“Right.” I cleared the sudden obstruction in my throat and drank a little of the bottle of water on my desk. “Is there something I can help you with?”
“Your mother…” Silence hit the line for enough seconds to make me think something was wrong, “She didn’t tell you, did she?”
“Tell me what?” I pulled out my chair intending to sit down, but the cramp between my thighs changed my mind. I swiveled around to appreciate the view of the downtown area through the floor to ceiling windows.
“I spoke to her a few days ago. We discussed the charity event occurring next month. I offhandedly mentioned that I didn’t have a date and she requested—actually, she pleaded with me to call you. I apologize for the time it took me to ring you. I was hoping to speak to you at the charity event and well… I’ve been occupied.” He added in an even quieter tone, “Or maybe I was a little nervous about speaking with you.”
Noah had fallen quickly from my mother’s good graces and as typical of her, she was lining up the next available prospect.
“Are you there, Keaton?”
“Yes. Sorry.” I touched the cold glass, watching the snowflakes create water bubbles on the glass. “Nervous about speaking with me? I’m not anyone important, Braedan.”
“I suppose…with the way people who know you have talked about you and other things, there’s a lot of celebrity attached to your name.”
It seemed every one of my friends had met Braedan and were so taken with him, they chatted about me. No one wanted to see me with Noah. I couldn’t uncover a reason to disagree with them. At this point, I should have. I was never one to so easily give up. I still had a modicum of faith in the real Noah.
Closing my eyes, I listened to the faint sound of the traffic below. “I’m sorry I’m not very talkative. It’s been a very long day.”
“I won’t trouble you,” he muttered under his breath, the dispiritedness in his voice tangible. “I was reluctant to call you. I figured it was worth a try. Another time.”
The disappointment in his voice made me feel guilty. “I’m sorry.”
“That would count as the third time you’ve apologized to me, and we’ve only been on the phone for a few minutes. You don’t need to, Keaton.” The deepened and commanding overtone in his voice sent a shuddering chill down my spine.
I examined the ceiling, sure that they turned on the air conditioning by mistake. “You should make a profession of speaking to people, your voice…it’s…”
“It’s,” he drawled, apparently waiting for me to jump in at anytime, “what?”
Ideal for a phone-sex operator. I punished the thought and shoved it quickly out of my head. “I want to say sorry for apologizing so much, but you said I shouldn’t. I can’t help it. I feel like nothing I do is right anymore and every decision I make is never a good one. I’ve been apologizing a lot.” Exhaling expressively, I placed my forehead against the cold glass allowing it to numb my headache. “I’m overwhelmed.” Remembering what I was taught and fully aware that dumping my problems on him would be deemed inappropriate, I quickly readopted my professional voice. “I shouldn’t have done that. I should let you go.”
“I have time, Keaton,” he assured me, the warmth in his voice felt like a tangible electric blanket placed over my shoulders. “If you need someone to talk to, I’m here.”
“I really shouldn’t,” I asserted at a level below a whisper.
“We don’t know each other, and it’s all the more reason you should. I don’t have any expectations of you, nor do you have any of me.”
“You could be the press. It’s not a good idea.”
He laughed, low and huskily. It was infectious enough to make me smile. I looked up at my reflection, beyond my red-streaked, tired eyes and my broad white smile. It had been a very long time since I’d smiled so brightly. He had a very contagious way about him; it was mystifying.
“I’m not a member of the press. Not remotely. I won’t mislead you and say I don’t have connections to the press or that I don’t own a media conglomerate, but it wouldn’t make sense for me to betray you or your mother’s trust when all I want is to help her win the senate seat. If anything, I’ve been keeping the negative publicity away from your mother.”
“Why are you helping her?”
“Because I believe in what she believes. Her interests and hope for a change in certain policies align with my ideas.”
“And what are those policies, Mr. Michaels?”
“It’s simply Braedan.” I heard him exhale as if smoking a cigarette. “Don’t think I didn’t catch onto your diversion tactic. Keaton…” he left my name to dangle in the air for a moment. “You can say anything to me without any worries of me seeing you any differently or betraying your trust. Anonymity breeds honesty.”
“You will see me differently,” I groaned. A part of me wanted to unload. I was brimming with so many thoughts and feelings I couldn’t share with anyone. I’d held on to them for too long. For some reason, I felt it now more than I ever had in the past.
“I'm a stranger, my opinion of you doesn't matter.”
“I can’t say that’s true.”
“Then let me pose a question to you: How are you?”
The catch in my throat was audible. I couldn’t recall a time in which someone had bluntly asked the question, nor stated it with actual interest instead of a kind duty.
“Did my question bother you?”
“Yes,” I croaked.
“Why? Has no one asked you that?”
“No. Not really.”
“When you carry the weight of others on your back, no one stops and asks if the weight is too much.”
“And they don’t ask if they can help and lessen the weight, either,” I added.
“Give me some of the weight.”
His words were a gentle massage, lessening my tension and apprehension. Whatever held me back from showing the vulnerable sides of myself to a complete stranger dissipated. “I came to D.C. and returned to the people-pleasing behavior I thought was gone. I put on a face when I returned. Everyone in D.C. and parts of the world know who I am now and they all expect one thing from me; for me to be this strong woman who is completely unaffected by her past. I’ve been permanently branded with a label, and it’s hard to get around. Everyone who knew me before the incident walks on eggshells around me, or they try so hard to make sure I’m happy. I want to be happy for them, because people would judge me for having everything and being depressed.”
I covered my mouth, a little aghast. “I didn’t mean to unload on you like that. You must think I’m a completely ungrateful brat.”
“I don’t think any of those things of you.” He paused. “From what you’ve said, I think we have many things in common.”
“You do? How so?”
“I know now that you’re in the world, you feel detached. I can relate to the feeling; being in the world but not really of it,” he expounded. “You don’t fit anywhere and you constantly try to fake that you do. We’re trying hard to fit a square peg into a round hole.”
“Exactly,” I agreed, thinking he couldn’t have placed my feelings more perfectly.
Noah had tried to convince me of the same thing. Unfortunately he was placed in the same category as everyone else. He wanted things from me, and I was willing to provide them because of my mental state. In having to face my past and my present, the future was steadily within my view. I never thought I’d have a chance to have one. My plans for the future were coming to fruition. No matter how much I adjusted my plans, I couldn’t see a way for Noah to fit into them.
“I feel guilty about having these thoughts,” I confessed. “Lately, I realize I don’t really have a personality. I’m scared of what I say offending someone. I’m scared of letting people down. I’m who everyone needs me to be because I don’t think I could face the conflict. I’m tired of fighting. I want…peace.”
“Meanwhile, you’re deeply unhappy, because you know it’s impos
sible to please everyone in your life, but you keep trying.”
“The things I’ve seen and gone through? I’ve cheated death so many times. Why can’t I just be happy?”
“Because you aren’t being who you truly are,” he surmised. “The moment you become her, you’ll find out what happiness is. I won’t lie to you. It takes work to be happy; it’s easier to remain at the bottom than to climb up the steep hill.”
I chewed on his words for a while in silence. He remained silent as well, allowing a comfortable stillness. “Thank you for letting me whine.”
“It wouldn’t be what I would call it, but you’re more than welcome.” I could hear the faint din of street traffic behind him. It almost sounded in tune to the faint sound I heard down below. “Will you be able to accompany me to the charity event?”
I stepped away from the glass and scanned the office. A wave of disillusionment washed over me. “I’m sorry—”
“Keaton,” he warned, startling me with the amount of authority he enacted his voice.
I caught myself from apologizing again. Swallowing hard, I changed up my tone. “I’m not single. I don’t know what I am, but I’m not single. I can’t go to the charity ball with you. But, I would really like to meet you there, if you decide to go. I’m sure you’ll find a date by then. It would still be nice to see you face to face.”
“Your mother never mentioned you having a boyfriend.”
“He’s not my boyfriend. He’s…”
“He’s something to you if you’re not able to date anyone else.”
“It’s complicated.”
He laughed, making me smile again. How is he able to do that so easily? “I think I understand. You’re something for him that you’re really not. Am I correct?”
I honestly didn’t know. At one point I thought it was who I was and who I was comfortable with being. But really, it was a woman Noah sculpted me into. I thought it fit me. It was too tight in the shoulders and chest area; it impeded on my ability to breathe.
I questioned how quickly Braedan clicked with me. It was unreal how easy our conversation flowed and how easily I gained the comfort to reveal things I’d kept to myself. “I’m miserable with him.”
“Your need to please everyone is getting in the way of what you really want. After all you’ve been through, it’s okay to be selfish occasionally.”
“I don’t think I could ever be.”
“I think with the right incentive,” he purred seductively, “you could be.”
I gasped quietly because the shock of the sensation hit me quickly. I closed my legs, guilty over the way his tone and choice of words manifested into a steaming heat rising up my thighs. My sex began to throb and remind me of the soreness Noah persistently left me with. I ached for a gentler side, a moment of pure, unrefined pleasure that wasn’t marred with torture.
My desire for Noah had begun to wane. The darkening fog had begun to dissipate and reveal the true reason I remained with Noah. My desire for him was rooted in fear. It had never stricken me as hard and severely. My body was cursed to crave the things it never had. The man on the other line—whom I barely knew—was digging into my mind and awakening what was once dormant. I thought all had been owned and provoked by Noah. This was different. It was syncing with a place I kept hidden away from everyone and churned out new aspirations. “I feel like you know me. How is that possible? Is it odd to think?”
“Not at all,” he replied. “I hope I’m not overstepping my bounds in stating this. Since the event is a couple months away, I hope you and your boyfriend don’t work out and we are able to attend it together.”
“That’s awful, Braedan.” I laughed. Feeling the twinge again, I tried to suppress it.
“Take care of yourself, Keaton.”
“And you too, Mr. Michaels.”
“The things I will do to you will be worse than the stuff of your nightmares. Obey. Please. Abide. Do that and you’ll be safe.”
-THE SECT
There wasn’t very much to do in the apartment when Noah wasn’t there besides battle with thoughts of packing my things and leaving for good. The instant I checked the warehouse, unable to find Noah anywhere, I went ahead and packed. As fate would have it, my friends had other ideas. They called me when they were five minutes away from the warehouse, ready to cook dinner with me. I promptly sent Noah a text to let him know we would have company. He never responded.
Nathan, Sonja, and Brandy showed up together and we jointly cooked dinner. For an hour, there was no pretension or anxiety. I truly was the Keaton they knew me to be. I was able to put down my wall and forget about the worst in my life. It was due to one reason. My moments with Braedan released some of the weight I’d been carrying. I felt a little lighter. My sense of security allowed me to enjoy the moment and be myself, showcasing all my flaws and imperfections.
“Did you ever get a chance to talk to Braedan?” Brandy, sitting opposite the dining room table, tipped a glass of wine to her lips.
Having him on the cusp my thoughts, my smile was untamed. “He’s one of the nicest guys I’ve ever not met.”
Nathan pointed at my face. “More than nice. I haven’t seen you smile like that in ages.”
“You took a liking to him, huh?” Sonja sank back in her chair and rubbed her belly with a completely serene look upon her face.
“I did. It’s impossible not to like the guy right away. He has this way with words and a purity to his kindness I haven’t witnessed before. We instantly clicked.” All eyes were on me, studying me with different degrees of satisfaction.
“Plus, he and that voice of his are sexy as hell, am I right?” Brandy chewed on her lip and clutched her wine glass a little tighter, hanging to my every word.
She wasn’t the only one waiting in captivation for my response. Wanting to change the subject, I cleared my throat and changed my tempo. “How are the wedding plans going, Sonja? Do you need any help?”
“You’re already so busy with your mother’s campaign.” A warm smile graced her full lips. “Don’t you worry about it—”
The free air was quickly siphoned out of the room with the sound of the grinding of gears in the freight elevator, announcing Noah’s pending arrival.
I gave my friends reassuring glances and walked over to meet Noah at the elevator car.
When the gate opened, he immediately cast a cursory glance at my friends and appeared less than thrilled with their presence. Every feature in his face firmed and his lips pursed in displeasure.
“I sent you a text.” I hoped for the best, but realistically prepared for the worst. “Didn’t you get it?”
“No,” he said, the simple word cutting through me.
“I can ask them to leave if you’re tired.” I slipped my clammy hand into his cold limp one, clinging to him like I clung to the hope of us returning to what we were for each other in Quebec City. “But it would mean so much to me if you sat with them for a while.”
Giving me a chaste kiss on the forehead, he walked past me and immediately changed his demeanor. “Noah,” he offered with a geniality reminiscent of the time he first met my parents.
My friends tentatively introduced themselves. Brandy poured him a glass of wine while I went into the kitchen and retrieved a plate of food for him.
“Question,” Brandy started, her attention split between me and Noah as we settled into our seats. “How did you two really meet? Keaton won’t say much other than you saved her life. But what was the real deal with that Rebirth place?”
“I’m sure you read the news articles from the two survivors.” Noah moved the plate I set down in front of him to the side and steepled his fingers across the table. “I don’t have much more to say beyond what they have.”
“It’s probably too painful, Brandy.” Sonja pushed back from the table and snaked an arm behind her back. Wincing as though she was experiencing the heartburn she complained of earlier. “Let’s hold off on the inquisitions, okay?”
&nb
sp; Keeping my conversation underneath the din at the table, I asked if Sonja needed an antacid.
Noah cut in, “It’s not a painful experience for me to recount what happened. I choose not to live in the past.”
“How doesn’t it affect you?” Brandy questioned. “Keaton won’t say anything about it, but from what they said in the news, it sounded like a horrible place run by a bunch of demented assholes. Do you know why they took Keaton? She never did anything to deserve being there.”
The grip he held on his glass of wine intensified. “The place had a purpose. Whether you agree with it or not, the world is a little better having removed a few assholes from the population.”
Shaking her head in disagreement, Brandy dismissed his statement. “Killing a handful of criminals won’t make this world better. The world is full of them. Think about it: You’d have to exterminate almost half the population in many countries to get rid of what you call the assholes of the population.”
“Brandy.” I shook my head at her to pull her back from putting Noah into a headspace that would likely be difficult to remove him from. “This isn’t a good idea for dinner conversation. I want to keep things light and rehashing Rebirth isn’t going to keep it that way.”
“She’s right, Brandy,” Sonja agreed. “Leave it alone.”
“She’s curious,” Nathan said with a shrug, the stare from his squinting brown eyes were glued to Noah. “So am I.”
Startled at Nathan taking Brandy’s side, I gaped at the both of them.
“But Brandy isn’t asking out of curiosity. There’s a little acid in the way she speaks to me.” Noah turned his head to directly regard Brandy, a tinge of a sinister motive was in his gaze. “I’m going to ask the obvious and see if you have the strength to tell the truth: Do you have a problem with me?”
“Well, since you asked so condescending-like…” Brandy rolled her shoulders and slanted her jade eyes in Noah’s direction. “Yes, I have a problem with you beating on my friend.”
The Rebirth of Sin (Wicked Trinity Book 2) Page 9
