by Bart King
2. The Metal Men are robots named after metals like gold, iron, and tin. Silly, you say? Not at all! These metals provide the perfect team balance. See, Gold is the valuable leader. And Iron provides the muscle. (I admit Tin is pretty useless, but at least you can recycle him!)
The Metal Men fought villains like Aluminum, Calcium, and Sodium. Not to mention Silicone and Polyethylene! (Seriously.)
1. The biggest superhero team of all time was the Legion of Superfluous Heroes. This team is so big, it takes over a year to do a complete roll call. Just a few of its members include:
Colossal Bore
Crustacean Kid
Euphemism Lad
Fan Boy
Flatulent Lass
Gangrene Girl
Generic Lad
Glutinous Girl
Halfwit Lad
Irrational Girl
Juvenile Kid
Lady Laxative
Mucus Man
Obnoxious Boy
Pyromaniac Pete
Rambunctious Boy
Repugnant Kid
Ruthless Lass
Skintight Kid
Sniveling Lad
Superficial Lass
Unavoidable Boy
Yelling Girl
The End Is Near!
Hey, I just read a story called “The Last Days of Superman!” In it, the Man of Steel has to write his final words.
So Superman thinks really hard about his last message. What does he want to say? Finally he makes a decision! Then Superman flies to the Moon and uses his heat vision to burn gigantic words into the lunar surface.
After the moon dust clears, everyone on Earth can read his inspiring message:
DO GOOD TO OTHERS AND EVERY MAN CAN BE A SUPERMAN
Superman also signed his message “Superman,” which cracks me up. (What, we were going to think Aquaman did that?)
I have to admit, that was a pretty good message. But still, I’d change it to:
DO GOOD TO OTHERS AND EVERY PERSON CAN BE A SUPERHERO
In many ways, everyone already has superpowers. We can all get almost any information we want with the click of a button. We can peer deep into space—or spy on our neighbor’s backyard. And right now, preschoolers are flying across the planet while watching superhero movies. (You know, in jets?)
But just having superpowers isn’t enough to make someone a superhero. To earn that title, you need to be a good role model. So help others whenever you get the chance. And when you’re competing, be a good loser.
Ha! I’m just kidding. You’ll almost never lose—but be humble anyway![36]
Most importantly, a superhero has to try to make the world a better place. You can do that in big ways (“I stopped a killer asteroid!”) and small ones (“I rode my bike to school!”).
As Thor said, “The fate of your planet rests not in the hands of gods. It rests in the hands of mortals.”
Good call, Thunder God. Now let’s get out there and save the planet! Sure, it’s a lot of responsibility. But don’t worry! What could possibly go wrong?
* * *
[36] I also suggest going to the bathroom before putting on your superhero costume. (You’ll thank me for this later!)
Super Pop Quiz!
What—you didn’t know you had to pass a test at the end of the book? So much for your X-ray vision, hotshot!
But don’t worry. This is an open-book test—you have to have this book open to take it. And don’t try looking back in the book for answers (or forward to here for the answer key), or something really bad might happen!
For example, you could lose your place. (That’s why I use a superpowered bookmark!) But don’t worry, these questions are really easy. Just look at this sample:
Can you choose the correct answer?
Yes. J
No. L
Er, you did choose a, right? If so, good job! Make yourself a jelly sandwich—for energy—and then come back here and score 100 percent! (If not, put this book down and move to another planet.)
One superhero who didn’t get a start in comic books is ______________.
“When everyone’s super, no one will be.” —Syndrome, The Incredibles
Discussion Question: Do you agree with Syndrome? Make your answer super by explaining why or why not. ______________.
What hero has more superpowers than anyone else? ______________.
If you fell off a five-hundred-foot-tall skyscraper, would you cry? ______________.
Something makes Aquaman different from every other superhero. What is it? ______________.
Imagine your town were being attacked by giant, superintelligent hamsters with X-ray vision. What would be the best way to stop these fearsome beasts? ______________.
This superhero uses a flying technique that would actually work. Who is it? ______________.
Let’s say you could have the superpower of being invisible from your elbows to the tips of your fingers. Would you want it? Why or why not? ______________.
Did you know birds don’t pee? Instead, their poop and pee just sort of combine. Weird, huh? ______________.
Why is the following joke funny? Explain.
Q. Where do superheroes go on Father’s Day?
A. The cemetery. ______________.
Complete these mottos and identify the superhero who says them:
“Faster than ______________.”
“The guilty will be ______________.”
“Imperius ______________.”
“In brightest day ______________.”
Discussion Question: A man named Kurt Vonnegut wrote, “We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.” What do you think he meant by that? ______________.
This superhero surprised readers by shooting and killing a criminal in the very first issue of his own comic book.
Bulletman
Batman
The Flash
This is the most famous style of kung fu: ______________.
What’s one of the worst superhero names ever? ______________.
The weird thing about the original Human Torch is that he...
wasn’t human at all.
burned everything he touched.
was easy to find in hide-and-seek. (“You’re getting warmer, warmer—yikes! Does anyone know where the fire extinguisher is?”)
Superheroes call it “Amateur Night.” The rest of the nation calls it ______________.
What were Superman’s two biggest ethical violations?
______________.
______________.
Originally the Hulk wasn’t green. He was ______________.
Comic writer Daniel Clowes wanted his teenaged character, Andy, to get superpowers in an unusual way. So after Andy...
skipped showering, he became superpopular.
smoked a cigarette, he got superstrength.
wore a turtleneck, he became invisible.
Juvenile Kid is a member of the biggest superhero team of all time. What’s it called? ______________.
Discussion Question: Imagine your superpower were the ability to drink fifty gallons of water at one time. As we know, every superpower has its downside. What problems might this one give you? ______________.
True or False: This is the best book of its kind ever written. ______________.
Appendix: Early Superhero History!
Can you imagine a world without superheroes? I can’t! That’s because superheroes are everywhere—online, in comic books, on TV—and there’s always new superhero movies arriving. (Heck, there was a reboot of the Spider-Man movie franchise in 2012, just five years after Spider-Man 3.) But it wasn’t always this way. In the early twentieth century, people didn’t even know what a “superhero” was!
1917: The word superhero is first used to describe a person of great accomplishments.
1920s: Japan is home to the world’s first regularly published comic books. These manga books became so popular, special comic book libraries started
lending out copies of the latest issues.
1932: Two American teenagers, Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster, create an illustrated science fiction story called “The Reign of the Superman.” (In it, “the Superman” is a bald, evil villain.)
1934: Siegel and Shuster change the character of Superman into a “good guy.” They also give him a secret identity and an alien home. This version of Superman was unlike any hero ever seen. In fact, the Man of Steel was so original, publishers reject the idea for the next four years!
1938: Superman finally becomes the world’s first comic book superhero. A star is born! (Or drawn.) Superman is so popular, and so many new superheroes follow him, the period from about 1938 to 1945 is called the Golden Age of Comics. About 130 different superheroes show up in this time.
1939: Inspired by Superman’s success, artist Bob Kane and writer Bill Finger invent Batman. But Batman doesn’t wait for crimes to happen. Instead, the dark, mysterious figure prowls the city at night, looking for trouble. Batman’s first appearance is in Detective Comics (DC Comics). Marvel Comics also introduces two superheroes: the Human Torch and the Sub-Mariner. (And this is the year the first supervillain appears—an evil genius known as the Ultra-Humanite.)
1940: Will Eisner debuts his superhero, the Spirit. Eisner went on to become one of the most respected superhero artists ever, but it wasn’t easy. He was a starving artist when he got started. Eisner once said, “When someone asks me what got me into comics, I can think of only one word: malnutrition.” (Other new heroes include Captain Marvel, Robin, Green Lantern, and Daredevil.)
1941: About 15 million comic books are selling every month, and almost all of them are superhero titles. Captain America and Wonder Woman hit the newsstands for the first time. Also new are Green Arrow, Aquaman, Plastic Man, and Starman.
1942: The word superhero appears on a comic book cover for the first time.
1945: With the dropping of two atom bombs in Japan, superheroes who are affected by radiation start to appear, like Atomic Man.
1946: After the end of World War II, superheroes begin losing their popularity.
1952: The popular TV show The Adventures of Superman begins.
1954: A man named Fredric Wertham claims that comics are evil and lead young readers into lives of crime. He has no actual evidence, but this leads to the institution of the Comics Code. It forced comic books to be more wholesome. For example, comics had to always show police officers, parents, and judges in a respectful way. The Comics Code also said that “good shall triumph over evil and the criminal punished for his misdeeds” in every story.
1956: The unveiling of Barry Allen as the new Flash starts the Silver Age of comics. This begins the slow process of superheroes being cool and relevant again.
1961: A superhero team named the Fantastic Four arrives. They are unique for being reluctant superheroes who argue with each other. The FF stories also have “continuity”—events in one issue carry over to the next one. This helps Marvel become the most important superhero universe.
1962: The Amazing Spider-Man is something new. That’s because Peter Parker is an insecure, sarcastic teenager. Once he gets superpowers, the first thing Peter does is try to make money, saying, “I just look out for number one—that means—me!” Spider-Man goes on to become one of the three most popular superheroes ever. (Also introduced this year: the Incredible Hulk.)
1966: Marvel introduces its first black superhero, the Black Panther. And on TV, the Batman show begins a two-year run. It was very silly; sometimes the actors were laughing so hard, filming had to be stopped. The silliness paid off, because the show was so popular, it aired twice a week!
1975: The X-Men are relaunched, and go on to become the world’s favorite mutants.
1978: Superman: The Movie comes out. This is the first big-budget superhero movie with decent special effects. (It won’t be the last.)
1984: First appearance of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
1986: Frank Miller’s Batman: The Dark Knight Returns comes out, returning Batman to his scary roots. The same year, Alan Moore’s Watchmen continues the trend of thoughtful superheroes in dark stories.
1992: A number of Marvel’s most popular artists start a comic book company called Image. Its superhero titles include Spawn, Youngblood, and WildC.A.T.S.
1993: Superman dies (gasp!), killed by a creature called Doomsday. No worries, though. The Man of Steel came back a few months later with a mullet.
1995: Peter Parker’s Aunt May finally dies (see here). She doesn’t come back with a mullet.
2000s: Things sure get complicated! By now, superheroes like Spider-Man have been around so long they don’t have a single story anymore. Their history is a tangled web! That’s why many superheroes just start over in alternate universes. In 2011, DC takes all of its important superheroes and begins them again with a new issue #1.
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