by Jerry Cole
“My parents are divorced,” Mark said, unable to stand the silence any longer. “Recently divorced. They waited until my little brother was out on his own, in school, before they went through with it. I thought they were really happy and, I don’t know, I guess it doesn’t matter. Logistically, I can’t live with either of them. My mom moved to Spain and my dad lives with his new wife and my baby sister. They don’t have room for me.”
“But why would you need to live with your parents?”
Mark laughed, shaking his head. “God, you don’t beat around the bush, do you? So my partner and I, we broke up. He made a lot more money than me, and we decided early on that it just made more sense for me not to bother with work. We lived somewhere kind of rural and — and I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?”
“No,” Mark replied, rubbing his temple. “I do know. I just don’t like talking about it. I think I let him talk me into it because I’m kind of domestic by nature. I took care of his dogs and then we started talking about adopting children. I thought things were really good.”
“You thought they were really good,” Jon repeated.
“Right,” Mark replied. “I thought so. But they weren’t. I really wanted, you know, kids. And he said he did, too, but then I found out he was sabotaging the entire thing. He kept, like, throwing forms away and accidentally telling me the wrong time for appointments and, yeah, I don’t know. He said he was just confused and that he was really sorry. We tried to make it work for about a year after that, but I couldn’t get over it. He lied to me for over two years, just pretended that we were trying to do something together that we just, you know, weren’t.”
“I’m so sorry,” Jon said. Mark thought he sounded like he meant it, but he couldn’t be sure. “That sounds really awful.”
“Right,” Mark replied. He didn’t want to get choked up, but he hadn’t spoken to anyone about this. Everyone knew that Roger and him had broken up. They just didn’t know what had happened. Mark hadn’t wanted to make his friends and family think poorly of Roger. After all, Roger’s family had kind of become his own. He still called Roger’s mother about once every month. He would probably still be receiving Christmas cards from them if he had given them a forwarding address. It had nearly been a year, but it hadn’t gotten any easier. He didn’t like thinking about it, and he didn’t understand why he was telling this person, this man that he barely knew, everything. Especially when it made him look like such a fool.
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Mark heard Jon say.
“Excuse me?”
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Jon repeated. “If that’s what you’re worried about.”
Mark opened his mouth to tell Jon that he was wrong. That he wasn’t worried about anything. That he knew that he hadn’t done anything wrong. But nothing came out of his mouth, so they both sat there in silence, watching the bonfire until it went out.
Chapter Four
Jon knew that he didn’t need to rehearse in his own home. He had been performing, professionally, since he was fifteen. Going on tour also involved three or four months of intensive, every day rehearsals. Being in the house and doing nothing, while he heard Mark move furniture around and tried to stay out of his way, was putting him on edge. That was the reason that he had given himself for taking out his Baoding balls. They were lightweight, but not clear crystal or blue, unlike the ones he used on stage. These were balls he had collected from all over the place when he had just started to learn. He grabbed six of them, placed them in his hands and let them slide across his long, expert fingers. He rolled two of the balls over to his arms while the rest remained suspended in the webbing between his fingers.
The six-ball trick had yet to be debuted, mostly because he wasn’t good enough at it yet. He was getting better. By the time he saw his long-term assistant and business partner Laurie, she would be impressed. She had final say on what the entire act entailed, mostly because she could see him even when he couldn’t see himself. She had also been the person that had catapulted them into stardom. Vegas and London had been entirely her doing.
Those viral videos had been all her.
He was zoning out as he tried to continue the trick, which was the easiest way to actually nail something, before he looked up. Mark was standing at the door, mouth agape. He looked like a little kid, his eyes wide and his eyebrows raised. Jon laughed. The fact that his body was shaking made all of the balls roll off of him and fall on the floor, except for the ones that were already in his hand.
“Sorry,” Mark said. “I didn’t mean to interrupt —”
Mark made a dash toward the balls the three balls that had fallen on the floor. He was about to crouch down to pick them up before Jon stopped him.
“Don’t worry about it,” Jon said. “Do you want to see something cool?”
Mark nodded. He turned to look at Jon as he isolated a ball in place, then another, then another. Jon could feel what he was doing, pivoting one of the balls on the other two to make it look like the one in the middle was floating in the air. Mark exhaled heavily, still smiling, before Jon threw the ball in the middle up in the air. He caught it in between his index and middle finger on his left hand, the two balls that he hadn’t throw in the air still looking like they were floating, now in his left hand.
He quickly twisted his hand upward and grabbed the balls in his palms, one after the other, before he looked at Mark again.
Even after all the years he had performed, he still felt proud whenever he managed to impress a new person. There was something else, too, but he wasn’t able to put his finger on it. The way that Mark was looking at him, like he had just seen him for the very first time, made him feel exposed.
It made him feel vulnerable.
Jon didn’t like feeling vulnerable. He often went out of his way to avoid it. It was the reason he wore a mask whenever he performed. It was the reason that he didn’t want to sell his house in the first place. It was also the reason that none of his relationships seemed to last more than six months.
He tried to hide the fact that he was blushing by taking a little bow as Mark clapped his hands together.
“That was amazing,” Mark said. Jon smiled, trying not to roll his eyes. That was nothing compared to his actual show. Contact juggling was something that relaxed him, not one of his better tricks, and he often used it between segments while his crew was setting the next trick up.
“Thank you,” Jon replied. He laughed before he spoke again. “It’s way easier than it looks. Just takes a little practice.”
“You didn’t say you were basically a wizard,” Mark said quietly. He also turned away, as if he needed to be prepared to leave the room at a moment’s notice.
Ever since he had revealed his past to Jon, he had been acting strangely skittish. Jon wouldn’t have even noticed it if he wasn’t paying attention, but he was. He was paying Mark a considerable amount of attention. Something had changed the night before. He didn’t know what it was — it was as if something had broken or come loose between them, but Jon couldn’t put his finger on it.
He didn’t understand why he had been so open with Mark. He was someone that he barely knew. He had never really spoken to anyone about his mother before, not even Laurie, even though she had been his best friend for years.
Then there was Mark, all smiles and crazy ideas. Maybe that was exactly what Jon needed. There was something about it that scared him, though.
“I told you I was a magician,” Jon replied.
“That’s a good point. What else can you do?”
“Loads of things. I can walk through fire —”
“Ohh.”
“I can steal your watch —”
“Not that impressive —”
“Swap it for a different, cheaper, similar-looking watch,” Jon replied. “In the blink of an eye.”
“So you are a criminal. I was right after all.”
“Well, you should see what I charge,
” Jon replied. “Though I only really get something like ten percent of the door.”
Mark chuckled. “Are you as good as you are at that at everything else?”
“I like to think I’m a lot better,” Jon said. “At everything else.”
“Everything else?”
Jon didn’t say anything. He could feel his cheeks burning.
Mark’s smile widened before he shook his head. “There’s a reason I came in here. Other than to disturb you.”
“You weren’t disturbing me,” Jon heard himself say, too quickly. Mark had actually interrupted him. He would have normally been annoyed by that. Instead, he had taken it as an opportunity to show off.
“I just needed to know where you keep your spare bedding,” Mark said. “You know, the one you don’t use? I was going to repurpose an old pillowcase to clean your ceiling fan. The dining room needs new furniture but it already looks a lot better, and I wanted to show it to you but only after I cleaned it.”
“You already finished?”
“Almost,” Mark said, flashing him a wide smile. “Give me until the end of the day.”
Chapter Five
Mark sat down on the floor, his legs extended and his arms propping him up, as he looked around the room. The cream-colored paint was drying on the walls. He had taken the wallpaper to the dumpster, and he had bought new, ultra-modern chairs with the credit card that Jon had given him. They looked good. He had been worried about the contrast with the dark mahogany desk, but they made it look like a statement piece. More than that, the dining room looked completely different from the creepy, claustrophobic Victorian nightmare. It looked airy and clean. Modern with a little touch of rustic.
He still needed to change the light fixtures. He had already eyed some square lampshades from the store. He had also taken the heavy purple curtains down and still needed to replace them. He continued making a mental inventory before he noticed that someone had walked in.
“Oh my God,” Jon said. “You weren’t joking.”
Mark looked up at him. “You pay me a lot of money. Do you expect me to do nothing?”
“I didn’t expect you to change things overnight,” Jon replied. “But —”
“Well, this room was easy. I just made you burn the worst part. Come here.”
Jon frowned before he sat down next to Mark. Mark didn’t think that Jon was used to sitting on the floor at all, so he was surprised at how little Jon seemed to care about dirtying his immaculate jeans. He also sat really, really close to Mark. The room wasn’t small. There was a considerable amount of space. Still, he chose to sit right next to him, his hands behind him. Almost touching Mark’s own hands.
“It looks so much bigger,” Jon said, tilting his head back and looking around. “I didn’t realize how small it looked before.”
“Yeah. I know. The walls don’t look like they are about to close in on us anymore. I still have a few things to do here, but after that, where do you want me to go from here? Do you want me to take on the living room?”
Jon didn’t say anything. Mark was about to prompt him again before he glanced his way. He seemed to be contemplating his answer very carefully. When he spoke, Mark had to strain to hear him. “I want — I want you to do my bedroom.”
“Your bedroom?”
“Yes,” Jon replied. “I needed to make sure you could do a good job before you took on that because, well, it’s such a big deal. I just, I hate it so much. I’ve slept on the sofa more times than I care to admit, just because going in there feels like walking into my grandmother’s mind. It’s not, you know, relaxing. In fact, I don’t think I’ve slept in that room ever since my mom died.”
“Sure. I can do your bedroom next. Why would you sleep in the sofa when you have so many rooms?”
“I don’t know,” Jon said, shrugging. “I’m not a smart man.”
Mark wondered if he should contradict him before deciding not to. He didn’t know anything about Jon. Maybe he was right. It also wasn’t Mark’s place to make him feel better about himself. After all, Jon was his boss. He was nothing else to him.
Just his boss.
“I would like to go shopping for my own furniture then, though,” Jon said. “As good as your taste is, I think that may make it easier for me to sleep in my own bedroom.”
“I thought you’d have personal shoppers and stuff.”
“No,” Jon said. “Why do you think I wear a mask? It’s so I can get to do my grocery shopping undisturbed.”
“Oh, right. Well, let me know when you are done with that and, in the meantime, I can—”
Jon smiled, shaking his head. “I think you misunderstood me. You’re coming with me.”
“Like—”
“Like we’re going shopping,” Jon replied. “So clear your schedule for tomorrow.”
Mark felt his heart skip a beat in his chest. If he didn’t know any better — and he did, he knew better — it would have sounded like a date. A day-long one.
He couldn’t turn Jon down, so he had to tell himself to get a grip. The last thing he needed was to get a crush on his employer.
Chapter Six
“This place is amazing,” Mark said, looking around the restaurant. Jon had made reservations the day before because the place usually got crazy busy for brunch, and as much as he hated to admit it, he was particular about food. There were only a few restaurants that he went to when he was in town, simply because having bad food could spoil an otherwise perfectly good day. That was why he had made the reservation in the first place.
Mark being thoroughly and endearingly impressed was just a bonus.
“Wait until you actually eat some of the food here,” he replied. “And thank you, again. I know I’m not an easy person to shop with.”
Mark smiled. “You’re fine. I’m having fun. Oh, shit, I’m not supposed to say that if I want to get paid, am I?”
Jon looked away from his menu and up at him. He was wearing a black shirt and jeans, an uncomplicated ensemble that still managed to make him look extremely well put-together. Jon had wondered if he looked underdressed next to Mark, though what he was wearing was very similar.
“It’s okay. I won’t tell anyone,” Jon replied, smiling back at him. “Seriously, though, I want you to have fun. I know that spending time with your boss can be a real drag, so I really appreciate everything that you’re doing for me. I know I’m really picky and I’m kind of—”
“You are not really picky,” Mark said. “I mean, okay, you’re a little picky, but you need to stop apologizing to me because I have to spend time with you. Seriously, I would be doing this for free if you had just asked.”
Jon chuckled. “Probably shouldn’t have said that.”
“Probably not,” Mark said. The easy smile was gone. It was replaced by something else. There was a seriousness and intensity to Mark’s expression that Jon couldn’t really understand. “I’m serious, though. I don’t want you to think that you have to pay to spend time with me, because you don’t. If you just want to like—”
Jon watched him. Mark’s cheeks had reddened and he was looking away from him as he fidgeted in his chair.
“All I’m saying is, like, if you ever want us to just hang out,” Mark finished his sentence quietly, still not meeting Jon’s eyes. “We totally can.”
It took a little while for Jon to actually process what he was saying. Did Mark want to be his friend? That made no sense. They were already friends. They got along okay. Why would Mark be interested in just hanging out with him? He needed the job. He was good at it.
Jon opened his mouth to ask Mark what he meant before he realized what he was actually being asked. “I, uh, am straight,” Jon said quietly. This time, it was him who wasn’t meeting Mark’s gaze. “You seem like a nice guy and I’m —”
“That’s not what—”
“I’m sorry,” Jon said. “If I were into—”
“Like, it doesn’t have to be romantically—”
They both stopped talking at the same time as the waiter arrived to take their order. Jon looked down at his menu, trying desperately not to look up. He didn’t want to make it worse for Mark.
Mark was quiet on the way back to Jon’s house. Jon had tried to engage him in conversation and while he had been polite, he hadn’t seemed very interested in actual dialogue. Jon knew that he couldn’t blame Mark for feeling awkward about what had happened. He just wanted to move past it. He wanted them both to move past it and get back to normal.
Time to bite the bullet, he thought. If ignoring the issue wasn’t going to make it go away, he had to address it. Especially because it wasn’t as if Mark could just go somewhere else until things stopped being awkward. They lived together. Mark worked for him.
“Look,” he said, after he merged into the fast lane. “I just want to clear the air. I’m very flattered that you would be interested in me that way. And if I were gay or whatever, I would totally be into you. I’m just not into men. I don’t want things to be awkward between us, though, so can we just put it behind us?”
Mark sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Sure. I shouldn’t have said anything. For what it’s worth, I didn’t mean just going on dates together, though—”
“You didn’t just mean that?”
“Is it okay if I just don’t tell you? I don’t want to upset you,” Mark replied. “Or offend you. Yes, I mean, I think you’re cute and you seem like a nice and interesting person, but—”
“I guess you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. But now I’m really curious and want to know. And if you upset me, so what? I’m a grown-ass man, Mark. I’ll get over it.”
“But you’re my boss,” Mark said. “You made that perfectly clear at brunch.”
“That’s not what I meant,” Jon replied. He could feel his heart beating faster. Mark’s tone was even and he didn’t seem particularly angry. He was hurt. “Look, just tell me, okay? If I misinterpreted what you said, then —”
