by Beth Rinyu
Drew knew me better than almost anyone. He realized my false sense of excitement right away and secretly raised his eyebrow at me. Drew shook Michael’s hand and Donna got up to give him a hug. I remained seated. Somehow, I didn’t feel that giving your ex-boyfriend a hug in front of his new girlfriend was appropriate, especially when you still had strong feelings for him.
“Heather, this is Michael, Donna, and Nicole,” Drew said. I noticed that it almost pained him to say my name.
“Oh,” she said, looking a little surprised as her blue eyes began to focus directly on me. She wrapped her arm around Drew’s waist, pulling him closer. I stood up immediately to shake her hand, even though it was killing me inside to see Drew with another woman clinging to him so tightly. She extended her free hand to me, never loosening her grip on Drew.
“Very nice to meet you, Heather,” I said, this time trying to sound a little more genuine even though I could feel my lunch churning in my stomach. I sat back down and looked away as Donna and Michael followed suit and shook her hand.
“Babe, my brother and his girlfriend are at the bar waiting for us,” Heather said in an effort to break up the uncomfortable reunion.
“Babe?” Did she really just call him “babe” in front of me? “Okay, you go ahead; I’ll be right there,” Drew said. She looked reluctant to leave him alone, but finally loosened her grip.
“Okay, but don’t be long,” she said, planting a kiss on his cheek, clearly for my benefit.
After she walked away and things were a little more comfortable, Donna held out her finger to Drew. That beautiful smile that I adored appeared on his face. “That’s awesome! Congratulations, guys!”
I had to look away; I knew all too well that’s what Drew wanted more than anything - to get married and start a family. That’s what had ultimately led to the demise of our relationship.
“Well, I better get going,” Drew said.
“Yeah, we were just heading out,” Michael said as he got up quickly. Donna and I both stood up as well. Michael pulled his ringing cell phone from his pocket and looked at the caller ID. “It’s my aunt calling to congratulate us, no doubt; you know she’s going to want to talk to you too, Donna.” He quickly shook Drew’s hand once again before answering his phone and exiting the restaurant.
“We’ll meet you outside, Nicole,” Donna said as she went trailing after Michael, leaving me alone, standing face to face with Drew.
For the first time ever alone in his company, I didn’t know what to say. “Did you hear anything about the job?” he asked, trying to make small talk.
“No, I’m sure my rejection letter is in the mail as we speak,” I said, trying to act as if I didn’t care.
“Don’t be so negative; you never know,” he said optimistically.
I shrugged. “She seems really nice,” I said, trying to sound sincere as I looked over at the bar where Heather was chatting away with her brother and his girlfriend as she peered over at Drew every now and then.
“Yeah, she is,” he said, almost as if he didn’t want to admit it.
“Are you happy?”
“Yeah, I really am.” His brown eyes looked so emotional.
“Good,” I said genuinely. He was a great guy and he deserved nothing but happiness. I was just sorry I wasn’t the one who could provide it to him.
“It was really good seeing you, Nicole,” he said as he touched my arm lightly.
“You too,” I said as I forced a smile and walked away, just waiting for the dam that was holding back the tears to burst.
Chapter 3
I arrived home to my one-bedroom apartment and flopped down on my bed. I stared at my lavender-colored walls as I tried to get the image of Drew and his girlfriend out of my mind, but I couldn’t. It all seemed too real for me now. Drew and I were really over. I closed my eyes and thought back to that warm May night. It had been the anniversary of that dreaded day, the day that I would always shut myself away from the rest of the world and just feel sorry for myself because it brought back too many sad memories for me. Memories that I wasn’t ready to share with Drew, so I tried to act as if everything were as normal as possible, even though on the inside I was an emotional train wreck.
We were cooking dinner at Drew’s house. I decided to take a break since my inability to focus was leading me to screw up our Chicken Marsala. Drew continued slicing the mushrooms. “I’m sorry, I’m just so out of it today,” I said, knowing exactly the reason why.
“That’s okay, I’ll finish up,” Drew said. I smiled at him, loving the way he always took over when he knew things were too much for me to handle. Drew continued slicing and sautéing until his masterpiece was done. I poured us each a glass of wine as we sat down to eat.
“This is great,” I said, taking a bite.
“Thanks,” he said.
I began to banter about my day and the latest escapades of my four-year-old pre-school class. Drew always got such enjoyment from these stories. He listened closely and then smiled at me. I could feel him staring at me as I took another bite of my chicken.
“What?” I asked, wanting to know why he was looking at me.
“You are going to make such a great mom someday, Nicole.”
I choked on the sip of wine I had just taken. “These potatoes are really great too. Did you cook them differently than usual?” I ignored his comment and tried to change the subject.
“Why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Every time I bring up the subject of marriage or children, you turn white and change the topic. I don’t get it, Nicole—is that not what you want?”
“No, yes, I mean - I don’t know.”
“You don’t know? What do you mean you don’t know? I thought we loved one another.”
“I do love you, Drew; very much.” I wished we could just get off the subject.
“Well then, why does the thought of being with me for the rest of your life and having my children make you look like you’re going to pass out?” he asked with sadness in his eyes.
“I don’t know, Drew, but please don’t ever doubt my feelings for you.”
“Nicole, I need to know if marriage and a family aren’t what you want. Because I know that’s what I want. Believe me, there is no one that I want them with more than you. But if I’m wasting my time here, let me know.”
“Drew, can we please just talk about this later?” I pleaded.
“No, I’m tired of sweeping this under the carpet. I’m twenty-eight years old and I want to get started with my life and if you’re not willing to–”
“If I’m not willing to, you’ll what, Drew? Fall in love with someone else and have children with her?” I got up from the table and grabbed my purse. I knew I had no right to be angry with him; he was just being honest.
He got up and walked over to me. “Nicole, what the hell is wrong with you; why can’t you break down this wall that you’ve built up around you and tell me why - why are you so afraid of being happy?”
“Because I can’t; I wish that I could, but I just can’t. You deserve so much better than me. You deserve a girl who is willing to give you all the things that you want from life and I’m not that girl.” I knew that I had to get out of there before the tears began to flow.
“Nicole!” Drew shouted as he followed me to the door.
“Don’t ever second-guess my feelings for you, Drew. I always loved you and I probably always will. Because of that, I have to let you go.” I softly caressed his face and kissed him gently on the cheek. “Just be happy,” I whispered in his ear before walking out his door for the very last time.
The sound of my phone ringing broke me from my daydreaming. I grabbed a tissue from my nightstand and wiped my eyes before answering. I looked down at the caller ID on my cell phone and did not recognize the number.
“Hello,” I answered, trying to hide the fact that I had been crying.
“Nicole Morgan, please.”
“This is sh
e.”
“Hi, Nicole, it’s Valerie Kane from Pineview Elementary.”
“Oh, hello, Mrs. Kane,” I said, trying to hide my excitement.
“Nicole, we want to offer you the second grade teaching position at the salary and with the benefits that we discussed in the interview. I understand that you may need time to think about this, but if you could let us know by Monday at the latest, that would be great. We would like to get a resolution, making it official at the next school board meeting, which is Tuesday night.”
I didn’t want to sound too anxious, but I also knew that I wanted the job and there was nothing for me to think about. “I accept the position, Mrs. Kane; I’ve had all week to think about my decision if I was offered the opportunity and I know I want it.”
“Okay, great then!” She seemed impressed with my ability to make a decision quickly. Little did she know this was the only time in my entire life that I had made such a swift decision. “Well, like I said, it won’t be official until the resolution is passed, but there should be no problem with that; it’s just a formality. I’m having a meeting with all staff members on August fourteenth at ten a.m. at the elementary school. You will be getting your class assignment and can start setting up your classroom as well,” Mrs. Kane explained.
“That sounds great; thank you so much, Mrs. Kane.” I was unable to wipe the smile from my face.
“Please call me Valerie, and welcome aboard, Nicole.”
I hung up and threw my phone on my bed. I began to jump up and down with excitement. I did it; I got the job!! I quickly texted Donna, informing her of the news.
I was so excited that I didn’t know what to do next. I picked up the phone and began to dial the number that I so often avoided - my parents. As excited as I was, I was hoping that I would get the machine. I knew that talking to either of them would bring me down from my happiness and I wanted to relish in it for as long as I could. My relationship with my family was somewhat strained. It had all changed with them seven years ago, the same time my life had changed so drastically. My mother and father never came out and said how disappointed they were in me, but they didn’t have to; their actions spoke much louder than words. They had moved from our hometown three years ago and were now living two hours away, to be closer to my older sister, Renee, and her family. Renee was the perfect daughter. She was five years older than I was, had a great husband, a huge house, and two adorable little boys. My parents reminded me every time I spoke to them just how perfect Renee was. If they weren’t gushing about Renee or her kids, they were going on and on about my little brother, Justin. Justin was twenty-two years old and a Marine. My father, who was a retired Marine, couldn’t have been prouder. I was also very proud of Justin; out of everyone in my family, he was the one with whom I was closest. He never judged me and was always there when I needed a shoulder to cry on. In return, I did the same for him. I was happy that he got the same vibe from my parents as I did that Renee was the chosen one. We would commiserate a lot over that fact. But I knew that even though Justin sometimes felt that way, it was I who was the black sheep of the family. I was the one who had humiliated my strict Catholic parents so much that they could barely even look at me for years and were still having a hard time dealing with my past.
“Hello,” my mother answered in her usual hurried tone.
“Hi, Mom,” I said cheerfully.
“Nicole, where have you been? You know it would be nice if you called once in a while to let us know you’re alive.”
The phone does work both ways, you know, I thought to myself. “Yes, I know. I’m sorry. I’ve just been really busy. But I called to let you and Dad know that I got a job teaching second grade.”
“Hold on one second, Nicole.” My mother took the phone away from her ear and began to yell. “Christopher and Joey, please stop fighting—I’m trying to talk to your Aunt Nicole.” She placed the phone back up to her ear. “These kids are driving me crazy; you know Renee started volunteering at the hospital, which is really a great thing, but all these kids do is fight…” She continued telling me all about my nephews and what a great opportunity my sister had going for her at the hospital, not even hearing the reason that I had called her. “So what’s new with you, sweetheart?” She finally came up for air after talking non-stop for five minutes.
“Nothing, Mom,” I said, feeling disheartened. Donna’s name beeping in on my caller ID was a welcoming distraction. I had heard enough about my sister, her kids, my mom’s back acting up, and every other topic she had just spewed about during the phone call, none of which had anything to do with me. I couldn’t wait to gush with my news to someone who genuinely cared. “Mom I have to take this call coming through; I’ll talk to you soon. Give Daddy my love, please.”
I clicked over to Donna. “Congratulations! I knew you would get it!” she said as I answered the phone. I smiled on the inside and out. This was the kind of reaction that I had wanted from my mom. Instead, she was so busy talking about herself and my sister that she was totally unaware that I had even gotten a new job. I was quite sure that I would be scolded later for not telling her once she found out about it, even though I had just tried to tell her.
“Thanks, Donna,” I said, trying my best to sound upbeat.
“You don’t sound very happy about it,” Donna said with concern.
“No, I am; I just got off the phone with my mom and, well, you know how that goes.” Donna didn’t need an explanation. She knew all about my relationship with my parents.
“Oh, Nicole, I’m sorry, but don’t let that ruin your happiness. You should be proud of this.”
I felt my excitement from earlier rushing back. “I am,” I said with a huge smile.
“I’m working the night shift for the next three nights, and then I’m off for four days. We have to plan a night out; we have a lot to celebrate!” Donna said cheerfully.
“We sure do,” I said.
“I have to run; I’ll call you tomorrow!! Love you, girl!”
“I love you too.” I hung up the phone feeling much better than I had just a few minutes earlier.
Donna was right; I should be proud. I looked in the mirror and smiled. My hazel eyes were glowing back at me. “Good morning, class; I’m Miss Morgan,” I said to my reflection. I giggled at my silliness as I made my way out into the kitchen to pour a glass of wine and start the celebration a little early.
Chapter 4
I spent two whole days preparing my classroom. I planned out all my bulletin boards and worked tirelessly on them until they were absolutely perfect. I made up place cards with my students’ names on each of them, so they would know exactly where their desks were on the first day of school. By the time I was finished, I was quite pleased with the outcome of Room 114.
The first day of school had come and gone and it was hard to believe that I was already wrapping up my second week. The school was great and the staff even better. Everyone was so warm and welcoming. The second grade team consisted of five teachers and I was the youngest. I was afraid that the others might look down on me for being so young and inexperienced but they didn’t; instead, they welcomed me with open arms and appreciated having someone younger with fresh ideas. I instantly bonded with Sarah Webb. Her class was right next door to mine. She had been teaching at the school for the past twenty years and was a wealth of information. I found myself running to her quite a few times within the first two weeks.
The parents, on the other hand, weren’t as sweet. Pineview Elementary was located in a very wealthy community. Many parents traveled into Philadelphia and some even into New York City for work. It was more common to have a nanny than it was not to have one. I could tell just from the few e-mails I had already received from some of the parents that they felt a sense of entitlement. Make sure my child doesn’t sit next to this one, or, I specifically asked that my child not be placed in a classroom with that one. It was going to be a very long year, but I was up for the challenge.
I was sit
ting at my desk, grading spelling tests. All of the words were a review of what the students had learned in first grade, so I was expecting everyone to get as close to a hundred percent as possible. I looked down at the spelling test in front of me and began to mark my red pen over every word. I quickly looked up to see whose paper I was grading and wasn’t very surprised by the name: Ryan O’Maley. Over the past week, Ryan and I had gotten to know each other quite well. I had to talk to him about lifting up the girls’ skirts when standing behind them in the recess line. Then there was the talk about appropriate and inappropriate language. The final straw was when Ryan overflowed the toilet in the boys’ room by flushing a whole roll of paper towels, forcing me to have to sit through a fifteen-minute lecture from the custodian, as if it were my fault.
Sarah had filled me in on Ryan’s home life; his parents had died in a tragic car accident at the end of the previous school year. Now he was being shuffled between his aunt and uncle. I tried to take this into consideration, reminding myself that this poor little boy had gone through far too much heartache in his short life. But still there were moments when Ryan could wear the patience of a saint.
I decided to call it a day as I put the final grade for the spelling tests in my grade book. I was heading out for drinks with Donna and Kara, another friend of ours, and was anxious to get the weekend started. I glanced over my e-mails one last time before turning off my computer. There were four new messages, all of which were from parents and all were basically asking the same thing – what was I going to do about Ryan O’Maley? I leaned my head back in my chair and sighed. These were second-graders; of course, they went home and told their parents every aspect of the day. For the past two weeks, Ryan had become a major aspect with the constant disruptions. I tactfully answered each parent in the same manner, stating that the students were all still adjusting to the second grade and I would be working with Ryan to improve his classroom behavior. I was hoping that this would be enough to keep them happy for now. With that, I knew it was finally time to address the situation with Ryan’s uncle, with whom he was living. I pulled out Ryan’s contact information card from my file and typed in his uncle’s e-mail address.
