Gax nods, “Yes, to sort out your eternity, your eternal destiny, is vital. It’s having that in place that will bring joy. Joy is happiness, inside you, in spite of outside circumstances. Life often has problems, but life is short too. Life is a preparation, a preparation for eternity. So it’s possible to have difficult circumstances, but still have this joy, this special happiness.” The young man nods enthusiastically, his eyes sombre, looking away in the distance, probably thinking that beyond the hills there isn’t much ground for outward happiness. Then he looks around furtively and leans over the counter a bit towards Gax, his voice very, very quiet. Gax strains to hear his words, then dips his head. “Yes,” he breathes the words back, “yes, I can meet you at that time in the morning and yes, I do know the huge bush you mean.” They lock eyes for a second, the shop silent and oppressive, the only sound Gax’s heartbeat filling his ears. They both dip their heads slightly, a quiet agreement, their faces solemn, as especially the young man is very aware of the cost.
Gax pays for his groceries, raises his chin in greeting and exits the shop. The sun has gone down under the waves now and Gax is amazed. What time is it? He feels a bit disoriented, especially as he asks Yulra the time as soon as he gets to the house. That’s all? “Why is it so dark outside, Yulra,” he asks, half jokingly.
“Autumn is coming and each evening will draw in earlier, which is why it is dark already.” Gax thanks her in his most polite voice, avoiding pulling a face which the watchers might think broke the rule that every day is a good day, even autumnal days and dark evenings. He is glad to be in bed, his arms and abs still hurting from the workout. He runs through the two conversations he has had today, feeling pleased. He cringes a little when thinking back to the conversation in the shop, as that could have turned out differently. He drifts off to sleep, having to come from far down under when the kitchen timer goes off at midnight. He sits up quietly, feeling tired, but looking forward to meeting again with Caecilia. The night somehow feels a little different and Gax suddenly realises that the air is no longer warm. Does that mean that his time is getting to an end? He has just started though; there is no way he can leave now, with two other people showing a sudden interest.
Caecilia is waiting for him. They sit down inside the dark tower and Gax says, “I couldn’t believe the time, it was dark early yesterday and the air is cooler.” Caecilia nods and gives a little shiver.
“Winter comes early,” she says, “too early if you ask me! By the end of May it will definitely be cold. Some years we even have snow by then!” Gax gasps a little. Snow! Just what he doesn’t need. “The evening light seems to fade really quickly from now on,” Caecilia continues, “and the winter always feels endless! When there is snow, we will have to be extra careful,” she adds, “as people will see our tracks coming and going to the tower. Not that many people come this way, but still…” Gax nods, yes, he understands that. He pulls a face and Caecilia frowns at him, “What?”
He sighs, “I just met two people today who want to know more about the Book and God. It will be hard to continue meeting with them if there is snow.” Caecilia dips her head, then explains that it will still be a while until the first snow appears and asks where he will be meeting the others. “One I meet with in the city every few days. We met today and had a good conversation and read from the Book.” Gax says, “and the other meetup will be under a bush. We will meet tomorrow for the first time. That one worries me more with the snow, but you’re right, it will still be some time.” Caecilia points out that meeting under a bush on dark mornings will be better.
They read the Book and time passes quickly. Gax walks back home in the cool night air and wonders again if he will have time to complete his mission before winter arrives properly? He still has some weeks by the sound of it, but will that be enough? His orders had been to get out before winter settled in properly, but he hadn’t banked on the end of May. He needs, wants, more time.
Chapter 38
Breakfast is a rush and Gax feels excitement growing with each minute. He hesitates when locking the door behind him, thinking about his approach to the bush. He is quite sure that he is still being watched, although that has to be done from a distance, as he has never seen or noticed anything. He works out the route in his head, including a few turns and slight changes of direction, so that the watcher will lose track.
Soon he spots the huge bush, relieved to see it’s an evergreen. Gax is a little out of breath when he squeezes into the bush, blinking against the sudden loss of light. Soon his eyes adjust and he smiles and raises his chin at the Mansit. The young man smiles back, raises his chin enthusiastically, then glances around, his grin slipping. He hisses, “See? What we’re doing is dangerous, you know, really dangerous. You’re smiling though, really smiling at me. That’s what I meant last night, this weird happiness in your life.” He looks at Gax with an intense stare. Gax cringes a little, his season of blending in not that far behind him.
He shrugs a little and says, “I know what you mean. You see, this life is all we can see, so we often think it’s all we have as well.” The Mansit nods and listens to Gax. Soon he gets restless again, his hands fidgeting with his cotton shirt, tugging at the leather fasteners. He listens, but his eyes keep drifting around the bush, then he peeks out through a larger gap in the branches. Gax dips his head, “I know, time’s running away from us! I have to go. Do you want to meet again?” The Mansit nods. Gax tells him his name.
“My name is Reicii,” the Mansit says in return, looking relieved. “Thank you, thank you for doing this, I…I do have some questions as well, if that’s alright?” Gax nods, questions are always good. “Can we meet not tomorrow, but the day after?” Reicii continues, “that would be Quarday, just to stay safe?” Gax dips his head, Quarday is going to be a long busy day for him! “We do have to be careful, you know,” Reicii says and his eyes look dark all of a sudden. “The way you talked to me in the shop…” He licks his lips, hesitates, then says, “I’m glad you did, of course I am. I wouldn’t be here talking to you now and I want to, need to know more about all this. Just saying though, normally, well, that could have gone badly wrong.” Gax swallows and dips his head. He knows; he thought of that the moment the words left his mouth. He dips his head in acknowledgement, thanks Reicii for his concern.
Then he whispers, “See you Quarday, same time,” and he raises his chin, smiling his warmest smile and slips out of the bush. He walks to the city gates, thrilled with how the meetup went, though nervous from the Mansit’s words. Relieved that it hasn’t gone wrong yet, he greets Grabus exuberantly, making the manager scowl and mutter more than usual. Walking into the staffroom he realises that it might not have been the best thing to do. Inritia looks as unhappy as she had the day before and Gax raises his chin at her, trying to make his smile look empathetic, failing miserably. “No need to grin like that,” she snaps, baring her cat teeth at him. “You’re always so smiley and bouncy, you’ll struggle to get through the Nuptialem test, let alone find someone,” she sneers. Gax dips his head, feeling his cheeks glow.
“Maybe I should drop some hints in high places,” she adds, a little maliciously, her eyes narrowed. “After all, at your age you should have gotten an attachment, maybe even your first child,” she adds, her odd teeth showing. Gax swallows, would she do that? There is no personal loyalty after all and she might feel that she shouldn’t be the only one suffering. Inritia rolls her eyes at him, her face turning back to its usual self. “I wouldn’t, would I! You’re weird, but there is something…something about you. I don’t care why you’re not attached. I don’t know if you’re even on the list. I still don’t care. I…I like you, as you’re pleasant and…” she hesitates, looking for a word, digging deep down in her memory. “You’re kind,” she then says, the word coming out of her mouth sounding rather strange, as if she’s speaking a foreign language. Gax supposes in a way it is, the language of the heart having long been forgotten. “That’s it, you’re kind, but weird,�
� she suddenly grins and Gax dips his head, pleased that she seems to have brightened up enough to smile properly.
Gax hesitates at the end of the day. Should he go straight to his house, or spend some time wandering the streets of Elabi, just to make sure that there is no fixed pattern, or obvious schedule to his time. He feels tired and would love to go straight home; on the other hand, he will be meeting up with Sleym in a few days, so if he goes home every day except for the days that he meets up with the old man, someone might notice a pattern. He decides to walk around, the opposite way to where he and Sleym met. Gax turns off the main street and soon the houses become taller and the streets narrower. It feels cool in this part, the streets and little alleys dark and quiet. Gax’s sandals make a soft slapping sound on the cobblestoned street. Gax’s mouth is dry and he looks over his shoulder a few times, feeling nervous. It’s as if he is being watched. The houses look less and less well-kept, paint blistering and many of the tiny windows have old iron bars across them. Gax decides to turn back, taking bigger steps as he wants to move faster without seeming in a rush. The silent houses look down on him; as though they bend their heads together, blocking out the light.
Gax almost runs the last few steps to the main road, relieved to see the light up ahead. He is just in time to see Grabus across the main road going into a side street on the opposite side. He sighs with relief at the narrow miss. Walking home Gax tries to picture the city map, not having looked at the residential areas before. He wonders where the married quarters are, or the area where you get to live if you’re the family heir. Which type of citizens live in the shabby narrow streets?
His own house looks quite cheery to him, with its clean large windows. Gax cooks his dinner, feeling better at the sight of food. He is energised by the thought of preparing for the meeting with Caecilia tonight, as well as the two meetings on Quarday. He gets his bag ready for the gym, yawning a little. The broken nights and early starts make him feel a little on edge. What if he has another headache? He knows he’s pushing his limits with the lack of sleep so soon after an attack. There is nothing he can do about it though and a tiny particle in the corner of his heart whispers to admit that it feels a little bit heroic as well. The fact that he is sacrificing his health to reach people with his message. He ignores the tiny voice, knowing this new success is not his doing.
Gax feels exhausted the next morning after his night time rendezvous. He barely made it home in time and hardly dared to breathe as he approached the house, wondering if the watchers had returned before him and were peering into the dark, trying to figure out what was going on. When nothing had happened Gax had soon fallen asleep. Now his head feels heavy and the morning light streaming weakly through his window. He double checks the time with Yulra, but she insists it’s time to get up. Gax sighs softly, then imagines the watcher making a note of his reluctance to get up, so he swings his legs out of the bed. When he knows the camera cannot pick up his face he pulls a moody grimace, just for a minute, then chuckles, feeling a bit silly, but better for it.
Quarday morning doesn’t feel any better, in fact, it seems the house actually feels a little chilly. He shivers and gets dressed quickly, the idea of meeting up with Reicii making his heart beat a bit faster, the coolness of the morning soon forgotten. Reicii is waiting for Gax in the bush again and raises his chin in greeting. He shivers a little, tugging at his shirt sleeves. Gax dips his head, “It’s a bit cool this morning,” he smiles and Reicii nods. He explains that beyond the hills the temperature is higher, especially in the day. The nights are often cold and in the late autumn and winter it is usually impossible to leave the hills. Gax dips his head, “How will you get to work those weeks then?” he asks.
Reicii looks at him, surprise and something else flickers in his eyes for a moment. Then he says, “Well, like the other Mansits on try-outs, I will be staying in the city. That’s why the Mansit quarters are so full in the winter. I just hope I get a decent enough room, as it will be my first year back.” Gax nods, feeling uneasy. For a moment he wonders if he should explain, then decides firmly against it. After all, he doesn’t really know Reicii. He has no idea where he stands. So he takes up where they had left off last time. Reicii listens, his eyes bright and keen. He asks a question about joy, “Why would people have joy now, rather than after…uhm…going Downstream? Surely there isn’t much to be happy about here and seeing the sadness all around you, surely that should make you grieve as well?” Gax is glad to answer, but before too long, he notices Reicii’s nervous gestures and quick glances. He smiles.
“I know, time to go. You will not be around though, will you, so shall we meet up on Seconday morning again?” He looks at the Mansit, hoping he will want to continue, needing him to continue. Reicii nods, his eyes shining, adding that he has a few more questions that will keep. Gax grins, raising his chin in greeting. Reicii slips out first this time. Gax waits a short time, then leaves the bush as well. The day feels warmer now and he is relieved. He isn’t ready for autumn, let alone winter! He walks to the city, mulling over the conversation with Reicii, wondering what to talk to him about next time, looking forward to the afternoon when he will meet up with Sleym. The day feels busy, but in a wonderful way. Gax finds himself walking a little more confidently than usual; a little taller and straighter. He swallows, not sure if that’s a good thing, or whether he is setting himself up too high, feeling too much the operator, the one with a calling, rather than a servant sent to the people of Elabi.
His mood slips when he remembers how easy it is to forget that calling, to ignore it even. Caecilia had inadvertently reminded him of that last night when she said that she had noticed how his eyes still shone, that he seemed more settled in himself; how that drew her to him and to the Book. He had cringed inside, remembering his past failure. Seeing Grabus through the large window he sighs a little, as hardly anybody he knows or has met seems drawn to him. The Book is a forbidden topic, he can’t mention it or explain it to people. He has to do it through living in a different way, showing the power of his Book, without mentioning the book or he could go beyond the hills immediately.
Chapter 39
Gax checks over his shoulder before slipping into the dark gap between two houses, the wall frowning down upon him. Sleym is there, waiting and looking worried. Gax looks at him inquiringly. “Tell me,” Sleym bursts out, “Why did the writer say all is vanity, why so negative? I agree, of course, I mean, look around you, it’s all so futile. You are different though and what you said at the end, I can’t quite remember, I only remembered the vanity bit.” Gax pulls his Book out of his pocket, still feeling his hands go clammy whenever he brings the Book out into the open.
Soon he and Sleym are deep in conversation, Sleym’s eyes bright and animated, until he looks up at the wall, the light in his eyes going out like the setting sun. “It is time. Can we meet Onesday again?” He looks at Gax, then away as he adds, “It’s…it’s touching something inside me, it gives me a very strange feeling, as if my heart is not working properly. The feeling is flooding me with warmth, look, even my hands are looking warmer! It makes me feel afraid though, afraid but I can’t walk away from it.” His dark eyes are glistening, he swallows, his Adam’s apple visibly going up and down. Gax dips his head, he understands; he understands the fear as well.
He walks home, deep in thought. His house looks dark when he walks in and Gax sighs. His time is almost up!. He cheers up whilst cooking his dinner, thinking ahead to his meeting with Caecilia. His headache has finally gone and Gax even looks forward to going to the gymnasium. Now the temperature outside has gone down, he feels more like working out.
Looking round the gymnasium that evening Gax hesitates. Should he approach other people in Elabi? Time is running out and the people sweating around him all look so miserable. He can see the guys looking in the mirror, flexing their muscles, checking their six-packs. The fact that it’s a necessary requirement takes the joy of exercising away, enforcing something that might no
t be attainable for everyone. He means to ask Caecilia what happens if someone is unable to build a six-pack, but he fears the answer.
He also wonders what happens in the winter when someone should be sent beyond the hills, but the snow makes the hills inaccessible? He stares in the distance, his arm pushing the heavy machine mindlessly, his face as miserable as the ones around him. He stops, takes a deep breath, reminding himself that he knows better, he is not under Elabi rule.
Gax finds the days settling down, but he knows he can never blend in again. He is aware of the pull, struggling against it every day. Caecilia helps him to stay grounded. She drinks in the words of the Book, her face glowing as he reads and when they pray together, his heart almost beating loud enough to drown out her sweet voice. Her joy in the Book keeps him raising his chin at customers, smiling, even when they glare back at him, muttering under their breath.
Walled City (The Elabi Chronicles Book 1) Page 23
