by Beth Rinyu
Chapter 46
I was numb. It hurt to breathe and I was quite certain that I wouldn't have made it through the last few days without Donna by my side. My brother's funeral was to be held in the church that we belonged to our whole life, which was five minutes from my house. The burial would take place in the cemetery located up the street from the church. The only detail that I knew about my brother’s death was that it was due to an improvised explosive device. I didn’t really know what the meant and I didn’t want to know.
I had my phone turned off for the last four days, not wanting to talk or hear from anyone. I broke down in tears when I called Valerie to tell her that I would need some time off and I was quite certain that she had informed my co-workers what had happened. I lost it again yesterday when I had received a card made by all of my students. I was sure that it was Valerie’s idea and even though I cried upon seeing it, it meant the world to me.
It was a beautiful warm Saturday morning. Memorial Day weekend was always a reminder that summer, my favorite time of year, was just beginning. But now it would always be a reminder of an ending. The ending of a life cut too short. I drove to the church with Donna. I quietly sat in the passenger seat looking out the window when it dawned on me that today was Ryan's birthday party. I felt compelled to text Lisa and let her know that I wouldn't be attending, even though I was quite sure she had figured that out. I knew that Ryan had probably told her what had happened. I finally powered up my phone after its long slumber.
I'm so sorry, Lisa. I won't be able to attend the party today. Please tell Ryan I'm sorry.
I hit the send button and almost instantaneously received a message back from her.
I'm so sorry for your loss, Nicole. If you need anything, please let me know.
I scrolled through all of the text and voicemail messages that were coming in from the last four days, not bothering to open any of them up or listen to them; until I came across a voice mail message from the one name that always made my heart leap out of my chest - Dailan.
Donna looked over at me as I gasped.
"What's the matter?" she asked.
"I have a voice mail message from Dailan."
"What did he say?"
"I don't know. I didn't listen to it. I'm afraid I'll just get myself even more upset if I do."
Donna looked at me sympathetically as we pulled into the gas station. She gave the attendant her credit card and told him how much gas she wanted. "I'm going inside to get some coffee, you want any?" she asked.
"No; I'm good."
I waited until she was inside the mini-mart just outside the gas station before I picked up my phone and dialed the number for my voice mail. I quickly bypassed all of the other messages until I got to Dailan's, which he had left two days ago.
“Nicole, Lisa just told me about your brother. I'm really sorry. I know I'm
probably the last person you want to talk to, but I'm here if you need me.”
I played his message over and over again, unable to fight the tears that his voice brought to my eyes. Right now, he wasn't the last person that I wanted to talk to; he was the only person. I quickly threw my phone into my purse and wiped the tears from my eyes upon seeing Donna walking closer to the car. She got in the car and handed me the coffee that she decided to buy me anyway.
"You listened to his voicemail message, didn't you?" she asked, obviously seeing the look of despair on my face.
I nodded.
"What did he say?"
I took my phone from my purse and played his message on speaker. Donna looked at me compassionately. "Are you going to call him?"
"I don't know. I just want to get through today first." Donna placed her hand on mine in support as we pulled out of the gas station and headed toward the church.
My stomach was in knots as we entered the church. I hadn't talked to anyone in my family except for the brief phone call from my sister delivering the horrible news the other night. This church held so many memories. It was the place where I had gone every Sunday morning growing up, whether I wanted to or not. I had been baptized, made my first communion and confirmation right inside these walls where I was standing. I never imagined that one day I would be coming here to attend my brother’s funeral.
My mother was in the front of the church, standing by the casket. She broke down the moment she saw me, taking me in her arms, and sobbing uncontrollably. I hugged her back, unable to hold back my tears. She held tightly to my hand, making sure I was close by her the entire time. I found it odd that she wasn't hanging all over my sister in this overwhelming time of need, but instead she chose me. My father remained stone faced, showing no emotion at all. He didn't acknowledge me in any way and even though I thought my heart could handle it - it couldn't. It only added to my sorrow. I realized at the moment that he really meant what he said - I was no longer in this family; I was no longer his daughter.
There wasn't a dry eye in the church by the time my brother's best friend Johnny finished delivering the eulogy. It was so heart-felt and true to whom my brother was in life. The military burial that followed was just as heart wrenching, watching them lowering the casket into the ground as the painful melody of Taps filled the air; knowing that I would never see my little brother or feel the excitement of seeing one of his e-mails again was so surreal to me. It was just all too much for me to take. My mother grabbed my hand and pulled me close as I began to sob. I rested my head on her shoulder as she pushed my hair from my face and kissed me on the head. I was spent by the time it was all over. I declined going to the luncheon, even though I knew my mother really wanted me there. I just couldn't bring myself to go. I wanted to go home and be alone, where I could feel however, I wanted without having everyone feel sorry for me. I knew that my sister would be there to help get her through the rest of the day and I actually took comfort in that. My mother hugged me tightly as we were leaving the cemetery.
"I love you so much, Nicole."
"I love you too, Mom."
She finally released her hold on me and kissed me on the cheek. My sister and her husband both gave me a hug and a kiss as well. My dad walked away, striking up a conversation with his cousin, once again achieving his goal of making me feel like an outsider. I bit my lip as Donna took my hand. I knew that she had just witnessed my father’s cold reaction and she was feeling sorry for me. She said her goodbyes to my mom and my sister. We walked to her car with her arm wrapped around me.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
"I'm fine." I tried my best to keep together.
I was quiet for the entire car ride, and by the time we pulled in the driveway, I think Donna sensed that I just wanted to be alone.
"Do you want me to come up?” she asked.
"No, I'll be okay.” I pulled her close and hugged her tight. "Thank you so much, Donna.”
"You're welcome; call me later when you're up to it."
I walked up the stairs to my apartment feeling emotionally and physically drained. I went into my bedroom, turned on the air conditioner, and changed into a pair of shorts and a tank top. I lay down on my bed, falling into a deep catatonic slumber.
Chapter 47
I rolled over in my bed, trying to focus as best as I could at the red numbers on my clock. Was it really 7 p.m.? Had I really slept for five hours straight in the middle of the day? I stretched my whole body before getting up, still feeling half out of it. I went into the bathroom, washed my face, and brushed my teeth in an effort to wake up.
I walked out into the kitchen, feeling more alone than ever. I forced half a bowl of cereal down before throwing the rest in the trash. I was feeling so anxious, I was contemplating going for walk, but instead threw on my flip-flops, grabbed my car keys, and jumped in my car.
I pulled into the cemetery, which was now looking so desolate from earlier today, but that's just how I wanted it. I needed to be alone with my brother. I got out of my car and walked up the hill to the freshly dug gravesite. I sat down on the warm g
round, gathering my thoughts.
“See what happens when you don't listen to me.” I joked the same way that my brother and I always would talk to each other when he was alive. “I miss you so much already, Justin. I don't know what I'm going to do without you.” I was suddenly becoming more serious as the tears rolled down my face. I sat in silence, breathing in the sweet smell of wisteria wafting through the warm summer breeze, feeling so at peace. The sky lit up in shades of pink and peach as the sun began to set. Normally, being in a cemetery by myself at night would freak me out, but tonight I didn’t feel alone. I knew my brother was there with me; I could feel him. I kissed my hand and placed it on the warm earth beneath me. “I love you, Pooh.” I closed my eyes while my hand rested in the dirt, hoping in some small way my brother could feel my touch. The last remnants of daylight had completely faded away, when I finally got up and headed back to my car.
I got into my car and looked at my phone. I held my breath and hit Dailan’s name. My stomach began to churn in anticipation of his answer, but not for long. It went straight to his voice mail. I suddenly remembered that it was the middle of the night in Ireland. I contemplated hanging up without leaving a message, but instead took a deep breath, waited for the beep, and began to speak. “Hi, Dailan, thanks for the phone call. I’m so sorry to be calling you in the middle of the night. I totally forgot about the time difference. Anyway, it was really nice hearing from you and I guess…..um, well, goodbye.” I hung up, realizing that I sounded like babbling fool.
I turned the key and started my car. I looked up at the freshly dug gravesite one last time. My heart sank when I thought of my brother all alone in the dark cemetery tonight. I turned up the radio to try and erase my thoughts. I pulled into my driveway. It was eerily silent as I got out of my car. Normally, I would hear Elmo barking or Mrs. Tallone’s television blaring, but she and Elmo had been away for the past week, visiting her sister. I was once again feeling completely alone. I walked up the stairs and fumbled with my key, trying to find the keyhole in the darkness. I looked up at my unlit porch light, remembering how Dailan would always get so upset when I would leave if off.
“Nicole.” I heard a voice in the darkness that made me jump and drop my key. I looked at the bottom of my steps and watched as Rick Kincaide began to walk up them.
What the hell was he doing here? How did he know where I live? I was beginning to feel even more uncomfortable than I normally did in his presence. I tried my best to disguise the state of panic I was beginning to find myself in.
“Rick. What are you doing here?”
A devious grin stretched across his face. I looked down at the ground beneath me, wondering just how badly I would hurt myself if I jumped the ten feet. My body began to tremble as he reached the top and was standing right next to me.
“Did you need something?” I asked.
He reeked of alcohol as he roughly wrapped his arm around my neck. “Open the door,” he said through clenched teeth.
“I - I dropped the key.” My voice was quivering as I reached down to pick up my keys, while his arm remained tightly wrapped around my neck. My hand was trembling, making me take even longer to open the door, which only seemed to compound his anger.
I finally made the connection with the keyhole, turning the knob and walking in. He kept his arm tightly wrapped around my neck, walking behind me. He moved my hair from my neck and whispered in my ear. The pungent smell of alcohol coming off his hot breath burned my eyes. “I guess we don’t have to worry about being interrupted by lover boy tonight, since he’s far away.” I cringed as I felt his lips graze my neck. I tried to clear my head and think of a way out of this. One hard kick in the groin would allow me time to make it out of the door. I jumped as my cell phone began to ring. He stuck his free hand inside my purse and pulled out my phone. “Ah speak of the devil.” He waved the phone in front of my face, teasing me as Dailan’s name displayed on my caller ID.
I knew that this might be my only chance; I grabbed the phone from his hand and quickly answered it. “Dailan, please call the police and tell them to come my apartment…”
“You bitch,” Rick screamed. He pummeled me across the face. I fell to the ground as my phone went flying across the room. My face was stinging in pain as the warm blood trickled down slowly.
He picked up the phone that was lying on the ground. “See what happens when you leave your pretty little girlfriend all alone? Are you feeling helpless, knowing there’s nothing you can do to help her right now? Kind of brings back memories of your brother, doesn’t it?” He hung up and threw the phone back to the floor.
I got up quickly and ran into the kitchen. I pulled the biggest knife I could from the drawer and held it up as he slowly approached me. “What are you going to do with that, Nicole?” I was silent, taking a step back for every step he took toward me.
“Well, now we’re going to have to make this a little quicker since O’Maley is probably calling the police.”
I cringed as he moved closer. I was holding the knife in my shaking hand, unsure if I could bring myself to use it. I just had to injure him enough so I could get past him and run out the front door. He moved closer as I prepared to stick him and before I could, he slapped the knife out of my hand with full force. I ran to grab it off the floor when he pushed me down to the ground. He grasped my leg, pulling me closer to him. “So, you want to play like that?” he asked as he roughly held me down by the arms. I could feel the sweat coming off his skin and was beginning to feel nauseous. “You really are a beauty,” he whispered in my ear. I tried pushing him off of me, but I couldn’t; he was too strong.
“Why are you doing this?” I pleaded.
“Because of him. You can thank O’Maley for this! First, he took away the woman I loved and now a promotion that was supposed to be mine. Now I’m going to take something that’s his.”
None of this was making sense to me. I hadn’t a clue what he was talking about. What woman? What promotion? I broke my arm free from his hand and scratched him on the face, which only intensified his anger. I closed my eyes, praying to find some inner strength to get out of this. I couldn’t let this happen; I flailed my body about, trying my best to knee him in the groin.
“Now, Nicole, you’re not being very nice.” His voice was taunting. He was so close to me I could feel his breath on me. I turned my head, unable to look at him. I flinched as he went to kiss my neck, the whole time thinking, this can’t be happening to me. But it was useless; he was much too strong for me to fight off. I closed my eyes, feeling defeat. All I could do was cry. Terror overtook me. I was actually coming face to face with my worst fear – I had never felt so helpless in my life.
Chapter 48
All of a sudden, I felt the weight of him lift off me. Everything was happening so quickly as I tried to figure out what was going on. I was frozen as I watched Dailan pummeling Rick in the face. He was relentless as he continued punching him until he fell to the ground.
I finally broke free from my trance and stood up on my trembling legs. “Dailan! It’s okay, I’m okay,” I shouted, trying to break him from his rage.
He finally looked up as Rick lay knocked out on the floor, just as the police entered the front door. His eyes were full of emotion. He was silent as he rushed toward me and rubbed his hand down my bloodstained face. He hugged me tightly, sending warmth throughout my entire body. I hugged him back and began to sob uncontrollably.
Two police officers made their way into the living room. “Are you okay, miss?” one of them asked.
“I’m fine,” I said not letting go of Dailan.
They roughly lifted Rick off the floor and placed him in handcuffs while reading him his rights. I buried my face into Dailan’s chest, not able to look at Rick as he walked past me. They were heading out the door when I heard a familiar voice. “Get him the hell out of here.” I instantly recognized it as my dad’s friend, Don, who was a detective with the local police department. I had just seen him at my
brother’s funeral earlier in the day.
“Nicole, are you okay?” Don asked as he came rushing over to me, gently placing his hand on my shoulder.
“Yes,” I said, finally able to calm down a bit.
“I hate to ask you to do this now, but I’m going to need for you to give me a statement. Are you up for it?”
I nodded as he signaled for me to sit down on the couch. I didn’t want to let go of Dailan. I felt so safe in his arms. Dailan must have sensed how I was feeling. “It’s okay, I’m just going to get some ice for your face,” he said gently.
I sat down and answered all of Don’s questions. Dailan brought me over an ice pack for my face and sat back down next to me. I grabbed Dailan’s hand when I began to feel myself getting upset once again as I recounted the night’s events and came to the realization of what could have actually happened.
“Well, I’m going to get going. If you think of anything else, please call me,” Don said as he got up from the couch. “Are you sure you don’t want to go to the hospital to be examined?”
“No, I’m fine,” I said as I leaned my head against Dailan’s shoulder.
“Please, don’t say anything to my parents, Don.”
He was unresponsive and just looked at me sympathetically. Something told me that he wasn’t going to abide by my wishes. “I’ll call you as soon as the report is done. I will need for you to come down to the station in the next few days to sign some paperwork.”
I nodded.
“You take it easy,” he said. He shook Dailan’s hand and headed out the door.
Dailan moved closer to examine my face. “I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t called me tonight,” I said, shivering at the thought of it.
