Darcy focused on walking and remaining calm in this public setting, when all he wanted to do was snatch her up in his arms and cover her face with kisses.
“You were right, Elizabeth, I was pushing too hard and I wasn’t thinking about your feelings.”
“I don’t think,” she interrupted, “either of us can say we were thinking about the other’s feelings that morning.” Her hand slipped into his.
“You may be right, but you have to admit I really screwed things up at the VMAs.” He looked away and his mouth puckered in disgust, “When I think about what I did, Elizabeth, I’m so ashamed.”
“Don’t think about that,” she admonished gently. “I’d much rather you remembered the good things about me,” she smiled very slightly, “and us.”
He squeezed her hand tightly in a show of what he wanted to do in a less public setting. Elizabeth squeezed back and smiled. “You can call me Lizzy, you know,” she said playfully.
Darcy’s lips curled. “I think I like calling you Elizabeth. It’s something no one else does.”
Elizabeth nodded. “Except my mother, when she’s mad.”
Darcy lost the battle against his self-control and leaned over and kissed her smiling lips. “Perhaps you could call me Fitzwilliam, since no one else does,” he said conversationally, the tone of his voice was greatly relaxed.
She replied in the same easy tone, “Not even your sister, when she’s mad?”
Darcy shook his head. “No, she hits me when she’s mad.”
“That’s because you’re a moron,” Georgiana grumbled from ahead of them.
Elizabeth laughed, her buoyant joy warming Darcy as he watched her, completely bewitched. He was delightfully surprised by Elizabeth’s reaction to him and was forced to conclude that his sister had been correct. Elizabeth had only needed time, and he had been a fool to not talk to her again. He was grateful that he had been given another chance, especially in a setting such as this, which was so different from the tense, tight, rushed experience of touring.
Here, in this open and sunny place, there was no need to hurry. Darcy’s time was not his own, and his chances of being alone with Elizabeth were null. He was resigned to this and in fact, he was somewhat glad of it. He felt safer moving slowly right now, building the comfortable rapport with her that had always eluded him in the past.
Mary was performing in the concert at six o’clock, so the group decided to have an early dinner. Mary had arranged for a large picnic dinner and wouldn’t hear of the Darcys not joining them.
Darcy and Georgiana shared a look but happily agreed. The meal was a lively affair, with everyone taking turns telling family stories. Soon it became apparent that the Darcys and the Bennets had more in common than they thought.
Darcy told the group about his childhood and how he spent many summers there at Tanglewood. “It’s like coming home, being back here.”
“So you said you have a house nearby?” Elizabeth asked.
“My father had it built for my mother as a wedding present, and it was her retreat. We spent all our summers there. It’s called Pemberley.”
“That sounds lovely,” Elizabeth said and laughed softly. “It must hold a lot of special memories for you.”
Darcy was touched by her perceptiveness. “It does.”
“We always spent our summers sweating at home while Dad traveled around doing his research,” Mary interjected.
Elizabeth nodded. “Yeah, and at the community pool. No cottages for us.”
“Would you like to see it?” Darcy offered. “I would love to have you come over after the concert. We could have a late supper.” He was careful to include the whole party in his invitation, but his heart was directed at Elizabeth.
Mary declined, but Elizabeth was all too happy to accept.
***
They attended Mary’s concert in the Ozawa Concert Hall. Elizabeth and Darcy sat next to each other but were prohibited from talking, so Elizabeth took the time to put her thoughts in order.
She questioned if this was all a dream. During their time apart, Elizabeth had contemplated Darcy and realized that she had misjudged him. But the reality she was finding in him now shook her to the core. Had he always been this wonderful? Had she really been that blind?
It didn’t seem possible. She knew she was at fault for being harshly judgmental of him, but this was a different man than the one she left that night so long ago. She realized that she was a different woman as well.
Remembering the events of the day, Elizabeth was once again surprised by Darcy’s openness. She had never seen him so warm or friendly. She couldn’t help but wonder if this was for her. Could she possibly have affected him so?
She felt the need for comfort and instinctively reached out her hand to him. Without hesitation he took it, lifting it to his lips and kissing it lightly before setting it, still firmly grasped in his, on his lap.
Elizabeth forced herself to be calm. In this setting, she couldn’t do more than what she was doing; she needed to accept that. She longed to talk to him though. She wanted to talk to him and tell him her feelings and hear his reply in kind.
She wanted to know why he hadn’t responded to her email, her song. Despite all the obvious signs of his affection, she was still troubled by it. She struggled to find meaning for his behavior. He clearly wasn’t rejecting her, and in that she found great comfort. She wondered if perhaps he had wanted to see her face-to-face before he reacted to it. But he still had said nothing about it. Maybe he was so startled by her sudden appearance that he didn’t know how to respond to it. But when she looked at him, he didn’t show any signs of hesitancy or questioning.
Elizabeth felt like a dog chasing its own tail. She didn’t know what was going on, and she hated that, but clearly she wasn’t going to divine the answer on her own.
She was surprised to find the concert was over. With amused embarrassment, she realized she hadn’t heard any of the last half of it, she was so lost in her thoughts.
“Elizabeth?” he said as they rose from their seats. “Are you okay? You seem a little distracted.”
Elizabeth blushed slightly. “Sorry,” she mumbled. Together they went outside to wait for Mary. “Do you have tickets for the main concert?” Elizabeth struggled to find something to talk about when all she wanted was to be alone with him.
“Yes, do you?”
“Yes, Mary got us some.”
Just then Georgiana’s cell phone rang and she stepped away to talk, as Darcy and Elizabeth compared their tickets.
“How did Mary get you better seats than us?” Darcy asked, puzzled.
Elizabeth laughed. “You don’t know Mary.”
“Will,” Georgiana said, her phone pressed to her chest. “Kimberley is here for just this weekend. Do you think we could skip the concert so I could visit her?”
Mary tilted her head, “You know, this evening is the all-Sibelius program. I would not mind missing it at all.”
“Oh,” Elizabeth looked to Darcy, surprised to find her wish so quickly granted. “Well, then I’m fine with going to your place.”
Darcy nodded, his confusion quickly turning to pleasure.
Neither of the lovers noticed Mary and Georgiana exchanging a silent high-five.
***
It was quickly decided that Georgiana would ride with Elizabeth to direct her to Pemberley. “I’m glad you and Will are such good friends,” the girl said. “He gets so lonely, especially when he’s on tour.”
“He does?”
Georgiana nodded. “I know it seems strange, because he’s with his best friends, but he puts himself under so much responsibility, he has trouble getting close to anyone, even his friends.”
Elizabeth had seen that side of his personality. But Mr. Control Freak seemed like a completely different person from the man she had spent the day with. Elizabeth was so puzzled by this that she almost missed Georgiana’s next comment.
“I almost wish music wasn’t his professi
on,” she said feelingly.
“Why is that?” Elizabeth asked, astonished.
“Because Will’s music is the only place where he can fully express himself, and now his music is tied to his work.” She sighed. “He is so afraid of making mistakes that he drives himself too hard. I worry about him.”
Elizabeth smiled distractedly as her head swam. Knowing what she did about Georgiana’s past, she understood now why Darcy was so careful to never screw up, but she could also see that his manic drive was powered by fear. He had lost so many people who were dear to him that he was terrified of making a mistake and losing another, as he almost had with Georgiana.
No wonder he’s strung up tighter than a bank vault, Elizabeth thought as she drove. Suddenly everything about Darcy made much more sense. She cast her mind back to that morning in the loft and realized that he was simply trying to not lose her as well. If Georgiana was correct, and Darcy didn’t open up to anyone easily, then she could suddenly understand his emphatic attempts to hold on to her. She had seen for herself that he never let anyone close to him on the tour.
But why her? She found herself pondering. What made her so special that Darcy, who could have almost any woman on the planet, should want her, who had been at best polite and at worst flat-out bitchy to him?
“Will told me he really admires you as a musician.”
Elizabeth was slightly surprised that he would talk about her to Georgiana, not by her news. Darcy had told her before that she was talented, almost from the start. “Really?” she replied, somewhat indifferently.
“Yes, I was surprised because I almost never hear him say that, and especially not about another guitarist.”
Elizabeth looked over with wonder then. She examined Georgiana’s face but found nothing other than complete sincerity. “Really?” she said in a much different tone.
“It’s true,” Georgiana assured her. “I think he feels like you are a peer to him. Someone who isn’t always looking up to him, but an equal.”
“Oh,” Elizabeth had breathed, before sinking into her thoughts. She never even noticed the tiny smile curling the corners of Georgiana’s lips.
Suddenly Georgiana pointed. “Look.”
Elizabeth looked and gasped. Before her was a beautiful building made of glass and stone. It was well lit and Elizabeth could see through the huge windows, which made up most of the front walls, to a great room that glowed with the softness of light-colored wood.
Elizabeth was stunned. She had expected it would be nice and rich, but nothing like this. This was a house out of her dreams. It was large and clean looking, with no wasted space or false ornamentation. The gardens around the front porch were lit and Elizabeth was struck by the beautiful display of flowers, which seemed perfectly balanced for the house. In her mind, Elizabeth could see the house in all the seasons, and she was pleased by how well suited it seemed for its surroundings.
As she parked, she saw Darcy waiting for her. He opened her door and offered his hand to help her out of the truck. “Welcome to Pemberley,” he told her, his eyes full of warmth.
She turned to him and said with complete sincerity, “This is the most beautiful house I’ve ever seen.”
Darcy smiled blindingly at her. “I’m very pleased you like it.” He led her through the entrance and into the great room. The room lived up to its name in every way. It was large, with a vaulted ceiling and a massive stone fireplace along one wall. Fine art mixed liberally with photographs on the walls in a way that was both random and pleasing. A pair of leather sofas sat facing each other in one part of the room, but the rest of it was left mostly empty to enhance the feeling of open spaciousness.
“Will,” Georgiana said softly, “I’m going to grab my stuff and go to Kimberley’s. I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye, Lizzy,” she waved as she left the room.
Once they were alone, Darcy took her into his arms. She opened herself to his hungry kisses. The privacy of an empty room was something she had been longing for all day. Her fingers tangled in his hair as she felt his hands pulling her closer to his hard body.
His mouth broke away from her only long enough to plead, “Please stay here tonight,” before he fell back down to hers. Elizabeth kissed him back, trying to get as close to him as she could.
“Yes,” she gulped, in between kisses, as he lightly sucked her lower lip between his. “I missed you,” she cried. “Missed you so much.”
“Lizzy,” he moaned as he buried his face in her soft hair. “Lizzy, I haven’t been able to think of anything but you. I’m so sorry.”
“No sorries,” she insisted, “just kiss me again.”
He took her softly parted lips and brushed them with his thumb, caressing them gently. “Lizzy, listen, please, I have to tell you.” Her eyes drifted shut with an expression of exquisite pleasure. “Oh God,” he cried distractedly before kissing her again.
The pained tone in his voice pulled Lizzy out of her haze. Gently she turned her face away and buried it in his shoulder, as he caressed her hair, their chests rising and falling together. Elizabeth felt the pressure of her desire fade slightly. “What did you want to say?” she asked.
Darcy led them out of the great room and up a short flight of stairs to a door. Behind it was a huge, lavish bedroom. As Elizabeth stared, Darcy wrapped his arms around her waist and started kissing her neck. “I hope you don’t mind. It’s just that last time, we had a little bit of trouble reaching the bedroom.”
Elizabeth spun in his arms and determinedly kissed his self-satisfied grin away.
After a few moments, he pulled back and studied her face thoughtfully. “Can we talk now?”
Elizabeth bit her lip. “We can try.”
He guided her to the bed and they lay down together. Elizabeth was burning for him, but she was afraid enough of a repeat of last time that she was willing to go slowly.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about what happened that morning,” he began. Elizabeth snuggled close to him and rested her head against his. “And I realized something. I realized that it’s not that I want you to be mine, Elizabeth; it’s that I want to be yours.”
Elizabeth heard the plaintive loneliness in his voice and she wrapped him up as close as she could. “You are mine,” she assured him. “Didn’t you hear that in the song?”
Darcy stared at her with a look of utter confusion. “What song?”
“The song I emailed you.”
“What?”
“I sent you a song,” Elizabeth exclaimed. Then she slowed down and tried to explain. “I’ve been thinking too, all the time,” she smiled ruefully, “and I tried to reach you. I went to the loft the morning after the VMAs and you were gone, so I went home and I wrote a song.”
Darcy’s eyes got progressively larger as he listened to her story. “You came to the loft?” he asked, his expression incredulous.
Elizabeth nodded as she sat up. “I tried to send you the song, but I didn’t have your email address, so I had Caro forward it to you.”
“Oh my God,” Darcy breathed as he sprang out of bed to the computer sitting on a desk beside the window. Elizabeth joined him. “When was it sent?” Darcy asked as he brought up his mail file. Elizabeth was shocked to find a dozen unread messages, all from Caroline.
“A week ago Thursday. That’s it, the forward,” she said, pointing. “Here, let me,” she told him as she sat down and took the mouse from him.
“I never read emails from Caro,” Darcy explained haltingly.
Elizabeth was stopped from asking why as she heard her song coming from the speakers. Her lips moved along with the words as she looked up nervously at him.
Sometimes the feelings are just too strong.
They overwhelm our hearts, and make us weak.
Sometimes, you need some distance to think.
And then, you can speak.
Let’s talk about it.
When you touched me, you gave me a reason to hope.
You gave me more to think about th
an my fears.
When you left me, you took away the key
To the answers and left me with just my tears.
So now, I need to find my own truth,
To trust in what I believe,
To give you the courage of my faith,
And see where the future leads.
I believe you.
In your heart you know it’s right.
I hear what you’ve been trying to say.
I’ve pushed out my pride and opened my eyes,
And I see us in a new way.
Slowly, he sat beside her, his eyes bright with wonder. He trembled with her song. “This is for me?” he whispered.
Elizabeth nodded, her arms reaching out to caress him. “You were right, Fitzwilliam, I couldn’t make love like that without being in love.”
The sound of his name on her voice tore through him and he grasped her close, covering her in kisses as he rubbed his face in her hair, letting her sweet fragrance wash over him.
Her lips quivered, her heart swelling with the love she needed to express to him. “You are so bright, so powerful, so sexy, and you terrified me because you were so sure of your feelings. But I know now, I knew within ten minutes of walking out of that loft, that I needed to go back to you. And that scared me too.” Her voice shook with the deep emotion running through her.
Darcy was kissing her, his lips pressing against her neck and moving up to her jaw. “I love you,” she cried before his lips found hers once more. They kissed hungrily, as all their yearnings were released.
“Lizzy,” he moaned between kisses, “I love you, my dearest.”
Elizabeth let out a sharp cry of relief. “I worried I would never hear you say that again,” she whispered happily through her tears.
Darcy merely pressed her close, so their two hearts were beating against each other, and held her until Elizabeth recovered and started placing featherlight kisses along his neck. Then he released her and sat back on his heels, his eyes dark. “You’re feeling better?”
Fitzwilliam Darcy, Rock Star Page 38
