushed again. It was impossible to look at him while he smiled, so I looked at his body through the corner of my eye. He looked different today. His jeans looked brand new, and his blue shirt wasn’t faded. And his sneakers? Brand new, too. The suspicion made my gut go crazy. Had he bought new things to come see me?
Probably not, but for the few seconds that I believed it, it felt amazing.
“What do you do?” I thought to ask. His clothes didn’t look cheap.
“What do you mean?”
“For a living. And where do you live?”
“I, uh…”he started to scratch the back of his neck. “I live in Neillsville, and I work with my brothers.”
“What do you guys do?”
“We…they own a construction company, and I help them out,” he said. It was impossible not to notice how uncomfortable he looked.
“Really?” He didn’t sound like himself, but he nodded. “How many brothers do you have?”
“Two older ones,” he said, then cleared his throat. “What about you?”
“I’m an only child,” I said, frowning. I’d always wanted to have siblings, but Mom couldn’t give birth anymore after me because of some infection in her uterus or something.
“Let’s go there,” Adrian said and pointed at one of the fancier restaurants of our town. There were tables outside, and I had heard Cece say they had great coffee.
“We can sit outside.”
And we did.
“This is nice,” Adrian said after we placed our order. It really was. The sun was still shining bright orange, and sometimes we even felt a light summer breeze.
“If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you?”
“I’m twenty-one,” he said. “You?”
“Will be twenty-one in December,” I said. “College?”
“Not yet,” he said and flinched.
“Do you want to go?”
“I do,” he said without missing a beat. “I’ve always wanted to study architecture. Buildings amaze me.”
“Well, at least you’re doing what you love,” I mumbled. Unlike me.
“Excuse me?”
“You work with your brothers in construction.”
“Oh, that,” he said, nodding.
“You don’t like it?”
“No, I do. It’s just…not the same thing.”
He wouldn’t meet my eyes, so I had a few minutes to myself to analyze him. The blue of his tattoos looked brighter with his blue shirt. The figures looked like they were alive as he moved his arm. I was dying to ask what they were, but I didn’t want to come off too nosy.
“Can I ask you something? Why are you working in a cake shop? Don’t get me wrong, every job is great, but didn’t you study law?”
“Pre-law. And for three months only,” I mumbled. Not a happy reminder.
“I don’t think you’d need a degree to be a secretary at a lawyer’s office. Do you?” he said.
“I don’t think so.”
“Have you tried applying for a job with the lawyers here?”
I laughed dryly. “Of course not. I’m not qualified. Who would want to hire me?”
“What do you mean?” he said, as if he couldn’t see.
“Look at me. I’m not secretary material.”
Adrian raised his brows and looked at me like I was a lunatic.
“I’m afraid I don’t follow,” he finally
said.
I never really had to have this sort of a conversation before, and it was making me really uncomfortable. “Because secretaries are…you know, tall. And they wear pretty things, like dresses and pressed pants.”
“I’m sure you could wear dresses and pressed pants, too,” he said with a dumbfounded smile on his face.
“Oh, no. That stuff doesn’t look good on me.”
I’d tried Mom’s clothes sometimes. She was a teacher at the local high school, and she had some pretty dresses in her closet, but they didn’t fit me. My hips were wider than hers, and my boobs bigger. I wasn’t fat, but I wasn’t skinny, either. Mom said I looked awful in things like that.
“Seems to me like you’re afraid,” Adrian said.
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me, Willow. It sounds like you’re afraid.”
“I’m not afraid.” Was he crazy?
“I don’t see any other explanation. You don’t want to apply to work in a field that you love, because you claim you don’t look good in dresses?”
“I-I-I…” Put like that, it really did sound stupid. “That looks much more reasonable in my head.”
Adrian laughed. “Why don’t you give it a shot? Just apply. What’s the worst that could happen?”
“I might never even get called for an interview?”
It was a pretty bad scenario in my head. Half the reason I’d never even dared to think about it. Shit. Adrian was right.
“So what? At least you know you’ve tried.” He leaned closer over the table and caught me by surprise. I couldn’t look away in time, and now his face was right in front of mine. “You know you’ll regret it if you don’t, right?”
When he leaned back in his chair, I could breathe again. “What about you? Why aren’t you in college?”
Adrian smiled sadly. His eyes followed the mug he played with for a while in silence.
“My Dad got sick a few years ago. I had to stay and take care of him while my brothers worked.”
“I’m so sorry.” I felt terrible for asking him.
“Don’t be. He’s doing fine now. He’s stronger than even me,” he said and smiled, but it didn’t sound genuine.
“That’s amazing,” I breathed. I wished my dad had had a chance to recover. The heart attack killed him on the spot.
