Shane frowned. "No, Karen, I'm not taking you with me. I want you settled in one place until the baby conies. I'll stay in the city Monday through Friday and come home on weekends, the way I did before."
She must have looked as stricken as she felt because he hurried on. "It will work out just fine. You'll have Taffy to keep you company and a house full of servants to see that things run smoothly. I'll call every day and come home on Friday afternoons. You'll hardly miss me."
Karen felt the life drain out of her. He was going to drive her out of her mind. Half the time he couldn't live without her and the other half he wanted nothing to do with her. What had caused this latest change of attitude? She wanted to scream, to throw something, but she didn't. That night, however, it was she who turned away from him in the bed.
The following week was pure hell. Shane called once a day but there was no warmth in their conversation; it was a duty call to be sure she was all right. He wanted to be sure nothing happened to his precious child, she thought. She cried herself to sleep in the big lonely bed every night and wished she had never heard of Shane McKittrick.
Then on Thursday he told her he'd be home in time for dinner Friday evening, and the old excitement tingled through her. Shane was coming back! He would be home for two days and three nights! Certainly he couldn't ignore her all that time, not after the closeness that had, until so recently, existed between them?
Karen was waiting in the library when Shane's Cadillac, the car he'd bought to replace the Lincoln he'd wrapped around a tree, swung into the driveway. Her nerves were so taut that she would have heard him from anywhere in the house, but to make sure she had chosen to wait in the library, which was just off the entrance hall. She jumped up but made herself stay in the room. She wasn't going to run to him this time, he'd have to come to her.
She was standing by the desk when she heard him come in the front door. Her hands were clenched and her body was still with apprehension. How would he greet her? Would he come looking for her? Would he be happy to see her? Would he want her?
She was so intent on her agonizing that she didn't see him until he was standing in the door. Her eyes flew to his face and she felt herself relax. He looked pale and tired but the relief in his eyes was unmistakable. Without a word he held out his arms and she ran into them. Their lips and arms and bodies meshed and melted into one another as he murmured hoarsely, "Oh, Karen, how I missed you!"
They were thus occupied when a loud rap and an embarrassed cough sounded from the door. They both looked up guiltily to see Mrs. Whitney standing in the doorway, her flushed face turned discreetly away as she said, "Excuse me, I didn't mean—" She cleared her throat. "Dinner is ready to be served."
Dinner seemed interminable and when it was finally over Shane was in no mood for teasing. He took Karen by the hand and led her upstairs to bed.
They made love all weekend and Karen was content, but on Monday morning Shane left again for San Francisco. She was determined to make the best of this way of living if that's what Shane wanted, but she felt rejected, abandoned, and at last—used.
For the next three weeks he left on Monday morning and returned Friday afternoon, passionate and almost desperate in his need for her, but there was always something missing. The tender awareness that had always been a part of his relationship with her was gone, replaced by a hunger that she felt could be satisfied by almost any woman.
Their telephone conversations during the week became strained, then snappish, and by the fourth weekend the one thing she had thought could never happen did. She found it difficult to respond to his lovemaking; it was as if his cold passion had finally destroyed her own tender responses.
That Monday Shane took her back to San Francisco with him because she had a Tuesday appointment for her monthly checkup with Dr. Laird. Karl weighed and probed and measured and said she was coming along beautifully. She complained that she was beginning to look like an overinflated balloon, but he only laughed and said that every woman felt that way and why should she be any different?
It was late afternoon when she left the doctor's office and took a cab back to the condominium. She was anxious to be there when Shane got home. Things were better between them here in San Francisco. He seemed happy to have her with him.
She changed out of her town clothes and into a long, flowing caftan. Nothing could make her look sexy now that she was over seven months pregnant but the green delicately flowered material brought out the emerald color of her eyes and heightened the rose in her cheeks. When the doorbell rang she assumed it was Shane. Instead it was Mark. He was carrying a briefcase and smiled as he walked in.
"You're looking positively gorgeous, mama-to-be. Where's the proud papa?"
Karen laughed. "He's not home yet. Come in and have a drink—he should be here any minute."
They went into the living room and Mark mixed a screwdriver for himself and handed Karen a glass of orange juice. They sat together on the gold damask couch and for a while the conversation was general, but during a pause Mark said quietly, "Karen, how's it going with you and Shane?"
She frowned and he hurried on. "You can tell me it's none of my business, but lately Shane's been hell to work for, and you're not looking too happy yourself. I feel responsible for getting you into this, honey, and I'd like to help you if you need it."
Karen toyed with her glass. Maybe she should confide in Mark. He was the only person she could talk to about her problems because only he knew the truth behind her marriage.
She started, cautiously at first, but when Mark listened carefully and offered no comment other than to take her hand when she began to get emotional, she forgot to be cautious and let the words flow. She poured out all her private anguish and without quite knowing how it happened she found herself in Mark's arms sobbing on his shoulder. They didn't hear the door open but Shane's voice boomed like thunder across the room. "What in hell is going on?"
They jerked apart guiltily and Karen cringed at the murderous look on Shane's face. He didn't move but his voice was chilling as he said, "I should have known! My sweet, naive, virginal wife can't wait until our baby's born to start cheating on me! And with one of the hired help!" He turned to Mark, his face livid. "I ought to kill you with my bare hands!"
He lunged at Mark, who jumped up and prepared to defend himself as Karen screamed, "Shane! Stop it! You're out of your mind!"
The hysteria in her voice must have gotten through to Shane because he stopped and jeered at her. "What's the matter? Are you afraid I'll mess up his pretty face? Well, you better believe I will!"
He started for Mark again. Karen instinctively. stepped between them and before Shane could deflect the blow he had aimed at Mark it grazed Karen's shoulder, knocking her down.
The effect on Shane was instantaneous. He swore and dropped to the floor and gathered her in his arms as he groaned, "Sweetheart, are you all right? Oh, God, Karen, I'm sorry!"
Mark stood over them, his face twisted with rage. "You… You lay a hand on her again and I'll—"
Karen struggled to a sitting position and winced as pain shot through her right hip where she landed on it. This was the last straw! She'd had it with Shane and his moods, and with Mark, too! She pulled away from Shane and glared at him. "You have no right to accuse me of such a vile thing! I'm not your mother!"
Shane stiffened. "And just what is that supposed to mean?"
Karen held out her hand to Mark, who helped her off the floor. She was trembling with shock and anger as she said, "I know your mother ran off with another man and I'm sorry you were so hurt, but it doesn't give you the right to assume I'll behave the same way!"
Shane stood up and turned to Mark. "Get out of here, Mark, and don't ever let me catch you alone with my wife again!"
Mark glanced at Karen and left, slamming the door behind him.
Shane faced her and his voice was hoarse with surpressed violence as he said, "So, you've been listening to the servants' gossip! You should have pr
ied a little further and gotten the whole story. My mother was a lot like you. Oh, not in looks—but she was just seventeen when she married Dad. He was thirty-seven, old enough to be her father, but he adored her. She was warm and innocent and loving and his whole life centered around her. I was born when she was twenty, and since there were no more children the three of us were very close. Until I was sent away to school when I was ten my mother was the most important person in my life. I loved her and was so proud when she came to school to visit me."
He turned and walked away, hunching his shoulders as if trying to escape the pain his memories ignited. "I was a freshman at an exclusive private boarding school when Mother disappeared. At first we thought she'd been kidnapped. Dad was a wealthy businessman and that type of thing was always a threat. All the law enforcement agencies were called in and it was two days before we found the note that had apparently dropped behind the bedside stand."
For a moment he was silent, and when he spoke again it was with an awful bitterness. "She'd gone away with an artist. A man her own age who was the current darling of the Carmel crowd. Of course the newspapers had a field day. By reporting her disappearance to the police as a suspected kidnapping, we gave the papers the perfect excuse for splashing our private agony all over their front pages."
Compassion overcame Karen's anger and she went to Shane and stood behind him, her arms around his waist and her cheek against his back. "Darling, I know it was an awful experience but you can't let it distort your view of all women."
Shane didn't turn around or acknowledge her embrace and his voice was savage as he said, "You haven't the faintest idea what it was like so don't tell me how I should feel about women! You didn't see what her defection did to my father! He was like a man possessed. First he raged, then he cried, and finally he started to drink. I stayed home the rest of that school year, but I was only a kid—there was little I could do except be there when he needed to talk."
Shane moved away from her and started pacing the room. "It was hell! He'd start by calling her every vile name he could think of, then he'd sob and plead with her to come back, just as if she was in the room with us. I guess you could say he didn't handle his grief very well, but his whole life had blown up in his face!"
Shane stopped pacing and turned to Karen. The torment he was feeling was mirrored on his face but his voice was hard and cold. "I swore then that no woman would ever do that to me! If my mother, with her sweetness and innocence, couldn't be trusted, then there's no woman who can be. No, Karen, I have no reason to trust you. I need you only to give me a son—after that I shall expect you to get out of my life except where the child is concerned. And as long as you are my wife you will stay away from other men or I won't be responsible for what I might do!"
Chapter Nine
Karen felt sick. Shane's father wasn't the only one who'd had his life blow up in his face. It had just happened to her and she was stunned beyond belief.
Shane had told her from the beginning that he would not permit the marriage to extend beyond the birth of the baby, but she had been so sure she could change his mind, that he would fall in love with her and want her with him always. What a fool she'd been! What an idiot to think that a man as old and as experienced as Shane didn't know what he wanted.
Her legs were trembling and she sank down on the straight chair behind her. Well, she'd have to make the best of this impossible situation, but she didn't have to get in any deeper. She took a quivering breath and said, "I have no interest in other men, Shane, but since the objective of this marriage has been accomplished and I'm already pregnant there's no reason for us to sleep together anymore. There are less than two months left until the baby is born, then you'll be rid of me!"
Shane betrayed no emotion as he said, "As you like," and turned and walked out of the apartment.
They returned to Carmel and Karen again moved into the lavender room. She hated it. She hated Shane's mother and his father. She hated everyone but Shane. Why, oh why, couldn't she hate Shane? Maybe she was a masochist and got her kicks out of suffering? But then why was she so desperately unhappy?
Karen and Shane were coldly polite. They spent as little time as possible in each other's company and carried on lucid conversations about matters that had no depth. They both knew that they were only marking time until the baby was born and Karen could leave. Would Shane insist on seeing the baby often? She didn't think she could stand it if she had to continue this charade for eight years.
Shane took her back to San Francisco after two weeks for another checkup. Her due date was getting closer and her checkups more frequent. The doctor was a little concerned about the size of the baby, who was definitely bigger then average, but other than that she was doing fine.
That night Shane brought Audrey to the condominium for dinner. Audrey was tall and slender in a tight-fitting gown that showed off her luscious bosom and softly rounded hips. Karen felt like an overstuffed teddy bear and couldn't really blame Shane when his eyes kept straying to Audrey. Karen sat pushing food around on her plate and only half listening to Shane and Audrey discuss the worsening economic situation, but her attention was captured when Audrey said, "Would you mind if I dropped in on you at the house for a few days this week? I promised Paula—you remember Paula Jensen, darling, the one who paints all those ghastly seascapes—well, I promised to help her with her one-woman show in Carmel and hotel rooms always give me claustrophobia."
Shane smiled and said, "We'd love to have you, wouldn't we, Karen?"
Karen gave him a murderous glance and nodded.
So now they had Audrey as a houseguest. Not that she bothered Karen; Audrey hardly even spoke to her. All Audrey's attention was focused on Shane. They spent hours on the Pebble Beach golf course with their wealthy friends while Karen stayed home and fretted.
It was on the third night that Audrey was there that the nightmare began. Karen had been having trouble sleeping, not only because of her personal problems but because the baby filled her so completely that she couldn't get comfortable. The child was big and Karen was tiny and the combination was impossible. On this particular evening after dinner she had taken a couple of antacid pills and gone upstairs to lie down. She was always tired these days. Shane opened the door to her room a few minutes later and said, "Karen, are you all right?"
He came into the room and sat on the side of the bed. "You've been looking so pale and tired lately." He took her hand and rubbed it against his cheek. "I think we should move to San Francisco now. I want you near your doctor and the hospital. If anything happened to you—"
His voice broke and he bent down and took her in his arms. Her traitorous heart was pounding madly at his touch. Would it never learn not to trust him?
She held him and stroked his head as she murmured, "I'm fine, just tired. This son of yours is a pretty big fellow for me to carry around all the time."
He sat up and unbuttoned her silk smock. "I'm going to put you to bed and I want you to stay there."
He undressed her with gentleness and helped her into her tentlike nightgown, then pulled the covers around her and kissed her good night.
When he was gone, she settled into the softness of the satin sheets and wished he had come to bed with her. She needed his closeness and his reassurance. In spite of the doctor's optimism, she was frightened. She didn't know what to expect. Would she have a long-drawn-out labor? The baby was so big—she hoped that the delivery would be easy and pose no danger. Shane would never forgive her if anything happened to his son.
She drifted off into sleep and woke an hour later feeling refreshed. The memory of Shane's tenderness brought a smile. He hadn't seemed to pay much attention to her lately and she was surprised that he'd noticed she wasn't feeling well.
She got out of bed and put on her robe and slippers. It was still early—she'd join Shane downstairs and reassure him that all she'd needed was a little rest. Her soft slippers on the thickly carpeted stairway were soundless. The haunting stra
ins of a violin concerto floated from the stereo speakers and she turned at the bottom of the stairs, started into the living room, then stopped and stared. Shane was standing by the grand piano with his back to her holding Audrey in his arms! Audrey had her face buried in his shoulder but something attracted her attention and she looked up. Her turquoise eyes caught Karen's green ones and held them for a moment, then her arms tightened around Shane's neck and she once again snuggled into his shoulder; Karen whirled and fled back up the stairs!
The long night was finally over and when Karen opened her eyes the sun was high in the sky. At three o'clock she'd given up and taken a sleeping pill and slept till ten. Her head ached and she felt groggy and unable to cope with what she had seen last night. Shane and Audrey! Couldn't he have waited until the baby was born before bringing Audrey here as his mistress?
She dragged herself out of bed, dressed, and went downstairs to the dining room. The thought of food made her ill but she poured herself a cup of coffee before she became aware of voices coming from the small adjoining kitchen. She recognized them as Audrey's and Mrs. Whitney's. They were the last two people she wanted to see, but as she turned to leave she bumped into a chair and pushed it into the table with a scraping sound.
Audrey appeared in the doorway and there was a look of triumph on her face as she said, "Oh, Karen, I didn't know you were up." She made a little face. "Sorry you walked in on Shane and me at the wrong moment last night, but if you're going to spy you'd better expect to learn some unpleasant truths."
Anger pricked at Karen's shattered ego. "I wasn't spying. Need I remind you that this is my house and Shane is my husband. What's the matter, Audrey, can't you find a man of your own?"
Audrey bristled but her voice was sugary as she said, "Oh, but Karen, Shane is my man. Have you forgotten he only married you to give him a child?"
Karen jerked to attention. How could Audrey know that? Shane had been insistent that no one but Mark should know the circumstances of their marriage. Her surprise must have shown, because Audrey laughed.
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