by Beth Rinyu
“Thank you,” I said, letting her know I appreciated her kind words at the meeting last night.
“No problem; I speak the truth. Some people are just so miserable with their own lives that they feel the need to destroy others and that woman is clearly one of them.”
I smiled and helped Ryan load his books into his backpack. “Am I sleeping at your house tonight, Aunt Lisa?” Ryan asked.
“No, your uncle will be home later to pick you up.”
They both said their goodbyes and hurriedly made their way out of the classroom.
So, I guess Dailan would be home tonight. I hated how I had to always find out details of his life through third parties. His lack of communication was right up there with his lack of planning on things that drove me crazy. I finished up the day thinking that if I could just make it to June without any more drama – I would be golden. But as long as Cameron Aymes was in my class, that would be very hard to do.
Chapter 39
I arrived home and ate peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner while checking my e-mails, in an effort to distract me from texting Dailan. A flash of excitement would always overtake me whenever I saw my brother’s name in my inbox. I opened up his e-mail the same way as usual – with a smile.
Hey, Nic-
How’s everything? Are you married yet? Any kids? lol. I feel like I’ve been here for an eternity and can’t wait to come home. Am I missing anything good? If you do plan on getting married to your new man, you better wait for me to get home first! Gotta run, just wanted to send you a quick note to let you know I was thinking about you and miss you.
Love,
Justin
No matter how hard I tried, I always found myself wiping tears from my keyboard after one of my brother’s e-mails. I felt that he was all I had left in my family and I hated that fact that he was so far away.
To my little Pooh-
I love and miss you more than you will ever know!
PS. If I were to get married…..which I am not! I would never have a wedding without you there…..who would be my flower girl?
Nicole xoxoxo
I scrolled down further to find an e-vite from my sister for my nephew’s birthday party. I quickly scanned it over. I had no intention of attending, but I made a mental note that I did have to send him a card. I closed the lid on my laptop and was digging around in the drawer for a pen, when I heard a knock on my door.
I ran to open it hoping that it was who I thought it would be. I flung the door open, pleased to see that it was. His smile almost made me forget that I was annoyed with him; his hug only added to the amnesia.
“Is your phone broken?” he asked.
“No,” I said, quickly removing myself from the state of oblivion I was in as I released myself from his embrace.
“I’ve sent you three texts.”
“Oh, sorry my phone is on vibrate and it’s in my purse.”
He went to kiss me on the lips and I pulled away. “What’s the matter?” he asked.
“Nothing,” I said, shaking my head and walking away to sit on the couch.
He sat down next to me. “Okay, obviously you’re pissed at something, but I can’t try to fix it if I don’t know what it is,” he said calmly.
“Just a bad couple of days.”
“What happened?”
“You know what, Dailan? I don’t want to talk about it now. I needed someone to talk to last night. But you weren’t around.”
“I’m sorry that I didn’t call you last night. What happened yesterday that got you so upset?”
I unloaded everything that I wanted to tell him last night. I included the information that I had uncovered about the Board of Education meeting as well. I made sure that I let him know that Lisa jumped to my defense, hoping that maybe he would somehow lighten up and change his opinion of her.
“Who cares what those assholes say,” he said.
He kissed me again. This time I gave in and kissed him back. He pushed me down on the couch and grazed his lips along my neck. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you all day, Nicole. I want you so fuckin’ bad,” he whispered in my ear. My stomach was doing double flips for him, but I knew I had to stop. We needed to talk and having sex with him tonight would just make that talk even more difficult. I pushed him away taking him a little off guard. “What is your problem?” I could tell he was annoyed.
“Dailan, we need to talk.”
“What the fuck, Nicole? Can we talk after?” he said as he placed his lips on mine, kissing me again.
As much as I wanted to continue the kiss and go into the bedroom, I knew that I had to clear things up that were weighing heavily on my mind with him first. “Dailan – no,” I said sternly.
He sat up and ran his hand through his hair, “Okay, what’s so important that you need to talk to me about?”
“Why didn’t you tell me that you got the approval to take Ryan to Ireland?”
“What? I don’t know; I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.”
“Well it is, kind of; because that means that you have a definite timeframe of when you’re moving back, right?”
“Probably in the summer. I have to finalize everything still,” he said as if it were no big deal.
“What’s going to happen with us once you move back?” I had no intention of asking this question to him just yet, but I was on a roll and felt like it had to be addressed.
“I don’t know, Nicole, I guess I really haven’t thought that far in advance,” he said. Of course, he hadn’t; he couldn’t make plans from one day to the next. Forget about planning out months in advance.
“Well, I think it’s kind of important that we think about it. I mean, unless you don’t want to continue this relationship once you leave.”
“Nicole, do we really have to talk about something that’s probably not going to happen until months from now?”
I found it ironic that I was now the one wanting to make plans for a future, when I was so scared of having that with anyone before. I had changed over these past few months. Dailan had made me see that maybe I deserved to be happy and there was nothing I wanted more than to have that happiness with him. All I wanted to hear was that he was possibly entertaining the idea of staying, even if he didn’t mean it. That was all I needed at this particular moment to keep me going. But he didn’t give me any indication of that happening, even in the slightest.
“I don’t know, Dailan, maybe we should just cool it.” I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach at the sound of my words. “It’s just getting to be too much. We’re not the only ones who are involved in this relationship. You do realize that Ryan is affected by every choice we make as well. Then I have to worry about my job,” I said
“Why do you care so much about what those assholes at work think?” I could tell that he was beyond annoyed with me at this point.
“I don’t care what they think. But I do care about my job.”
“What do you think is going to happen with your job? What, you’re going to get fired because some bitch has a vendetta against you?”
“I don’t know. She knows a lot of people, Dailan.”
He rolled his eyes at me as if I were overreacting.
“I realize this isn’t a big deal to you, but it is to me. Next year, you will be back in Ireland with a job. I don’t want to be left here unemployed because we decided to start something up that should have never happened in the first place.” I instantly regretted my words when I saw the hurt in his eyes.
“Is that really how you feel?”
“Dailan, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so harsh. It’s just that it seems to be getting really complicated now.”
“That’s because you’re making it complicated,” he said with anger in his voice.
“Me? How am I making it complicated? I’m the one who’s been sick to my stomach at work for the past two days, having horrible accusations made about me. While you’re out at parties getting drunk and
doing God knows what with God knows who. I’m not asking for a marriage proposal, Dailan, I just need to know if I’m enduring all of this humiliation for nothing.”
“What did you just say?” I could hear the anger in his voice. I looked at him blankly. “About me getting drunk at parties,” he clarified.
Oh shit, how the hell was I going to get out of this one? He stared at me intently, waiting for an answer. I took a deep breath and decided to be honest. “I ran into Rick Kincaide in the coffee shop this morning,” I said, feeling a little ashamed of myself.
“What the fuck did that bastard tell you, Nicole? Because the only thing that happened last night was I got drunk off my ass.”
“Nothing.” I was sorry that I had even said anything to him.
“No, Nicole, you started this. Now you’re going tell me what that asshole said.”
“I don’t know, just that you were drunk and had women hanging on you.”
“First of all they weren’t hanging on me and did he bother telling you that it was two girls that I work with who were there with their husbands?”
“No, he didn’t,” I said, feeling a little relief sweep over me.
“Really, Nicole, is this what it’s come to? You go behind my back and try to get information about me from some fuckin’ asshole who I can’t fuckin’ stand and actually believe the made-up shit he tells you.”
“I didn’t go behind your back. I just happened to run into him in the coffee shop.”
“Well, you know what, you’re right, maybe we should just cool it.”
He stared at me with coldness in his eyes that I had never seen before. He got up from the couch and headed for the door. I immediately got up and followed him.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“It’s done, Nicole.”
My heart was racing and I felt myself becoming frantic. I didn’t expect this to happen. All I wanted from him was some sense of commitment for the future and somehow, hearing Rick Kincaide’s name sent him over the edge.
I grabbed his arm in an effort to make him stay. “Dailan, I didn’t go out with him behind your back, I swear to you. I ran into him at the coffee shop and he just happened to mention it.”
“And you just happened to believe it without even asking me first.”
“No, I wasn’t even going to say anything. It just came out because you make me feel like I’m being ridiculous for wanting to know if there’s a chance for us to continue our relationship once you’re gone.”
“Maybe you should have asked Rick that this morning when you were having coffee with him, since he seems to know so much about me.” He yanked his arm from my grip.
I couldn’t let him walk out that door. I knew if I did, he would probably never be walking through it again. I was desperate and I wasn’t ashamed to let him know it. I didn’t care if I had to use sex as a weapon to get him to stay. If that’s what it took, then I was willing to sink to that low. I took his face in my hands and tried kissing him, but he just pushed me away. “Dailan, don’t go.” I was begging him. He ignored me as he opened the door. I could feel the moisture building up in my eyes.
He had the door half opened before he turned around. “I’ll answer your question for you right now. No, there’s no chance of us continuing this relationship. So you don’t have to worry about what those assholes at school say anymore and you’re free to see Rick Kincaide anytime you’d like.”
I shook my head, fighting back the tears. I couldn’t breathe. “Please don’t do this.” My voice was cracking with emotion.
“I didn’t do anything. Nicole; you did,” he said as he slammed the door behind him.
Chapter 40
I awoke from a horrible night’s sleep, not even recognizing the girl looking back at me in the mirror. My eyes were practically swollen shut from crying all night, making it hard to even see. I made a cup of coffee and took two Tylenol to try and control the pounding in my head. I contemplated calling out sick, but quickly changed my mind. I didn’t want anyone from school to think that I was calling out just to hide from the humiliation over what had happened at the Board of Ed meeting the other night. I jumped into the shower, hoping the warm water would aid in making me feel better – to no avail.
My head was spinning and I was still trying to grasp what exactly had happened last night. Dailan was by no means the jealous type, but for whatever reason, Rick Kincaide set him off, and I had to be the stupid one to press that button last night. I had wondered if there was a chance I would hear from him once he cooled down, but something told me by the look in his eyes last night that I wouldn’t.
I did my best to try and make myself look somewhat human. I gave myself one last look in the mirror, realizing that it was useless. I would just have to tell everyone my allergies were acting up and hope that they believe it. I checked my phone in hopes that there would be some type of message from Dailan, but there was nothing. I decided to make the first move and send him a text to try and break the ice. My hands were shaking as I typed it out.
I am so sorry for whatever happened last night. I would really like to talk to you about it. Please call me.
I went into work with a few stares from others. The allergy excuse seemed to be working. Sarah, the teacher next door to me, came in with two of her prescription allergy pills. I was forced to take them as she stood there watching me. What she didn’t realize was that there wasn’t a pill to help what was ailing me. The only medicine would be to hear from Dailan. I found myself checking my phone constantly throughout the day and my stomach would turn upon seeing nothing. Ryan seemed to be his normal self, seemingly unaware that anything had happened between Dailan and me. It pained me to look at him - he was a constant reminder of Dailan.
The last of my kids were dismissed and I had made it through the day. My head was still pounding and my stomach was in knots. Tomorrow was the last day before spring break and suddenly I wasn’t looking as forward to it as I was before. I found that I wasn’t looking forward to anything, just a phone call from Dailan, which clearly wasn’t going to come.
I was at the back of my classroom when I heard my cell phone ringing on my desk. I tripped over one of chairs as I ran to answer it. I got disheartened and my eyes burned with tears when I saw that it was only Donna.
“Hello,” I answered, trying to disguise the despair in my voice.
“Hey, don’t forget we have a fitting tonight,” she said.
Shit, shit, shit, I had totally forgotten and it was the last thing I wanted to do tonight. I just wanted to go home, put a cold rag on my head, and wallow in my sorrow.
“Oh yeah. What time again?”
“Seven. Did you want to grab a bite to eat first?”
I suddenly realized that I didn’t eat anything at all. I had no appetite whatsoever. My stomach was in knots. I wasn’t sure if food would help or make it worse, but I quickly obliged, agreeing to meet her at 5:30 for dinner at the restaurant located right across from the bridal shop.
I ran home to change quickly and popped two Tylenol. I headed back out to my car, breathing in the warm spring air, admiring Mrs. Tallone’s beautiful daffodils, which were in full bloom. I instinctively looked down at my phone, hoping by some chance that there would be some form of communication from Dailan – but there was none.
I pulled into the restaurant parking lot. Donna was standing outside waiting for me.
“What the heck happened to you?” Donna asked, no doubt still seeing the puffiness of my eyes.
Do I dare see if the allergy excuse works on my very best friend, or do I tell her the truth? I went with the truth, knowing that she was going to find out soon enough anyway.
“Dailan broke up with me last night.”
I watched as her face dropped. “Oh, Nicole, what happened, sweetie?” She wrapped her arm around me and we walked into the restaurant.
I waited until we were seated before I began to unload the whole story on her. She listened closely, asking questions e
very now and then.
“So, he got jealous because he thinks you were having coffee with this guy?” Donna asked.
“I don’t know what happened, honestly. For some reason, he despises this guy and it just threw him over the edge when I mentioned what he had told me about him.”
“Well, do you know why he hates him so much?”
“I have no clue. Dailan isn’t much of a communicator.”
“Well, what was his response when you asked him about going back to Ireland?”
“Before or after he found out that I was talking to Rick Kincaide?”
“Before.”
“Nothing. He said that’s it’s not going to happen until months from now and I shouldn’t be worrying about it. Then he made me feel like I was being paranoid for worrying about my job. That’s what pissed me off and made me mention what Rick had said. If I had known it was going to get that type of reaction, I would have just kept my mouth shut.”
“Well, Nicole, regardless of what happened with that guy from his work, he still owed you some type of explanation about what’s going to happen with your relationship once he leaves.”
“Well, he did now – it’s over.” I felt myself begin to choke up.
Donna reached across the booth, taking my hand in hers. “Nicole, I realize that you really care for him, probably more than any other guy you’ve been with. But maybe this was for the best, if he was planning on leaving anyway.”
I shook my head, “I don’t know, Donna. For the first time, I felt like I wanted to build a future with someone. I wasn’t afraid and this is what happens.”
Donna looked at me sympathetically. “Well, that’s a good sign. At least you know that you don’t have to be afraid in future relationships.”
I couldn’t think of any future relationships with anyone else. The only person I wanted to be in a relationship with was Dailan. We ordered our food and by the time we were done eating, I didn’t feel the slightest bit better.
