Kensie shook her head. “I doubt it.”
“You’re probably right,” Jam sighed. “Anyway, how in the hell did I let you talk me into running with you today? I didn’t sign up for a marathon.”
“It’s not a marathon, it’s a 5k,” Kensie corrected as she opened the door to their building. She’d been training for her race the past few weeks and although a little over three miles isn’t significant for the average runner, she was nervous about finishing.
At Jam’s insistence, they took the elevator up to the fourth floor. “Are you expecting something?” Kensie asked, eyeing the package sitting in front of their door.
“You know it’s for you. It’s always for you.”
Kensie smiled to herself, scooping up the package while Jam unlocked the door. Sure enough, her name was on the label. She hurried to the kitchen to grab a knife, curious to see what he sent. Carter kept his word and had been romancing the shit out of her for the past month, sending her random things, things that reminded him of her or things he thought she’d like.
First, came the bouquet of bacon roses he sent to Safe Haven, to which her boys went bananas over. A week later, a box filled with books on hiking and mountain climbing showed up at her door. Then, he sent the dildo, but not just any dildo, one that he cast especially for her, one that was an exact replica of his penis. The note attached read:
That same night, he popped her phone sex cherry.
“What is it this time?” Jam asked, twisting the cap off a bottle of water. “And if it’s another dick, I’m going to vomit,” she added in utter disgust.
Kensie shook her head, contemplating if she should open the package in front of her friend. Carter was unpredictable and his gifts ranged from sweet to completely inappropriate, but that was half the appeal. He was not like anyone she’d ever dated. He was rude and crass, but his heart was pure.
Kensie tore into the box, curiosity winning out in the end. It was only Jam, after all. Her best friend had seen her through the worst times. What was another dildo between friends? Inside was a pair of running shoes and a handwritten card.
Kensie grinned like an idiot, pressing the note to her lips. He’d written it. This package came from him, not some fulfillment center in the middle of nowhere, but he’d gone out and chosen these shoes for her. He packaged them and took it to the post office, for her. It was small, inconsequential, but it meant everything to her. “He got me running shoes.” She beamed.
“What’s the deal with you two?” Jam, ever the investigator. “I haven’t seen you this smiley since…well, since before.”
“He’s romancing me.” Kensie shrugged.
“Is it working?” Jam asked with a knowing smirk.
“I think so,” she sighed. The drummer was chipping away at the calcified remains of her broken heart and stitching them back together, piece by piece, and she was letting him.
The next few weeks were more of the same, more small gestures, thoughtful gifts, and late phone calls. She didn’t think it was possible after everything, but she was falling in love with him all over again. He was away, traveling from state to state, living his dream, but aside from those first two weeks, she never once felt the distance.
His gifts were thoughtful. He didn’t send her pretty things to make up for his ugly actions. Instead, he sent her the tools she needed to chase her dreams. He was persistent in his atonement, replacing every lie, every false memory, with a new, happy one. They could never re-write their history, but Carter was working double time to shape their present and cultivate a future.
To the rest of the world, he was chaos, but to her, he was peace. Then, one Sunday, he did something completely unpredictable, something that shook her to her core. He romanced the shit out of her father too.
“Hey, baby,” Carter answered in a sleepy voice.
“Sorry, did I wake you?” Kensie asked, plugging her finger into her ear to drown out the noise from the 40,000 screaming football fans.
Victor yelled over her shoulder, “Tell him I said thanks for the tickets.” Kensie nodded at her father, trying not to laugh at his navy-and action-green-painted face. Victor Roth, CEO of a Fortune 500 company, and die-hard Seattle sports fan.
“It’s fine,” Carter yawned into the receiver, “I’d rather talk to you anyway.”
“I just called to say thanks again for the tickets. I think you may have converted my dad to Team Fuckface.” She smiled, checking to make sure her dad didn’t hear her colorful language.
“I’m shocked he doesn’t have season tickets.”
“He had them a long time ago, but my mom isn’t big on football,” Kensie explained. “He sold them when I was like, fifteen. He goes to games occasionally, but he works a lot, so when he’s home, he’d rather be with her.”
“I understand completely.” The way he said it, like she was his reason to stay home, made her knees weak. Kensie spent years looking for someone like her dad, someone to love her so completely that he’d put her needs, her wants, above his own. She had thought she’d found it in Trey, but he had only loved the idea of her, the daughter of the coffee king and member of Seattle’s oldest political dynasty, more than he loved the insecure and possessive girl struggling to find her own identity.
“Well, I’ll let you get to sleep,” she said because she couldn’t think of anything else to say and because her heart was full.
“Anything for you, Friend,” he murmured, his voice thick with exhaustion. “I love you.”
“Me too,” she whispered, and suddenly it was just them, Kensie and CT, alone in a bubble, the noise from the stadium distant. All she could hear was his breath on the other line, and the hope that seeped out of his mouth.
“You do?” he asked, and it killed her a little that he had to.
“You know I do.”
“But you still can’t say it?”
“It doesn’t mean I don’t feel it.”
“Then, I’ll wait,” he breathed, and she knew he meant it. She could feel his sincerity, even from behind the walls she had erected to keep him out.
The game was the turning point in Kensie and Carter’s relationship. Things were light after that. She was still guarded, but for the first time, she felt like they might have a chance.
Life was funny. When they had first found out about the tour, she thought it would be the nail in the coffin of their budding relationship. She had no clue that it would be the thing that saved them.
She needed time to work on herself, and if Carter was in Seattle, he would have pushed his way back into her life before she was ready to accept him. They would have fallen back into their old patterns of lust and obsession. They would have destroyed each other.
But he wasn’t in Seattle, and she wasn’t the same needy and insecure girl that she once was. Over the last two months, she’d transformed into the person she always imagined she’d be. She wasn’t perfect. She drank too much, she didn’t recycle, and she ate more carbs than she probably should, but she was happy.
She was doing what she loved, and finally, working on her book. She was spending time with her friends and she was learning to love and trust the man who promised he was done making her cry.
“Miss Kenny! Miss Kenny,” Josh, one of the younger boys at Save Haven, screamed as he skidded into the newly assigned art room. The floor was covered by a big blue tarp, and cans of pale yellow paint were scattered throughout.
“Watch it, toad,” Chris, one of the older boys, said, trying in vain to rub the yellow stains from his elbow.
“Sorry,” Josh huffed. “Miss Kenny, there’s someone here for you.”
Kensington grinned at Josh, with his bright pink cheeks and wide eyes. “Is it a delivery?”
“Better!” Josh squealed, bouncing up and down. “You’re going to love this too, Chris. You know that CD you always listen to? The one with those element things on the front?”
“Lithium Springs?”
Josh nodded eagerly and Kensie’s heart did
this silly pitter-patter thing. It couldn’t be him, could it? They had a show in Oklahoma. She saw it on the website. It didn’t make any sense. He couldn’t be waiting in reception. It was just wishful thinking, right? “What does he look like?” she breathed, preparing for little Josh to send her crashing back down to reality. She didn’t realize how badly she wanted to see him until the possibility presented itself. Now it was all she could think of. They have a show. It isn’t him, she reminded herself.
“He’s really tall—taller than he looks on the computer—and his tattoos are awesome.”
“Downstairs?” Kensie said, dropping her paint brush.
“Yeah, he’s talking to Mr. Tanner, but don’t get too excited, he’s alone. I asked about the two guys.” Josh frowned and mumbled something about wanting to meet the guy with the blond hair, but Kensie barely registered it. Her feet moved forward and she stumbled down the steps, fluffing her hair and straightening her paint-splattered t-shirt as she went, mentally kicking herself for leaving the house without makeup.
She slid to a stop just outside Tanner’s office door, giving herself a moment to catch her breath. The door was cracked, and standing there, broad-shouldered and impossibly handsome, was Carter. His hands were stuffed into the pockets of his gray sweatpants as he stared aimlessly out the window.
He’s here.
Pushing the door open, she slowly stepped inside. His body tensed as if he could sense her presence. His entire body shifted, turning to meet her chocolate gaze. His face lit up like she was his whole reason for existing. The sight of him watching her with such admiration nearly brought her to her knees.
There was so much shit between them, so much shit that she still wasn’t sure if she was ready to forgive, but none of that mattered at the moment because he was there.
“Hey,” he whispered, the corners of his mouth pulling up into a lopsided grin. The air in the office crackled. The sexual tension was so stifling that poor Tanner looked uncomfortable.
“You’re here,” she said in amazement. “How are you here?”
“It’s just for today.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? I would have asked for the day off.”
Carter shrugged. “It was a last-minute thing. Our show in OKC was canceled because of a tornado and we don’t play again until tomorrow night. I didn’t know if we could get a flight last minute and I didn’t want to get your hopes up for nothing.”
“That makes sense.” She nodded. She still couldn’t believe he was there. She wanted to touch him. She wanted to kiss him, but she stayed rooted to her spot, nodding like an idiot.
“Can you leave?” he asked, pulling her from her daze.
Kensie looked to Tanner. “Sure, Rebecca’s doing a mid today, and Zoe and I can hold down the fort until she gets here.”
“Yeah, okay, thank you. Let me just grab my stuff and say bye to the boys.” She turned, nearly running into the door as she went. The low, sexy laugh behind her sent a rush of moisture between her legs. Even his laugh was sexy. Grabbing her bag, Kensie ran upstairs to tell the boys she was leaving and they made her promise to get them an autograph, then she raced back out to find her sorta rockstar boyfriend.
“That was easy,” Carter said, wrapping his arm around her neck.
“You’re here.” She grinned, pulling his mouth down to hers. He tasted as good as she remembered.
Kensie watched the trees whizzing by as Carter pulled his Mustang into the late afternoon traffic. His left hand draped casually over the steering wheel, while his right rested heavy on her thigh. Heat and want and lust scorched her skin. Sadness did too. He was there, for now, but soon, he’d be off to another city, off to play another show, and she’d be left alone to navigate the conflicting emotions waging war in her heart.
Settling back into the worn leather, Kensie’s gaze drifted to Carter as she re-familiarized herself with the nuances of his face. He looked different. The wedding, the breakup, and the tour had aged him, yet, her Peter Pan was still there, lingering just below the surface. He was in the stubble growing from his face and in the mischievous twinkle of his eyes, and the purple Kensington etching onto his neck. “I can’t believe you tattooed my name on your body.”
“Why is it so hard to believe?” he asked, glancing in her direction. God, he was handsome. Strong, bearded jaw, eyes that sparkled even on a gray October day, and lips so soft, so pouty, that it took everything she had not to climb into his lap and lick him from one corner of his mouth to the other.
“It’s so extreme,” she said, pressing her legs together.
“Not really. I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and you are the most important thing in the world to me. Of course, I’d get your name tattooed on my body.”
“But we’ve only known each other for a short time and half of it was a lie.”
Carter winced, tightening his grip on the steering wheel. “Liam knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Reagan when they were fourteen years old,” he reasoned. “My parents met, got married, and had Grant all within a year. When you know, you know.”
They sat in a comfortable silence, letting his words wash over them. When you know, you know. But when did she know? When did she fall? Glancing out the window, she watched the city limits fade into a distant memory. “Where are we going?” she asked. They’d passed the exit for both her apartment and his house.
“Hiking,” he said casually, like he didn’t have to leave tomorrow.
“I don’t want to hike.” They hadn’t had sex since before he left and while she enjoyed their naughty FaceTime sessions, she was desperate for the real thing.
“You think we’re going to start with Kilimanjaro?” Sarcasm dripped from his tone. For as much as he’d changed over the last few months, the cocky asshole was never too far from the surface. While Kensie liked the sweet, romantic side of Carter, she couldn’t deny her soft spot for the jerk.
“Well, no…wait, we?”
“I’m not letting my girl scale a fucking volcano alone,” he snorted.
“Okay, fine, but can’t we do this another time?”
“No, I’ve never taken you on a real date.”
A date. It was sweet, and under normal circumstances, she would have welcomed it, but these weren’t normal circumstances. The clock was ticking and her clit had been throbbing for the past fifteen minutes. He was here and she was tired of waiting. “Dates are overrated,” she grunted, flexing her hand in his.
“I thought you wanted romance?”
“I do, I totally do, but we only have,” Kensie looked at her watch, “fifteen hours and forty-five minutes before you have to leave.”
“Plenty of time for all the kinky shit I have planned.” He grinned, turning up the radio.
One song faded into the next, and a familiar piano riff blared through the speakers. Her entire body tensed as the opening chorus of Neverland echoed through the car. Ryder’s voice was on the official version, but every time she heard it, all she could picture was CT sitting center stage at Reagan’s wedding, singing directly to her. Kensie shuddered and stabbed the power button, clocking them in silence.
“What’d you do that for?” Carter asked, slowing the car to a stop.
“It’s a habit,” she explained, staring at the glowing red light in front of them. She could feel his eyes burning a hole through the side of her face, but stayed focused on the traffic light.
“You don’t like it?” His voice cracked, the sound nearly broke her.
“I do, it’s just hard to listen to.”
Carter was silent for a beat. “I’m sorry I did this to us.”
“You don’t have to keep apologizing.”
“Yes, I do, because that song was supposed to make you happy, but because I’m a fuck-up, you can’t even listen to it.” The light turned green and they continued on their journey.
“I love the song, okay, it’s just tied up with memories that aren’t real and it’s hard, but I’m here an
d I’m trying and I’m fighting.” He nodded, munching on his bottom lip. He looked like he wanted to say more, but he refrained. “I don’t want you to think that I don’t appreciate everything you’re doing because I do. It’s just hard to forget the bad stuff sometimes. It won’t be like this forever,” she insisted. “I mean, look at us. Did you think we’d be here this time last month?”
“No, I get it, I just wanted today to be perf—” he began, but the loud roar of thunder cut him off. The sky darkened, lightning cracked overhead, and rain began to spill from the sky. “FUCK,” he yelled, banging on the steering wheel, “fucking motherfucker.”
“Carter, it’s okay. We can go hiking some other time.”
“We only have one day. I wanted our one fucking day to be perfect. I’m sorry I keep fucking this up.” Signaling, he veered into the other lane. “Let’s just go home.”
“Baby,” she said putting her hand on his knee, “we aren’t perfect. I don’t want perfect. I had perfect with Trey and I was bored out of my mind. I want you.”
“Why? After everything, why?”
“Hell if I know,” she snorted, “but, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to try again.”
He was quiet, looking up at the sky. The rain wasn’t letting up. He tapped his thumb on the wheel. Kensie could see the gears spinning in his mind. A full minute passed and then out of nowhere, he swerved, pulling the car over to the side of the road. “Get out,” he ordered, unbuckling his seat belt. “What?”
“Get out,” he repeated, swinging open the driver’s side door.
“Carter, it’s pouring down raining,” she called, but it was too late, he was already jogging around the front of the car, heading for her door.
Opening it, he bent down, resting his forearm on the top of the doorframe, “Kensington,” he pinned her with his stormy blue eyes, “get out of the car and dance with me.”
Lithium Tides: A Lithium Springs Novel Page 31
