Too soon, the sun sat low on the horizon signaling it was time to head home. Susannah watched the country pass by the window, wishing with all her heart she didn’t have to go back to the empty house and watch Val leave.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Susannah stared out the kitchen window, impatiently waiting for her coffee to brew. Val had accepted her invitation to dinner, and she spent the last few hours fixing what she hoped would be a memorable dinner, memorable in a good way.
Not sure whether to fix steak or seafood, she fixed both, along with fresh bread, thanks to the bread machine, added a green salad and apple crisp for dessert. With some luck, it would be good enough to serve to a hobby chef.
In truth, she wasn’t that concerned with the meal and Val’s opinion of it. That was just an excuse to cover the real issue churning her stomach. In four days, a pedophile would climb through the window of a home, snatch a nine-year old girl from her bed, rape and torture the poor thing for two days, and then finally kill her in the most brutal of ways – if Susannah failed to stop him.
This time her intervention would be more risky. She might have to confront the man along the side of the house, in the dark, alone, armed only with her pepper spray. So much could go wrong.
She turned back to the brewer, a new one. Why had she put off buying one for so long? Mark. The other brewer had been a Christmas present, a fancy machine that did everything but pour in the water. Letting it go had seemed like letting Mark go. But it was time. It didn't make any sense to hang on to a useless brewer, or to someone never coming back. She would keep her memories tucked in a special place in her heart, but it was time to move forward with her life.
Move forward, is that what one did? Perhaps move on was a better choice. Move past the intense grief, the clinging to what she had once, but no longer had. Rather than compare, it was now time accept the changes, and let the rest go.
Now, if she could fix her current dilemma as easily as replacing a cranky old coffee machine. Susannah groaned. How in the world could she tell Val about the old Indian without sounding like an idiot, or worse, like some crackpot?
Precisely at six, the doorbell rang.
She pushed those thoughts away and answered the door. Val’s smile melted away her doubts and fears. Instead of worrying, she’d trust God to tell her when, where, and how to bring up the subject of the old Indian.
“It is such a beautiful evening I thought we’d eat on the back deck.”
“That sounds like a good plan. Something certainly smells good.”
Smiling, Susannah showed him through the kitchen and out onto the deck.
Val stood for a moment gazing out over the backyard and the view. “You have a beautiful place, Susannah.”
“It’s far bigger than I need, but I love it.”
“It sure beats my apartment.”
“Not a good place?”
“Oh, it’s nice, but it’s an apartment. Being alone, and gone a lot because of work, I don’t want to invest in much in decorating. I keep it pretty simple.”
“So you do travel a lot?”
“Well, not months at a time. It’s usually only for a few days, or weeks, mostly for training, and the occasional call to assist with an investigation. Generally, I work out of this office. Even so, law enforcement isn’t a nine-to-five job with weekends and holidays off.”
“I wouldn’t imagine it would be. Criminals do not exactly keep regular hours.”
He laughed. “For the most part, I do work regular office hours, but I never know when I’ll be called out, except when I am on scheduled vacation. Then I am officially off the clock. Right now, I have so much time on the books I couldn’t possibly use it all.” He shrugged. “Not much of reason to. I see my mom some. She lives in Seattle. But, like you, I haven’t any brothers or sisters, and so the time keeps accumulating.”
“Ever want to travel?”
“Yeah, under the right conditions, with the right someone.”
Was she the right someone?
They sat at the small patio table.
“Do you mind if I say grace?” Susannah asked.
“Not at all.” Val reached over and grasped her hand.
Susannah bowed her head. “Thank you, Lord, for this meal, for the beautiful setting, and for the wonderful company. Amen.”
She peeked at Val and shrugged. “Short, but sincere.”
“Sometimes less is indeed more.” He squeezed her hand and let it go. “This smells and looks wonderful, Susannah.”
Even she had to admit it was a good meal. Everything had turned out perfect. The steaks weren’t overdone, and were tender. The scampi had the right amount of butter and garlic. The bread was crusty on the outside, but tender on the inside. Now, if she could only find the same perfect balance with other things.
Val helped with the cleanup, ignoring Susannah’s protests. After putting away the last of the dishes and pots and pans, they took dessert and coffee back out to the deck and watched the sky turn into brilliant shades of reds and orange.
Val set his coffee down and rubbed his stomach. “By the way, dinner was excellent. And the apple crisp, perfect.”
“Thank you. It’s a pleasure to cook for someone else. Hard to cook for just one.”
“Isn’t that the truth. Most times, I don’t bother. Frozen dinners, convenience food, take out or the closest restaurant.”
“Ditto. Usually the frozen dish de jour. I hate eating out alone.” Before he could comment, she changed the subject. “You mentioned traveling. Have you been many places outside of the US?”
“Let’s see, been to a few places in Europe, went to Madrid a few years ago, Athens once.”
“I’ve always wanted to go to Greece. See all the history there.”
“There is certainly that.”
“You didn't like it?”
“I was there because of work and didn’t get to see much. Which was probably for the best. The reason I was there didn’t paint the area in the most attractive light. It might be okay to go back someday, just as a tourist ― if I can shut out the first visit.”
“Does that happen often? Places becoming tainted?”
“Too often, but I try to keep that to a minimum, try not to dwell on the negative. Hard to do when you see mostly the ugly side of people and places.”
“I can understand that.”
The conversation flowed until well past dark. When the air grew cool, they moved to the living room. The hour was late when Val stood.
“Well, best I head out. Work day tomorrow.”
He pulled her to her feet, cupped her face in his hands, and kissed her, a longer kiss than the first, tender, sweet, but not so innocent.
***
Susannah sat at her desk staring at several sheets of handwritten paper, her confession, every detail, all of it. It seemed the best way to put it all together. Time had run out and she could not postpone asking for his assistance. She folded the letter and tucked it into her pocket. She would give it to him the next time she saw him, and then pray, a lot.
She was at the greenhouses promptly at eight. Ginny had already left for the shop, something about a big order. The Menagerie McCrae followed her to the door of the greenhouse.
“Sorry, guys. You know the rules. I’ll see you at lunch time.” She ruffled Rufus’s ears, patted both of the Burmese, and scratched Tiger Lily’s head. Inside, she put on her favorite CD, and set to work.
She was up to her elbows in potting soil when her phone rang. Brushing her hands off, she fumbled for the phone, answering the call one ring before it went to voice mail.
It was Val. “Can you get away for lunch?”
“I can. Any special reason? Are you leaving town? Something come up?”
“No. I just happened to be close and thought it’d be great to see you. Is that all right?”
“Absolutely. Where would you like to meet?”
“There’s a little Chinese place over on 57th Avenue, not far from yo
u.”
“Perfect. When?”
“Drive time?”
“I’m on my way.”
Susannah dropped the phone back into her pocket. She tidied up the workbench and stepped outside. The menagerie gathered around. “Well, guys is it confession time?”
Tiger Lily mewed. Rufus cocked his head and looked sorrowful.
“Yeah, I know. Me too, Rufus, but time is running out. Besides all of that, I can’t keep living a double life. I just don’t have the heart, or the courage. If God is really promising me a companion, and Val is that companion, then it will all work out, right?”
Rufus whined.
“I know. I’m scared of the free will thing too.”
***
Susannah pulled in and parked next to Val’s car. He must have been very close when he called. She debated whether to leave the letter, but then decided the time of waffling had passed and stuck the folded papers in her purse. Here comes another broken heart ― for both of us.
They sat in a booth near a window and Val ordered the lunch special, times two.
“You seem distracted, Susannah. Anything wrong?”
Susannah shrugged. “Yes and no, I mean, I’ve something to tell you, and I don’t think you’ll like me afterward.”
“Are you confessing to being a serial killer? Just teasing, Susannah. I can’t imagine what you could possibly tell me that would make me think less of you.”
“Well, here.” She handed him the letter. “I think this will explain everything. Don’t read it now. Wait until you have some quiet time.”
“Is this a Dear John letter?”
“No! It’s something else. Something you need to know about me before we get any deeper into this relationship. I haven’t been fair. I should have told you before this, but I was a coward. I’ve come to care for you a great deal, and I wasn’t willing to risk losing you.”
“And you’re afraid what’s in this letter will cause us to break off our relationship?”
“Yes.”
“Couldn’t you just tell me?”
“No. It is better you read it, without me being around.”
“That bad?”
“I don’t think it’s bad. But you might.”
***
It was hard to concentrate. Was he reading the letter? A heavy feeling told her he was and his reaction wasn’t good. The thought was as certain as if Val were standing in front of her verbalizing the words. She expected skepticism, but not this reaction.
She set her trowel down. “I can’t work like this.” She pulled her phone from her pocket and dialed the shop. “Ginny, I’m not feeling well. I think I’ll call it a day and go home.”
“Anything I can do?”
“No. There’s nothing anyone can do.”
She drove home on autopilot, oblivious to everything around her except the ache in her heart. Oh God, I don’t think I can take this. You promised and I believed you!
Buddy greeted her at the door.
Susannah sank onto the floor and gathered him into her lap. “Oh Buddy. I’ve lost him. I can feel it. What am I going to do?”
Her phone rang. She snatched it from her pocket, half-hoping, half-terrified it was Val. It wasn’t.
Rachel said, “Hey, girlfriend, what happened? Ginny says you’re not feeling well.”
“Oh, Rachel. I told Val about my premonitions and the rescues, everything, and my intuition tells me it went badly. He isn’t skeptical. He’s sick. My experiences made him sick.”
“Did he tell you that?”
“Not yet, but he will. Or, I just won’t ever hear from him again.”
“So, how did you tell him, if you didn’t see him?”
“I gave him a letter at lunch.”
“A letter?”
“I thought it would be best. He could read it without my being there. Thought it’d be less awkward.”
“Do not give up yet, Susannah. You don’t know what’s going on in his mind. Oh, there goes the front door. Ginny’s out with a client. I’ll call you later. You’ll be okay?”
“I’ll survive. Talk to you later.”
Susannah tucked the phone back in her pocket. “I can’t stay here, Buddy. Let’s go for a walk.”
It was hot, not the wisest time to be out walking, but Susannah didn’t care. She’d keep in the shade and walk a slow pace so as not to overheat Buddy.
They crossed the front lawn and took the trial heading east, along the upper periphery of the park, away from the more crowded areas.
Perhaps it was too soon to tell Val, and she should have waited a little longer, let the relationship deepen more. She shook her head. No, he’d wonder like Mark did what other things she’d held back and for how long. Besides all that, the rescue coming up would change things, one way or the other, regardless of whether Val was involved or not. Big changes were going to occur, regardless of who knew, who participated, or who didn’t.
At the furthest edge of the park, she paused. Buddy was lagging and panting hard. “I’m sorry, Buddy. It is too hot. We’ll go back.”
Back to her too empty, too big, too silent, too everything house. Oh God, why? Why?
The moment the back door opened, Buddy ran for his water. “Poor Puppy, it was wrong of me to drag you out because I’m upset.”
She poured a glass of iced tea and sat in the breakfast nook. Her Bible lay on the table. She had been so busy – too busy ― to read her meditations for several days. That explained her inner turmoil, well some of it.
She pulled the Good Book closer, and picked up her devotional. The listed reading was Psalm 91.
“The just are secure under the protection of God. He that dwells in the aid of the most High, shall abide under the protection of the God of Jacob. He shall say to the Lord: You are my protector, and my refuge: my God, in Him will I trust. There shall no evil come to you: nor shall the scourge come near thy dwelling. For He has given His angels charge over you; to keep you in all your ways. In their hands they will bear you up: lest you dash your foot against a stone. You shall walk upon the asp and the basilisk: and you shalt trample underfoot the lion and the dragon.”
Trample the lion and the dragon? The verse reminded her of the story of King David in the First Book of Samuel, when a lion charged the flock, he didn’t run. He didn’t think of it as a threat. He thought it was an opportunity to trust God.
“And David said to Saul: Thy servant kept his father’s sheep, and there came a lion, or a bear, and took a ram out of the midst of the flock. And I pursued after them, and struck them, and delivered it out of their mouth.”
He told this to Saul just before going out to fight Goliath. Would that kind of faith and courage help her to fight her Goliath? Wasn’t God promising He would protect her? So why then, was she afraid? Val. She feared losing him more than facing a raging lion ― and yet she knew she would survive. As unpleasant as it would be to lose Val, in the scheme of things, she could live without him. She survived after Mark died, and she would survive after Val was gone. She’d live, but God hadn’t promised it wouldn’t hurt.
Her small devotional quoted more scripture. “Because he hoped in me I will deliver him: I will protect him because he has known my name. He shall cry to me, and I will hear him: I am with him to deliver him in tribulation, I will deliver him, and I will glorify him.”
The meditation talked about faith in things not seen. “… faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”
Okay, but did God mean Val, or just another successful rescue?
The text went on to say, “I am confident of this: I will see the good things of the Lord in the land of the living. Take courage, your deliverance is on its way.”
She hoped so. Oh, how she hoped.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Rough night was an oversimplification. Nightmares, panic attacks, and bouts of insomnia left Susannah with very little peace, let alone rest. She thought of staying home from work, but rattling ar
ound the empty house, waiting for a phone call that wouldn’t come, would be worse. Work would be good for her. It would, really it would.
She took her coffee to the breakfast nook and sat in the bench seat beneath the windows. Buddy snuggled against her and she rubbed his ears as her thoughts circled around the situation with Val. Yes, she would survive this heartache, but nothing would ever be the same. Val had changed her life, given her hope, and then snatched it away. Why did men have to be so stubborn, so skeptical? Yet, it was because of those very traits she loved him, and now she would never have the chance to tell him.
Her phone rang. It was Val. Her heart did not leap for joy. She already knew how the conversation would go.
She answered, “Hello.”
“Hi. I read your letter.”
“Yes?”
“I don’t know what to think. The part in the church, your vision as you call it, made me sick.”
Susannah closed her eyes and swallowed.
“I also think you are playing a dangerous game interceding with those criminals. I understand why you do it, but it’s dangerous. You and the child you are trying to protect could be hurt – or killed. And, you could cause far more harm than good.
“I really have to think as what to do with that information. As far as your premonitions, as you call them, I have to think about those more as well.”
He paused.
Susannah prepared for the worst possible thing he could say.
“I need some space.”
Although he couldn’t see her, she nodded. It was what she had expected.
“I understand. I wish you the best, Val, and I do mean that. Bye.”
Susannah closed her phone, laid it on the table, and wept.
After several minutes, the tears subsided. She called Ginny.
“Well, I told him.”
And Then Came A Lion (Lions and Lambs Book 1) Page 21
