“And his brother envied him that,” Lilli surmised.
“A little, it seems. Or a lot. I don’t know.” Jahne sipped her cup and sighed. Her gaze seemed clear, and Lilli didn’t understand how anyone could think this woman was crazy. At least at that moment, her mind seemed to be working perfectly.
“There was trouble between them from time to time, but nothing so serious that you could have seen the disaster coming. It was a few days before Amon’s coronation as king that the brothers were found. Amon in a pool of blood, his face cut, Jheron next to him, stabbed to death. The knife was still in Amon’s open hand. It was the hunting knife he had received from his father and always carried with him. Amon almost bled to death then, but they managed to save him. The coronation had to be postponed for weeks. Of course, there were investigations, but they all concluded that Amon killed his brother in defence when he tried to kill the heir to the throne in his sleep-in order to crown himself king.”
Lilli nodded weakly. The images in her mind tormented her. How terrible must it be to have your own brother hate you so much?
“Although Amon had only defended himself, he never got over having killed his brother. And you can imagine that many other rumours, some of them completely absurd, were doing the rounds. Amon was said to be in league with evil spirits because he survived against all logic. Some said that he had a dark heart and that fate had punished him at the hands of his brother ... some people need such stories like wine in the evening. But I, Princess, I saw something else. A young man who had disappeared under the mask of a monster. And I wished ... I wished so much that someone should come who ...”
“Doing what?” Lilli asked breathlessly.
“... Who would be able to see into his heart. To save him. He’s suffering so terribly, Lilli. It’s killing him.”
“The grief?”
“All of it. And you ... please ... you must describe to me again how you see him. What you see when you look at his face.” Aunty Jahne looked at her pleadingly.
“I see ... a beautiful face. With a few very faded lines.” Lilli’s heart was beating wildly. What was this? Was she dreaming? As if to prove her wrong, Jahne took her hand again and squeezed it.
“Don’t be frightened now, princess. I’ll show you something.” Auntie Jahne stood up and went to her worktable in the corner. Only now did Lilli notice that a draped piece of furniture had been placed there. Jahne pulled the drapery down and Lilli cried out softly as Amon’s face looked at her from the painting. It was the face she had seen in the mirror and also in the pond.
“I brought the painting here; I knew we would talk about it again here.” Jahne looked at her promptly. Lilli pushed herself up with some difficulty and then walked over to the old woman.
“Yes, that’s what he looked like. In the mirror.” She nodded and closed her eyes briefly.
“This is extraordinary, what is happening here,” Aunty Jahne said. “You have come, and you can actually see his heart. You see what he is like.”
“There’s no such thing,” said Lilli harshly. “That’s magic.”
“It doesn’t have to be magic. Wishes are strong. Sometimes stronger than any magic.”
“I haven’t wished for anything like that.”
“But I did.” Aunty Jahne stroked the face on the screen. “I have wished for it. Every day.”
Lilli swallowed. Was she supposed to believe that? And what did it mean?
“There must be another explanation,” Lilli said. “I ... I don’t know the king at all. I only came here to ... not get married. Soon I will leave and go back home.”
Jahne hung the cloth back over the picture and looked at Lilli thoughtfully.
“You know, maybe that’s just it. You came here with no expectations of Amon. He didn’t have to do or be anything in particular for you. You had no demands against each other. You were able to see him with your eyes. Just as he is.”
“But what am I supposed to do now?” Lilli asked. In a strange way, it seemed to her as if fate itself was pushing her, putting chains on her. She had never intended to be involved in what was going on here.
“That needn’t frighten you.” Aunty Jahne patted her arm. “It’s not magic. But the king and you – you are connected. Don’t you feel that? There is something.”
The bright eyes looked into hers and involuntarily Lilli thought of the moment when she had decided to just walk into Amon’s room. It was as if someone was whispering in her ear that she should do it. And this trip ... why was she preoccupied with the king, why did she enjoy luring him out of his self-imposed solitude?
“But I have to deal with it somehow now. I can’t pretend I don’t know that I’ve been ... cursed!” Lilli pressed her hands to her temples.
“Sweetheart, no ... don’t ...” Auntie Jahne took her hands and led Lilli back to the table. There she poured her some of the hot herbal infusion and encouraged her to try a piece of pastry. Sure enough, Lilli felt better afterwards.
“So, now you listen to me carefully,” Jahne began again. “You are not cursed. That you can see Amon as he is, that’s a good thing. I don’t know what helped us do it, but it must be a friendly force. What else? My wish was good. And good wishes cannot result in evil. Therefore: Just do what you want. What you really want. It must not be done on a whim. Only out of genuine will. Then it will be good.” She stroked Lilli’s arm.
“What if I wanted to go home?” asked Lilli. “Today?”
“You don’t want to go home today. I can see that in your face. Remember, only do what you really want. Not what your young blockhead tells you to do.”
Aunty Jahne’s words soon caught up with Lilli. Her first impulse when she entered her room was to escape.
She would not stay a moment longer in this old castle with curses weighing on it. Almost frantically, she lifted the lids of the chests and began stuffing her things inside. She needed an escort, pack animals and guides ... she would never find her way home by herself. She glanced at her easel. The last painting, she had done was still set up on it. Could she move it in a trunk without damage? Of course, she could also give it to Amon ... as a farewell gift. And the fantastic colours, she would leave them here. They didn’t belong to her.
Lilli put her head back and took a deep breath.
What was she doing here? Exactly the wrong thing. She followed her stubbornness, her impetuous nature, without calmly considering what she really wanted. Here, alone in her room, she could admit to herself that she was just giving in to her pig-headed nature. Even if she managed to pack everything and travel home, she knew now that she would soon regret it. Her father’s ridicule would be half as bad as his knowing, superior face. And at night she would lie awake thinking how foolish she had been to abandon her original plan ... and she would see Amon’s face in the darkness before her.
With deliberation, she closed the various chest lids again.
No. Not this time.
She would not allow herself to be driven mad, nor would she rush to make whatever decision. Nothing had happened to justify that. Sure, this thing with Amon’s face was creepy and inexplicable. She couldn’t believe it the way Jahne did, that it had happened because of a wish. But what had really happened? She saw his face differently from others. If that was true. So what? It was not a disadvantage. But now she understood the strange reactions of the others here and also those of Amon himself, who after all knew nothing about it and could not perceive himself through her eyes. A regrettable thought.
For a moment she stood there thinking. Then she left the room and soon returned with a square package. She placed the picture so that she could see it clearly. Then she prepared her painting materials.
Lilli painted until her eyes hurt in the candlelight and she no longer trusted herself to recognise the colours correctly. Then she went to bed, a little exhausted but very satisfied, slept soundly until the next morning and continued her work even before breakfast. When Sophia brought her food, she covered up the ori
ginal painting and turned the easel so that the servant could not see. She didn’t need rumours in the castle right now. Neither did she need annoying questions. Lilli continued to paint and ate on the side, which she found downright relaxing. Now she congratulated herself on the decision to stay after all, and while she applied layer after layer of paint, she let her thoughts run free. Sometimes she got up, stretched, and each time she went to the window to look out. First, she lied to herself that she only missed the sun on her skin, then she admitted to herself that she was looking out for the king. Why wasn’t he practising swordplay like the other days? He usually seemed to use the morning hours for that. And today?
As Lilli painted, she felt worry increasingly creeping into her heart. Was he getting worse again? Had the outing been too much for him? If he had relapsed, from whatever, it was her fault. Lilli felt her cheeks grow hot at the thought. Should she go and check on him? Was he even expecting her to visit after yesterday? She was not at all able to tell.
Around noon, she decided to take a break. Her painting needed time to dry anyway, so she placed the easel with the painting against the wall so that only extremely curious minds would get a glimpse of it while she threw Auntie Jahne’s cloth over the other painting.
Then she made her way to Amon’s room.
To her surprise, Amon answered her knock and invited her to enter. He was sitting at his desk and did not look the least bit exhausted or ill, which Lilli noted with relief.
“Do you need anything, Your Highness?” he asked as she approached. As he did so, he looked at her and she involuntarily searched his face for something she herself did not know what it was.
“No, I just wanted to check on you.”
A barely visible smile darted across his features and the sight pleased Lilli in a special way she couldn’t place.
“Very kind of you. Is there anything I can do for you then?” Amon looked at her, almost as if he hoped she would make a wish, and Lilli annoyingly ran out of words. She just couldn’t think of anything. Amon raised a brow.
“The lake!” She took a deep breath. “I wanted to ask if you wouldn’t like to show your dear guest Lake Grauemsee in good weather. I would like to go swimming.”
“Swimming, Your Highness? In some countries swimming is forbidden in lakes and rivers. They say a swimmer resembles a duck. There, swimming is severely punished. Did you know that?”
“Tell me the names of these countries so that I can put them on the list of destinations that have been crossed off forever,” Lilli replied.
“Gladly, Your Highness. And the wish of a dear guest is granted. We will wait for good weather. Then I will have you taken to the lake.”
“You will not come?” Lilli asked. The disappointment in her voice resounded too clearly for Amon not to hear. His expression changed and he now looked sad again.
“This is not a good idea, Lilliana.”
“Because?”
“There are many reasons. An important one is what people will talk about if we swim in the lake all alone.”
“What do you care about people, you are the king. So, I don’t care what they talk about.”
“It is not proper for a man and a woman to swim in the same lake.”
“Nonsense. You just don’t know how to swim. Admit it.”
“Now you are going too far. Of course, I can swim.” Amon folded his arms in front of his chest.
“Then don’t be a frog and prove it. Have you forgotten that everyone thinks I’m your fiancée? You will be allowed to take your fiancée for a ride, won’t you? I’m leaving soon anyway. There’s not much time left for rumours around here.”
“Even my court mathematician could not follow your logic.” Amon was beginning to sound less ill-tempered.
“Then just accept my suggestion. If you can’t swim, then sit on the shore if you like.”
“I CAN swim.”
“We’ll see about that.” Lilli nodded at him with a smile and then rushed out. She felt his gaze at her back.
In the corridor she met Constance, who was delighted to see Lilli and whisked her away for lunch and a chat straight away. Lilli let it happen, listening to the gossip, which interested her only moderately, since she didn’t know the people Constance was talking about. She did notice, however, when Amon’s sister reported that Florian was back in his accommodation with his mother. Lilli asked if that wasn’t too soon, but Constance just smiled and said that there was gossip among the servants when one preferred one to the other like that.
Lilli remained silent but decided to pay Sophia a visit later.
Just as one servant was clearing away the used dishes and another brought a tray of small cakes, a pale maid appeared in the doorway.
“What is it? Is it the king again?” Constance had jumped up in alarm just upon seeing the woman.
“Yes, Your Highness. His Majesty has collapsed. You should come.”
Lilli felt nauseous.
“I’m coming.” Constance gathered her dress and walked out with quick steps. Lilli rushed after her, barely feeling the ground beneath her feet. What was the matter with him? The way to Amon’s room seemed endless to her, and when she finally pulled aside the curtain, Constance was already bending over Amon, who was lying on his bed. His personal physician was standing next to him, filling a liquid from a vial into a cup.
“Lilliana, you should go out. We need some peace and quiet here,” Constance said firmly. Lilli did not move.
“I too ask you to go outside,” said the doctor and for some reason a burning sensation of anger shot through Lilli’s senses at these words.
“What’s wrong with him?” she asked.
“He’ll be fine,” Constance said softly. “Please go. I’ll let you know then.”
Hesitantly, Lilli turned. She wanted nothing less than to leave this room now. The feeling that she had to help Amon could not be shaken off. But that was nonsense, because he was already being helped and she didn’t even know what was wrong with him.
So, she waited outside, full of worry. It did not take as long as she had feared until the door opened again. Constance and the doctor stepped out and at the last moment Lilli retreated into an alcove and hid in the shadows of the corridor. If she wanted to check on Amon, it was better not to let either his sister or his doctor know. The two of them walked down the corridor talking quietly to each other and Lilli waited until their voices had completely faded away. Then she darted out and closed the door to the study behind her a moment later.
Like last time, Amon was resting on the bed, his arm protectively draped over his face. She spoke to him and he flinched. So, he was conscious.
“I had better not ask what you are doing here ... Highness.” He seemed to find it difficult to speak. He did not take his arm from his eyes at that.
“Yes, I think that is indeed better.” Lilli moved closer, hesitated, then settled on the edge of the bed. “Are you ill?”
He did not answer immediately.
“Don’t worry, it will pass.”
“Are you sure? Will it pass completely?”
“Yes, I am sure.”
“Good.” Lilli didn’t really feel reassured. Somehow the situation was strange. As if they both seemed to be waiting for something the other did.
“Shall I fetch you some water?” Lilli finally asked.
“That might be ... not so bad,” Amon said.
Surprised that he did not refuse her offer, she looked around for a carafe. She found one at his desk and poured some water into a cup she brought him. Amon emptied the cup and when he handed it back to her, their fingers touched for a moment. Immediately the image of when he had held her hand and touched it with his lips came to her mind, and a slight goose bump covered her body. Embarrassed, she set the cup aside.
“Do you have a fever?” she asked.
“I don’t think so.” Amon sank back into the pillows. He was wearing a light silk shirt and Lilli could see the smooth skin on his neck. Uninjured ski
n. His brother had only gone for his face. But why? She pushed the thought away. That didn’t belong in this moment. Other things mattered now. She sat down on the bed again, this time a little closer to him. Slowly she reached out her hand and placed it on his forehead. Amon had followed the movement with his eyes but did not avoid it. His skin felt smooth and cool. And there was something else that made Lilli feel dizzy for a moment: she felt a scar under her hand. A flat scar, not any bulging, badly healed scars like Amon’s reflection.
“You have no fever,” she said softly, her hand still on his forehead. She noticed and took her hand away.
“You are a kind person,” Amon said. He had not taken his eyes off her meanwhile.
“Well ... in my house, two-thirds of the servants would probably dispute that, but ... if you say it, there must be some truth in it.” This answer brought a faint smile to Amon’s face.
“If you like, I will stay here and look after you,” Lilli said. “And please ... before you contradict me right now, think about whether you really don’t want me to. Because only then will I leave. Not because you object for silly reasons of etiquette, or because you think it’s wrong to swim in a pond.”
“I don’t disagree.” Amon closed his eyes. He seemed very exhausted. “But if you have something more important ...”
“There is NOTHING more important than looking after my pretend fiancé.”
Amon said no more, as if he simply lacked the strength. He put his arm over his eyes a moment later.
Lilli gently reached for his wrist and pulled his arm back from his face.
“You don’t need to do that. I’ll take care.” She hesitated, then took his hand in hers and held it gently. Amon said nothing in response, did not open his eyes, but she thought she felt his fingers curl briefly around hers in what she interpreted as silent approval.
A moment later he was breathing deeply and evenly, and she had time to look at him at length. His hair, she liked the way it lay heavy and dark around his head. The lashes and brows didn’t seem quite so dark to her, more of a blackish brown. What she liked most was the shape of his face and the expression that was in it. Amon never looked at her like the other men she knew or who courted her. She detected no lustfulness or conceited male superiority in his face. Other princes seemed to see in her an inexperienced girl who had to be transferred into the arms of a worldly regent, who had to be shown how the world worked because she herself had grown up clueless in a playground full of little flowers. Yes, that’s what they thought of her and at the thought Lilli almost snorted like a horse but was still able to pull herself together. Amon was not to be disturbed. She pulled the blanket a little higher so that he would certainly not freeze, and as she did so she touched his chest. She could restrain herself from putting her hand on it. She would have liked to feel his warm skin and the beat of his heart underneath, but she didn’t dare. So, she was satisfied to sit beside him and hold his hand. And whenever he tried to pull his arm away from her to protect his face from a knife wielded in rage, she held him back and stroked the back of his hand until he lay still again.
The Scar-Faced King Page 10
