"I'm fine. I didn't mean to wake you." He took her in his arms and pressed her against him. She stiffled a gasp as she realized that he was completely naked. His body was long and lean and muscular. She tried to combat her tenseness as she said, "Does your head still hurt?"
His lips caressed her face. "Yes, but it's more bearable now."
He nuzzled the hollow of her neck below her ear and sent tingles in all directions. She relaxed in his arms.
He raised his head and his lips teased hers, then moved down her slender throat as he pushed aside her deeply cut nightgown. She gasped with pleasure and wound her fingers in his dark hair.
Her nightie was tossed to the floor and his exploring hands sent tongues of fire through her. She arched her body against his and her voice quivered as she said, "Tell me what you want me to do, Shane."
"You're doing just fine. We'll take it slowly; I don't want to frighten you again."
He did take it slowly until finally it was Karen who begged for release, and when it came she lost all hold on reality and soared. When she finally touched earth again she lay snuggled in Shane's arms, satiated and content. She tugged at his ear lobe with her teeth and whispered, "Oh, Shane. I love you so."
His smile slowly died and a fleeting look of pain swept across his face as he said, "No, Karen, it's not love you feel for me. I've just introduced you into the mystery and joy of passion, and it's easy to confuse that with love. Don't make that mistake, Karen. I don't want to hurt you."
She shuddered as his remark hit home and vowed to be more careful in the future. Shane didn't want love from her and she'd have to keep her feelings for him under stricter control. She mustn't let him know how deeply she cared.
He must have realized how his words had hurt because he lifted her face and kissed her. "For a beginner, Mrs. McKittrick, you were slightly spectacular. It's a good thing I've got this pounding headache. I'd never have been able to be as gentle with you if I'd felt even halfway decent."
Oh, no, she'd forgotten about his concussion! She gasped and put her hand to the hammering pulse at his temple as she said, "I'm sorry, Shane, I forgot. We should have waited."
He groaned as he gathered her to him. "No way! I'd waited as long as I could. There's a limit to any man's endurance and mine had been reached, believe me! The pain of wanting you was a great deal worse than the pain in my head."
The next three weeks were pure heaven, or would have been if Karen had been able to forget that hers wasn't a normal marriage, that her husband was humoring her only until he got the one thing he wanted—a son. They took trips to Lake Tahoe, to Disneyland, where Karen was wide-eyed with delight, and to San Francisco for the opera—but always their nights were spent making love and Karen was a little embarrassed to admit that she liked that best of all. Shane tried to be gentle but more often than not their hunger for each other could not be controlled and their loving was violent and immensely satisfying.
Then came the day when Karen knew she was not yet pregnant. She shuddered at the thought of telling Shane. He asked only one thing of her, a child, and in spite of all their loving she had failed him. Would he be angry and blame her? She didn't think she could stand it if he withdrew again and treated her like a little girl who could never do anything right.
Karen was sitting hunched over on the side of the bed when Taffy came in bearing a tray with a coffeepot and two cups. She beamed a greeting as she said, "Good morning, sleepyhead. Your husband sent me up to have a cup of coffee with you and to tell you he had to go in to Carmel for a while but will be back for lunch."
She set the tray on the round table and turned to look at Karen. What she saw made her frown. "Honey, are you sick?"
Karen shook her head. "Not really; I think I'll just go back to sleep for a while."
Karen tossed restlessly, neither asleep or awake, and her dreams were disjointed and frightening. Something—a noise, perhaps-made her jump and open her eyes. The heavy drapes were still pulled across the French doors and the room was dim. There was another noise, which she identified as a footstep, and the door opened. Shane walked in, his mouth set in a thin line. He walked to the bed and stood looking down at her as he said, "Taffy said you were still in bed. What's the matter? Don't you feel well?"
She was caught and she hadn't had a chance to plan a way to break her news to him easily. She looked up at him through thick dark lashes and stammered, "I—I'm all right—my—my stomach hurts."
He sat down on the side of the bed and put his hand to her forehead. "Did you eat something that didn't agree with you? You don't seem to be running a temperature."
She shook her head. "No, Shane, I'm trying to tell you I'm not pregnant. In spite of all our lovemaking I'm not going to give you a child."
The tears she'd been fighting to hold back spilled over and ran down her cheeks as with a muttered oath Shane took her in his arms and held her close.
"Karen, is that what's upsetting you so? Didn't you ever have sex education in school? It sometimes takes months to get pregnant—even years—and you're so very young. Don't be in such a hurry; think of all the fun we can have trying."
She couldn't believe what she was hearing. He sounded almost glad she wasn't pregnant! But that wasn't possible—he was anxious for an heir! She hiccupped on a sob and said, "But you said you expected a baby within a year! You know I should be pregnant by now!"
He swore quietly and stroked her tousled hair. "Let's just forget it, okay?"
Her green eyes sought and held his brown ones as she asked, "Are you sure?"
He kissed her then, tenderly, almost lovingly. "Of course I'm sure. Now, do you want me to have Mrs. Whitney serve lunch up here?"
She smiled mistily. "No, I feel better. I'll dress and go downstairs."
Karen and Shane spent some of their time in San Francisco, where they became part of the social scene and Shane could catch up on what work he couldn't have transferred to his home on the Monterey Peninsula. His sophisticated friends were intrigued by his child bride and Shane seemed to enjoy showing her off, although he was possessive and let everyone know it. It was in San Francisco that they also came in contact with Audrey again.
Shane came back to the condominium one afternoon with the news that Audrey had re-turned from her round-the-world tour and that they were invited to a welcome home party for her the following night. That was one party Karen did not want to attend, but she smilingly agreed and asked, "Does Audrey know we're married?"
He nodded. "Oh, yes, news travels fast. She said to give you her best wishes."
A little shock ran through Karen as she said, "You've talked to her?"
"Mm-hm—she stopped by the office this morning to offer her congratulations."
Karen felt a sharp twinge of jealousy. What had Shane and Audrey's relationship been? She was almost sure they'd been lovers; Audrey's attitude toward him left little doubt on that score. How had she taken the news of his marriage to Karen? Karen was sure that Audrey wasn't the type to accept defeat gracefully.
Karen was right. Audrey was the center of attention at the party given by one of the state's most powerful political figures at his mansion atop Nob Hill. Audrey looked stunning in a classically cut gown in a creamy jersey that draped around her slender height and accentuated the russet highlights in her soft mahogany hair.
She must have been watching for Shane because as soon as he and Karen were ushered into the room she practically threw herself into his arms and kissed him full on the mouth. Shane broke away and laughed as he said, "Behave yourself, Audrey."
"Well, really, darling"—she pouted—"we're not going to stop being friends just because you're married to little Karen are we?" Her turquoise eyes were chips of ice as they raked over Karen. "Hello, Karen, you're looking sweet tonight. Like the kitten that just caught the canary. You should be careful pet, some things are quite indigestible."
Karen shivered as Shane put his arm around her waist and frowned, but Audrey was gone as quickly as sh
e had appeared. She was charming for the rest of the evening but Karen was uneasy. Audrey was a threat and one Karen had no defense against.
They returned to Carmel the following day and left the shadow of Audrey behind—or almost. Karen's love for Shane was all-encompassing. It radiated from her arms when she held him, her lips when she kissed him, and her body when it was entwined with his in lovemaking, but she was uneasily aware that it was not the same with him. He was passionate, and tender, and more than a little possessive. He gave her anything she wanted and spoiled her outrageously, but sometimes, early in the morning, before daylight, she would wake to find him standing at the window or just sitting in the leather armchair staring ahead at nothing, a sad, brooding look on his unguarded face.
The first time it happened she was alarmed and sat up in bed, sleepy and disoriented, as she said, "Shane, is something wrong? Why are you up so early?"
She could have sworn that for just a second the look he turned on her was one of annoyance, but then he smiled and held out his arms and she crawled out of bed and onto his lap and he cuddled her as he said, "Nothing's wrong; I'm sorry I disturbed you with my restlessness."
He stroked her and kissed her and very shortly carried her back to bed, but the next time it happened, and the next, and the next, she pretended to sleep so she could watch him. Sometimes he sat or stood quietly, other times he paced silently around the room, and once he dressed quickly and left, returning more than an hour later.
During these times Karen lay shivering between the warm sheets, apprehensive and afraid. Was Shane tiring of her already? Was he longing for Audrey with her more experienced and exotic lovemaking? Karen knew what a novice she was in the art of love. Maybe Shane was bored with her innocence. Was he already regretting the desire that had trapped him into this marriage with a girl who was little more than a child?
Her fears were forgotten each time he returned to bed and reached for her, but they returned at unexpected moments and left her troubled and uneasy.
Then nature finally cooperated and one day Karen realized, as a little thrill ran through her, that she was going to have Shane's child. Shane's son. Was it really possible? Shane was driving to San Francisco for the day later in the week. She'd ride up with him and see Dr. Karl Laird, one of the city's leading obstetricians and a longtime friend of Shane's. She said nothing about her appointment to Shane, however. She wanted to wait until she was sure.
Karl Laird was about Shane's age. She'd met him before and liked him. He teased her about not wasting any time, then examined her and took blood for tests. He told her to go shopping for a couple of hours and then come back. She nervously left and when she returned the nurse ushered her right into the doctor's office. He was sitting behind his desk grinning and Karen sank down in the chair opposite, her knees suddenly weak.
Karl said, "Congratulate your husband for me, Karen; he'll be a father by next July."
The beginnings of a smile played around Karen's mouth as she said, "Really? Are you sure?"
Karl leaned back in his chair. "It's a little early to be positive but I'd bet my reputation on it."
The smile broke into full radiance. "Oh, Karl, thank you!"
He laughed. "Don't thank me, honey, I had nothing to do with it." She blushed and he was suddenly serious. "I've never thought of Shane as the father type. Is he going to be surprised about this?"
"Oh, no," Karen beamed, "we planned this baby. It's very much wanted."
Karl relaxed and smiled. "Great! You're in excellent health and shouldn't have any problems. Come back in a month and bring Shane if he wants to come. I know he'll have questions."
Karen was bursting with excitement as she sat beside Shane on the ride to Carmel but she didn't want to tell him her secret yet. It was special news and should be told in a special setting. She'd wait until they were in bed, after they'd made love, when they were warm and relaxed and loving. Then she'd tell him that she'd finally done something right—that she'd conceived the child that meant so much to him, the child he'd married her to get. She pushed the unpleasant thought aside and shivered with anticipation. Shane glanced at her and put his hand on her knee as he asked, "Are you cold, honey?"
She hugged his arm and shook her head. "No, I'm just happy."
His fingers tightened around her knee and his face softened and he leaned over and kissed the top of her head. "You're the easiest woman to please that I ever met. What's made you so happy now?"
Embarrassed, and afraid that he would read her secret in her eyes, she turned away.
Henri had dinner ready when they got home and afterward they curled up together in the big leather chair in the den, watching television until Shane carried her upstairs to bed.
Later, as they lay warm and tousled and a little breathless, Karen knew the time had come to share her secret. She started hesitantly as she snuggled in his arms.
"Shane, are you happy?"
His hand rested across her midriff as he murmured sleepily, "Mmmm, I'm ecstatic. Nothing in the world could make me happier than I am at this minute."
"Nothing?"
"Nothing!"
She was going to have to be a bit more specific. "Don't you remember why you married me?"
His teeth worried her ear lobe. "Of course I do. I married you because I couldn't keep my hands off you."
She giggled and reached over to turn on the bedside lamp. She wanted to see his face when she told him. She tried again.
"You're not being serious and I have something very important to tell you."
He grinned and kissed her nose. "All right, Karen, what is it? Are you overdrawn at the bank? Or did you charge something wildly expensive to my account? Either way I promise not to beat you."
"I'm pregnant!" she blurted, unable to hold it in any longer.
His reaction was totally different from what she had expected. He stiffened and stared at her as the blood drained from his face. Finally he said, "Are you sure?"
She smiled tentatively and nodded. "I saw Dr. Laird this morning and he did a blood test. He says it's almost certain."
"Almost?" Shane watched her closely. "Then he could be mistaken?"
Karen felt cold with shock. What was the matter with him? She'd thought he'd be wild with joy and he acted almost disappointed! Maybe he was just being cautious, afraid it might be a mistake after all. She shook her head.
"Darling, it's highly unlikely that the test is wrong. They're very accurate and it isn't as if we hadn't been trying to have a baby." She grinned impishly. "I don't see how I could not be pregnant."
He swung back the covers and sat on the edge of the bed. He sounded angry as he muttered.
"Why did you have to be so damned eager? Are you anxious to have this baby so you can leave me?"
"Shane!" Karen sat up too and reached for her yellow robe. "I don't understand! I thought you'd be so happy!"
She slipped on the robe and sat with brimming eyes and trembling lips, attempting not to shiver as she tried again to understand. "You're the one who wanted a baby—why are you so angry?"
Shane looked at her with a little groan and took her in his arms, rocking her back and forth. "I'm not angry, sweetheart, I'm just shocked. I—I thought it would take longer. I'm sorry. Of course I'm happy, but I'm worried, too. Are you all right? What did Karl Laird say?"
Karen held back the tears and relaxed a little. Maybe he hadn't expected her to get pregnant quite so soon. Maybe he was worried about her. But when they lay down again he kissed her lightly and turned away from her, and for the first time since their marriage had really begun they didn't sleep in each other's arms.
For the next two weeks Shane made love to her only occasionally, and almost reluctantly, as though he would rather not but couldn't help himself. Karen was puzzled and upset and when she questioned him he explained that he didn't want to overture her or endanger the child. She tried to tell him that Dr. Laird had said it was perfectly all right to make love, but then one morning she lea
ped out of bed and ran to the bathroom, where she was violently sick. Shane immediately moved her back into the lavender bedroom, where she once again slept alone. He was patient and loving and told her she would sleep better if she had her own room, but she felt bewildered and deserted and remembered, too late, that he hadn't wanted a wife—only a woman who would give him a son! The days of Karen's marriage were drawing to a close. Once Shane's son was born he would have no further need of her—he'd made that very clear. By July she would be a free woman again. Free. She considered the word. How ironic that she would never be free again, but that, in fact, the divorce would leave her more Shane's prisoner than ever.
Chapter Eight
Karen's pregnancy was not an easy one; her nausea continued unabated and, instead of disappearing as the day progressed, lasted all day. She lost weight and the circles that had appeared under her eyes deepened daily.
One morning, she crawled back into bed after a particularly violent session only to hear Shane enter the room behind her. He stood angrily over her bed and spoke.
"I'll send Taffy up to help you dress, then I'm taking you back to San Francisco to see Dr. Laird." She started to protest but he paid no attention. "I'm not stupid, Karen, and I know most women don't suffer the way you are. Now don't argue. I'll be ready to go as soon as you are dressed."
Shane must have called ahead because they were ushered into Dr. Laird's private office as soon as they arrived. Karl came in a few minutes later, looking worried, and said, "What's the problem? Shane says you're having a rough time with nausea. You should have contacted me sooner; I can give you shots to relieve that."
Shane looked straight at the doctor and said, "Karl, I want this pregnancy terminated."
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